kneegate update

as my co-workers keep reminding me, if i were a dog, i'd have had surgery and spent the last several days recovering. but, as i'm not a dog, i've been working through doctor's appointments and insurance authorizations.

i've been back at work since monday, and thanks to the drugs, it has been mostly manageable.  i find myself more tired than usual, primarily because it takes so much energy to avoid those natural movements that might yield an unnatural pain, and the swelling from my knee to my toes has felt somewhat extreme.  but every cloud has a silver lining!  in this case, there is a silver AND a gold.

silver first.

i'm single-mindedly focused on hiding my fat ugly leg, and wearing pants is difficult due to the necessity of having to wrap, unwrap, and ice on a regular basis.  as a result, i've been pulling my maxi dresses out of the closet.  i am mildly ashamed to admit that i have four or five of these that i have never worn.  there's a rational explanation for that, but i won't bore you with it.  instead, i'll just say that i can't believe i've never worn them. rational shmational!  i LOVE them!

so, this week i was scheduled to be in atlanta for a conference.  it's a politically important conference, and i'm a little nervous about not being able to go, but there was absolutely no way i could drag luggage through airports or move boxes at the booth or average the 10 mile per day walking that is typical. so i'm home, while my co-workers are off to eat peaches.  but here's where the gold lining comes in!

my cousin laurie and her fam are in town!  as i was supposed to be leaving yesterday and returning home on the 2nd, and as they arrived yesterday and are leaving on the 2nd i was going to miss them entirely. but now we get to play:)

jenny, nic, laurie and i hang out poolside at the local embassy suites.

before we get to the serious playing though, i was finally able to go in today for the mri.  since i've got staples in my knee from the previous knee surgery, they also wanted to do a ct scan to make sure they got clean images.  and can i just tell you, there's nothing like being told not to move, then being slid into a tube for a half an hour, that makes you want to just get up and dance.

i managed to fight the urge though, and now i just have to wait until monday for the ortho follow-up. i snuck a peek at the films, but i don't really have a clue what i'm looking for, so i wait.

and then came the BRONZE lining.

anne and i really like our sonic

many of you are familiar with my sonic obsession (see picture at right).  but, as is my lot in life, the closest sonic is always just  a little to far away.  and then today happened.  as i was leaving the imaging center (just a few miles from my house), i took a wrong turn.  as i tried to get my bearings, there, on the opposite corner, was a radiating glow.  i think there may have also been a choir of angels singing. because there, on that corner, was a sonic.

after i snarfed down my strawberry limeade, popcorn chicken, and chocolate banana cream pie shake, i stopped for gas and my conversation with the attendant confirmed that it is brand new. do you know what this means?  it means i can snarf down a strawberry limeade and or a chocolate banana cream pie shake WHENEVER I WANT TO.

gold, silver, and bronze, folks.

gold, sliver and bronze.

kneegate 2010

it's the left knee - in case you can't tell.
swollen and bruised and ugly!

get it?  'cause it's my KNEE, and it was injured jumping off a tailGATE. right?!?

after giving the knee a chance to rest overnight following my big day at del mar, not only was it not feeling any better, it was even less weight-bearing and more swollen.  i called in sick before calling my health insurance provider to find out what urgent care i could visit to 'maximize my benefit'.

remember, i've been through this before.  and the last time, it happened only three days after my health insurance had kicked in. i hadn't even gotten my medical cards yet, so i called my then boss to find out where to go, who to call, etc. she was so sympathetic that she came and took me to the hospital herself.

an out of network hospital, as it turned out.

three words that now terrify me: out of network.  instead of the 20% portion i would have been paying in network, i ended up with the 80% bill, which took years to pay off, fairly destroying my credit in the process.

this time, i was/am determined not to make any similar mistakes, and was glad i was overcautious, as the urgent care i would have gone to, would not have been covered.  and at 8:30am when i arrived at an urgent care that WOULD be covered, i immediately saw the sign that said walk-ins were accepted between 1pm - 9pm.  i guess nothing urgent happens before 1pm.

so i made an appointment. the receptionist was quite nice, and was able to fit me in at 10:20. okay, not too bad!  she suggested i go ahead and check-in upstairs, even though i would be quite early, and when i made it to the upstairs receptionist, i was called back while still standing at the desk filling out paperwork.  as i commented on the speed to the nurse, her response was, 'well, if people are late and other people are early, that's just how it goes!'.

the largest bottle of pills
i've ever been prescribed

there was a little more up and down as i was sent for x-rays, but i was in an out of the urgent care with a mere $20 copay and within ONE hour, which, let's face it, is pretty miraculous.  the diagnosis was more ambiguous however, as i suspected it would be.  i'm fairly certain there is a ligament tear, and x-rays can't see ligaments.  they did confirm that there were no sprained, fractured, or broken bones, but i already knew that.

i was sent away with a prescription for the serious ibuprofen and vicodin, as well as being informed that they had run out of, but had ordered crutches and an 'immobilizer' for me.  they also submitted an ortho referral, and i was told that i would be contacted by phone or mail with more details. but, of course, after sitting on that overnight, i was more than a little confused.  by mail? really?

when i called this morning to follow up, i was transferred to ortho, where i was first informed that i could have and should have contacted them myself, and second, that the earliest i could be seen was august 19th.

after i stopped crying, i informed them that they could take me off their 'list' and that i'd find another place to go.  so i did.

monday afternoon was the earliest anybody could see me, but i was happy to take it. particularly since i'm scheduled to be on a flight to atlanta on wednesday, and will have to do some serious staff prepping if i am not able to go.  the truth of the matter is that i'm almost 100% sure i will no longer be attending this conference, but at least if i have an actual diagnosis, it will make it easier for my boss to swallow.

stay tuned for more kneegate news - i suspect that there will be a fair amount of it.

day at the races

while my familial readers will know this, others may not know that i LOVE horses.  i attribute it almost entirely to my maternal grandfather who was not only a large animal veterinarian (horses, cows, etc.) but also bred and raced quarter-horses.

as a child, summer vacations to the farm always included horseback riding, and visits to the racetrack.  every year, i'd select one of the race horses and claim it as my own, then get regular updates from grandpa as to the success (or failure) of 'my' horses on the track.

i've never been entirely certain whether i literally inherited some of my grandfather's 'horse blood' or if it's just a passion that resulted from experience, but regardless, any opportunity to be around horses is a good opportunity.

after mentioning to my friend vicki that i'd had the chance to go the breeder's cup a couple of years ago, she asked if i'd be interested in driving down to go to opening day at the del mar racetrack with her.  i immediately took her up on her offer, and it went on the calendar, along with my vacation request.

and the day finally arrived!

i've actually been in san diego quite a lot in the past couple of weeks for work, but this time i was actually excited to make the hour+ drive.  vicki and i met at the nearby outlet malls for lunch before heading down to the track.  what should have been a 15 minute drive took an hour, 45 minutes of which was spent on the exit ramp. fortunately we'd given ourselves enough time so as not to be too concerned.

we met up with vicki's friend tim, who works 'the gate'.  in this case 'the gate' means the starting gate, and tim is on the team responsible for getting the horses loaded into the starting gate.  he had gotten us free tickets and entrance to the backside of the track.  we caught a lift on the back of a pick-up truck, and when we got to where we were going, i straddled the tailgate and hopped out.

that was when i heard the sickening 'pop' in my knee.

roughly 14 years ago now, i had a bad landing off a lay-up during a basketball game, which resulted in severe acl, mcl, and meniscus tears, and required surgery, physical therapy, plus about six months of recovery time.  when i heard that pop, i recognized it. and it was not a happy remembrance.  i took a second to collect myself and gingerly determine whether or not i could actually walk.  i could. barely.  which was better than the last time.

for better and probably worse, i decided i was going to ignore the severe pain i was in, and make the best of the situation.  i hobbled along with vicki and tim as we headed into the grandstand and tim 'dropped us off' with plans to meet up again later.

i won't bore you with the details and challenges of actually finding a place to camp out for awhile, or mention how miserable i was, or how many times i cried, just trying to find a place to sit down for awhile, other than to mention one my favorite conversations of the day.  it came after we had been wandering around trying to find a seat, and one of the ushers told us we were probably going to have to stand.  the pain, coupled with my feelings of pure stupidity and not wanting to have ruined this experience for myself, or for vicki caused me to have a total emotional breakdown.  (poor usher didn't have a clue what his response would yield!):

Vicki: I can go get an EMT. Do you want an EMT?
Me; No
Vicki: Seriously, I can go get one.
Me: No. I didn't shave my legs today.

and with that, i pulled myself together - as best i could anyway- and we made our way downstairs where we (thank heavens!) found a place to sit right in front of the fence.  we watched the first four races from that bench, with vicki making periodic runs to place bets or get diet cokes and ice cream.  it should be noted that while we did make a few small bets, the only ones we 'won' were races we picked but didn't bet. figures.

the first self-portrait of the day. post 'knee-gate',
and i'm so happy to be sitting down!

after the fourth race, tim called to say that he would probably be able to take us out on the track before the 6th race, so after the 5th, we slowly hobbled along to meet him.  for those of you not familiar with a racetrack, typically the dirt track (in this case, shredded carpet) is on the outside, so spectators can see easily, while the turf track (faux grass) is on the inside.  a race day typically includes both type of races, and turf races are a little harder to see since they are on the inside.  the 6th race was a turf race.

me, tim, and vicki in the winners circle

we met up with tim and he walked us over to the winners circle, where we waited for the horses to come through the tunnel before making our way across the dirt track to watch the next turf race from the inside.  as you might imagine, this is not part of the 'standard' race track experience. you absolutely HAVE to know someone, and lucky for me, i knew someone who knew someone!

before making our way to the fence, and just minutes before the horses would take their positions, we walked through the gate, where tim snapped a couple of pics for us.  super super cool.

we watched the six race and headed back to the grandstand for the 7th and 8th, before rejoining tim on the 'backside' of the track for races 9 and 10.  again, we were almost on top of the gate, and it was pretty spectacular.

my knee was still killing me, but i was pretty proud of myself for hanging in there.  and with the final race concluded, tim put me in a car with a couple of the other guys so that i wouldn't have to walk back to their rv.

as i would learn, this crew of about 12 guys work together pretty regularly during the race season.  they are mostly from other parts of california, but for the duration of the season, they'll bring trailers in and set up their home away from home.  i wasn't complaining about the ride, or the fact that one of the boys was pretty cute.  'cause hey, bryan or no bryan (and there's no update on that) i can still appreciate a supercute boy.  especially one with a country twang;)

we hung out at the trailer for awhile, killing time, waiting for the place to empty out, and just chatting.  while there, a miniature man came over to say hello to the two tims (our host and the supercute boy), and introduced himself to us.  as you may have surmised, he's a jockey by the name of tyler baze, and he'd had a pretty good day.

after a little while, we started smelling something delicious from the trailer next door - the owners of which, are also a part of tim's crew.  the smell was followed by an invitation to join them for dinner, and we happily accepted.  boy were we in for a treat!  bbq'd spare ribs, corn off the grill, watermelon, potato salad, and coconut cake for dessert.

the food was insanely good, and i was just so.....content.  i've mentioned before that periodically the 'country' side of me needs satisfying, and this absolutely fit the bill.  i was grateful for the events of the day and for the opportunity to  experience this obviously tight-knit community from the inside.

today, this came:

i know, i know. i am way behind this trend, but i spent the last year waiting for the ipad, then deciding i wanted to wait for a second generation ipad so they could work out the kinks from that first run.  and when a stinking good deal on the kindle crossed my path, i decided it was worth it, even if i only use it for six months before buying an ipad:)

what makes this purchase so exciting is the decreased weight in my carry-ons and luggage.  and trust me, that's really exciting.

and not only that, but thanks to tamara's suggestion, i can now finish reading 

which is teaching me that i'm pretty much doing everything wrong when it comes to dating.  oddly enough, that's remarkably refreshing!

opinion poll

okay, answer me this:  when the boy you are supposedly 'in a relationship with' (his words) doesn't call you for a week, nor respond to a text message here or there (not even remotely close to stalking), do you:

A. cut him some slack, knowing that he is simultaneously dealing with a family crisis and traveling for his work,

or

B. RUN

if it's not obvious, this is the strange and unexpected predicament i now find myself in. and before you ask, there is no great big bad thing that happened between us that would warrant the silent treatment, nor any minutely tiny bad thing, as far as i know.  so now i'm torn between wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt and not wanting to be the stupid girl who just isn't getting the hint.

so what say ye, A or B?

on a whim

still feeling in a funk, and having spent entirely too much time alone yesterday, i decided today, on a complete whim, to drive to santa barbara to hang out with my friend jesse.

the two and a half hour drive took me only two hours (and i was barely speeding) and gave me the perfect opportunity to test out my brand new car stereo.  it sounds grander than it is, but up 'til now i've been using an fm tuner to listen to my ipod/iphone in my car.  the trouble with that is that it is nearly impossible to find a 'clean' station in this area, so my music and audio books are usually accompanied by a fair amount of static.

my boss made an offhanded comment about how inexpensive it was to install an auxiliary port and with a car stereo place just up the street from home, i stopped by, and found that he was right.

it was BLISSFUL to make that gorgeous drive sans static. and while without pics, the time itself was a much needed respite.  maybe i didn't even realize HOW much, and it made the 4+ hours on the road so completely worth it.

the good stuff

good stuff #1: seattle is a tricky city.  when you visit in the summer, on a good weather day, it seems as though there is no other city that could rival it.  with all it's green and water and art and music and food, it is not hard to be convinced that it's the country's best kept secret and you should move there immediately.  the trouble is that those good weather days don't last, and if you fall for the trick, you'll spend the large majority of the year thinking that 'good weather day' was just a figment of your imagination.

long distance relationships are similarly tricky.  the befores and afters are miserable, but the durings can be quite amazing.  this during was no exception.  it began with a fantastic hug in an airport and ended with a fantastic hug at a train station.

the during was focused on just spending TIME with one another.  this time around i've made it a point to avoid focusing trips on activities.  while activities can be quite enjoyable, they can also be somewhat distracting. in a long distance relationship, you're at a disadvantage.  you have very little opportunity to learn about someone's 'normal' habits, routines, and perspectives if either of you treat the visit like a vacation.  vacation rules are different rules, and i want to know if he's going to drive me crazy in a grocery store or enjoy my music or be as happy sitting at home watching a movie as he is 'going out.'  as a result, this trip, much like the last, was...normal.

during no. 2 included movies. we watched percy jackson, and the haunting in connecticut, and the mummy, and iron man, and yes, he even took me to see eclipse (the best of the bunch, by the way).

it included books (at least for me it did).  between travel time and bryan's basketball practice.  i finished off the last fablehaven (thanks to nicole for sharing) and started jumping in to the girl with the dragon tattoo. i came home with one of bryan's books, and i may have even read the first chapter of his new acquisition; pride and prejudice and zombies.

it included meeting the parents.  yeah - that was a good one. we went to their ward and over to their house afterwards for some barbecuing and some movie watching.  i'm happy to report that i liked them and i'm pretty certain the feeling was mutual.

it included food.  i was able to meet up with my long-time friend leah for breakfast, and bryan and i, who are both fans of the food network show diners, drive-ins, and dives, were excited to check mike's chili off the list.  

and it included the one 'activity' i did want to check off; a ferry ride across the puget sound.  bryan chose bainbridge island as our destination because they have a bookstore he was sure i would love.  and i did. i also loved the shops and the art and the bakery.  by the time we had finished lunch, the sun was shining in a cloudless sky, and the return ferry ride was spent taking photos and enjoying the blue brilliance.

the trip was perfectly balanced. we had downtime, we had fun time, we had talking time and singing time and silent time, and most of all we had a GOOD time. then there was goodbye time. and that was kind of rough.  

but not as rough as the 'after' i'm in now. did i mention the after is kind of awful? it's probably enhanced by the fact that it's been a difficult couple of days for other reasons, but wow, long distance is no-good-very BAD! i don't know if it's worse this time around or if it just feels worse, but wow.  combine that with my memory of good-weather seattle, and my general lack of enthusiasm for my job, and the idea of packing up and leaving is very tempting.

i'm far too practical for that, of course, but the idea is...definitely...tempting.

good stuff #2: the only thing that made saying goodbye somewhat tolerable was the fact that i was heading to portland to meet my (brand) new niece.  when the trip was planned none of us knew when the baby would arrive, other than that she would probably be late.  

she was indeed late, and by the time i arrived, she was a whopping 8 days old.  newborns grow so fast that you forget how small they are until you have one in your arms.  

and while i know there are many who prefer babies when they've gained 'a personality', i love love love newborns.  i especially love newborns who 'belong' to me. her name is adele jane, and she is my second niece.  since kendyl just turned 6, it's obviously been a long-time since we've had this kind of occasion to celebrate. and the short time i spent with dylan, kelly, and adele was precious.  as you might imagine, it was very low-key, with the big adventure being the walk to the neighborhood market on the corner. 

i guess some might be amused to learn that i met up with my ex, spencer, for breakfast while i was there. he even treated.  it was a good breakfast with good company and i enjoyed the opportunity to do some catching up.  

but mostly i enjoyed holding adele. and of course, the time flew far too quickly.  i'm ready for another vacation and the pacific northwest is calling!

first, the bad stuff

my brain is spaghetti.  tangled and mushy and getting stickier by the minute.  it's been a doozy of a day and i feel like there is so much information to process, but no clue where to start. rest assured, there is good stuff to report, but in an attempt to unload some ick, first, the bad stuff.


bad stuff #1: i found out yesterday that a friend has been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer, which has spread to her bones, and, i believe, her lungs.  radiation treatments began today and will almost surely be followed by chemo.  while she is in relatively good spirits, this is going to be a long journey, and i hope that there will be some respite for her to enjoy and celebrate her upcoming august wedding.

bad stuff #2: i received an EMAIL today from one of my closest friends that she was married. yes, that's right.  while on vacation with her boyfriend in italy, she got married.  and she sent an email. a form email, mind you, where i was bcc'd along with who knows who else. as you can tell, i'm still smarting from the sting, and while i am legitimately thrilled for her, i fear this may be indicative of what's to come, and feel an unexpected sense of loss.

if there is an upside (and there usually is) it's that i am reminded to not be so single-mindedly concerned about what is to come (or not to come) that i forget to appreciate what is.  as president monson has said "the past is behind, learn from it. the future is ahead, prepare for it. the present is here, live it."