this morning, i have received birthday wishes from the following....
dierks bentley
wmzq
cold stone creamery
borders
gold's gym
lds mingle
palm beach tan
barnes & noble
jason aldean
jason mraz
dsw
why do i feel like my life just got summed up :)
Monday, August 27, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
happy birthday to ME!
so this is what 31 looks like? i am so completely okay with that.
thank you lara, for letting me pretend awhile longer;)
in fact, this is the best birthday in recent history, and i'm only an hour and 19 minutes in.
obviously the birthday festivities began early, and involved a strange combination of activities that wove themselves into a wonderfully perfect pattern.
there were no grand trips, no dramatic rebellions. and even though the weekend involved quite a bit of work, that was also a blessing (overtime is time and half, and that makes tara a very happy girl).
i had a chance to see my boyfriend in bourne ultimatum with lara and nick. anne and i enjoyed breakfast and the nanny diaries (HER birthday activity). aaron and cindy treated me to cheesecake factory and stardust.*
and to top it all off, the culminating event, the birthday bbq at lara and nick's.
i'm sure i won't express this adequately, but have you ever had the feeling of really connecting to a moment? your thoughts laser focus on only that experience, and that focus brings a sense of wonder, awe, and most importantly, gratitude. i think it's what they (the great inimitable they) call joy.
i find that in general i am a happy person, but joy is so much more than happiness, and so much harder to grab hold of.
this weekend was filled with joy.
this is what 'joy' looks like
special thanks go to lara and nick for their continued love and patience (and attempts at domesticity on my behalf), aaron** and cindy who are perhaps the unlikeliest of friends, yet among the most cherished, and anniebean, my self-portrait soul sister.
and to the rest of you kooky kids, thank you for helping me celebrate, and for all that you contribute, on a daily basis, to my life!
the rest of the pics are here...
* thought ultimatum was much better than supremacy, not quite as good as identity. nanny diaries was exactly what i expected--cute, but not outstanding. stardust, was my favorite of the weekend, and a definite 'to own'.
**aaron--one night, i'm coming over, and we're going to take self-portraits all night long. this needs to happen sooner rather than later, fyi.
thank you lara, for letting me pretend awhile longer;)in fact, this is the best birthday in recent history, and i'm only an hour and 19 minutes in.
obviously the birthday festivities began early, and involved a strange combination of activities that wove themselves into a wonderfully perfect pattern.
there were no grand trips, no dramatic rebellions. and even though the weekend involved quite a bit of work, that was also a blessing (overtime is time and half, and that makes tara a very happy girl).i had a chance to see my boyfriend in bourne ultimatum with lara and nick. anne and i enjoyed breakfast and the nanny diaries (HER birthday activity). aaron and cindy treated me to cheesecake factory and stardust.*
and to top it all off, the culminating event, the birthday bbq at lara and nick's.
i'm sure i won't express this adequately, but have you ever had the feeling of really connecting to a moment? your thoughts laser focus on only that experience, and that focus brings a sense of wonder, awe, and most importantly, gratitude. i think it's what they (the great inimitable they) call joy.i find that in general i am a happy person, but joy is so much more than happiness, and so much harder to grab hold of.
this weekend was filled with joy.
this is what 'joy' looks likespecial thanks go to lara and nick for their continued love and patience (and attempts at domesticity on my behalf), aaron** and cindy who are perhaps the unlikeliest of friends, yet among the most cherished, and anniebean, my self-portrait soul sister.
and to the rest of you kooky kids, thank you for helping me celebrate, and for all that you contribute, on a daily basis, to my life!
the rest of the pics are here...
* thought ultimatum was much better than supremacy, not quite as good as identity. nanny diaries was exactly what i expected--cute, but not outstanding. stardust, was my favorite of the weekend, and a definite 'to own'.
**aaron--one night, i'm coming over, and we're going to take self-portraits all night long. this needs to happen sooner rather than later, fyi.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
reappearances
i find it fascinating how life seems to operate in cycles. at the moment, aside from being in a sick cycle, i find that now seems to be a time for reappearances.
as of late, several people have popped back in my life unexpectedly. in almost every case the person is someone who seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth for no good reason--or none that i was aware of. but a few of the houdinis are men i've interacted with online who, at the time, decided to pursue other girls. these reappearances are usually clues that things didn't work out.
the strangest and most unexpected of all however, is a guy i knew/met about 12 years ago. back in the day, this whole online world wasn't exactly what it is now. but there was some sort of system--i'm not exactly sure how it was setup--between colleges, that would allow you to interact via chat and im, before chat and im really truly existed. actually, it's funny to think that i have technically been online dating for about 13 years! at any rate, i struck up a friendship with a boy in one of those chat rooms, (aaron, you'll love this) who's interest was peaked by my screen name: raistlin. for those not in the know, raistlin is the name of a pseudo-bad male wizard character in the dragonlance chronicles (letting my inner nerd shine through, here). it was an odd choice of screen name for an 18 year old girl, and perhaps that is what drew david to me in the first place. we had similar interests and passions, and though he was quite a bit older than i (i was 18, he was 21--LOL), there was a connection.
after three or four months of online and phone interaction, he wanted to meet. so, he took the train from new jersey (we were poor college kids with limited means of transportation) to spend new year's with me.
it became clear very quickly that he was interested in romance. in fact, it's the only time anyone's written a song for me (cliche, i know, but i remember it being pretty good). unfortunately though, i didn't return thosemfeelings. i didn't know how to express that without hurting his feelings, so i imagine he probably thought me a very confused girl.
being new year's, i knew that he would see the midnight hour as an "opportunity for clarity", shall we say. so, to avoid that, i concocted some crazy stories and plans, all of which fell through, leaving us in the car, driving, at the fated hour. no opportunity for kissing there.
i don't regret much in my life, but the way i behaved with and to him was something i have always been ashamed of. yes, i was young and i was stupid. but he had made an effort, invested both time and money, and instead of just saying 'i'm grateful for your friendship, but not interested in anything else,' i was aloof, cold, and in some cases just plain mean.
i have thought about him a lot--a lot more than one usually thinks about a brief encounter over a decade past, so when i recently logged into my myspace, i was absolutely shocked to see an email from him. ironically, the subject line said: i promise, you don't remember me
little does he know how often he has been thought of. there was nothing critical in his message, and i'm sure an apology 12 years after the fact is neither something he was seeking or needs, but i find that i am grateful to have the opportunity to give it nonetheless. it isn't often we get a second chance to do the right thing.
as of late, several people have popped back in my life unexpectedly. in almost every case the person is someone who seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth for no good reason--or none that i was aware of. but a few of the houdinis are men i've interacted with online who, at the time, decided to pursue other girls. these reappearances are usually clues that things didn't work out.
the strangest and most unexpected of all however, is a guy i knew/met about 12 years ago. back in the day, this whole online world wasn't exactly what it is now. but there was some sort of system--i'm not exactly sure how it was setup--between colleges, that would allow you to interact via chat and im, before chat and im really truly existed. actually, it's funny to think that i have technically been online dating for about 13 years! at any rate, i struck up a friendship with a boy in one of those chat rooms, (aaron, you'll love this) who's interest was peaked by my screen name: raistlin. for those not in the know, raistlin is the name of a pseudo-bad male wizard character in the dragonlance chronicles (letting my inner nerd shine through, here). it was an odd choice of screen name for an 18 year old girl, and perhaps that is what drew david to me in the first place. we had similar interests and passions, and though he was quite a bit older than i (i was 18, he was 21--LOL), there was a connection.
after three or four months of online and phone interaction, he wanted to meet. so, he took the train from new jersey (we were poor college kids with limited means of transportation) to spend new year's with me.
it became clear very quickly that he was interested in romance. in fact, it's the only time anyone's written a song for me (cliche, i know, but i remember it being pretty good). unfortunately though, i didn't return thosemfeelings. i didn't know how to express that without hurting his feelings, so i imagine he probably thought me a very confused girl.
being new year's, i knew that he would see the midnight hour as an "opportunity for clarity", shall we say. so, to avoid that, i concocted some crazy stories and plans, all of which fell through, leaving us in the car, driving, at the fated hour. no opportunity for kissing there.
i don't regret much in my life, but the way i behaved with and to him was something i have always been ashamed of. yes, i was young and i was stupid. but he had made an effort, invested both time and money, and instead of just saying 'i'm grateful for your friendship, but not interested in anything else,' i was aloof, cold, and in some cases just plain mean.
i have thought about him a lot--a lot more than one usually thinks about a brief encounter over a decade past, so when i recently logged into my myspace, i was absolutely shocked to see an email from him. ironically, the subject line said: i promise, you don't remember me
little does he know how often he has been thought of. there was nothing critical in his message, and i'm sure an apology 12 years after the fact is neither something he was seeking or needs, but i find that i am grateful to have the opportunity to give it nonetheless. it isn't often we get a second chance to do the right thing.
more random fun
i am still sick! it's been a week! it's time for this to be over! enough exclamations points?! i'm back at work, but only because i have to be. really i just want to curl up and die.
but instead, i took a quiz.
See What You're Made Of - Visit The Official Site
but instead, i took a quiz.
See What You're Made Of - Visit The Official Site
Monday, August 20, 2007
he doesn't exactly know about this...
Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!
since he isn't a frequent reader, i might just get away with this. thanks for the link steph..it is hee-larious!
since he isn't a frequent reader, i might just get away with this. thanks for the link steph..it is hee-larious!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
convalescence, day 4
oh man am i bored.
so, for no good reason, here are movie (trailers) i'm looking forward to.
out now (no comments about how far behind i am, k?):
coming soon:
has anyone seen 'becoming jane'? i simply cannot stand anne suckaway, but aside from that, i want to see it. i need reviews all you austen-o-philes.
and by way of actual updates...well, it's been kind of a slow week. i'm still bed bound for the most part, and have been living on a diet of rita's pina colada italian ice for the last for days, as it's the only thing i can consume that doesn't kill my throat. i got a nice shout out on heidi's blog today. oh, and i'm working on a new playlist (should be up tomorrow). currently, i'm obsessed with a fine frenzy and colbie caillat, and i'm having trouble narrowing down which songs to include, since both albums are hitting the spot in their entireties.
so, for no good reason, here are movie (trailers) i'm looking forward to.
out now (no comments about how far behind i am, k?):
coming soon:
has anyone seen 'becoming jane'? i simply cannot stand anne suckaway, but aside from that, i want to see it. i need reviews all you austen-o-philes.
and by way of actual updates...well, it's been kind of a slow week. i'm still bed bound for the most part, and have been living on a diet of rita's pina colada italian ice for the last for days, as it's the only thing i can consume that doesn't kill my throat. i got a nice shout out on heidi's blog today. oh, and i'm working on a new playlist (should be up tomorrow). currently, i'm obsessed with a fine frenzy and colbie caillat, and i'm having trouble narrowing down which songs to include, since both albums are hitting the spot in their entireties.
Friday, August 17, 2007
convalescence, day 3
i don't make for a good sick person. i'm kind of a baby. i really hate the whole thing. and this morning i found out that it's strep throat. i haven't had strep since i was, oh, maybe 17? but at 30 (almost 31--august 27th) it seems that it has come back to haunt me.
so i lay here in bed for the 3rd and a half day. i'm bored, i'm grumpy, and i'm in pain.
this also means that i will not be teaching my very last gospel doctrine lesson on sunday. you'd think i'd be relieved, and i guess i'm as surprised as anyone that i'm not. i feel like going out this way is anti-climactic, i guess. on the other hand, the last lesson i taught was pretty killer, so teaching one more time might be anti-climactic in and of itself!
onto happier news..time for a much belated beach recap!
normally by this time of year, i have spent a significant amount of time at the beach. for various reasons, i had not yet been, and lara was gracious enough to help me remedy the situation.
she invited me along with her long time friends kathryn and valerie--both of whom i have met recently in the course of the wedding activities, and i just couldn't pass it up. kathryn and valerie are pretty awesome chicks...and a weekend at the beach? who says no to that:)
so the four of us met in tyson's and loaded up lara's car. we hit typical beach traffic and made it to our hotel around 9, at which point, we got ready and headed to the rudder, a bar/club on the beach in dewey. the band was okay, the company was good.
after we closed the place down, we headed to grotto's pizza for a 'snack' before bed.
saturday morning, we got up and found that the day was a bit gray and drizzly. enough to prevent us from heading down to the beach. so we decided on option 2...the outlet mall! some great items were purchased, lunch was had, and the weather cleared.
we stopped back at the hotel, and then lara, kathryn, and i headed to the beach. valerie wasn't feeling well, so she stayed back at the hotel to get some rest.
it ended up being an absolutely stunning day! the temperature was perfect, the beach wasn't crowded, and the water was warm enough to swim in. swimming though, became a challenge very quickly. we happened to be there during high tide, and kathryn and i got pummeled a bit before we decided we'd had enough. as we left the water, the lifeguard commented that we were 'brave', for battling the waves and strong current.
we dried off and headed back to the hotel, at which point, we started getting ready for dinner.
on our way out, we stopped at cvs to get some drugs for valerie. when we got out of the car, we heard a cat crying loudly. lara was afraid she had hit it, but the rest of us were convinced it was in the bushes.
after the drug store, we headed to dinner, parked our car, and walked the couple of blocks to the restaurant.
after finishing dinner, we headed towards the rudder (where we had parked our car). there were a couple of people hovering at the car, and when we approached, they asked if the car was ours. we said that it was, and they told us we had a cat in the car. yes, that's right. a cat--the cat from cvs, which probably originally came from the hotel--had climbed in to the engine.
it was crying loudly again, and various people stopped to see what was going on. a police officer came to help, and before long we had a crowd. eventually, they (the cop and random guy) were able to locate the cat, and just as the random guy almost had it in his hands, the cat took off and crawled into another car.
this happened a couple more times, and the crowd dissipated. i could tell that the cop had no idea what to do. he looked at valerie and i and said 'i like animals, but clearly not as much as YOU like animals.' i didn't have any sort of solution. the cat, based on it's ability to run from car to car, was okay, but i was concerned that it was only a matter of time before it wound up in a place it couldn't get out of. at a certain point though, there was just nothing more we could do, so valerie and i headed in to the club to rejoin kathryn and lara.
the band was better, the company still good. again we shut the place down.
when we headed back to the parking lot, we could hear that cat again. it sounded like it might be back in our car. but then it sounded like it was in the car behind us. two guys and a girl had just gotten in the vehicle, so we told them they might be harboring a cat fugitive. they got out of the car and we all realized it was in the car next door. the girl, while professing her love of cats, somehow managed to reach far enough inside the wheel well to grab the cat before it escaped. she immediately adopted the small kitten and took it home with her. a perfect and happy ending!
sunday morning, we packed up and made the relatively traffic-free drive home.
all in all, it was a great weekend! good thing, too, since i don't know how much of the outside world i will be seeing THIS weekend;)
so i lay here in bed for the 3rd and a half day. i'm bored, i'm grumpy, and i'm in pain.
this also means that i will not be teaching my very last gospel doctrine lesson on sunday. you'd think i'd be relieved, and i guess i'm as surprised as anyone that i'm not. i feel like going out this way is anti-climactic, i guess. on the other hand, the last lesson i taught was pretty killer, so teaching one more time might be anti-climactic in and of itself!
onto happier news..time for a much belated beach recap!
normally by this time of year, i have spent a significant amount of time at the beach. for various reasons, i had not yet been, and lara was gracious enough to help me remedy the situation.
she invited me along with her long time friends kathryn and valerie--both of whom i have met recently in the course of the wedding activities, and i just couldn't pass it up. kathryn and valerie are pretty awesome chicks...and a weekend at the beach? who says no to that:)
so the four of us met in tyson's and loaded up lara's car. we hit typical beach traffic and made it to our hotel around 9, at which point, we got ready and headed to the rudder, a bar/club on the beach in dewey. the band was okay, the company was good.
after we closed the place down, we headed to grotto's pizza for a 'snack' before bed.
saturday morning, we got up and found that the day was a bit gray and drizzly. enough to prevent us from heading down to the beach. so we decided on option 2...the outlet mall! some great items were purchased, lunch was had, and the weather cleared.
we stopped back at the hotel, and then lara, kathryn, and i headed to the beach. valerie wasn't feeling well, so she stayed back at the hotel to get some rest.
it ended up being an absolutely stunning day! the temperature was perfect, the beach wasn't crowded, and the water was warm enough to swim in. swimming though, became a challenge very quickly. we happened to be there during high tide, and kathryn and i got pummeled a bit before we decided we'd had enough. as we left the water, the lifeguard commented that we were 'brave', for battling the waves and strong current.
we dried off and headed back to the hotel, at which point, we started getting ready for dinner.
on our way out, we stopped at cvs to get some drugs for valerie. when we got out of the car, we heard a cat crying loudly. lara was afraid she had hit it, but the rest of us were convinced it was in the bushes.
after the drug store, we headed to dinner, parked our car, and walked the couple of blocks to the restaurant.
after finishing dinner, we headed towards the rudder (where we had parked our car). there were a couple of people hovering at the car, and when we approached, they asked if the car was ours. we said that it was, and they told us we had a cat in the car. yes, that's right. a cat--the cat from cvs, which probably originally came from the hotel--had climbed in to the engine.
it was crying loudly again, and various people stopped to see what was going on. a police officer came to help, and before long we had a crowd. eventually, they (the cop and random guy) were able to locate the cat, and just as the random guy almost had it in his hands, the cat took off and crawled into another car.
this happened a couple more times, and the crowd dissipated. i could tell that the cop had no idea what to do. he looked at valerie and i and said 'i like animals, but clearly not as much as YOU like animals.' i didn't have any sort of solution. the cat, based on it's ability to run from car to car, was okay, but i was concerned that it was only a matter of time before it wound up in a place it couldn't get out of. at a certain point though, there was just nothing more we could do, so valerie and i headed in to the club to rejoin kathryn and lara.
the band was better, the company still good. again we shut the place down.
when we headed back to the parking lot, we could hear that cat again. it sounded like it might be back in our car. but then it sounded like it was in the car behind us. two guys and a girl had just gotten in the vehicle, so we told them they might be harboring a cat fugitive. they got out of the car and we all realized it was in the car next door. the girl, while professing her love of cats, somehow managed to reach far enough inside the wheel well to grab the cat before it escaped. she immediately adopted the small kitten and took it home with her. a perfect and happy ending!
sunday morning, we packed up and made the relatively traffic-free drive home.
all in all, it was a great weekend! good thing, too, since i don't know how much of the outside world i will be seeing THIS weekend;)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
2:54
it's 2:54 am and i'm wide awake. well..maybe not wide awake, but the fact that i can barely breathe is keeping me from falling asleep, despite exhaustion.
every winter for as long as i can remember, i have gotten sick. twice. if i'm lucky, i can stop it at bronchitis, but it usually ends up as pneumonia once every couple of years. this winter, i was proactive. i put myself on a regimen. airborne, zicam, vitamin c, echinacea. two weeks on, two weeks off.
and then it was february. then march. then april. and i was in the clear.
until AUGUST!
it's the usual. my body aches and feels 40 pounds heavier than usual. my throat feels like sandpaper. my nose needs some drano.
i blame it on air conditioning in commercial buildings. but it doesn't really matter what i blame it on. i can't sleep, and three more minutes have passed. 2:57am.
every winter for as long as i can remember, i have gotten sick. twice. if i'm lucky, i can stop it at bronchitis, but it usually ends up as pneumonia once every couple of years. this winter, i was proactive. i put myself on a regimen. airborne, zicam, vitamin c, echinacea. two weeks on, two weeks off.
and then it was february. then march. then april. and i was in the clear.
until AUGUST!
it's the usual. my body aches and feels 40 pounds heavier than usual. my throat feels like sandpaper. my nose needs some drano.
i blame it on air conditioning in commercial buildings. but it doesn't really matter what i blame it on. i can't sleep, and three more minutes have passed. 2:57am.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
just a matter of time...
lately, it seems everyone is starting photography businesses. combined with the gentle prodding of close friends (lara in particular), i've been giving some thought to doing the same. it is no secret to any of you that i love taking photos. whether i love being in them more, is debatable, but for the purpose of this monologue, we'll just forget about that.
over the years i have done engagement and wedding photos for friends and family, and i suppose it was just a matter of time before i gave serious thought to making a business out of it. truth is, i still have absolute confidence that marriage and family are in my future, and in an ideal world, i will be able to stay at home with the kids. with that in mind, i have been pondering for years what viable 'side-business' i could implement. the obvious answer was event planning, but to get an event planning company up and running would take a lot more legwork. photography is something i love equally well, and is probably equally lucrative, with less time investment required.
so, the 'official' launch of this new business is probably six months off...pending relocation, the purchase of a new camera, and photoshop classes. the camera is the big roadblock at the moment. i simply can't afford to invest without having any idea where my income will be coming from at the end of september, and i don't think anyone will take me seriously with my point and shoot...even if it is 10mp.
in the meantime, i'm trying to put the pieces in place so that when i am ready to go, i am READY to go. the first piece for me was beginning the website. it's still a work in progress, but feel free to check it out and comment. constructive criticism is always welcome!
over the years i have done engagement and wedding photos for friends and family, and i suppose it was just a matter of time before i gave serious thought to making a business out of it. truth is, i still have absolute confidence that marriage and family are in my future, and in an ideal world, i will be able to stay at home with the kids. with that in mind, i have been pondering for years what viable 'side-business' i could implement. the obvious answer was event planning, but to get an event planning company up and running would take a lot more legwork. photography is something i love equally well, and is probably equally lucrative, with less time investment required.
so, the 'official' launch of this new business is probably six months off...pending relocation, the purchase of a new camera, and photoshop classes. the camera is the big roadblock at the moment. i simply can't afford to invest without having any idea where my income will be coming from at the end of september, and i don't think anyone will take me seriously with my point and shoot...even if it is 10mp.
in the meantime, i'm trying to put the pieces in place so that when i am ready to go, i am READY to go. the first piece for me was beginning the website. it's still a work in progress, but feel free to check it out and comment. constructive criticism is always welcome!
spotlit photography
*****
in other news, kate and kendyl are moving back from nashville at the end of the month. needless to say, the info came as a surprise, particularly after having spent 20+ hours in a van moving her there only two months ago. nonetheless, it was great news to all of us, and means that i get a little more time than i thought i did!
i had a dream about my future husband last night. he was tall, dark haired, and 37. today i have been scouring all the mormon singles sites in search of him. it's possible he's 36 and will be turning 37, and it's also possible that he is the brother of someone i know. so, if you have a brother who is tall, dark haired, single, and 36 or 37, send him my way. you could be personally responsible for my eternal happiness! (ps...lara, you know who does not qualify as your brother--he came up in my search today--even though you have known him so long).
*****
i had a dream about my future husband last night. he was tall, dark haired, and 37. today i have been scouring all the mormon singles sites in search of him. it's possible he's 36 and will be turning 37, and it's also possible that he is the brother of someone i know. so, if you have a brother who is tall, dark haired, single, and 36 or 37, send him my way. you could be personally responsible for my eternal happiness! (ps...lara, you know who does not qualify as your brother--he came up in my search today--even though you have known him so long).
Monday, August 06, 2007
memory monday
in light of all the blog trends out there (self-portrait tuesday, wordless wednesday, to name a couple) i thought i would institute my own. there is no rhyme or reason to when or why i will or won't hop on someone else's bandwagon, but in this case i just haven't been able to bring myself to do it...maybe because i don't want to be limited to posting self-portraits only once a week, or because i am rarely, if ever, wordless.
so i thought i would take a stab at implementing a blog trend that suits me a little better. as such, i bring you...memory monday...a day in which, i take a few moments to reflect on the past. i will caveat this up front to say that my memory is not perfect. i will attempt to retell these stories with accuracy, but in some cases, the retelling will include secondhand accounts, and minor embellishments that have taken place in my own head over the years.
in considering what the first installment should be, i started perusing through old photos. i'm sure you will see quite a few of them, but let's start with this one:
pictured (l to r): me, aunt ?shannon or candy?, grandma howells, dylan
many of you do not know this about me, but i nearly grew up without a mother.
in 1979 my father accepted a position writing for jack anderson, well known muckraker and journalistic troublemaker, and my family (mom, dad, me, and dylan) left utah for the washington d.c. area.
it wasn't long after that move that my mother was diagnosed with a severe case of skin cancer. skin cancer, as it turns out is prevalent in my family. and though now it is virtually unheard of to die from skin cancer, at the time, it was possible. medical treatment not being then what it is now, the doctors did not give her an optimistic prognosis for survival.
i don't remember much about the experience, truth be told. i was all of three years old. what i remember is knowing that mom was sick. i didn't understand cancer, and i didn't understand why she had to stay at the hospital for so long. i had been sick too, but cough medicine and sleep usually cleared it right up. i didn't understand why this was different.
i remember one of my aunts (i can't remember if it was shannon or candy) and my grandma howells came to live with us, i think for a couple weeks each, and i remember that at first it felt kind of like a vacation--dylan and i were a bit spoiled as a result of the circumstances--but like all vacations, eventually, we were ready to have life return to normal, and have our mom back again.
i remember going to the hospital when we picked her up to bring her home. she was in a wheelchair. she looked fragile, but seemed so happy to see us, and to be coming home. and i remember that night, i had a dream, so vivid and terrifying that i remember it to this day.
in the dream, mom was in her wheelchair, and dad, dylan, and i were in the car. the car started moving before mom could get in, and dad couldn't stop it. the brakes weren't working and we were picking up speed. mom was holding on to the car, and she too was picking up speed (i'm trying not to laugh as i type this!). we were going downhill, and going fast...mom holding on for dear life, and dylan and i screaming while dad tried to do something, anything to stop the car. i woke up before the dream ended, but the way it was going, it wouldn't have had a happy conclusion.
strange isn't it? that i can remember the way i felt having that dream nearly 28 years ago? i may not have understood exactly what was going on with my mom, but in my 3 year old little brain, i knew something was very wrong.
fortunately for all of us, she recovered.
she lost a large chunk of skin and tissue on the inside of her left elbow, and you will never catch her wearing short sleeves. today, i'm sure they would have done a skin graft and no one would ever be the wiser, but it just wasn't done then. instead she is left with an arm that looks like someone cut a chunk out of it...which is exactly what happened.
in a way, i'm actually glad about that. i'm sure she would prefer otherwise, but every time i catch a glimpse of that scar, it reminds me what i almost lost, and how grateful i am that i didn't.
so i thought i would take a stab at implementing a blog trend that suits me a little better. as such, i bring you...memory monday...a day in which, i take a few moments to reflect on the past. i will caveat this up front to say that my memory is not perfect. i will attempt to retell these stories with accuracy, but in some cases, the retelling will include secondhand accounts, and minor embellishments that have taken place in my own head over the years.
in considering what the first installment should be, i started perusing through old photos. i'm sure you will see quite a few of them, but let's start with this one:
pictured (l to r): me, aunt ?shannon or candy?, grandma howells, dylanmany of you do not know this about me, but i nearly grew up without a mother.
in 1979 my father accepted a position writing for jack anderson, well known muckraker and journalistic troublemaker, and my family (mom, dad, me, and dylan) left utah for the washington d.c. area.
it wasn't long after that move that my mother was diagnosed with a severe case of skin cancer. skin cancer, as it turns out is prevalent in my family. and though now it is virtually unheard of to die from skin cancer, at the time, it was possible. medical treatment not being then what it is now, the doctors did not give her an optimistic prognosis for survival.
i don't remember much about the experience, truth be told. i was all of three years old. what i remember is knowing that mom was sick. i didn't understand cancer, and i didn't understand why she had to stay at the hospital for so long. i had been sick too, but cough medicine and sleep usually cleared it right up. i didn't understand why this was different.
i remember one of my aunts (i can't remember if it was shannon or candy) and my grandma howells came to live with us, i think for a couple weeks each, and i remember that at first it felt kind of like a vacation--dylan and i were a bit spoiled as a result of the circumstances--but like all vacations, eventually, we were ready to have life return to normal, and have our mom back again.
i remember going to the hospital when we picked her up to bring her home. she was in a wheelchair. she looked fragile, but seemed so happy to see us, and to be coming home. and i remember that night, i had a dream, so vivid and terrifying that i remember it to this day.
in the dream, mom was in her wheelchair, and dad, dylan, and i were in the car. the car started moving before mom could get in, and dad couldn't stop it. the brakes weren't working and we were picking up speed. mom was holding on to the car, and she too was picking up speed (i'm trying not to laugh as i type this!). we were going downhill, and going fast...mom holding on for dear life, and dylan and i screaming while dad tried to do something, anything to stop the car. i woke up before the dream ended, but the way it was going, it wouldn't have had a happy conclusion.
strange isn't it? that i can remember the way i felt having that dream nearly 28 years ago? i may not have understood exactly what was going on with my mom, but in my 3 year old little brain, i knew something was very wrong.
fortunately for all of us, she recovered.
she lost a large chunk of skin and tissue on the inside of her left elbow, and you will never catch her wearing short sleeves. today, i'm sure they would have done a skin graft and no one would ever be the wiser, but it just wasn't done then. instead she is left with an arm that looks like someone cut a chunk out of it...which is exactly what happened.
in a way, i'm actually glad about that. i'm sure she would prefer otherwise, but every time i catch a glimpse of that scar, it reminds me what i almost lost, and how grateful i am that i didn't.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
quiz time..
it's been awhile since i stole quizzes from various friends' sites, so here is me playing catch up:
Your Score: Hieroglyphics
You scored
You are Egyptian Hieroglyphics! Monumental, ornate and even in technicolour! Your users contributed virtually all ancient knowledge on inks, dyes and writing surfaces - to the point where the popular reed of Papyrus became the universal name for organic, manufactured writing surfaces in the western hemisphere for thousands of years. Proud, upstanding and dignified.
| Link: The Which Ancient Language Are You Test written by imipak on OkCupid |
Thursday, August 02, 2007
shameless self promotion
guess what? it's my birthday in 22ish days (august 27th). if you are just desperate to find the perfect expression of your affection and adoration for me, i dare say the links in the 'wishlists' category in the right sidebar might be of assistance. just sayin' is all.
and, if you are one of the many readers who share anne and i, she is doing a far more subtle self-promotion, but her birthday is on august 25th. today, she conveniently provided some ideas for y'all.
now back to me. did i mention it's my birthday in 22 days?
:)
and, if you are one of the many readers who share anne and i, she is doing a far more subtle self-promotion, but her birthday is on august 25th. today, she conveniently provided some ideas for y'all.
now back to me. did i mention it's my birthday in 22 days?
:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)