the renaissance pleasure faire

when i was a teen and visiting my grandmother's new york lake house every summer, we usually made a stop at the local renaissance faire.  there were two things that always made it memorable.  the first, was that for many years, my cousin was one of the actors.  as a result, for two or three years, before our visit to the faire, several of her cast-mates would come to the lake house and spend the day with us boating, water skiing, relaxing.  typically we visited the faire the following day, and to see the change from real person to character was truly unique.  it also always made us feel like we were part of the group...to be interacting with characters who we had met the day before giving us a sly wink or some small acknowledgement of our shared 'real life' day.

the second was that this particular ren faire had something i'd never seen/done before or after.  they had a quest.  so, instead of wandering aimlessly throughout the day, we started with a clue which led us to a character, who gave us another clue, which led us to a character, etcetera, etcetera. usually it would take a good chunk of the day (with the leftover time available for watching other entertainment), and of course, my family won every time we participated (beating out other attendees also participating).  it created a totally different kind of interaction with the characters than you would otherwise get and it was super fun to collect clues.

larysa and i spent the day walking.  really. mostly walking. we signed up for the 'quest' and found the morning half extremely enjoyable.  the clues were not difficult to follow and we met and interacted with some fantastic characters.  it felt 'easier' than i remembered my previous experience, but nonetheless, we enjoyed ourselves.  of course, we were the first people to turn in our collected map pieces and with the second portion not beginning until over an hour later, we took a break to sit and eat.

  

of course i had to have a giant turkey leg, sadly, it wasn't as good as i remember them.  but the sitting was lovely and much needed.  the faire grounds aren't big, but our clue hunting had us doing a lot of back and forth.  fortunately it was a beautiful day, which got more and more crowded as the day went on.

we then began the second part of the quest, and it didn't take long for us to figure out that it was kind of lame.  i don't really know how it came to be at the new york festival, but in this case, it's a seperate company than the ren faire folks who run it.  it appears that they have coordinated with the faire enough to involve their cast for the morning portion, but not for the afternoon portion, so the people that we were trying to interact with in the afternoon seemed kind of lazy. and frankly, at that point we had clocked 7 miles and just didn't appreciate being given tasks that would take us from one end of the grounds to the other, only to do the same over again.  we called it.

it was fun, but i'm not sure that i would do it again.  it certainly wasn't as memorable as my earlier experiences.  maybe with kids or a big group?  but even then... i felt like new york was so much better because, aside from the quest part, the faire itself was better. the stage shows were pretty amazing, and you could see a lot of genuinely good shakespeare comedy all throughout the day. the characters were more involved with the patrons.  i don't know, just seems better. now i kind of really want to go back to the ny one to see if that all still holds true.  sadly, with my grandmother's passing, i may never have another opportunity. so instead, it will stay this perfect little memory in my head.

here we go again...

i think this is the longest i have ever gone without posting.  ever.  so, since there is way too much catching up to do, let's just hit the highlights and lowlights of 2015 so far, shall we?

january:

knowing that i will be (if all goes according to plan), moving to north carolina at the end of july, california bucket list items have taken on a new urgency.  for the first time, i joined my donahoo cousins in visiting the post-showing of the rose parade floats.  amazing! it was particularly enjoyable to experience it with my cousins, who've also never done it, and whom i'm going to miss terribly when i leave!

with three months to design and build a brand new booth, as a part of the parent company's strategy to align all of their umbrella companies to "one-brand", the 20X30 launches at the north american veterinary conference and wins the booth of the year award. (february, multiple articles would be published about it in various exhibit trade publications). i'm particularly proud as the design concept was entirely my idea, and we were fortunate to be paired with the perfect exhibit house to execute it.  the booth features a life-size tree stump that doubles as a phone charger, a convertible meeting space in the interior of the doghouse, as well as astro-turf carpet and ambient "yard" sounds, giving visitors a break from the hectic conference pace.

extended the navc work trip to spend some time with melissa (n.) at universal studios florida, primarily to indulge our inner wizards and check out the new(ish) wizarding world of harry potter.  exhaustion was a prominent feature, but, so was spell-casting! there is something truly magical ( i know, i know) about the harry potter world and the way it has become such a cultural phenomenon.  i still remember being in high school reading my dragonlance books about wizards and warriors, and fearing that i would be made fun of as a result.  the times, they have-a-change-ed.

capping off the month was the (ahem)th birthday celebration for my good friend larysa.  it's fair to say that the circle of those who i would truly consider friends, here in california is very small, but i have known and liked larysa for almost my entire eight years here.  it was a privilege to participate in honoring her (mumble) years on the planet, and while i won't reveal her age, i will say that it was a big one, and celebrating at the huntington library & gardens (truly one of my favorite places in cali) with an afternoon tea, was quite perfect.

february:

the month kicks off with an unexpected sleepover not too far from home.  my friend and co-worker (who i rarely get to see anymore), melissa (r.) was in anaheim at the grand californian for a company training.  she invited me to come for a slumber party, so, why not!  we met up with another friend and co-worker for late night girl talk and spent some lovely post-training afternoon time at the pool the following day before returning to 'real life'.

i take a work trip to vegas where the new booth continues to impress. i get to spend my off-time with melissa (n.), as well as visiting with my old roommate, heather. this time the visit with heather includes five more dogs!  and while the puppy energy is a little nutty, i especially appreciate fur babies when i'm away from my own.  i also get a chance to spend some time with my freeman cousins.  i loathe vegas, but now that i have "people' there, it makes my frequent visits much more enjoyable.

march:

the month begins with a trip to williamsburg, va for work.  originally, julie and kids had planned to meet me there for a day at busch gardens. until we realize that it's not open yet!  instead, i drive to raleigh to spend a day with them, and to get a bearing on the place that will serve as my temporary home when i arrive in nc.  then it's time for some actual work... but my co-worker greg and i did find a little bit of time to explore the historic town.

from williamsburg, i'm headed directly on to the next event in tampa, fl. but before i get there, i get some terrible news.  my old roommate calls (i send her to voicemail, as i'm boarding a plane), she calls again. voicemail again. then she texts.  a mutual friend of ours has passed away.  she had been living with heather in las vegas, and heather's husband had found her that morning.  initially, they didn't know exactly how long she had been gone or what had happened, but we would eventually learn that, at age 41, holly jarvinen died unexpectedly from congenital heart failure.  it was devastating news, and though my first response was to try and be strong for heather - her closest friend - i went through my own kind of shock.  it would take a couple of weeks before it felt real all the time, as opposed to that weird ptsd mode of feeling real one moment and not real the next, where your brain just can't process.  holly is the third friend of mine to pass in the last five years, and i still can't quite wrap my head around it.

but i had to get on the plane.  it's been about fifteen years since my last visit to tampa, and i had been excited to see a relatively 'new' city.  maybe that was just what i needed to avoid falling down the rabbit hole of sudden loss.  instead, i made myself readily available to heather and other friends via phone, while i tried to get my job done, and see what tampa had to offer.  i remember thinking that it was the only city in florida i had ever really liked, and it turned out, my memory was correct.  the food was amazing, and i was incredibly impressed with the consistently good service.  i also got a chance to spend some time with melissa (n.) as we took in a spring training baseball game (braves v. yankees) and explore the ybor city area via trolley and foot.

shortly after returning home from tampa, things went even more sideways.  still emotionally wounded from the loss of a friend,  i'm in a car accident, the victim of a red-light runner.  while my body and health are fine (for which i'm grateful!), my car is totaled.  my 2004 saturn was meant to last another year or so, giving me a chance to make the big move and get settled in before investing in a new car and committing (for the first time in years) to a car payment.  but the universe had other plans, and i found myself wading through the soul-crushing bureaucracy of insurance company rules, rental car restrictions, payouts, and loan-getting.  it's an overwhelming week as i began to feel the weight of all the change and loss that seems to be coming at once.  i want to just wallow for awhile, but i don't have the luxury of time.  the one thing (aside from my physical health) that i have going for me in regards to the car, is that i have driven A LOT of rental cars.  so many, in fact, that i've known for years what i wanted the 'next car' to be.  which, since i had a really limited amount of time to make decision and act on it, was a huge blessing.  i go look at a couple of cars, knowing i've found "the one" before i even see it in person, so after the test drive confirming it, i put a deposit down, sign a contract, and leave - without the car - hoping that they will honor the contract until the loan check arrives and clears.

still driving a rental car, which i am now paying for out of pocket (since it turns out that the insurance company will only cover three days if your car is totaled), i head to ontario to finally meet up with my friend vicki for an evening out. we've been trying to get together for a year, and were finally able to make it work.  i'm feeling particularly grateful for the timing as it now seems so much more important than it did a week before to spend quality time with people you care about.  vicki has season tickets for the local hockey team, and before heading there, we enjoyed breaking some bread and getting caught up.  perfect girls night!

not long after, i'm headed to salt lake city.   i planned the trip in february when the world was all sunshine and daisies. on one hand, the timing seems semi-inconvenient since i'm still in car-limbo, but i have a sense that the trip is an unexpected tender mercy -- a time, when most needed, to take advantage of the natural healing power that comes from being with people you love.  it's been several years since my last visit, and i know that it will be harder to do from the east coast, so i take full advantage of every opportunity. my visit includes some really phenomenal time with cousins, catch-up time with my old friend scott, a visit with brandon,  a friend who used to live in california (which includes an epic haircut and shave -- his, not mine), attending the general women's session at the conference center, spending time with corey & jill, checking out a salt lake real game, and reconnecting with a high school friend.  sadly, this trip was also supposed to consist of a reunion with houston, my ex-boyfriend's son, to whom i played mom for several years, but a family health emergency arose and he had to leave town.  all in all though, it was exactly what i needed.  i continue to be so grateful for my family and good friends. i adore them, and they have no idea how much peace came from spending time with them.

originally scheduled to fly home late monday evening, i maneuver my way onto an earlier flight so that i can (finally) go pick up the new car!  while in utah, i was driving a version of my car, another equinox, but a more basic model.  my four day "test-drive" left me feeling like the car was ok. it was fine.  it was an improvement on my last one, for sure.  and then, upon concluding the final details, when i finally got into MY car, it was so much better than ok.  it was perfect.  though it is a 2012 model, it feels like new.  there are so many bells and whistles and it was clearly well taken care of.  i just love everything about it!  which will make it a little easier to swallow the car payment thing.  and, of course, it's probably a blessing in disguise having a safer, more comfortable car to drive cross country in.  that's what i keep telling myself anyway.

there you have it, 2015, so far, in a nutshell. there has been good, bad, and ugly, and i have to confess, i'm holding my breath a little about what the near future has in store...

things i've seen and learned in nashville

1.  a 20 ounce diet coke is difficult to come by, but 24 ouncer's are plentiful.  i didn't check, but i suspect the same holds true for sweet tea.

2.  passing a mile and a half's worth of bikes (everything from crotch rockets to harley's) is pretty cool, but what makes it special is the guy on the side of the road doing wheelies in his wheelchair while giving the passing bikers a big thumbs up.

3.  in 2010 heavy flooding ravaged the nashville area (most of middle tennessee, actually) including a seven foot wall of water that surged through the gaylord opryland hotel, opry mills mall, and the grand ole opry. the storm and flooding cost 23 tennesseans their lives (total death toll was 32 including neighboring states).

i've been here a small handful of times since then and during my visit early last year, everything seemed to be mostly back to normal. -- except that opry mills mall had yet to open. one anchor store (outdoor world) seemed on the verge, but otherwise, it was a shell of a building surrounded by empty parking lots.  it had that abandoned 'ghost town' feel, and it was a little depressing.

i'll admit that i hadn't followed the progress, so i was pleased as punch to discover that the mall (next door to the opryland hotel where my event is) is fully operational again.  parking lots are crowded and there seem to be a lot of smiling, shopping bag toting, people going in and out.  seems like things are finally getting back to the way they were before!

emergency room

tonight, the mexican and i...let's call him javier. because that's his name.

anyway, tonight javier and i were texting about possible weekend plans, when he mentioned that he was in a lot of pain.  apparently he had hurt his back playing tennis, and the pain had gotten progressively worse.

during the course of our conversation, i had the sense that it was continuing to escalate, and having intimate familiarity with back pain, i offered several helpful tips.  he'd already tried a few of them, with no luck.

i could tell he was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, but not knowing that he was approaching his pain tolerance limit, i mentioned a strange back tweak i experienced last year.  i had to be on a plane for several hours the following day and i was having a difficult time breathing, so i visited urgent care.  the doctor gave me a cortisone shot and about 5 minutes later, it was like nothing had ever happened.

apparently that appealed to him immensely, and he told me he was going to figure out where he could go.

about an hour later, he texted again to ask if i might be able to come pick him up at the er, since the doctor wouldn't give him meds without a 'sober' driver to make sure he got home safely.

he offered to buy me dinner 'next time'.  when i reminded him that he bought me dinner last time, he said that he wouldn't make me share my dessert next time (which, btw, was so big that even the two of us working on it together couldn't finish it).  still. very appealing.  and, after he told me i was an angel, i finally conceded.;)

so, what do you think?  can i consider this a second date?

alright, i know it's a stretch, but there's something in my warped little brain thinks it would be kind of a funny story to tell down the line.  first date, dinner. second date, er.

it's kind of endearing, isn't it?

epilogue: the meds worked like a dream. he is a happy (read = loopy) and pain-free man at the moment.

self-gifting

august 2012

it's sunday. i'm feeling a bit run down and like i don't really want to get out of bed.  disneyland took it's toll on my body (my knee) last night, so i'm cruisin' the web trying to entertain myself.

oh look, new items on my nathan fillion google alert feed.

yeah, yeah, already knew he'd be at calgary comic con. checked the dates. couldn't go. wait. what's this?  philadelphia comic con?  and there is a 'nathan fillion vip package'?  a guaranteed photo op?

VIP’s get:
• Philadelphia Comic Con 4-Day Weekend Ticket
• Exclusive Nathan Fillion VIP Badge
• Exclusive Nathan Fillion Lithograph
• (1) Nathan Fillion Photo with Signature Ticket - You can have him sign this photo OR another item on-site.
• (1) Photo Op with Nathan Fillion
• VIP’s get onto the show floor 30 Minutes before regular attendees each day of the show!
• Guaranteed seating at the panel Nathan Fillion will appear on (Firefly/Serenity or individual)

package purchased. hotel reserved. flight secured. promise made (to myself) that after i finally meet the guy, i will stop trying so desperately to meet the guy.  i won't even follow his twitter feed during san diego comic con to see if i can 'run into' him somewhere.  okay, well, maybe we won't go that far...

happy 2012

hello friends!  did you notice that i did NOT wish you a 'happy new year'?  that's because i have decided that, as this year is the chinese year of the dragon, and i was born in a dragon year, i will be celebrating on january 23rd -- the beginning of the chinese new year.  in large part that's due to acknowledging that my traditional new year's reflections come with the hope that maybe, finally, this year will be the year that everything will change for the better.  and every year, it's not.

don't worry. that doesn't mean i've abandoned that hope, or hope in general...it's just in the process of being....realigned.

it has been interesting--and sad--watching the social media sites for the last 24 hours.  i've noticed that almost every person who posted a 'happy new year' declaration, followed it by commenting on how  difficult 2011 had been.  it seems that there has been a lot of unexpected death, a lot of jobs lost, loves lost, desires and goals unfulfilled.

i suppose i'm grateful that i don't fall into the '2011 was the worst year ever' category, but i can't say that it was a really great year for me either.  there were some high highs and some low lows.  i had some truly amazing experiences and some heartbreaking disappointments, and mostly i feel like 2011 was a year of stagnation.

and that is why this year i will celebrate the chinese new year (despite not having any real reason to do so).  the dragon is a powerful symbol in chinese astrology, and though i was born under the fire dragon, 2012 is a water dragon year.  predictions and descriptions for the upcoming dragon year include the following:

Those born in the Year of the Dragon can look forward to a year of new beginnings, and good fortune. According to the 2012 Year of the Dragon horoscope, anyone who is born in the year of the dragon will be very lucky. That could mean the start of a happy marriage, the beginning of a successful business, or a lucky lottery win. 

Water has a calming effect on the Dragon's fearless temperament. Water allows the Dragon to re-direct its enthusiasm, and makes him more perceptive of others. These Dragons are better equipped to take a step back to re-evaluate a situation because they understand the art of patience and do not desire the spotlight like other Dragons. Therefore, they make smart decisions and are able to see eye-to-eye with other people.

these descriptions are a near perfect encapsulation of my hopes for 2012.  i hope to re-evaluate and adjust accordingly. i hope for new beginnings. i hope to reform, strengthen, and build new relationships.  i hope for good fortune and a little 'luck'.  i hope to be a better practitioner of patience, and most of all, i hope to make smart decisions and to see the positive results.

marriage

i'm not awol, just can't keep track of where i'm at or in what time zone.  while i continue to question that, i wanted to pause for a moment and share.  if you had the opportunity and interest to watch the royal wedding, it may sound familiar, if not, it's an absolute must read.

i watched the wedding by accident, and for a few reasons ended up being glad i had done so, this speech by the bishop of london being the greatest among them.  it is a wonderful explanation of and tribute to marriage.

Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” So said St Catherine of Siena whose festival day it is today. Marriage is intended to be a way in which man and woman help each other to become what God meant each one to be, their deepest and truest selves.

Many are full of fear for the future of the prospects of our world but the message of the celebrations in this country and far beyond its shores is the right one – this is a joyful day! It is good that people in every continent are able to share in these celebrations because this is, as every wedding day should be, a day of hope.  

In a sense every wedding is a royal wedding with the bride and the groom as king and queen of creation, making a new life together so that life can flow through them into the future.

William and Catherine, you have chosen to be married in the sight of a generous God who so loved the world that he gave himself to us in the person of Jesus Christ.

And in the Spirit of this generous God, husband and wife are to give themselves to each another.

A spiritual life grows as love finds its centre beyond ourselves. Faithful and committed relationships offer a door into the mystery of spiritual life in which we discover this; the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed. In marriage we are seeking to bring one another into fuller life.

It is of course very hard to wean ourselves away from self-centredness. And people can dream of doing such a thing but the hope should be fulfilled it is necessary a solemn decision that, whatever the difficulties, we are committed to the way of generous love.

You have both made your decision today – “I will” – and by making this new relationship, you have aligned yourselves with what we believe is the way in which life is spiritually evolving, and which will lead to a creative future for the human race.

We stand looking forward to a century which is full of promise and full of peril. Human beings are confronting the question of how to use wisely a power that has been given to us through the discoveries of the last century. We shall not be converted to the promise of the future by more knowledge, but rather by an increase of loving wisdom and reverence, for life, for the earth and for one another.

Marriage should transform, as husband and wife make one another their work of art. It is possible to transform as long as we do not harbour ambitions to reform our partner. There must be no coercion if the Spirit is to flow; each must give the other space and freedom. Chaucer, the London poet, sums it up in a pithy phrase:

“Whan maistrie [mastery] comth, the God of Love anon,

Beteth his wynges, and farewell, he is gon.”

As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the West, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This is to load our partner with too great a burden. We are all incomplete: we all need the love which is secure, rather than oppressive, we need mutual forgiveness, to thrive.

As we move towards our partner in love, following the example of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit is quickened within us and can increasingly fill our lives with light. This leads to a family life which offers the best conditions in which the next generation can practise and exchange those gifts which can overcome fear and division and incubate the coming world of the Spirit, whose fruits are love and joy and peace.

I pray that all of us present and the many millions watching this ceremony and sharing in your joy today, will do everything in our power to support and uphold you in your new life. And I pray that God will bless you in the way of life that you have chosen, that way which is expressed in the prayer that you have composed together in preparation for this day:

God our Father, we thank you for our families; for the love that we share and for the joy of our marriage.

In the busyness of each day keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help us to be generous with our time and love and energy.

Strengthened by our union help us to serve and comfort those who suffer. We ask this in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Amen.

wardrobe musings

i admit it. this brace is keepin' me down a bit.  my activities are somewhat limited because it just takes so much darn EFFORT to be mobile.  even getting in and out of the car is a challenge,  so, while there have been scattered dinners and movie nights, i've mostly been keeping a low profile.

it's a bit frustrating since i actually get to be home for a good chunk of time, and it would be really awesome to act like i was a member of my ward again and, oh, i don't know, GO to things. but when i do go, i'm exhausted by the time i get there.  then i have to try and be social and stuff when i just want to go home and go to bed!

as a result, i've turned to my cure-all for frustration: shopping.

i make a poor excuse for a shopaholic, but i gave it a shot:)  it started when i went looking for tight pants.  funny, but true.  because when you're wearing loose fitting pants with a brace on...you just can't get that brace tight enough to stay put.  you can completely cut off your circulation, and still somehow, that brace will be sliding down your leg. maybe it's something about surface area, or how much that pant can move (i mean, isn't that why we buy loose fitting pants in the first place?!), but it's a bad deal.

so i went looking for tight pants, of a non-spandex variety.  and what did i find myself in? skinny jeans.  now, prior to last week, just the idea of a skinny jean would have given me hives.  i mean, good for the size 2s and their skinny jeans, but this was not a trend i'd be adopting.

and then it became a necessity of sorts.  so, imagine my shock when i stood in the gap dressing room, wearing my size (not 2) skinny jeans. and
they.
looked.
good.

what started as a search for 'functional' clothing, turned into a feel good dressing room moment.

but, while one part of me has been set on finding clothing suitable for the new appendage, an equal and possibly larger part of my psyche, is playing dumb.  "brace? what brace?  ooooh, these boots are cute!"

i kid you not, the girl in the crotch-to-calf brace cannot stop buying boots!  i mean, the fact that i can't actually wear them right now, well, i can't let that stop me from buying a cute pair of shoes that i WILL be able to wear ONE DAY. especially since we all know that when ONE DAY comes, all those size 11 boots i bought at target (thank you target for carrying size 11 shoes!) will be long gone.  so really,  all i'm doing is preparing for the future.  isn't that something we are taught to do our whole lives?

right now, i'm preparing to wear these:

the irony is that my one 'splurge' purchase has been a pair of uggs.  and i LOVE them.  i can't explain it, since i came firmly from the 'uggs are ugly' camp, but, what can i say, they are so comfortable and easy when an 80 degree day becomes a 50 degree night.

it's possible that these are sleep deprived decisions i'll regret in three weeks when i'm lucid again, but i guess maybe this brace isn't the worst thing in the world. it's definitely getting me out of my comfort zone.

and so it begins...

as i sit here in my hotel room in las vegas, just having devoured my room service meal, and watching the second run (thank you nbc!) of the opening ceremonies, i can't help but be choked up at the recollection of my own olympic experiences.

i am reminded of just how special these 'games' truly are. it is the one opportunity we have as a global community to come together in triumph and joy, rather than in destruction and despair (i.e. haiti).

lessons learned over the course of the next month will far surpass the nature of sport. we will be taught about excellence, dedication, passion, and sacrifice. we will watch the rise and fall of heroes. we will find ourselves rooting for underdogs and giving our hearts to strangers. we will want to be better than we are.

at least, i will.

i'm so grateful to have the opportunity to participate once again, in a city that i have always loved, in the amazing spirit that embodies the olympics.

happy october new year!

alright, alright, i realize that it's november (how'd THAT happen?!) but i've been thinking about this post since september and just didn't quite make it to the posting stage in time.

october, you see, has become my own personal new year's. a time for reflection, reconnection, and resolutions. two years ago in october i moved to california and life changed more drastically than in any of my previous 31 years. october has had its share of other mile markers, so it seems like a good jumping off point for self-evaluation.

you may remember that last year at this time, i posted about some of the things i'd seen, done, and participated in in the prior year. well, it's that time again. this year's list seems different, but it's probably due mostly to the varied locations in which some of these things occurred:) i've categorized the highlights ('cuz i'm anal like that):


athletics
baseball - multiple angels games, including alcs game 6 in NY and two mariners games at safeco field (may and july)
basketball - cousin spencer comes to town with the utah jazz to play against the la clippers
hockey - oh i enjoy the mighty ducks!
soccer - i finally get to see david beckham play, and he scores two goals, winning the game (just for me)
horse racing - breeders cup

arts & culture
emerson home (and grave)
experience music project
hawthorne's grave
huntington library (while deb is visiting)
joshua radin at house of blues (i finally get to see this favorite live!)
louisa may alcott home (and grave)
sheryl crow at the shrm conference
thoreau's grave
walden pond

church sites
adam-ondi-ahman
boston temple
far west
haun's mill
independence visitors center
liberty jail

cities visited (outside california)
baltimore
boston...and again
cedar city
chicago
kansas city
national harbor
new orleans
new york...and again
orlando
phoenix...and again
portland
salt lake city
salem
san antonio
seattle...and again
vegas...and again

milestones and big stuff
got a dog!
moved three times
celebrated two years of living california (october 12)
marked the one year anniversary of my current job (october 20)

national parks (system)
arches national park, utah
boston national historical park, massachusetts
brown vs. board of education, kansas
bunker hill national monument, massachusetts
burney falls, california (not a part of the park system, but worth noting!)
canyonlands national park, utah
crater lake national park, oregon
fort vancouver national historic site, washington
harry s. truman national historic site, missouri
klondike gold rush national historical park, washington
lassen volcanic national park, california
lewis and clark national historic trail, washington
minuteman national historical park, massachusetts
new orleans jazz national historical park, louisiana
salem maritime national historic site, washington
san antonio missions national historical park, texas
sante fe national historic trail, missouri
saugus iron works national historic site, massachusetts
sequoia and kings canyon national park, california
trail of tears national historic trail, missouri
zions national park, utah

worth a mention
airboat tour in the louisiana swampland
balboa boat parade
cheers
christmas in naples (california)
freedom trail
gum wall (seattle)
mission san juan capistrano
monarch butterfly migration
pbr comes to town
space needle
willis tower (formerly sears tower)
whale watching at dana point

so there you have it. it's been a busy year. i didn't get to check many things off my 'hot list' this year, but i saw and did so many things i could have never foreseen. here's hoping for more of the same in the upcoming year...wih maybe just a bit more time in my own bed!

a little giggle, a big guffaw

i don't usually comment on the state of being single and over 30 in the mormon world (at least not TOO often), but i got a good laugh today and felt compelled to share.  for those of you outside my faith, the single adult program consists of single mormons, age 31 to dead.  which is why those of us on the lower end of that range, who also happen to live in an area where there is a 'mid-singles' program (roughly 31 - 45), are very grateful.

 

there is an upcoming single adult conference about an hour from where i live, and the following workshops are being offered:

 

1. Scam Awareness
2. Dealing With Adversity
3. Understanding Assisted living
4. Storing Food For One
5. Spiritual Video Presentation
6. Finance and Credit

 

now, does one of these jump out at you, because #3 almost made me choke on my lunch!  sadly, i don't think the intention of this workshop is 'understanding assisted living for your elderly parents.'

happy go lucky day

(the pics in this post have nothing to do with the topic of this post, but i love posting pics, and these are the weekend's latest. the queen mary was offering free admission to california residents for a limited time, so matt and i took advantage)

so, i've pretty much decided that i am going to be moving again. i'm even mostly okay with it. it's just time for a dog. not only do i want one, i think i actually need one. i've given this some thought over the last couple of years, and i think, for someone over 30 and still single, a pet, and more specifically a dog, is one of the best things you can do for yourself. dog owners have long been touted as being happier, healthier, and generally living longer lives than your average person. but even beyond that, i think it is a really good way to maintain the practice of sacrifice.


i find that the older i get, the more selfish i get. and it's not just me. i look around at others in a similar situation, and though there are exceptions (remember that i do know this as i continue my commentary), by and large we are a self-centered bunch! we have discretionary income that only has to pass one test--the 'I' test. "I want it" or "I need it." we also have discretionary time that only has to pass one test--"I feel like it" or "I don't feel like it." barring work responsibilities, we aren't really accountable to anyone else. those who feel more accountable usually just have a stronger guilt reflex. even our church callings are voluntary and we decide whether we want to minimize or magnify those callings. i've seen and practiced some of both.

i am the first to acknowledge my own inclusion in this group. my name is tara, and i'm selfish. (hellooo tara!) selfish and emotionally lazy. i know it. i always have been. it's something i struggle with. a lot. the big stuff i've always been pretty good at -- those 'save the day' moments we all get presented with from time to time. but the small and simple sacrifices have been a constant challenge for me.


there are some (in fact, as i think about it, most of my readership!) who take real joy in the service of others, who not only accept opportunities to make sacrifices, they SEEK them in an endeavor to enrich the lives of those around them. they succeed, and they find great rewards and great blessings in that -- even though that wasn't the point. i am not inherently one of those people. it is a struggle for me to respond to a call for volunteers, or to accept an assignment that is outside of my normal parameters.

i can't explain why, but being a dog owner helps even the odds for me a little bit. as my parents have often reminded me, it is a sacrifice to have one. after all, i'm 32 with discretionary time and income! foot-loose and fancy-free! and that is a big part of the problem. having to make decisions about my time and my money to consider the needs of another living thing, is, i think, a great practice to be in. it's a good habit to have, and a good launching point for expanding that into other areas of my life. and frankly, it helps minimize the self-pity, which is probably the most selfish self-centered behavior i can think of at the moment.

it's just hard to feel THAT bad about yourself when you're trying to fight off a french kiss from your dog. case in point, i spent friday night watching a movie at a girlfriend's house with her two dogs. at one point the lab decided that she had had enough of the bichon getting all the attention, and she pretty much attacked me. the tail-wagging licking version of an attack, of course. i absolutely could not stop laughing, which of course, fueled her even more. so for what seemed like a good five minutes, me and the lab, laughing and licking. i laughed so hard my stomach hurt--you know, one of THOSE laughs. hard to feel bad about yourself when your stomach hurts from laughing.


so i've decided to move so i can have a dog. i'm on month-to-month so i can leave any time, and as it happens this friend of mine is also looking for an out from her current home. so we are trying to find something together. the problem thus far is that places that will allow dogs will only allow two. since she already has two and i want one of my own, we really need some doors to open. i know i don't have to ask, as many of you indicate this on a regular basis (thank you!), but please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. it would be nice to have something good fall into place right about now.

in optimistic anticipation, i did something that may blow up in my face, but i was willing to take the risk. my little dog friend, who appeared in a previous post, is still available for adoption. i don't know that i blogged this, but i did actually go and meet her in person before i got the 'no' answer. i was so sure that it was going to be a yes that i wanted to get the rescue ball rolling. i fell equally in love with her in person as i did online, and i could not reconcile the fact that this would not be my dog! so, as of an hour ago, i contacted the rescue organization and offered to pay the adoption fee now, if she could stay in foster care until i found a new place to live. i suggested that if i had not secured something by may 1st that i would relinquish my 'hold' and forgo my deposit as a 'true' donation, and they could put her back on the proverbial block. it's tax deductible, and it's a rescue organization, so i can feel good about that.

*****

update: after drafting this post, i heard back from the rescue organization and am going to meet with the foster mom on friday night where i'll spend a little more time with the dog and talk about 'options'. this is a great sign - now i just need a new dog-lovin' home!

that's it. i've had it.

(warning: self-pity commences in ...3...2...1....)

exactly how much rejection and disappointment is considered 'normal'? is there not a threshold, and if so, haven't i already hit it? how many times can you pick yourself back up after getting the wind knocked out of you? i guess 'this many' times, because i'm done. i'm just gonna stay down this time. getting back on my feet isn't really getting me anywhere. raised hopes. shattered expectations.

this time, courtesy of one date wonder, part 2, who, not only have i not heard from since our good date, but who has actually ignored the attempt at contact i made. bad dog. where did you learn this bad behavior? shame on you.

i realize i've thrown out the 'i'm done' before, but that was all in preparation for this time apparently, because i really, really don't think i can take anymore. for the first time i'm finding gratitude (the one thing that has continually kept me going) completely elusive, and i'm just done. somehow i'll find a way to be content in my stagnation while the world moves on around me. no really, i will. i just have to learn to accept the mediocrity that is my life. somehow find happiness in ordering electricity for a trade show booth rather than teaching my children about literature and honesty and sharing. trade show booths need electricity after all, right?

"where do we go from here?"

name that song, earn my undying adoration.

it's a gray and rainy day today and it suits my mood. i should be on cloud 9 after my (really) good date last night, but instead i find myself depressed at learning that if i want to stay in my current living situation, i won't be able to get a dog. i'm both mad and sad right now. mad about the lady who cheated the system and took in a stray with no consequences, while i tried to go about things the right and honest way and was disappointed. mad that in the 'eternal' scheme of things this would be something that i'd be denied. and so sad that this missing piece will remain missing.

truth be told, there are two 'missing pieces' in my life right now. one of them i can't control, so changing the one that i can, has become of utmost importance. the only problem is that now, 'controlling' it, means moving. i'm not on a lease, so it's feasible. and it's fair to say i haven't established life long bonds with my roommates--i just think that's harder to do with anyone after you hit the 30 mark. but despite that, i enjoy them, we have no drama, and my home feels like home. after my last living situation i appreciate those things even more, but what i really want is a dog.

silly as it may sound, at the moment, i'd take a dog over a man. after all, men haven't proven all that reliable, and i've developed a fairly apathetic perspective on dating. in theory i still think it's a good idea, but in practice i've become slightly jaded, wondering if i can take actions and words at face value or if at some point, like they usually do, things will blow up in my face.

don't mistake apathy for bitterness. i'm not bitter, i just don't really care right now. kind of funny actually, when i realize that i've been on more actual dates with more guys in the last two months than probably in the last two years. and i go, and i have a good time, and i'm over it. or i was over it to begin with and i just traveled down the path of least resistance, i'm not sure. last night's date was one that i was actually excited about and i wish it weren't so colored by wholly unrelated events.

it was a year in the making, this date. i met the guy online in february of last year and at the time, i was also communicating with spencer in portland. i don't really remember how exactly things went down, but i met spencer before i met tim (despite him being far more geographically suitable) and spencer and i started dating. that was that until tim contacted me again in january. my schedule was fairly out of control so it took me awhile to respond, but eventually we reconnected and decided it was time to meet.

take 1
"hmmm..my aim was off but i look cute in this one so i'm going to post it anyway"

honestly, i couldn't have asked for a better first date. he drove the hour or so from la to come get me (bonus points) and on my recommendation we had dinner at the best italian place i know in huntington. first and foremost, he is absolutely adorable. i'm always a bit nervous when it's an online meet, that upon opening the door for the first time, i'll see a flash of disappointment. it's not like that always happens, but it has (on both sides - to be fair), and this was the first guy i'd been excited about meeting in a REALLY LONG TIME. to my relief, there was no 'flash', but rather the most amazingly disarming smile. i was already hooked.

he's not the type of guy i would normally date. i don't know exactly how to qualify that statement, other than to say he's just different. nicer maybe? a little more, hmmm, timid isn't the right word, but i'm usually attracted to in your face guys that are 'big talkers'. you know, guys who always have some grand plan which may or may not ever come to fruition. there's something a little quieter about tim, although he's not necessarily quiet. i'm having a hard time translating from my brain to type, so let's just leave it at he's not my usual type.

the dinner conversation was easy and natural, and he was able to make me laugh. we talked a lot about a lot, but we started talking about traveling, which led to some related topics, which led to my asking if he'd seen the movie 'amazing grace'. he hadn't, and lucky for him, i happen to own it. so after dinner we decided to head back to my place and pop in the movie. which of course, provided the perfect opportunity for some snuggling. there may or may not have also been some hand holding. and there might have even been an opportunity for a first kiss if i hadn't gotten so gun shy recently about kissing on the first date.

take 2
"okay, no cut off heads. good to go."

the chemistry was really good, i found it easy to be myself, and i think he's someone i could have a lot of fun with. the only downside is that now i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop...it always does. and as most of you know, the last really good date i had is what brought me to my jaded apathy in the first place. maybe he'll be different.. i'm hoping (he really is very very cute) but i'm not holding my breath. and of course i can't stop thinking about how much i want a dog, and how i really AM a glutton for punishment. i shouldn't have gone to meet her or started looking at dog beds and bowls and collars and such. i am absolutely heartbroken and i don't know what to do.

bicoastal rambling

one of my favorite things about growing up in the dc metro was its diversity. it always seemed to me the most perfectly positioned place to experience history, art, music, and the dichotomy that is the great outdoors. free museums were common and easily accessible to a teenager via metro. beaches and mountains made for great day or weekend trips. good food was always in abundance, and ethnicity had no bearing in my life. it did not impact who my friends were or how i treated or was treated by other people. i will always feel blessed to have been surrounded by those realities in my formative years.


i have come to learn that california is equally diverse. but though it shares some commonalities with my eastern home (beaches, mountains, good food, etc.), it is vastly different. for one thing, it's a really big state. really big. which means the 'to do list' is much larger than any of my previous homes (va, nc, ut). sometimes, it's a little daunting. to check off many of the things on that list, a weekend is a requirement, not an 'option.' fortunately however, there is enough close (or relatively close) at hand to keep me entertained and exploring while i plan those weekend trips in the un/forseeable future.


i've had the opportunity to visit santa barbara several times over the last couple of years, and i'd have to say that it's become one of my favorite places (although learning that there is no target or best buy has put a slight damper on my affection for it). :D last weekend jesse and i decided to take another shot at butterflies-- particularly since i was armed with a longer zoom lens (thanks to my parents christmas generosity). you may remember that back in november we visited what i now know to be the coronado butterfly reserve. each year up to 100 million monarch butterflies migrate to california and mexico. they are habitual, returning each year (or the ancestors of the previous generation, rather) to the same locales. the result is that in each of these locations an unknown (to me) quantity (a really lot lot lot) settle in for the winter.


in november it was obvious that the migration was just beginning. though at that time, it was still the largest collection of butterflies i've ever seen in one place, this weekend was so far and above what i could have ever imagined. numbers aside, i was surprised and pleased that the butterflies were so active. the late morning sun seemed to be a draw and many of the monarchs were flying relatively low to the ground. the result was an absolutely magical experience, and of course, a phenomenal photo opp. i don't have the words, or frankly the photos, to do it justice, but that won't stop me from posting my favorites anyway!


there are moments, memorable moments that stick with you. i've come to believe that it is in large part because those moments surprise you or exceed your expectations. my most memorable moments vary from family adventures like snowmobiling in yellowstone or making a movie together to world adventures like galloping an arabian stallion through the siq in petra or getting (okay CAUSING) a flat tire on an irish country road. for me, this was one of those moments. i don't know that anything like this exists anywhere but here, and that feeling of magic and wonder will not easily be forgotten.

(internal monologue: somehow this post is going from a weekend recap to the inauguration. weird.)

this'll teach him

the rest of the photos, including our stop at the santa barbara mission can be found here.



in a similar vein on a different body, one of the things i miss about dc is that feeling that you get every so often that you live at the center of the universe. the history of our country is constantly being written there, and next week will mark one its most significant chapters, no matter what the future holds. whichever side you fell on in our recent election, no one denies the importance of what is about to take place. and though i'm content to watch from my sunny southern california home (or technically from my orlando florida tradeshow), i am both sad and envious that my immediate family will all be reunited, along with some extended family additions to experience this memorable moment together.

my experience will be different. i will be watching it on my dvr, probably a week after the fact, once i've returned home from florida, and my biggest event of the year. despite the self-pity, and since i probably won't blog again beforehand, let me say to all my family and friends who plan to participate: be safe (seriously) and have patience. be grateful and humble. be a witness, but be MORE than a witness: record your experience. blog it, email it, tell it, whatever, so that those of us who are unable to share your front row seat, can still benefit from your experience. and most importantly, have fun without me, ya bums. :D

introducing: thursday thanks

there are many ways in which i fall short, and i miss the mark more often than i care to acknowledge. but if nothing else, there is one thing i am pretty good at: gratitude.

i don't know where it comes from or when it began, but i'm certain that i had a remarkable example somewhere who instilled in me the importance of this principle. i'm also certain i didn't recognize it at the time.

but as i've grown older, and every now and again, wiser, the principle of gratitude has on more than one occasion, been my saving grace. it keeps me sane, balanced, faithful, and hopeful.

there are always comparisons to be made with those who seem to have more or better, but i often find myself focused on those who have less and worse. they are everywhere. they are at work, at home, at school, in the grocery store. and there are those with less than them, those who don't go to work, have a home, get an education, or shop at a store. i am constantly amazed at how much i have been given, despite all of my shortfalls and missed marks.

with that said, i'm making my gratitude a little more public. i'm going to attempt to dedicate a post a week to the things/people i am particularly grateful for that week. we (and by 'we', i mean 'me') are gonna call it 'thursday thanks'. i've got a list already in, so now you have something to look forward to!

public service announcement

christmas is coming.

you're welcome.

okay in all seriousness, or in part seriousness anyway, gifting is tough for me. it's hard to pick out the right gift for someone, and somehow it's even harder to tell someone what i want. a common conversation around birthdays and gift giving holidays goes like this:

other person: what do you want
me: i don't know. nothing really
other person: come on, seriously
me: seriously, there's nothing. you know, when i want something i just buy it for myself

i don't know why this conversation happens, i always want stuff. i have an entire bookmarked folder labeled 'i want that', with a sub-folder labeled 'i want it now.' one would think i would just delve into the folder to find something reasonable and make it easy on the 'other person', but no, instead i always tell them there's nothing i want.

recently, i've been updating my boxedup account. it's a wishlist type service where you can grab things off the web and indicate your desire to have them. mostly i've been updating because it's a good way to prioritize, and while amazon sells ALMOST everything, there are a few other sites i visit. so, for the 1-2 of you readers who might be considering a christmas gift with my name on it, conveniently located on my sidebar is the boxedup widget, where you can see what i am lusting after, or you can visit the site at www.boxedup.com/tara3. don't be deterred by the fact that there are a couple of pricey items on top--there are much less expensive ones as you go...although if you want to help me get closer to my pricey items, gift cards are always welcome.

and if you happen to be one of the 1-2 people this will matter to, it would be really great if you'd create your own wishlist somewhere and then tell me about it so i don't end up looking or feeling like a chump.

this concludes today's public service announcement. i'll try to go back to once a week blogging again :)

christmas music, the playlist, the past, and starting over

seriously. christmas music? already? i was in a popular clothing store yesterday that i won't name, but starts with 'forever' and ends with '21', and there was christmas music playing. i know better than most that christmas here is different than in a lot of other places. it's tough to get in the mood when it's 80 degrees and the christmas lights are strung on palm trees. but does that really mean we need to start listening to the music at the beginning of november? is that really going to help?

*****

there's a new playlist up. sorry this one took soooooo long. i've been enjoying it for over a month now, but have been too busy, sick, inaccessible (insert other excuses here) to update. the first song is my new theme song, but the whole playlist is pretty awesome.

*****

so, the past is a funny thing. it's pretty good at finding it's way into the present. sneaky little bugger.

most of the time a present visit from the past wreaks havoc and leaves destruction in it's wake. over the last couple of weeks however, i have had three 'visits' which have been both surprising, and pleasing.

the first would be the return of an old(ish) friend who, i suspect, keeps hoping for a cameo/reintroduction here. i can assure both you and him that in a couple of weeks, when there accompanying photos, a proper reintroduction will be made.

the second was an even older friend, who i lost when he was forced to choose between his bride-to-be, and me. just for the record, i wasn't the one issuing the ultimatum, but as self-inflated as my ego is, i think the choice was and is obvious. that being said, it seems enough time may have passed, and he recently made contact. i have often wondered about and prayed for this friend, and couldn't be more excited to hear that he is doing well, straight from the horses mouth. i've also never been so glad to have been wrong about something.

the last appeals to my sick and twisted side. i learned yesterday that an ex from a couple years ago (the one that ripped my heart out, caused me to lose 10 pounds and spend months crying, whose name starts with jer and ends with emy) is still single. what is so gratifying about this news is that the last time i heard (over a year and a half ago), he was engaged. i know it's evil, but the fact that he didn't 'beat' me, that there is still one ex there who hasn't started a happy little family, and that it's him, just makes me think 'HA!! there IS justice in the world!'

*****

big, exciting, wonderful news! i found a place to live. not just a place to live, actually, but a place i feel great and peaceful and excited about! after months of misery, i feel like a burden has been lifted. i'll be moving this week ( i know, it's been crazy!) about a mile from where i currently live. and though i'll be adjusting to a smaller space (i've been completely spoiled by this house) i'll have my own bathroom, be saving a good deal in rent, and most importantly, be living in a place with really nice girls and no alcohol, or...other stuff. starting over is a wonderful wonderful thing.