i carry your heart

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

e.e. cummings

in her shoes: 1 popcorn tub

random monday thoughts

1. ow, my knee.

2. happy birthday to jeremy


3. belt buckles are cool--especially the new one i just got


4. ow, my ankle

5. oh goody, the bachelor is on tonight. wonder how i'll fare in the rose ceremony game. maybe i'll beat anne!


6. i love blockbuster online. i think i will rate my latest selections by popcorn tubs. in this case, the lower a score, the better it is, because you are on the edge of the seat and forget you even have popcorn.

march of the penguins: 1 1/2 popcorn tubs
mr. & mrs. smith: 2 popcorn tubs
the interpreter: popcorn? what popcorn?
upside of anger: 4 popcorn tubs

i *circle with a line through it* snowboarding

on friday night, scott, anne, bronwyn and i loaded up anne's car and headed to york, pa, to meet up with many langley ward members for the annual ski trip at ski roundtop. the evenings activities involved munchies and games (i won two rounds of 'apples-to-apples'), but eventually it was time to call it a night.

i knew i didn't want to be tired while attempting to snowboard the following day, so i was the first of my three roommates (anne, rachel, & holly) to head to bed.

when the wake up call came at 6:45am saturday morning, i was ready to go. i knew ben wanted to be out on the snow early, and i wanted to give my roommates ample time to get ready themselves. i enjoyed breakfast with scott, and some new friends, and eventually ben was ready to move out. scott and i headed over with him and mike, leaving anne, holly, and holly's two friends to meet up with us later.

calling the day a 'challenge' is a bit of an understatement. despite ben's teaching, i realized that it was going to take me a long time to learn to snowboard. and in fact, the first hill probably took me over an hour. i had no idea how much of a fear instinct i had. it wasn't that i was afraid of falling even--i think i was more afraid about being out of control. the lift scared me, and people scared me, and even successfully traveling a distance of any amount scared me, because i was completely unclear as to how it had happened.

after finally making it down the hill the first time, anne, holly, and friends joined up, and ben began the lesson he had tried to give me all over again. my second run was far more successful. i made it off the lift semi-successfully, and managed to stay on my feet for respectable periods of time.

at the bottom, scott and i met up. we were both exhausted. my tailbone was aching, and my wrists were sore. and i was just tired. he was ready to call it a day, but i felt like if i went home with only two runs under my belt, i'd lose all self-respect. so i talked scott into going up one more time.

my bad.

see, getting off the lift is always the worst part for me. i have totally psyched myself out, and it creates a near panic reaction. so when i got off the lift for the third time, i had successfully freaked myself out. this of course caused me to fall in grand style, with my knee and ankle twisting out behind me. searing pain immediately followed and tears sprang to my eyes, as i tried to make it clear to scott that i needed his help getting my board off. he quickly came to my aid, and i dragged myself out of the way of the lift.

now, i am not someone who is easily thrown off by pain. when i tore the acl, mcl, and meniscus in my left knee, i had managed to drive my manual car home, 'clutching' the entire way. i am more likely to cry at the pain of another than at my own. so i forced myself to stem back the flow as i tried to assess the situation. my knee and ankle were killing me. i knew (based on previous experience) that it was likely not a torn ligament, but i also knew it could be a variety of other things--a pull, a strain, or a sprain.

the lift operator asked if i need some help, and as i was declining, a ski patroler was getting off the lift, so he asked him to just take a look at me. after determining that i was not going to die, he outlined the options. i could chill out relax, then try and make it down on my own, or they could take me down.

i needed some time to consider. the last thing i wanted was to create a scene. i knew that if they 'took me down' it would be very dramatic, and that wasn't really what i was looking for. but after spending some time on a bench at the top of the slope for some time, the pain, and fear of making it worse won out.

thus began the drama. though the bunny slopes had not attracted very many of the langley group that day, suddenly they seemed to be the hotspot. one by one, people i knew were getting off the lift and seeing ski patrol wrap me up into a cocoon on some sort of sled contraption. i was most disheartened to see ben get off the lift, as i knew he would be shocked and disappointed at his pupil's pure inability. and in a brilliant appearance by karma, it so happened that a few of my comrades also had cameras with them, and they were intent on capturing the moment. not my finest, i might add.

at any rate, after securing me in the contraption, ski patrol somehow got me down the mountain. i'm not even really sure how, but it was a bumpy ride. they wheeled me right into the patrol headquarters, where as it turned out, they don't do much of anything. they basically determine whether or not you need an ambulance, and, since i didn't, they were happy to have me on my way as soon as possible.

through some traipsing back and forth by anne, scott, dan, mike, and matt, eventually, our locker was cleaned out, goodbyes were said, and i was being wheeled to the car in a cardboard splint. fortunately, anne and scott were both finished for the day as it was, or i would have felt extremely guilty.

after arriving back home, i elevated the leg, iced it down, and got some sleep, hoping that today i would find it in much better shape. unfortunately the opposite is true, and i am still determining whether or not i should have it examined. i am a bit stubborn when it comes to healthcare, so i think i'll decide tomorrow.

as far as future attempts at snowboarding, i still haven't made up my mind. the lift continues to be a problem in my head--even more so now. having grown up waterskiing, skiing makes more sense to me. i understand the principles and dynamics, even if i am still a beginner at that. i can at least make it off the lift in skis without incident. but snowboarding, when it works, is more enjoyable. dilemmas dilemmas. one thing is certain, i have another year to make the decision! in the meantime, i am focusing on recovery.

for more pics, click here.

i *heart* yoga

after a year and a half of being entirely too intimidated to enter a yoga studio by myself, erin (who had similar apprehensions) agreed to join me..to try it out. i wasn't sure if it would take or not, but from the minute we entered the building, our silly fears seemed to melt away and we were hooked!

an added bonus is that i am only mildly sore today. i expected much worse, so it was a pleasant surprise. needless to say, we will both be going back!

this is getting a little sick

i'm starting to average 3 posts a day. i think i have a blog addiction.

but i couldn't resist one more. on the '43 things' site you can enter in 'things to do', and set up email reminders to do those things. so i thought it would be great to guilt myself into actually accomplishing some of the (dare i say) goals i have set for this year.

lookee what i just got:

From: snuckupontara on 43 Things

Mailed-By: 43things.com

To: snuckupontara on 43 Things <@gmail.com>

Date: Jan 26, 2006 4:01 PM

Subject: take a yoga class

Dear future self,

I'm reminding you about your stated goal on 43 things, to "take a yoga class".

How's it going?

Sincerely,
Your past self


oh my gosh, my past self is so smart. and it seems my future self is even smarter, because erin and i are going to our first yoga class tonight!

hey, guess what everybody?

corey has a blog!

letters from the asylum

dear (insert name here),

it's me again. i still don't think i belong here, but there are some family and friends (you know who they are) who insist i have lost my mind, so i am where i am.

the great advantage of being here, is that this place is highly conducive to introspection. and to fill some of my time, i've been doing some reading. yesterday i picked up a book called the list. if you ever read he's just not that into you, you'll understand the general idea of the list. it's apparently the latest and greatest, and i have to admit, i found it compelling and worth the read (unlike the other book who's mere title was absolutely enough for me).

the book revolves around the principle that men have an 'alarm' that goes off when they meet the girl they want to or will end up marrying. and it provides seven very specific 'tests' to identify whether or not you have set off someone's alarm. the theory is that within thirty days, you will know if a guy is going to marry you.

i am not prone to believe everything i hear or read, in fact i am quite the skeptic, so i expected the book to be at most, entertaining. imagine my surprise when i also found it to be relevant.

the checklist that it goes through is very specific. i.e. if he doesn't make the first move, you haven't set off the alarm. or, if he doesn't call you within 48 hours to set up a date, you haven't set off the alarm. or if he doesn't call you within 24 hours of the last date to set up the next one, you haven't set off the alarm. or (and this one is tough to swallow) if he wants to develop the relationship via email, then you haven't set off the alarm. it is very clear about the fact that when you have set off the alarm, you become the top priority. he can't wait to talk to you or see you. his previous behaviors can and will fly out the window. he will make time for you and won't use excuses like 'it's late, i have an early day tomorrow' to not see you. this is true of nearly all happily married couples i know. he knew. and he knew pretty quickly. and he did the things on the list.

call me crazy (everyone else is, afterall) but this makes absolute sense to me. i've always joked semi-painfully, that i am never the girl that a guy sees across the room and says 'i want her.' i am the girl that they get to know and then they think, 'wow, she is awesome-- despite the fact that other people think she is crazy.' it's the reason why the vast majority of men i've dated have been friends first. and friends first isn't bad at all, but the truth of the matter is, i'm starting to understand that there is a guy (maybe more than one) who will look at me across a room and think 'i want her.' and he will know it, and i will know it, and i won't spend countless hours wondering if that movie last night was actually a date, or if we were just 'hanging out.'

and what if there is only one. just one guy on the face of the planet who will walk into a room and know that he has to meet me or he won't be able to live with himself. does that make me less desirable? less of a catch? no. it just makes me less common. and i need a man for whom common is unacceptable. that is the man who will love me despite all of my idiosyncrasies. he will love me when i am all dolled up for a night out. he will love me even more in a t-shirt and sweatpants, reading the latest people or entertainment weekly. he will be turned on when we get into a debate about the war on terrorism, even if we completely disagree. he will find my reality tv addiction endearing, and be beside himself at the fact that i often struggle to keep from smiling. he will appreciate my knowledge of music, and be grateful i care about my appearance, and am passionate about the theater. he will be in awe that i can be so moved by a book that it will bring me to tears. and he will think it's cute that i overthink everything and am a terrible morning person.

in realizing all of this, i couldn't help but reflect on all of the times i tried to fit a square peg into a round hole. i've gotten plenty of workouts doing this, i assure you. it seems like wasted effort now. the man for me will not fit into such a pre-defined category as 'square', he will be a shape all his own, and i won't entirely understand how, but he will fit with ease, and i will know it.

so i have cleaned the slate once again, as there is no one currently who has passed the 'tests', and am starting fresh. i'm spending more time on me--not in the selfish 'i can't give you my time' way, but in the 'i'm going to try new things and expand my horizons' way. i'll be sure to let you know how it goes. in the meantime, i'd appreciate your help in convincing my friends and family that i really am not crazy.

sincerely yours,
crushless in the asylum

aunt update

just got word that my aunt emerged from her coma and is doing well. in fact, she left a message on the machine earlier today that said:

'it's me. i'm alive. i love you. love eachother.'

always a good reminder.

on a less humorous note

i know there are a few people who read this blog who recently lost a close friend. my thoughts and prayers are with you.

to blog or not to blog

sometimes i do things that i wonder if i am really comfortable sharing with the world--or my blog readership, which for me is the world. time and time again the answer is, 'yes!'

so for those of you who are already in the loop on this, my self-deprecating humor will no longer be funny to you. i apologize.

for everyone else, perhaps i should start by explaining that for years and years i have wanted to be married on october 21st. while even i can't understand the complexities of why that is, it has something to do with my favorite number being 21 because when i was a youngin', i couldn't decide between 7 and 3, and i didn't like even numbers (still don't) so 21 was a better option than 10. why it wasn't 37 or 73 is beyond me. i came up with 21, and that number has come to take on a life of it's own over the years. now granted october is the 10th month, and normally just the fact that it is an even month would rule it out, but since it is once again the combination of 7 and 3, i have had it in my head for nigh on a decade that that would be my wedding date.

having a specific date in mind, however, has created sort of a problem. i also think it makes the most sense to have a wedding on a saturday--i'm not insensitive enough to make everyone take off work. so finding a year in which october 21st falls on a saturday suddenly becomes a giant challenge.

well, i had an epiphany last night and realized that this year, the stars (or date and day) align. that's where the insanity that i like to call 'extreme faith' or an 'investment in my future' began.

at this point, i'm short a groom, but in the standard mormon timeline of three month engagements, i figure that that gives me 5-6 months to lock one in. and, once again, according to the mormon timeline, that is totally doable.

so i went ahead and got started on the planning. as i am an event planner, i am under no misguided illusions that i could actually plan a wedding in three months, so i'm giving myself some lead time. the first step was the wedding website package i purchased today. it comes with a domain name, email, templates, online rsvps...you know, the works.

i had a little bit of difficulty choosing the domain name, but i finally settled on www.acoupleoffools.com. right now the 'couple' is me and my alter-ego, but in the long run i figure it's a perfect website name since some will think i am a fool for doing this, and since it will take a poor unsuspecting fool to marry me!

once the domain name was chosen and purchased, the real work began. the guest list has been imported, the bridesmaids entered, and the wedding quiz created. i think i am actually up to five guestbook entries.

though i don't know who the groom will be, i do know that he will be highly amused by all of this. he would have to be to end up with me!

feel free to check it out, take the quiz, sign the guestbook, point and mock--whatever makes you happy.



oh, and kelly--responses to your questions below:

did you know that the next time october 21st lands on a saturday is 2017?
yes! (i checked)


did you know if you get married at 10am that you have to be at the temple at 8:30am?
ouch. looks like 11am it is.


did you know that i am still laughing?!? i giggled in the bathroom. i was alone.
i am so glad you are giggling. giggling alone in the bathroom is the best.

how you know you are loved

t-shirts i'm dying to own

i rarely steal from another

but in this case, i happened upon the site of my sister-in-laws friend, and identified so much with this post, that i have copied it here (kelly, you can tell her).

girl talk

when i was in the sixth grade i received the board game "girl talk" as a birthday present. i never understood why an actual game needed to be made to coerce young girls to talk to one another about boys. we certainly spoke about them enough as it was already. in fact, i would predict that most of my discussions with friends from the late 80s onward were about boys.

i've noticed a change in the way girls talk as we become older. our talks become less and less detailed. we speak in theories about who and what we want and have. and we invite men into our discussions.

so i'm here to share some girl talk with you. i am finally realizing how important love is. not only the love of a lover, but the love of one another. and i've been thinking about the different types of love that i've allowed and resisted in my life.

my goal for the next few months is to invest in my relationships and allow people in a little more than i've allowed before.

to begin, i'm revealing what i believe to be some good girl talk from my life. all the hours i've spent shaving my legs, looking intensely into the mirror, thinking of clever things to say, dreaming of words that would never be said to me, crying over the pain of a life that i will never have... it has all been worth it.

here's a little more detail that i'm sure many women will relate to on some level:

i have spent an entire day preparing for a date.

a single embrace has swept me away to forever-never-land.

i have called in sick to work because i've felt too heart-broken to get out of bed.

i sometimes walk down the street with a secretive smile when i recall certain romantic memories.

i've never cheated on a boyfriend. but i have kissed someone else's.

i have granted second chances... or more.

a flower has changed my perspective.

i've been known to be drawn in by the force of blue eyes alone.

i have been uplifted by men who give me a warm glimpse.

i will listen to a song on repeat recalling the "way i felt when..."

i've driven several hours for a single kiss.

i have moved to another city to make break-ups easier.

men have asked me to marry them.

flirtatious men in rome helped me realize i was beautiful when i was 19.

i have purchased new clothes to prepare for dates.

it took me years and years to get over a lost love.

i've said "i love you" to more than one man. i meant it most of the time.

i have had men write songs about me and serenade me.

i can stay up for several hours in the night dreaming about a man who doesn't exist.

it took me years to realize being alone is better than being in an unhealthy relationship.

i have no regrets.

i know i will someday let love in and fall in love again.


thanks to tamara for sharing:)

aunt update and what friends are for

just got the latest aunt update. after two days of being in a medically induced coma (so she would not put too much strain on her heart while it heals), the doctors have begun reducing the amount of sedative they are giving her, and are also decreasing the number of pumps the machine is pumping her heart for her. as odd as it sounds, this is good news. they are hoping that as they continue to decrease the pumping machine (very technical term), that her heart will begin pumping for itself. we continue to pray and hope and sincerely appreciate those of you who are doing the same.

in other news. i recently posted a list of some things i want to do in the next year. i am so happy to report that erin has volunteered to help me with number 1, and anne has volunteered to help me with number 3 and possibly number 7. lara is helping me out with number 17, and i have already made progress on numbers 2, 4, 6, 8, and 20.

so far, so good.

step 1

a week from tomorrow, i will be on the slopes with the langley ward making another attempt at snowboarding. having tried it once before, and coming away with not much to show for it, other than some gorgeous black and blue marks in the oddest places, i decided this year i would enlist the aid of professional help.

unable to find the kind of professional help i really need, harwood has agreed to show me the ropes. since he is being very gracious to do this (or mostly gracious, as it turns out i might have to clean his room in exchange) i am hoping to make him not regret his decision, and have subsequently begun my preparation.

the first step: envisioning myself as a snowboarding chick.

dangit! i am already distracted by the possibility of a snowball fight!

one more thing

it's nice that since i accidentally deleted my blog a little while ago, and had to piece it back together, inexplicably, my newer posts are appearing on top when there are multiple posts in a day. that was my only real pet peeve about my page before.

at any rate, in other news... my aunt suffered a heart attack this morning, so if you don't mind keeping her in your prayers, it would be appreciated.

the youngest of my mom's four sisters, and a woman that is conscientious about her health, it came as a surprise to all of us. particularly since she has already been in the hospital twice in the last month or so, the first time, for a car accident that should have killed her, and the second time, only just over a week ago for kidney stones. it seems like a bizarre twist of fate that she should find herself there for a third time and under these circumstances.

she was taken to the hospital early this morning for chest pains, and had the heart attack while already there (tender mercies). there is concern about the severely decreased level of blood flow, and doctors are still trying to determine how to solve the problem.

updates pending.

the thing i hate about blogging

is when you want to write about someone who reads your blog, because you can't.

you can't write about how you recently learned that they had taken you off their 'friend' list on a mutually visited networking site, or how when you tried to look at their profile, you were faced with a little pop up box saying: 'you have been blocked from viewing this user's page'.


you can't write about how you know that your friendship has had it's ups and downs, it's challenges, it's miscomunications, it's laughs, and its support, and that you don't expect it to ever be like it was back before it all got wonky, but how you still care about them and hope for their happiness. you can't write about how sure you have been that you were put in each other's path for a reason, and how even though you have both moved on to learn new lessons, you would always be interested in their life and their success, and that because of all that, when you saw that they had taken such great lengths to cut you out of their life, it was a great and sorrowful blow.

that is exactly the kind of thing you can't write about when the person reads your blog.

things i want to do

i tend to be fairly anti-new year's resolution, as it seems they were just made to be broken. however, there is something about a new year that causes one to reflect on where goals were exceeded and where they fell short in the previous year.

in the course of that reflection, i am hoping to make a stronger showing in various things, including, but not limited to:

1. taking a yoga class i've been too intimidated to take
2. actually playing my bongos
3. learning how to knit
4. sending more letters (of the handwritten variety) and fewer emails
5. developing better saving & spending habits
6. being a better daughter, sister, aunt, and friend
7. learning how to scull
8. finding opportunities to give of myself
9. traveling more
10. being a better dog owner
11. taking more care with my current posessions
12. limiting the need for additional posessions
13. trying hanggliding--finally
14. being better at returning phone calls
15. becoming more aware
16. getting on a better sleep schedule
17. seeing more live music
18. enjoying and taking greater advantage of the area i live in
19. taking a back seat and letting someone else take the lead sometimes
20. reading more
21. committing

a blast from the past

so for some time now, i have been trying to track down a friend of mine from high school. i don't know what prompted the nostalgia trip, but in my perfunctory efforts to do so, i always came up short. i couldn't find him on any of the alumni sites, even when our 10 year reunion was looming, and i was half convinced he'd fallen off the face of the earth.

to be honest, there are quite a few people i've wondered about since high school. unlike a lot of people, i actually have mostly fond memories. maybe it's just because i've succeeded in blocking out the trauma, but when i think back, i think of it as a time of fulfillment and growth. wow, it does sound a little bizarre saying that.

it's not that high school was perfect for me, no one ever feels as good as they should about themselves, and everyone cares far too much what everyone else thinks, but i enjoyed high school for the most part.

i experienced my first 'love', found my true passion in life, and was exposed to the world like never before. so , when i think back on those four years, i can't help but think about some of the people who shared them with me--including joey (now joe). it may be because our friendship was so unlikely. whoever heard of a football player being friends with a drama geek? well, maybe it's more common than i realize, but it wasn't for us then. it was eye opening for me in many ways--more than he would ever realize, i'm sure. it was then that i really learned that different talents and personalities are wonderful things, and not things to avoid or be afraid of.

so, after who knows how long of periodically checking out websites and performing google searches, i had come up with nothing. and i had pretty much given up the search. i figured he would turn up eventually, and i left it at that.

that is until a couple days ago. see, anne was doing some searching on my space and had found some old acquaintances. i should mention, i am not a fan of my space. i am on there because scott invited me, but i rarely even look at it. her searches however, produced a curiosity, and i thought i'd see what came up. after looking through a few results pages, i saw a familiar face. it was joe's brother. so i dropped an email, and asked him to send my info along to joe, which he did.

so today i swapped messages with my old friend, and learned that he has been very busy in the last ten years! married with pugs and living in the portland area where he has landed as an economist, after pursuing football and even theater! ironically, i was out there visiting dylan and kelly not too long ago, and while i am sad to have missed the opportunity then, i'm sure there will be another chance to catch up face to face. there is something rewarding in learning about the success and happiness of those you have regarded fondly no matter how long ago it may have been..

aunt t

after months of saying mama and papa and dada and nana, my niece has finally overcome what i can only assume to be spitefulness of my desire to have her 'name' me, and i think it is safe to say i have now become aunt 't'. well just 't'. but i'll take it.

dylan--10 bucks says you'll be uncle 'd'

i like movies, i like tv

so basically the golden globes were made for me.

here's the recap:

best motion picture: brokeback mountain
a wise friend predicted the win for the sake of it's controversy. unfortunately, he was right

best actor movie-drama: philip seymour hoffman (capote)
i didn't see it, but he is amazing. i don't love all his movies, but i always love him.

best actor and actress-musical/comedy: joaquin phoenix and reese witherspoon (walk the line)
completely deserved.

best television drama: lost
yay! although the month long break between episodes is really testing my loyalty.

best actor tv-drama: hugh laurie (house)
are you happy jer?

best actress tv musical/comedy: mary louise parker (weeds)
i don't necessarily support a tv show about growing pot for extra income, but mary louise parker is one rockin' broad.

best actor in a mini-series or motion picture made for tv: jonathan rhys meyers
mmmm. my favorite dubliner and my favorite fake soccer coach.

best supporting actress tv: sandra oh (grey's anatomy)
ohhhh yes!


in other news from the day, being off work yielded a surprisingly high level of productivity, with an unexpected quotient of cleaning, and and even more unexpected stop at the 33rd senate district polling place to vote for my favorite stake president and long time friend, lynn chapman, in the republican primary.

though he didn't come out on top, for a 72 hour campaign (yes--seriously), 12% of the vote ain't half bad. and, as it turned out, the opportunity to vote also resulted in a wonderful reunion with friends from the near and far distant past. and it was truly a privelege to cast a vote for someone i hold in such high esteem and have such great respect for.

i also rediscovered one of my all time favorite lyrics today: 'to love another person is to see the face of god' (name that song and win my undying admiration)

and was entertained by this site (skip number 9 if you have a sensitive disposition).

crazy girl erupted briefly today but now lay dormant. (some of you will know what that means and those who don't, just trust me, it's better that way)

now i continue to entertain myself by watching the e golden globes post show. someone should probably kill paris hilton soon so we don't have to look at her posing anymore.

question: do i care that all three levels of her house are lined with clothing racks?
answer: no.

question: can we please import the entire single australian male population just to liven things up?
answer: yes, yes, yes

question: is angie harmon one of the all time most beautiful women?
answer: she must be

question: should i really be in bed right now?
answer: no doubt.

goodnight.

feeling a little wicked

has it ever happened, you've seen a striking film, beautifully written and acted and photographed, that you walk out of the theater glad to be a human being and you say to yourself i hope they make a lot of money from that? i hope the actors, i hope the director earns a million dollars for what they've done, what they've given me tonight? and you go back and see the movie again and you're happy to be a tiny part of the system that is rewarding those people with every ticket...the actors i see on the screen, they'll get twenty cents of this very dollar i'm paying now; they'll be able to buy an ice cream cone any flavor they want from their share of my ticket alone. glorious moments in art in books and films and dance, they're delicious because we see ourselves in glory's mirror. --richard bach

after months and months of having tickets to see wicked at the kennedy center, tonight was the night.

the anticipation was killing me, and the day dragged on, but finally, it was time to head out to meet the girls for a quick dinner at panera before heading on to the show. so myself, ann, julie, gretchen, and deena grabbed a bite and loaded into deena's car. with traffic nearly at a standstill for most of the way, the panic in me was rising. i mean one, these were not cheap tickets, and two, i had waited for far too long to see this show. was it possible that we would be late? would they let us in if we were late or would we miss the entire first act? it was everything i could do not to scream, but alas, it was completely out of my control, and i'm still not sure how, but we somehow managed to make it there right on time (meaning time enough to use the restroom and buy a t-shirt).

on the way to our seats, deena noticed a woman whose skirt seemed to be caught in her pantyhose. after several minutes of debating whether or not the skirt could actually be designed that way, deena finally decided to be the good samaritan and quietly notify the woman...at which point she learned that the skirt actually was intended to look like that. the designer should be shot.

after the pre-entertainment entertainment we headed to our seats and the anticipation was growing. so was the nervousness. see, anytime i go to the theater, i am reminded of what it is that i truly truly love to do, and that always makes me a little sad. but it's also always worth it to see a good show. and this was a good show.

having had a technical theater background, i am usually more critical than most, and i certainly found imperfections, but it was overall, an exhilarating experience. i knew the book, and i knew the music, and yet, there were still quite a few wonderful surprises. i was fascinated by the set (as i often am) and was completely blown away by the woman playing elphaba. the only real downside is that now that i've seen it, i want to see it again!

and for sheer entertainment value

i'm not a big believer in astorolgy or numerology, which is not to say that i don't read my horoscope on an almost daily basis. it amuses me...particularly when it's right on the money.

today's amuses me greatly:

a lot of the hard work is coming to an end for you. you and your team members can take pleasure in a job well done. you had set the standards high for all of you, and now the results are coming in.

how brilliant am i?

you'll never believe (or maybe you will) what i did today. i managed to delete my entire blog. i have pieced it back together with a great deal of moaning and groaning, but the seams may show through for a little while...