oh happy day!

this, my friends, is what we call a happy dance. ...although 'happy' doesn't remotely do it justice.  this is a bliss-filled transcendentally euphoric (and slightly spastic) dance.

when my plane touched down in columbus, ohio, i switched on the phone and logged onto email to make sure nothing critical had come up.

awaiting me was an email from a co-worker who has basically made my life miserable for the last year.

since she was specifically brought on board to make my life easier (and reduce my travel schedule), it has been an emotion-filled year, full of frustration, anger, and disappointment.

until today.

today was the day that she gave her two weeks notice.

good things do come in threes and i'll be honest in saying that i have been praying that this would be the third.

one = a couple of potential romantic interests
two = confirming a move to long beach with my very good friend jami
three = getting my sanity back

words cannot even express.  it's simply amazing.

emergency room

tonight, the mexican and i...let's call him javier. because that's his name.

anyway, tonight javier and i were texting about possible weekend plans, when he mentioned that he was in a lot of pain.  apparently he had hurt his back playing tennis, and the pain had gotten progressively worse.

during the course of our conversation, i had the sense that it was continuing to escalate, and having intimate familiarity with back pain, i offered several helpful tips.  he'd already tried a few of them, with no luck.

i could tell he was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, but not knowing that he was approaching his pain tolerance limit, i mentioned a strange back tweak i experienced last year.  i had to be on a plane for several hours the following day and i was having a difficult time breathing, so i visited urgent care.  the doctor gave me a cortisone shot and about 5 minutes later, it was like nothing had ever happened.

apparently that appealed to him immensely, and he told me he was going to figure out where he could go.

about an hour later, he texted again to ask if i might be able to come pick him up at the er, since the doctor wouldn't give him meds without a 'sober' driver to make sure he got home safely.

he offered to buy me dinner 'next time'.  when i reminded him that he bought me dinner last time, he said that he wouldn't make me share my dessert next time (which, btw, was so big that even the two of us working on it together couldn't finish it).  still. very appealing.  and, after he told me i was an angel, i finally conceded.;)

so, what do you think?  can i consider this a second date?

alright, i know it's a stretch, but there's something in my warped little brain thinks it would be kind of a funny story to tell down the line.  first date, dinner. second date, er.

it's kind of endearing, isn't it?

epilogue: the meds worked like a dream. he is a happy (read = loopy) and pain-free man at the moment.

foreign fever

i've got it. i don't really know where it came from, but i've got it.

lately all the men i find remotely interesting seem to hail from other countries. i find the orange county, ca perspective a bit limited and narrow-minded, and i appreciate that these foreign men bring with them a broader world view, greater (more diverse) life experience, and, of course, accents.  so after two years of not finding any man particularly compelling, there are now two who have peaked my interest.

tonight i spent some time getting to know the second. he is a new addition to my social sphere and it's been four months since we met (and last saw each other), so i wasn't entirely sure what to expect.  turns out, it was as perfect an evening as i could have hoped for, with the likely possibility of more to come. it also brings the possibility of some uncharted waters, but, one 'getting to know you' dinner at a time.

tonight the food satisfied, the conversation flowed, the laughter bubbled, and the gentleman was a gentleman.

january 9

sent by colleagues wishing me a happy new year.  
they had no idea how much i needed a little chocolate 
in my life .

been a bit of a rough week here in la la land.

that little romance i mentioned before?  mmm. not so much.

it's not that the thing never really got off the ground that's so disappointing, it's that i was led to believe that it would.

the short version, which isn't so long anyway, is that i recently re-connected with an old flame and discovered a spark still there. i was surprised.  and excited!  it's been a long time since i felt a spark. with anyone.  and it seemed like for the first time, in a long time, i was just starting to make out a picture in the puzzle pieces that have been hanging out, jumbled, on the coffee table that is my life.

suffice it to say, i was given good reason to believe that the feeling was mutual, and it turns out, i basically got played. so, i'm battling a fair amount of frustration and anger right now.  and yet, i also have surprising moments of gratitude.

i'm thankful for the lessons i've learned and the life experiences that have tested and strengthened me.  i'm grateful for perspective, and the knowledge (though not quite yet the feeling) that i dodged a bullet on this one. i'm also grateful for the nostalgia trip this sent me on, causing me to re-visit my past and the incredible people that have shaped it.  and i'm grateful for chocolate.

since last we met

i've:

traveled to nine states

visited seven national park units

eaten at six diners, drive-ins, and (or) dives

wandered through three haunted houses/trails

landed twice in urgent care

had one date


i've also:

drunk from a sulphur well

honky tonked my badankadonk

reconnected with old friends

tromped around a cemetery at midnight

enjoyed fall colors in new england

celebrated my 35th birthday

gained a brother-in-law and a niece

become diamond at hilton

become platinum on american


you'll forgive me if i've been remiss in blogging. i will try and be better:)

irony

i just saw a commercial for a new movie starring drew barrymore & justin long about a long distance relationship.  anybody else amused that such a movie would be opening on my birthday?

i think it's the universe's way of wishing me a happy one, but i'm not sure if i should blow out the candles before or after i know what the ending is:)

opinion poll

okay, answer me this:  when the boy you are supposedly 'in a relationship with' (his words) doesn't call you for a week, nor respond to a text message here or there (not even remotely close to stalking), do you:

A. cut him some slack, knowing that he is simultaneously dealing with a family crisis and traveling for his work,

or

B. RUN

if it's not obvious, this is the strange and unexpected predicament i now find myself in. and before you ask, there is no great big bad thing that happened between us that would warrant the silent treatment, nor any minutely tiny bad thing, as far as i know.  so now i'm torn between wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt and not wanting to be the stupid girl who just isn't getting the hint.

so what say ye, A or B?

the good stuff

good stuff #1: seattle is a tricky city.  when you visit in the summer, on a good weather day, it seems as though there is no other city that could rival it.  with all it's green and water and art and music and food, it is not hard to be convinced that it's the country's best kept secret and you should move there immediately.  the trouble is that those good weather days don't last, and if you fall for the trick, you'll spend the large majority of the year thinking that 'good weather day' was just a figment of your imagination.

long distance relationships are similarly tricky.  the befores and afters are miserable, but the durings can be quite amazing.  this during was no exception.  it began with a fantastic hug in an airport and ended with a fantastic hug at a train station.

the during was focused on just spending TIME with one another.  this time around i've made it a point to avoid focusing trips on activities.  while activities can be quite enjoyable, they can also be somewhat distracting. in a long distance relationship, you're at a disadvantage.  you have very little opportunity to learn about someone's 'normal' habits, routines, and perspectives if either of you treat the visit like a vacation.  vacation rules are different rules, and i want to know if he's going to drive me crazy in a grocery store or enjoy my music or be as happy sitting at home watching a movie as he is 'going out.'  as a result, this trip, much like the last, was...normal.

during no. 2 included movies. we watched percy jackson, and the haunting in connecticut, and the mummy, and iron man, and yes, he even took me to see eclipse (the best of the bunch, by the way).

it included books (at least for me it did).  between travel time and bryan's basketball practice.  i finished off the last fablehaven (thanks to nicole for sharing) and started jumping in to the girl with the dragon tattoo. i came home with one of bryan's books, and i may have even read the first chapter of his new acquisition; pride and prejudice and zombies.

it included meeting the parents.  yeah - that was a good one. we went to their ward and over to their house afterwards for some barbecuing and some movie watching.  i'm happy to report that i liked them and i'm pretty certain the feeling was mutual.

it included food.  i was able to meet up with my long-time friend leah for breakfast, and bryan and i, who are both fans of the food network show diners, drive-ins, and dives, were excited to check mike's chili off the list.  

and it included the one 'activity' i did want to check off; a ferry ride across the puget sound.  bryan chose bainbridge island as our destination because they have a bookstore he was sure i would love.  and i did. i also loved the shops and the art and the bakery.  by the time we had finished lunch, the sun was shining in a cloudless sky, and the return ferry ride was spent taking photos and enjoying the blue brilliance.

the trip was perfectly balanced. we had downtime, we had fun time, we had talking time and singing time and silent time, and most of all we had a GOOD time. then there was goodbye time. and that was kind of rough.  

but not as rough as the 'after' i'm in now. did i mention the after is kind of awful? it's probably enhanced by the fact that it's been a difficult couple of days for other reasons, but wow, long distance is no-good-very BAD! i don't know if it's worse this time around or if it just feels worse, but wow.  combine that with my memory of good-weather seattle, and my general lack of enthusiasm for my job, and the idea of packing up and leaving is very tempting.

i'm far too practical for that, of course, but the idea is...definitely...tempting.

good stuff #2: the only thing that made saying goodbye somewhat tolerable was the fact that i was heading to portland to meet my (brand) new niece.  when the trip was planned none of us knew when the baby would arrive, other than that she would probably be late.  

she was indeed late, and by the time i arrived, she was a whopping 8 days old.  newborns grow so fast that you forget how small they are until you have one in your arms.  

and while i know there are many who prefer babies when they've gained 'a personality', i love love love newborns.  i especially love newborns who 'belong' to me. her name is adele jane, and she is my second niece.  since kendyl just turned 6, it's obviously been a long-time since we've had this kind of occasion to celebrate. and the short time i spent with dylan, kelly, and adele was precious.  as you might imagine, it was very low-key, with the big adventure being the walk to the neighborhood market on the corner. 

i guess some might be amused to learn that i met up with my ex, spencer, for breakfast while i was there. he even treated.  it was a good breakfast with good company and i enjoyed the opportunity to do some catching up.  

but mostly i enjoyed holding adele. and of course, the time flew far too quickly.  i'm ready for another vacation and the pacific northwest is calling!

weekend update

i've struggled a little bit in the last couple of days to decide exactly what i wanted to say about bryan's visit, and i'm still at somewhat of a loss.

in the past, i would have felt compelled to recount the chronology of the weekend, adding in the 'special' moments - when they happened and how they happened - but in this case the details seem irrelevant. it was all just wonderful.

from the time we got in my car at the airport, there was never a moment when i had to wonder how he felt about me, or how i felt about him. there wasn't a moment when i wondered how to work through an awkward silence or needed a 'breather'. and there was never a moment that i had to wonder whether or not the long distance was going to be worth it.

it was an admittedly strange weekend though. due to a schedule miscommunication, we spent our first morning together taking engagement photos of a friend. well, i took the photos, he carried the clothing changes, bags, and found chairs for me when i needed a different angle.

and when we met with this friend, her roommate relayed some news that a friend of ours, currently at school in australia, had had a brain aneurysm and was completely brain dead, only surviving as a result of the life support technology she was on. on sunday we learned that her parents, with no hope of recovery for their daughter, had opted to remove life support, and at 31 years old, she passed away.

sunday brought other news as well, as i seemed to be the only one to not get the memo that my bishopric was changing. my former bishop is somewhat of an icon in this area, having served at three different times in three different wards, and it is not difficult to understand why he is so 'popular'. he is a truly kind, humble, and righteous man. and as a result of this change, our ward was nearly twice it's normal size. instead of the normal fast sunday testimonies, we heard from the outgoing bishopric and their wives, as well as the incoming leadership.

the irony of the weekend was that i intentionally avoided planning any big 'activities'. my only plan was to stick close to home and have it be as normal a weekend as possible. i wanted 'real life' for our first meeting -- to spend time with each other without the distraction of the typical california sightseeing and entertainments. it turned out that there was nothing 'normal' about the weekend, although it was definitley real life.

despite all of the change and news and strange happenings, having bryan here felt....right. as strange as it may sound, it didn't feel like a first meeting. it was never awkward or uncomfortable, and it all felt so easy and natural and normal...and wonderful.

perfect

more later, but this weekend with bryan went exactly as i hoped it would. all the pieces fell into place and he is as wonderful as i thought he would be:)

a break from the list

i've been giving some thought to b.'s arrival in, oh, 9 days now, and if i were a boy, and he were a girl, i would most certainly be waiting at the airport with flowers. however, i'm not a boy, and he's not a girl, so i'm left with a perplexing question: what is a fun, mildly showy way to welcome him when he arrives.

any ideas?

#12

12. these speak for themselves

#11

11. within 48 hours of purchasing tickets to go see him in july, he decides that's just too long, so he buys tickets to come see YOU in two weeks.

and for those of you who require visual stimulation, the man below is the one to whom i refer. i'll admit that i'm very much waiting for the other shoe to drop or to find out it's all too good to be true, but i'm also quite happy right now letting it run its course.

top 10

top 10 reasons you know you've found a good online dating prospect:

1. he's the first guy in a really long time to peak your interest
2. he ups his cell phone plan to insure he doesn't go broke after your daily three and four hour long conversations
3. his sister im's him while you're on the phone to ask how it's going
4. he knows who joss whedon is
5. he's comfortable with you setting the pace but he's ready to meet when you are. he'll come to you, or you can go to him, it doesn't matter, he's just ready
6. you can almost hear him taking mental notes when you say things like 'i'm a sucker for chocolate and cheese'
7. he makes you belly laugh
8. he goes to the temple with his parents
9. he plays basketball three times a week AND watches battlestar galactica
10. he has a passport

project city date update

well, san antonio was kind of a bust. unless of course you count the girl who drove three hours to see me. but, since it was a pretty short turn around, i will not let it deter me. the update is that there is a new city...boston!

i'll be in boston from October 7-9, although the 8th is the only viable night to meet that special boston someone. as such, i'm not including it on the official list, but if you know a great single guy in boston (or have friends that might) send them my way!

project: city date

most of you know that my current job requires an intense amount of traveling. the unfortunate side effect of being on the road all of the time is that i don't have much of a life anymore. while i'm grateful to HAVE a job and for the chance to be a constant tourist, i have sorely missed the usual opportunities to socialize and meet new people. i'm fortunate in that i enjoy my co-workers immensely, however, none of them are lds, and as a result the 'social activities' at work functions usually involve watching people get drunk in bars. though this can be quite entertaining at times, it is obviously not my ideal situation.

hence the birth of project: city date!

in an effort to try and make the best of this situation, i've begun a little project. the goal of the project is to find a date in each city i'll be traveling over the course of the next year. it's my hope that project: city date will provide an opportunity to meet some new an interesting guys, sans the normal dating pressures and expectations, while also providing me a superior alternative to either solitude in my hotel room or the lobby bar!

still with me? 'cause this is where you come in. who do you know in these cities? who do you know that might know someone? does your husband/wife know someone? do you have single or married friends who might know an interesting single guy in their city?

i only have three criteria for potential dates:

1. i will rarely have access to a vehicle, so they should be as close to the city as they are willing to drive
2. ideally, as i've now hit the 33 mark, they should be between 29 - 45 years old
3. they should be able to hold a conversation (in english) and interested in meeting someone new just for the heck of it!

none of these are hard and fast rules (except for the english thing), but hopeful 'suggestions.' beyond those three requests, everything else wide open. i would prefer an lds guy, but won't mandate it. they can be short, tall, blond, brunette, bald, of any ethnicity or profession - it simply does not matter, i am completely open, no preconceived notions or expectations, no limits.

while it is natural for people to ask 'what does she look like?' or 'what is SHE like?' i hope that you will set expectations accordingly as you begin to have conversations with your friends and friends of friends. all of you have access to literally thousands of pictures of me and if you want to share my blog address with people you trust, that is fine. however, just keep in mind that this is meant to be a fun and casual experience, something new, something different.

my friend jami has the honor of having launched this project, contacting her married friends in austin, tx to see if they might know someone i could meet while in san antonio this week. they immediately responded that they had someone in mind and would see if they could work it out. follow jami's example people. follow jami's example because you are now officially a part of project: city date.

the following are a list of known travel dates and cities for the next year. i'll be sending out reminder emails 1 - 2 weeks prior to each trip which you can either delete or start (or follow up) making phone calls and shooting off emails. obviously, i'd prefer the latter ;)

* san antonio, tx
o 9/22/09 - 9/28/09
* new york city, ny
o 10/22/09 - 10/26/09
* frankfurt, bamberg, munich, germany & venice, italy
o 11/18/09 - 11/25/09
* orlando, fl
o 01/14/10 - 01/22/10
* las vegas, nv
o 02/12/10 - 02/20/10
* madison, wi
o 03/10/10 - 03/12/10
* long beach, ca
o 03/16/10 - 03/22/10
* baltimore, md
o 04/07/10 - 04/13/10
* phoenix, az
o 04/15/10 - 04/19/10
* los angeles, ca
o 06/11/10 - 06/14/10
* san francisco, ca
o 06/24/10 - 06/28/10
* san diego, ca
o 06/16/10 - 06/19/10
* atlanta, ga
o 07/29/10 - 08/04/10
* kansas city, mo
o 08/24/10 - 08/31/10
* san antonio, tx
o 09/08/10 - 09/16/10

for those of you who need a little guidance in asking your friends for assistance, here is a sample message that you can tweak appropriately:

Hi (Insert Name Here)

I have a co-worker/friend/relative/etc. who travels frequently around the country for work, and rarely gets to be home. In an effort to make this a more positive situation, she's begun a little project to try maximizing her network of friends and family to find a date in each city she visits for the next year. Her only requests are that the gentleman be within the 29-45 age range (she's 33), can hold a conversation, and would enjoy meeting someone new for a meal or fun activity! For ease of both parties, he should also be as close to the city in question as he is willing to drive, as she does not typically have a car available. Can you help?

any questions? thank you in advance for your assistance - the success of this project is dependent on you! ;)

the thing about dating is...

for as long as i'm single, it will always, always, always be on my mind, even when i don't have time for it. this week's random dating musings come courtesy of long beach pride.

if you can believe it, there were actually a couple of straight guys who hit on me. given how few straight guys there were in attendance, the odds are so remarkably slim that i would get hit on by one of them, let alone two, that i'll admit to having given myself a back pat or two.

both of the guys i refer to were working for the company whose booth was next to ours. both were quite attractive, friendly, apparently had jobs, and were expressing an interest in me to the point that my boss and co-workers made mention of it (just in case i hadn't noticed). particularly gratifying was that my very cute co-worker was simultaneously staffing the booth. their booth, a financial services company of some sort, had new staff every two hours (i was sooo jealous!), and apparently any leads they collected were to be split among the staff for that shift. i only mention this because the guy on sunday morning, who we'll call travis (because that was his name), spent about an hour and a half of his two hour shift talking to me.

now, i don't tell you this story to toot my own horn (okay, maybe one 'toot') but to highlight a problem. a problem i felt compelled to explain (aka 'whine about') to my co-workers. after he was done for the day they were teasing me a little bit, and i responded by saying: "that guy? in the real world*...i can get that guy (did i mention that he was very attractive?), but in the mormon world, not only does that guy not look twice at me, but if i say hello, he might run for his life screaming in fear that i want to marry him."

they were shocked and appalled. as well they should be! they simply didn't understand how the difference of sharing the same religion with someone could NEGATIVELY impact my ability to 'get' a guy, and frankly, i'm not sure i do either. i proceeded to explain it as best i could. that there is this phenomena in the church where average (at best, sometimes) single 'righteous' men (particularly over the age of 30) are elevated to god-like status among the single women because, well, there are a lot of us, and not a lot of them. men who wouldn't get a second glance from me out in the real world are suddenly hot commodities. they lay on their metaphorical chaise lounges, enjoying the frond-fanning, grape-feeding attentions of all of the 'barbies with testimonies', who are clamoring for a little attention. if you're a skipper, forget about it. you might be cute, but you're still not barbie.

what i wish more than anything is that these over 30 single guys would get a little bit of perspective. i wish that they would actively focus on identifying eternal traits in potential companions. that they would make an effort to stay away form the 'mean girls', who for some unknown reason, they are attracted to, or consider a woman 'amazing' because she wears a size 4. men, if you don't think women are attracted to bad boys or hot guys, you're crazy. but what i can say about most of the 30+ single mormon women i know, is that not only do we consciously try to avoid falling into that trap, we have decided to value and pursue other, more lasting, traits. do we fail sometimes? sure. but we try. do you**?

the most common argument to my complaint/perspective would be that you can't help who you're attracted to. i agree, and i don't mean to devalue that truth. what i mean to do is suggest that perhaps the attraction and chemistry that we are all determined to have, can exist in unexpected places when you open yourself up to that possibility, and focus on those eternal priorities. i cannot count the number of times i have accepted date invitations with guys who i wasn't physically attracted to. they were good guys with the right priorities who treated me as if i was worth stepping out on a limb for, and i wanted to avoid discounting that in favor of my first 'physical' impressions. at the very least, this practice has never failed to deliver a fun date. at the other extreme, it has resulted in a couple of serious relationships.

i see other women doing this ALL THE TIME! but if i'm being honest, i've never known a man to do it. and why not!? blah, blah, blah, attraction is different for men. hogwash. the difference is, more often than not, we don't expect everything there is about a person or everything we might ever feel about them to be laid out on a platter for us to inspect before we decide to take a bite. and sometimes, what didn't look all that appealing coming out on the plate, turns out to be the most delicious meal you've ever had. but this particular brand of men that i'm referring to, will never have any idea what they could have had. not just a meal for tonight, but a feast for eternity.

______________________

i interrupt myself to say, whoa, i don't know how this got turned into a food analogy, or why it fits so perfectly, but seriously, enough of the waxing philosophical today!

______________________

alright, i'm almost done.

i'm not bitter, and i'm not blameless either--i've fed this beast a time or two. what i am, is sad. sad to see so many amazing women get the short end of the stick on this one, and sad how many men opt to remain blissful in their ignorance about it. for the record, there is nothing blissful about divorce, so men, do yourselves a favor and set (and follow!) the right kind of priorities.

*real world = non-mormon world
** though this is directly addressed to the subjects of my complaint, to my knowledge, none of them read this blog. or at least, not very often. if you're a single mormon man over the age of 30, i'm pretty sure some part of this applies to you. i've only known one exception and he's married now.

that's it. i've had it.

(warning: self-pity commences in ...3...2...1....)

exactly how much rejection and disappointment is considered 'normal'? is there not a threshold, and if so, haven't i already hit it? how many times can you pick yourself back up after getting the wind knocked out of you? i guess 'this many' times, because i'm done. i'm just gonna stay down this time. getting back on my feet isn't really getting me anywhere. raised hopes. shattered expectations.

this time, courtesy of one date wonder, part 2, who, not only have i not heard from since our good date, but who has actually ignored the attempt at contact i made. bad dog. where did you learn this bad behavior? shame on you.

i realize i've thrown out the 'i'm done' before, but that was all in preparation for this time apparently, because i really, really don't think i can take anymore. for the first time i'm finding gratitude (the one thing that has continually kept me going) completely elusive, and i'm just done. somehow i'll find a way to be content in my stagnation while the world moves on around me. no really, i will. i just have to learn to accept the mediocrity that is my life. somehow find happiness in ordering electricity for a trade show booth rather than teaching my children about literature and honesty and sharing. trade show booths need electricity after all, right?

"where do we go from here?"

name that song, earn my undying adoration.

it's a gray and rainy day today and it suits my mood. i should be on cloud 9 after my (really) good date last night, but instead i find myself depressed at learning that if i want to stay in my current living situation, i won't be able to get a dog. i'm both mad and sad right now. mad about the lady who cheated the system and took in a stray with no consequences, while i tried to go about things the right and honest way and was disappointed. mad that in the 'eternal' scheme of things this would be something that i'd be denied. and so sad that this missing piece will remain missing.

truth be told, there are two 'missing pieces' in my life right now. one of them i can't control, so changing the one that i can, has become of utmost importance. the only problem is that now, 'controlling' it, means moving. i'm not on a lease, so it's feasible. and it's fair to say i haven't established life long bonds with my roommates--i just think that's harder to do with anyone after you hit the 30 mark. but despite that, i enjoy them, we have no drama, and my home feels like home. after my last living situation i appreciate those things even more, but what i really want is a dog.

silly as it may sound, at the moment, i'd take a dog over a man. after all, men haven't proven all that reliable, and i've developed a fairly apathetic perspective on dating. in theory i still think it's a good idea, but in practice i've become slightly jaded, wondering if i can take actions and words at face value or if at some point, like they usually do, things will blow up in my face.

don't mistake apathy for bitterness. i'm not bitter, i just don't really care right now. kind of funny actually, when i realize that i've been on more actual dates with more guys in the last two months than probably in the last two years. and i go, and i have a good time, and i'm over it. or i was over it to begin with and i just traveled down the path of least resistance, i'm not sure. last night's date was one that i was actually excited about and i wish it weren't so colored by wholly unrelated events.

it was a year in the making, this date. i met the guy online in february of last year and at the time, i was also communicating with spencer in portland. i don't really remember how exactly things went down, but i met spencer before i met tim (despite him being far more geographically suitable) and spencer and i started dating. that was that until tim contacted me again in january. my schedule was fairly out of control so it took me awhile to respond, but eventually we reconnected and decided it was time to meet.

take 1
"hmmm..my aim was off but i look cute in this one so i'm going to post it anyway"

honestly, i couldn't have asked for a better first date. he drove the hour or so from la to come get me (bonus points) and on my recommendation we had dinner at the best italian place i know in huntington. first and foremost, he is absolutely adorable. i'm always a bit nervous when it's an online meet, that upon opening the door for the first time, i'll see a flash of disappointment. it's not like that always happens, but it has (on both sides - to be fair), and this was the first guy i'd been excited about meeting in a REALLY LONG TIME. to my relief, there was no 'flash', but rather the most amazingly disarming smile. i was already hooked.

he's not the type of guy i would normally date. i don't know exactly how to qualify that statement, other than to say he's just different. nicer maybe? a little more, hmmm, timid isn't the right word, but i'm usually attracted to in your face guys that are 'big talkers'. you know, guys who always have some grand plan which may or may not ever come to fruition. there's something a little quieter about tim, although he's not necessarily quiet. i'm having a hard time translating from my brain to type, so let's just leave it at he's not my usual type.

the dinner conversation was easy and natural, and he was able to make me laugh. we talked a lot about a lot, but we started talking about traveling, which led to some related topics, which led to my asking if he'd seen the movie 'amazing grace'. he hadn't, and lucky for him, i happen to own it. so after dinner we decided to head back to my place and pop in the movie. which of course, provided the perfect opportunity for some snuggling. there may or may not have also been some hand holding. and there might have even been an opportunity for a first kiss if i hadn't gotten so gun shy recently about kissing on the first date.

take 2
"okay, no cut off heads. good to go."

the chemistry was really good, i found it easy to be myself, and i think he's someone i could have a lot of fun with. the only downside is that now i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop...it always does. and as most of you know, the last really good date i had is what brought me to my jaded apathy in the first place. maybe he'll be different.. i'm hoping (he really is very very cute) but i'm not holding my breath. and of course i can't stop thinking about how much i want a dog, and how i really AM a glutton for punishment. i shouldn't have gone to meet her or started looking at dog beds and bowls and collars and such. i am absolutely heartbroken and i don't know what to do.

two things

1. the date is NEXT tuesday (not last night), which was my misunderstanding. sorry, you'll have to wait another week for the recap

2. i've decided that it's time for another dog. the first and biggest obstacle is that my complex does not allow dogs. they use to and a lot of people have them, but apparently they were all grand-fathered in. i finally got the courage to ask my landlady (who i've never met) about it, and the answer was a definitive 'no', until i used the words 'rescue,' 'small dog', 'older dog,' and 'i work for a pet insurance company.' i think it was the rescue thing and the pet insurance thing that really got her, being a dog owner herself. she agreed to talk to the owner for me, and i'm just praying she finds a way to say yes.

please, please, please keep your fingers crossed.. whether i like it or not, i am a dog person. not having one actually feels like something is missing, and i'm happier, and frankly, healthier, as a dog owner. i'm hoping that cosmically i've garnered some bonus points by not ratting out the lady down the way who took in a stray and decided to keep him a few weeks ago, and that my landlady will succeed on my behalf. the bottom line is, if she doesn't, i'm probably looking at another move in the next year, and given that i actually love my living environment right now, i'd like to avoid that if possible. i just want to have my cake and eat it too!

as you can imagine, the second part of this process is finding a dog. in this job, they are everywhere, and everyone has an opinion. when you ask one of our many vet techs for an opinion on a breed, the answer is almost always preceded with an eye roll. to be fair, i understand it. after all, when they see an animal, 9 times out of 10 it's because the animal is having problems. so when i say 'boston terrier' they think 'bronchiosyphallic,' (i've probably butchered the spelling on that) and while it's true that that is a potential problem, it's not a guaranteed one.

i used the example of the boston terrier because i had pretty much narrowed it down to that breed...until i made the mistake of getting on petfinder.com. keep in mind, i've been looking on and off for 3 months, and today, i found the dog that must be mine. she is a total mutt. part dachsund, part jack russell, part wire haired doxie-all 10 pounds of her. she's an older dog at 6, and though the idea of having to face the grieving process in 6 or 8 years instead of 10 or 14 is tough, i also know that it is harder for older dogs to get rescued. not to mention that her personality (as described) seems ideally suited to me and my living situation. i can't explain it, i've looked at hundreds of dog pics recently, and this one literally jumped out of the computer screen at me. so seriously people, cross your fingers that i will get the approval, and then that i will be able to breeze through the rescue process as quickly as possible!

if you need a little more incentive, check out the vid of the dog below: