i am onsite at an event today, which has me working for the rest of the weekend, and i'm already bored. there is only so much you can do when you aren't in your office.
i started clearing out my email, and happened upon my drafts folder. then i had a brainstorm.
i find i am most comfortable expressing myself through the written word, so sometimes, when there's something i really want to say, i write a letter. sometimes those letters get sent, and sometimes they don't. in fact, more often than not, i find that the excercise is cathartic enough, that the follow through is less important.
but as i was reading some of these unsent letters in my draft folder (some of them up to 5 years old), i realized that some of it is pretty good stuff. it caused me to wonder how many others do what i do. do you write letters you never send?
i think there are a few of you--which gave me this wacky idea. wouldn't it be fun to have a blog consisting solely of unsent letters??
i certainly think so, and you are all here for my amusement afterall;)
so, this is the request, send them to me!! everything will be posted anonymously unless otherwise specified. make sure you change the names where appropriate--i will assume you have already done so.
when i've got a couple, i'll post the link.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
change
change is sort of a funny thing. we long for it, then we fight against it. we wait for it, then realize that sometimes we must affect it. as has now happened in my case.
most of you know that i have been interested in relocating for some time. top contenders have been raleigh,nc and london. i have submitted resumes and waited. and nothing. the irony is that i have an excellent resume. frankly, the depth and type of experience i have is rare in my industry, and i bring with me glowing references from senior personnel. there should be nothing standing in my way to go wherever i want to go. yet, the path always seems to dead end.
upon arriving home from vacation i realized that i was no longer content to just wait, nor did i feel that it was the right thing to do. sometimes, we just have to decide and move forward, and be in tune with the red flags that pop up when we are traveling down the wrong path. i've known that for a long time, but i also believed that when something is right, the doors just open. or basically, i just got lazy. it has never worked that way for me. every success i've ever had has been a result of my picking a direction and moving in it. sometimes a change of direction has been required, but i think it's the movement part that really matters.
at this point, i think i have done all the growing there is to be done in this set of circumstances. since i don't foresee a drastic change being thrust upon me, it's time i create one to allow for continued growth and stretching. i've weighed all the reasonable options and considered a great number of factors, and the ultimate conclusion is this: i'm moving to portland no later than july.
why portland? first and foremost, two of my favorite people live there (who also happen to be closely related to me). there are many other reasons that portland feels like the right choice, none of them having to do with work. and perhaps that is part of the appeal.
finding work in a place other than your home is difficult, and while i will now be engaged in an intense job search, i don't know how much success i will find from here. that's where the deciding to just do it comes in. having made the decision, i realize that it is more important that i be committed to the result and not the process.
potential roadblocks include the job (or lack thereof), and the lack of savings (hence the july time frame). but with the recent changes at work foreshadowing the start of the new ceo, it has become clear that it is time to leave. his new assistant is already being referred to as 'the gestapo' and my first (though far from last) interaction with her today--a five minute phone call--left me quaking a little. not an easy feat, let me tell you!
having family in portland will help. it's my hope that i can slowly start sending my things out west, so that when it's time, i can load up my car with the last bits and go. i also hope that dylan and kelly may be of some assistance in finding suitable housing--as it is especially difficult to find roommates and apartments that will allow for dogs, and it's not an option to leave mine behind. (kelly, if you're reading this before we've spoken, now you know why i've been trying to track you down!) then if i can just be better about saving money, i'll be all set.
sounds easy, right? well, i know it won't be. change never is. and i will likely have to fight myself at every step, because 'same 'ol, same 'ol' is just so much simpler.
if you are someone who believes in prayer, or the power of positive thinking, feel free to send all the prayers and thoughts you can spare in my direction. it certainly won't be unappreciated.
in addition, i know there are a couple of other portlanders or former portlanders who read this blog, and i am not above begging for help. whatever you know, whoever you know, if you think it could be remotely helpful, i will take it. and just keep in mind, i make a mean chocolate peanut butter pie. not that i'd resort to bribery of course.
so. that is the news from lake wobegone, where the women are strong, the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.
most of you know that i have been interested in relocating for some time. top contenders have been raleigh,nc and london. i have submitted resumes and waited. and nothing. the irony is that i have an excellent resume. frankly, the depth and type of experience i have is rare in my industry, and i bring with me glowing references from senior personnel. there should be nothing standing in my way to go wherever i want to go. yet, the path always seems to dead end.
upon arriving home from vacation i realized that i was no longer content to just wait, nor did i feel that it was the right thing to do. sometimes, we just have to decide and move forward, and be in tune with the red flags that pop up when we are traveling down the wrong path. i've known that for a long time, but i also believed that when something is right, the doors just open. or basically, i just got lazy. it has never worked that way for me. every success i've ever had has been a result of my picking a direction and moving in it. sometimes a change of direction has been required, but i think it's the movement part that really matters.
at this point, i think i have done all the growing there is to be done in this set of circumstances. since i don't foresee a drastic change being thrust upon me, it's time i create one to allow for continued growth and stretching. i've weighed all the reasonable options and considered a great number of factors, and the ultimate conclusion is this: i'm moving to portland no later than july.
why portland? first and foremost, two of my favorite people live there (who also happen to be closely related to me). there are many other reasons that portland feels like the right choice, none of them having to do with work. and perhaps that is part of the appeal.
finding work in a place other than your home is difficult, and while i will now be engaged in an intense job search, i don't know how much success i will find from here. that's where the deciding to just do it comes in. having made the decision, i realize that it is more important that i be committed to the result and not the process.
potential roadblocks include the job (or lack thereof), and the lack of savings (hence the july time frame). but with the recent changes at work foreshadowing the start of the new ceo, it has become clear that it is time to leave. his new assistant is already being referred to as 'the gestapo' and my first (though far from last) interaction with her today--a five minute phone call--left me quaking a little. not an easy feat, let me tell you!
having family in portland will help. it's my hope that i can slowly start sending my things out west, so that when it's time, i can load up my car with the last bits and go. i also hope that dylan and kelly may be of some assistance in finding suitable housing--as it is especially difficult to find roommates and apartments that will allow for dogs, and it's not an option to leave mine behind. (kelly, if you're reading this before we've spoken, now you know why i've been trying to track you down!) then if i can just be better about saving money, i'll be all set.
sounds easy, right? well, i know it won't be. change never is. and i will likely have to fight myself at every step, because 'same 'ol, same 'ol' is just so much simpler.
if you are someone who believes in prayer, or the power of positive thinking, feel free to send all the prayers and thoughts you can spare in my direction. it certainly won't be unappreciated.
in addition, i know there are a couple of other portlanders or former portlanders who read this blog, and i am not above begging for help. whatever you know, whoever you know, if you think it could be remotely helpful, i will take it. and just keep in mind, i make a mean chocolate peanut butter pie. not that i'd resort to bribery of course.
so. that is the news from lake wobegone, where the women are strong, the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
today's note from the universe
You live in Hollywood. You dream of acting; of thrilling audiences; of having the best roles. Tara, I'm here to tell you that you can have what you want, if you make thrilling audiences your end result, not your roles.
You live in Timbuktu. You dream of living in opulence and splendor; of being financially free to pursue all that stirs your heart; of buying low, selling high, writing best sellers, and sitting with Oprah. You can have this too, if you make financial freedom and a happy heart your end result, not your trading, writing, or schmoozing.
You live in Ashburn. You dream of rocking the world; that you will move; that you will be in all the right places at all the right times. Yes! I can see it now, if you make move your end result, and don't mess with the cursed "hows."
It's easy, Tara, simply understand that your dream, the end result, is far bigger and more important than any of the steps you think you have to take. From a physical perspective, you simply can't know all that's involved. Your idea of the right steps may not be the best way for your dream to come true. They may even work against you.
With your end result clear, take every step that emotionally calls to you, but do not make any of them how your dream will come true. Trust the Universe to do its part, to pick the players and orchestrate the "hows," yet give it a pallet to choose from by passionately doing the things that feel right. Not attaching your hopes and expectations to these steps, only to the end, the dream, thy kingdom come.
Give my regards to Oprah, what a dear -
The Universe
You live in Timbuktu. You dream of living in opulence and splendor; of being financially free to pursue all that stirs your heart; of buying low, selling high, writing best sellers, and sitting with Oprah. You can have this too, if you make financial freedom and a happy heart your end result, not your trading, writing, or schmoozing.
You live in Ashburn. You dream of rocking the world; that you will move; that you will be in all the right places at all the right times. Yes! I can see it now, if you make move your end result, and don't mess with the cursed "hows."
It's easy, Tara, simply understand that your dream, the end result, is far bigger and more important than any of the steps you think you have to take. From a physical perspective, you simply can't know all that's involved. Your idea of the right steps may not be the best way for your dream to come true. They may even work against you.
With your end result clear, take every step that emotionally calls to you, but do not make any of them how your dream will come true. Trust the Universe to do its part, to pick the players and orchestrate the "hows," yet give it a pallet to choose from by passionately doing the things that feel right. Not attaching your hopes and expectations to these steps, only to the end, the dream, thy kingdom come.
Give my regards to Oprah, what a dear -
The Universe
Monday, March 26, 2007
utah lowlights and highlights
honestly, i am too exhausted and too overwhelmed with catching up at work to provide a full utah report for the forseeable future, so instead, i figured i'd just to a highlights reel (with notable lowlights). in fact let's start with the annoyances and work our way up...
in chronological order...sort of...
lowlight #1: lost luggage
as a result of wednesday's travel schedule (multiple connections and delayed flights), i knew there was a high probability of my luggage being lost. as such, i packed a few 'must haves' in my carry-on bag.
when i arrived in salt lake at 9:30pm, i didn't bother looking around. since i had come in a different airline than originally planned, i knew there was no hope. i talked to bagagge services and learned that my bags were in oakland. there was another flight coming in from oakland that night, so i had my fingers crossed.
i was not to be that lucky however, and my several phone calls on thursday revealed that, lo and behold, my bags were in oakland. what killed me was how every person i spoke with acted like they were doing me a favor by telling me that much.
finally, i had had it, and during my 11pm-ish phone call, i told the guy that i knew where they were and simply wanted to know when they were going to leave. he put me on hold for a few minutes so he could check with airports and returned with news that the bags were in slc. that's the fastest transfer time i've ever heard of!
of course, the baggage offices were closed, so i was up very early the next morning to pick them up. they would have delivered, but since they came in on delta, and my final carrier was united, delta would have had to transfer them..blah. blah. blah. i picked them up.
lowlight #2: speeding ticket
on my drive back to melanie's after picking up my luggage, i got pulled over. let me just say, utah cops suck.
as i was going 22 when pulled over, i asked him why. he told me i had 'blown through' a school zone. given that i was going 22 at the flashing lights, i asked him how this could be. he told me that there had been another school zone before. apparently i had not seen it, and had been going 39 in a 20. keep in mind, the 'normal' speed there was 45.
so, he told me he would 'give me a break' and only write the ticket for 7mph over, instead of 19. frankly, giving me a break would have been telling me to slow down. he knew i was in a rental car and not from the area. which makes this next bit even skechier.
i was on that road again later in the trip. there was NO OTHER school zone. i have a witness that the school zone i slowed down at was the first one on the road. so the guy wrote me a completely bogus ticket that i can't fight because i would have to be present at court.
did i say utah cops suck? they totally do.
lowlight #3: the wedding (see also 'highlight #4')
i normally would not be this honest, as both corey and jill read the blog. but they know me well enough to know not to be offended by this.
weddings are just hard. even when you dearly love both the bride and groom and you are absolutely thrilled for them, weddings are still really hard. it's impossible not to think of past relationships that 'might have been' or the ones that may never be. it's impossible not to wonder when it's going to be your turn, and be a little disgusted at the twelve other couples taking photos around the temple and think, 'why is it so easy for these people? what did they do to earn an out from the dating world? what do i have to do to get my own free pass?' weddings are just impossibly hard.
okay, so now on to highlights
highlight #1: melanie
melanie is my adorable younger cousin who was young enough during our 'grow up' years that she was always the baby. but the baby has grown up, and recently bought a house in north salt lake. she invited me to stay with her and i happily accepted the invitation. her place is absolutely adorable, and it was so great to spend some ne on one time with her. she has always been hilariously funny and smart mouthed, and i loved the exposure to that, as well as to some of the more depthful aspects of her life. she was an excellent hostess, and made my stay there completely comfortable
highlight #2: lex
many of you are familiar with lex, either by reputation, or through having met him during one of his business trips here. lex and i met while both working the salt lake olympics, and five years later, have still managed to maintain a friendship. what is so wonderful about it is that we can go for months and months without communicating, yet when we do reconnect it is as if no time has passed. don't you love friendships like that?
when one of us is in the other's city, we always get together to get caught up. my schedule was pretty tight this trip, so we met for a long lunch on friday. it was as it always is--fabulous. we caught up on one another's lives and enjoyed a delicious lunch at the avenues bakery (for you sl-ers, i highly recommend the turkey, brie, and apple sandwich, and the death by chocolate cookie. YUMMY!)
lunch ended with a hug and a self-portrait, and "until next time"s.
highlight #3: my family
they rock. enough said.
okay, not really.
during my 5+ years in utah, i was in a strange place, and didn't take advantage of the close proximity of my extended family (mother's side). after i moved back here, my grandfather died. when we returned for the funeral everyone was there, sans two cousins. i remember looking around and thinking how incredible this group of people was, and how if i wasn't related to them, i would still want to know them.
that feeling remains still, and i cherish the opportunities i have to spend time with them.
typically when im in town, we get together at shannon's for a family dinner, but this time, we changed it up and had dinner at my cousin laurie's. that gave us an opportunity to see her new home--which was gorgeous. she has always had a designer eye, and her house showed it.
also on hand was laurie's husband sean and their two children, brad and jan, and their three, melanie, shannon, and myself. it was relaxed and fun. we female cousins spent entirely too much time taking self-portraits, which resulted in stomaches aching from laughter.
after dinner, melanie and i headed home, when melanie got a call from our cousin pam. pam and my aunt michele had just flown in from visiting spencer in italy, and were going to stop by. we spent hours with them getting caught up on their trip, looking through photos, and enjoying each other's company. at 1am, we had all about had it, so pam and michele headed out to deal with their jetlag.
highlight #4: the wedding
i simply cannot imagine a more joyous occasion (save my own wedding of course). the salt lake temple was a madhouse, and not that i have ever considered it, but you would have to pay me a whole heck of a lot of money to be married there. it was like coney island for mormons. mass crowd movements, lots of stopping and gawking. the only thing missing were the hot dogs.
many of you have probably attended a wedding there before, but this was my first. i was in shock and awe to watch the assembly line action. the 'timed' exit of the couple from the temple, the 'timed' photo stops...it was over-organized chaos.
corey and jill's sealing was scheduled for 11:40am, so they exited the temple at about 12:30pm. then the photos began.
i was so glad that steph had come, as we ended up being picture-partners-in-crime-- making total annoyances of ourselves and taking and insane amount of photos. i will say that we both stayed our of the photographers way, and i think, as a result, ended up with some killer pics from some angles that would have been otherwise lost.
after the large group photos were taken, the families dispersed, and steph and i remained with maya (corey's daughter), and corey's parents, and followed the blissful couple around taking photos.
i think that was my favorite part of the day. when we had them all to ourselves. i kept clicking with my cam, and steph kept an eye on maya while also taking photos on corey's camera. the one of maya with jill and corey in the background was taken by her, and i think it is incredible!!
as it would turn out, maya is quite the diva, and was happy to pose as often as needed. she took direction amazingly well for a 5 year old, and perhaps my favorite line of the day: 'maya, hold jill's hand in a completely natural and unposed sort of way'. thank you steph;)
corey was quite handsome, and jill looked incredible. i know people are supposed to say that, and they do, but let's face it, some brides just don't pull it off. in this case though, it's true that jill was a radiant bridal goddess. i have never seen the two of them look so happy.
my camera battery was dying, and my 2gb memory card was full. when pics were nearly completed, i headed back to mel's to grab my card reader and my third extra battery. i dumped the photos from my card to my comp, and steph came to get me. on the drive up to the reception (in the heber valley) i dumped the photos from corey's cam (since steph had been using it) onto my computer as well, and though we missed an exit, we made excellent time.
we arrived before the official entrance of the bride and groom, which was heralded by silver streamers. the rest of the evening was spent enjoying dinner, and catching up with old friends. the pic below is of emilie, jill, and myself. we have known eachother since we were about 14. emilie is now the proud mama of three, and jill the proud mama of one, with some catching up to do. i, of course, have the most catching up to do of all!;)
so, all in all, a grand old time. i teased corey that i was going to post his photos before he could, but i think i will let him take care of that. instead, i have posted all the photos i took, as well as a 'favorites' album, which includes pics i took, and my favorites from corey's camera. the ones on that cam were taken by his bro-in-law and by steph.
corey--i've figured out how you can 'repay' me. assuming i ever get married, you and your camera are on call (fix that lens!) ;)
being in utah is always surreal for me. this trip made me realize that the bulk of my 'life changing experiences' took place in utah. my career started there, i went inactive in the church there, and had the single most defining professional experience while working for the olympics (there). it is most definitely a place that has impacted my life, and as is typical, i always arrive thinking 'yeah, maybe i could live here again.' it typically takes about 12 hours before i remember why that's not the case, and desperately struggle to hold on until i can go home.
i like visiting when it means seeing friends and family, but aside from that, i would be content to never go back.
in chronological order...sort of...
lowlight #1: lost luggage
as a result of wednesday's travel schedule (multiple connections and delayed flights), i knew there was a high probability of my luggage being lost. as such, i packed a few 'must haves' in my carry-on bag.
when i arrived in salt lake at 9:30pm, i didn't bother looking around. since i had come in a different airline than originally planned, i knew there was no hope. i talked to bagagge services and learned that my bags were in oakland. there was another flight coming in from oakland that night, so i had my fingers crossed.
i was not to be that lucky however, and my several phone calls on thursday revealed that, lo and behold, my bags were in oakland. what killed me was how every person i spoke with acted like they were doing me a favor by telling me that much.
finally, i had had it, and during my 11pm-ish phone call, i told the guy that i knew where they were and simply wanted to know when they were going to leave. he put me on hold for a few minutes so he could check with airports and returned with news that the bags were in slc. that's the fastest transfer time i've ever heard of!
of course, the baggage offices were closed, so i was up very early the next morning to pick them up. they would have delivered, but since they came in on delta, and my final carrier was united, delta would have had to transfer them..blah. blah. blah. i picked them up.
lowlight #2: speeding ticket
on my drive back to melanie's after picking up my luggage, i got pulled over. let me just say, utah cops suck.
as i was going 22 when pulled over, i asked him why. he told me i had 'blown through' a school zone. given that i was going 22 at the flashing lights, i asked him how this could be. he told me that there had been another school zone before. apparently i had not seen it, and had been going 39 in a 20. keep in mind, the 'normal' speed there was 45.
so, he told me he would 'give me a break' and only write the ticket for 7mph over, instead of 19. frankly, giving me a break would have been telling me to slow down. he knew i was in a rental car and not from the area. which makes this next bit even skechier.
i was on that road again later in the trip. there was NO OTHER school zone. i have a witness that the school zone i slowed down at was the first one on the road. so the guy wrote me a completely bogus ticket that i can't fight because i would have to be present at court.
did i say utah cops suck? they totally do.
lowlight #3: the wedding (see also 'highlight #4')
i normally would not be this honest, as both corey and jill read the blog. but they know me well enough to know not to be offended by this.weddings are just hard. even when you dearly love both the bride and groom and you are absolutely thrilled for them, weddings are still really hard. it's impossible not to think of past relationships that 'might have been' or the ones that may never be. it's impossible not to wonder when it's going to be your turn, and be a little disgusted at the twelve other couples taking photos around the temple and think, 'why is it so easy for these people? what did they do to earn an out from the dating world? what do i have to do to get my own free pass?' weddings are just impossibly hard.
okay, so now on to highlights
highlight #1: melanie
melanie is my adorable younger cousin who was young enough during our 'grow up' years that she was always the baby. but the baby has grown up, and recently bought a house in north salt lake. she invited me to stay with her and i happily accepted the invitation. her place is absolutely adorable, and it was so great to spend some ne on one time with her. she has always been hilariously funny and smart mouthed, and i loved the exposure to that, as well as to some of the more depthful aspects of her life. she was an excellent hostess, and made my stay there completely comfortable
highlight #2: lex
many of you are familiar with lex, either by reputation, or through having met him during one of his business trips here. lex and i met while both working the salt lake olympics, and five years later, have still managed to maintain a friendship. what is so wonderful about it is that we can go for months and months without communicating, yet when we do reconnect it is as if no time has passed. don't you love friendships like that?when one of us is in the other's city, we always get together to get caught up. my schedule was pretty tight this trip, so we met for a long lunch on friday. it was as it always is--fabulous. we caught up on one another's lives and enjoyed a delicious lunch at the avenues bakery (for you sl-ers, i highly recommend the turkey, brie, and apple sandwich, and the death by chocolate cookie. YUMMY!)
lunch ended with a hug and a self-portrait, and "until next time"s.
highlight #3: my family
they rock. enough said.
okay, not really.
during my 5+ years in utah, i was in a strange place, and didn't take advantage of the close proximity of my extended family (mother's side). after i moved back here, my grandfather died. when we returned for the funeral everyone was there, sans two cousins. i remember looking around and thinking how incredible this group of people was, and how if i wasn't related to them, i would still want to know them.that feeling remains still, and i cherish the opportunities i have to spend time with them.
typically when im in town, we get together at shannon's for a family dinner, but this time, we changed it up and had dinner at my cousin laurie's. that gave us an opportunity to see her new home--which was gorgeous. she has always had a designer eye, and her house showed it.
also on hand was laurie's husband sean and their two children, brad and jan, and their three, melanie, shannon, and myself. it was relaxed and fun. we female cousins spent entirely too much time taking self-portraits, which resulted in stomaches aching from laughter.after dinner, melanie and i headed home, when melanie got a call from our cousin pam. pam and my aunt michele had just flown in from visiting spencer in italy, and were going to stop by. we spent hours with them getting caught up on their trip, looking through photos, and enjoying each other's company. at 1am, we had all about had it, so pam and michele headed out to deal with their jetlag.
highlight #4: the wedding
i simply cannot imagine a more joyous occasion (save my own wedding of course). the salt lake temple was a madhouse, and not that i have ever considered it, but you would have to pay me a whole heck of a lot of money to be married there. it was like coney island for mormons. mass crowd movements, lots of stopping and gawking. the only thing missing were the hot dogs.many of you have probably attended a wedding there before, but this was my first. i was in shock and awe to watch the assembly line action. the 'timed' exit of the couple from the temple, the 'timed' photo stops...it was over-organized chaos.
corey and jill's sealing was scheduled for 11:40am, so they exited the temple at about 12:30pm. then the photos began.
i was so glad that steph had come, as we ended up being picture-partners-in-crime-- making total annoyances of ourselves and taking and insane amount of photos. i will say that we both stayed our of the photographers way, and i think, as a result, ended up with some killer pics from some angles that would have been otherwise lost.after the large group photos were taken, the families dispersed, and steph and i remained with maya (corey's daughter), and corey's parents, and followed the blissful couple around taking photos.
i think that was my favorite part of the day. when we had them all to ourselves. i kept clicking with my cam, and steph kept an eye on maya while also taking photos on corey's camera. the one of maya with jill and corey in the background was taken by her, and i think it is incredible!!
as it would turn out, maya is quite the diva, and was happy to pose as often as needed. she took direction amazingly well for a 5 year old, and perhaps my favorite line of the day: 'maya, hold jill's hand in a completely natural and unposed sort of way'. thank you steph;)
corey was quite handsome, and jill looked incredible. i know people are supposed to say that, and they do, but let's face it, some brides just don't pull it off. in this case though, it's true that jill was a radiant bridal goddess. i have never seen the two of them look so happy.
my camera battery was dying, and my 2gb memory card was full. when pics were nearly completed, i headed back to mel's to grab my card reader and my third extra battery. i dumped the photos from my card to my comp, and steph came to get me. on the drive up to the reception (in the heber valley) i dumped the photos from corey's cam (since steph had been using it) onto my computer as well, and though we missed an exit, we made excellent time.we arrived before the official entrance of the bride and groom, which was heralded by silver streamers. the rest of the evening was spent enjoying dinner, and catching up with old friends. the pic below is of emilie, jill, and myself. we have known eachother since we were about 14. emilie is now the proud mama of three, and jill the proud mama of one, with some catching up to do. i, of course, have the most catching up to do of all!;)
so, all in all, a grand old time. i teased corey that i was going to post his photos before he could, but i think i will let him take care of that. instead, i have posted all the photos i took, as well as a 'favorites' album, which includes pics i took, and my favorites from corey's camera. the ones on that cam were taken by his bro-in-law and by steph.
corey--i've figured out how you can 'repay' me. assuming i ever get married, you and your camera are on call (fix that lens!) ;)
being in utah is always surreal for me. this trip made me realize that the bulk of my 'life changing experiences' took place in utah. my career started there, i went inactive in the church there, and had the single most defining professional experience while working for the olympics (there). it is most definitely a place that has impacted my life, and as is typical, i always arrive thinking 'yeah, maybe i could live here again.' it typically takes about 12 hours before i remember why that's not the case, and desperately struggle to hold on until i can go home.
i like visiting when it means seeing friends and family, but aside from that, i would be content to never go back.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
the complete california recap
i finally put the complete recap together and deleted the other bits and pieces. there are a zillion more photos here.
day 1: saturday, march 17
happy st. patrick’s day!
it already feels like long enough ago, that though i can’t remember why, i remember that on both thursday and friday nights, i got very little sleep. being up at 5am on saturday for my 8am flight was extremely difficult, but i was excited for my trip, and that helped provide the appropriate adrenaline to get up and get going.
my flight to dulles was direct to la, where i would wait four hours before boarding a puddle jumper to santa barbara to meet jesse. when i say ‘meet jesse’, i mean it literally. this was a first meeting for us, and were it not for my sheer exhaustion, i might have had the wherewithal to be nervous.
in this case however, i was extremely confident that this was going to be an excellent trip. jesse and i have been developing a friendship for months, and i knew that i was going to be in capable hands on this, my very first trip to the santa barbara area.
arriving at sba was an altogether unique experience. a tiny little airport, with classic spanish red tiled roofs and stucco. all of the ‘hallways’ were outdoors. the baggage claim was simply a raised shelf under a tent. i arrived moments before jesse, which gave me the advantage--as i could see him coming from the parking lot, but he could not see me. and yes, i played with him a little bit;)
the bags were unloaded from the plane, and one of mine was missing. though no one wants a lost bag, i wasn’t too panicked, as i had my garment bag and therefore the majority of my clothing. if i need to buy shoes and sundries to get me through a day or two, well okay! i took my claim check to the counter, and apparently i was not the only one missing a bag. i waited as two or three people tried to resolve their circumstances, and when the man in front of me was asked for an address to have his bag sent to, i successfully maintained my composure.
it was finally my turn and the gentlemen at the counter took my claim, headed to a back room, and voila, there was my missing bag. i like to think of this as travel karma. i don’t complain, i am kind and courteous to fellow travelers, and i patiently wait through delays. so this was my just reward☺
we loaded up jesse’s truck, and already it felt like i had just flown in to visit a long-time friend.
the first order of business was a little driving. the sun was shining for what would be the last time until my departure, so jesse took the opportunity to show me some of the surrounding areas. i was immediately struck with the beauty of the place. i have been to northern california, los angeles, and san diego, but had had never been to this particular area. the landscape was dramatic with the mountains looming on the east, and the ocean viewable on the west. absolutely gorgeous! there was much more greenery than expected, and no shortage of things to divert my attention.
after our drive, we headed back to jesse’s where i settled in a bit. but before too long, it was time to get changed for our evening. jesse had purchased tickets to the santa barbara symphony, so we got into our sunday dress and headed to dinner.
while waiting for a table, we walked the streets of santa barbara, which was delightful. i was particularly impressed by a building i could see from a rooftop we had landed on, and when jesse told me it was the theater we would be going to that evening, i had to laugh. --while in london, i fell in love with the covent garden area, only to later learn that it was the theater district. this experience forced me to acknowledge that there is something in my blood that knows when i am near a theater!!
we headed back to the restaurant and opted to eat inside as it was a chilly evening. as it would turn out (and unfortunately the weathermen were right), this was just the beginning of my gray and chilly days in california. apparently i have done something to offend the weather gods, because while experiencing temps in the 50s in california, utah was seeing mid-70s and sun. i land in utah in an hour, and the temperature is 45 degrees. it will be in the 50s for the duration of my time there. the cold weather i left behind in snowy virginia last weekend, seems to be following me!
we enjoyed our dinner and one another’s company, and headed to the theater for our evening’s entertainment. the interior of the building was pure whimsy. the side walls had been turned in to a mini street scene, with faux houses and real balconies. it was absolutely adorable. our seats had been carefully chosen, and i was delighted with jesse’s selection, as they provided not only an excellent view, but excellent acoustics as well.
the highlight of the evening was the final piece, in which a celtic band played, backed by the full symphony. i always enjoy celtic music, but the power and depth of the symphony behind this four piece band was wonderful. and it was a perfect way to celebrate the land of eire’s favorite saint.
at the conclusion of the performance, we headed back to carpinteria, and jesse’s home. i settled in a bit more, and we talked for hours before calling it a night. by the time i fell asleep, i had been awake for nearly 24 hours, and it was 5am or so body time.
day 2: sunday, march 18
one would think that with the little sleep i had had over the previous several days, i would be sleeping in as long as humanly possible. but at 7am (10am body time) i was wide awake.
it was just as well, since jesse’s ward met at 9:30, and i had the opportunity to take my time getting ready and warming up to the day.
jesse’s family ward is small, yet has their own building, which i found very interesting. we arrived a little late for sacrament meeting, but as we would be staying for the three hour duration (since jesse was teaching priesthood), neither of us was too concerned. after gospel doctrine, jesse left me to fend for myself in relief society, where i met some very friendly ladies--one of whom lives below jesse. the people of the ward were very nice, and i believe that jesse’s hope of starting illicit rumors was realized (though i played no part in the spreading of them). by the time we left church, i’m told that he and i are not only engaged, but i am pregnant. he later informed me that he was selling off our first-born to pay off his gambling debts ;) ah, small wards☺
we headed ‘home’ and changed into our street clothes, and were on our way to see some sights. our first stop was a seal preserve just a couple of miles from jesse’s. the beach spot this large group occupies is protected, and no one is allowed too close. apparently, if they are frightened, the adults will leave their young behind, and no one wants that.
the beach was full of seals, mommas and babies, and we took photos before heading down to the beach a ways off. i was thrilled to find that jesse is as much of a photo-whore (sorry, i can’t think of a better word!) as i am, so, we spent a good deal of time meandering down the beach and stopping to look and or photograph anything that caught our attention. jesse made me touch some sea anemones (ew. squishy. i don’t like squishy), but i was compelled to touch the starfish we found. not squishy. i wanted to take one home, but didn’t.
while wandering on the beach, we encountered two men engaged in catching rock crabs. we were both utterly fascinated, and began our own unofficial quest to find the little buggers. we knew what to look for now, and found a few who (which?) we humanely tormented and photographed.
after making our way back up to the car, we headed back into santa barbara, and spent some time at stearns wharf. though it was once again a chilly night, being on the ocean had a way of minimizing the discomfort. we enjoy our dinner at a rooftop restaurant on the wharf, and were serviced by an energetic young waiter who informed us that he had just drunk six shots of espresso. you can only imagine the entertainment he provided. and the food was good too. jesse continued to be a perfect gentleman, and i was thoroughly enjoying my time with him.
after dinner, he introduced me to one of his pastimes. when i travel, i buy jewelry, and usually a picture frame. when jesse travels, he creates canvas rubbings of unusual things. he has a collection of rubbings from his travels both at home and abroad, which include manhole covers, water covers, etc. i had known this about him, but did not realize that i would have the opportunity to witness it first hand. he found an embossed brass plaque with an interesting design, and whipped out his canvas and rubbing materials. as i am someone who enjoys having tangible ‘memories’ of times and places, it was a thrill to see him commemorate this one. it was long before a family with two young children stopped for an explanation. they were utterly fascinated, and jesse relished the opportunity to explain the ‘meaning of the madness.’
it was time to leave the wharf, and we headed back in to sb, and parked at the mall. one of my favorite things about california are the outdoor malls, and this was no exception. for some reason, the fresh air makes shopping seems less frenzied. though the stores were closed, and there was no shopping to be done, i still enjoyed the scenery.
as we were passing the movie theater, we decided to see wild hogs. okay, here’s the truth. i had no interest in seeing wild hogs, even though lara told me it was funnier than expected. but, on the other hand, i can’t think of a movie i wouldn’t see with a boy i liked, so we saw wild hogs☺ it WAS funnier than i expected, although i won’t be watching this one again.
we got home late, and were up for hours again just talking and going through our pictures. ultimately it would mean another night of very little sleep.
day 3: monday, march 19
four hours. for the prior four nights, i was averaging four hours of sleep per night. i don’t know how i continued to stand upright. i don’t know how i managed not to completely lose it. i am a person who requires sleep. the lack of it, does not a happy tara make. and yet, when i awoke at 7am again, i was excited for the day.
the day would start with a rite of passage, so to speak. jesse, fearing the worst for his receding hairline, has been contemplating shaving his head. he decided to do so, and enlisted my support for the shearing. ‘we’ started at 1 inch, and worked our way down to 3/8 inch, and it was time to stop. i’m sure the experience was slightly traumatic for him, but the results spoke for themselves.
then it was on with the rest of our day! monday would be our ‘chill’ day. the agenda was ephemeral, and began with a trip to the santa barbara zoo. i have been to some spectacular zoos in my day (as far as zoos go), so i thought this would be fun, but didn’t expect it to compare to zoos like the national or the san diego. and in terms of quantity or diversity, it didn’t. however, it had two major factors playing in its favor. the first was the setting. it’s just a gorgeous area, and that never hurt nothin’. and second, as a result of it being a smaller zoo, it provided an experience unlike any before. there, you find yourself much closer to the animals then you are in larger zoos.
at the gorilla enclosure there is an alcove that separates you from them with a thing piece of glass/plastic. i am sure it is very strong, but the appearance is such that it feels as though you are right there with the animals. at one point, one of the gorillas came running towards the glass, and i found myself naturally stepping back as my heart rate increased. i have never had that kind of experience at the national zoo!
when all was said and done, we had spent hours wandering around this quaint little zoo. we did a significant amount of dawdling and gawking, and of course, continue to snap photos. i found myself sincerely appreciating jesse’s willingness to be in photos, but also his great eye. with his 5 mp version of my 10mp camera, he was able to catch some shots that surpassed most of mine. one of our favorites, though completely anti-pc his his giraffe shooting photo. it made us giggle every time we looked at it for the remainder of the trip.
jesse attributes his good photos to luck and his camera, but i watched him long enough to know that he knows what he’s doing when he frames a photo. i also picked up several photoshop tips from him, which will be a great addition to my limited knowledge of the software.
after the zoo, we headed in to santa barbara and back to stearns wharf. we attempted to hit the marine museum, but it was closed. then we attempted to hit the museum of art. but it was closed. so we decided that it must be time for dinner, since we had skipped lunch.
the smoothies we had had had not left us satisfied, but as it would turn out, we were more full than we thought. at an italian place called palazzios, we munched on garlic rolls, and when our meals came, we were barely able to make a dent. though the food was delicious, we were absolutely stuffed. we decided to take the large portion of food home and chill out for the evening.
when we got back, we fiddled with photos, then popped in ‘casino royale’. though i fell asleep during the movie, when it was over, we talked for hours, yet again, before finally calling it a night.
day 4: tuesday, march 20
tuesday was la day. mostly. we slept in a little bit longer than normal and didn’t roll out of bed until 10ish. then we took our sweet time getting ready for the day. eventually, we headed to la and to the getty museum. i didn’t know much about it, but i am always up for a museum.
the getty is built on a hill in los angeles and it is monstrous! parking for the museum is at the base of the hill, and we made our way down through the 7 layers of hell to find a spot.
once parker, we made our way up to the tram platform. the tram is electric and has no driver, the novelty of which was kind of fun.
at the top, we made our way into the main building. one of the things i loved about this museum was that since it was raining, in front of the doors of every building (there were four) were big bins full of umbrellas. you could grab one on the way out and leave it in the bin at the building you were going into. brilliant!
the main entryway was filled with a ‘sculpture’ which i could describe, but why, when someone else has already done so?
Tim Hawkinson's Überorgan
What are those bus-size balloons in the Museum Entrance Hall? They are Überorgan, a massive construction of balloons and horns by Tim Hawkinson that is making its West Coast debut at the Getty Center. Überorgan complements the exhibition Zoopsia: New Works by Tim Hawkinson (March 6–September 9, 2007).
What Is Überorgan?
Überorgan is an enormous contemporary sculpture by Los Angeles-based artist Tim Hawkinson. It exemplifies Hawkinson's characteristic use of the ordinary to achieve the extraordinary, combining and recomposing common industrial materials and found musical phrases into a multisensory sculptural experience.
Überorgan changes with every installation, and at the Getty Center it playfully interacts with its setting, the modernist rotunda designed by architect Richard Meier.
The musical score for Überorgan consists of a 250-foot-long scroll. Black dots and dashes encode the notes of traditional hymns, pop songs, and improvisational tunes. The notes are deciphered by light-sensitive switches in its player and scrambled to create an endless variety of compositions.
Überorgan performs for five minutes every hour on the hour throughout the run of the exhibition.
after checking it out, we decided to take the architecture tour. it was a bit of a disappointment, but the garden tour, which followed after was much better. the grounds are expansive, and the layout is very unique. it was raining, but our photo enthusiasm was not dampened in the least. a little water never hurt anyone.
by the end of the garden tour, we were a bit chilly though, and began wandering through the indoor collection. there were a couple of pieces that really excited me--’irises’ by van gogh, and a piece by a dutch painter i like. it was nice to simply be able to wander and enjoy. we made it back to the main building to hear the uberorgan play. it wasn’t very pretty, but still it was interesting. jesse, with his engineering background, was completely unimpressed. apparently, it’s something a high school student could have put together, but i must not have gone to that high school;)
we moved on to the gift shop, and nearly shut the place down. all told, we spent several hours at the getty, and in an attempt to avoid rush hour traffic back to santa barbara, we stopped in santa monica for some dinner and wandering. our wandering included a stop at rei because jesse needed socks (and where else are you going to get socks?), yet i left the store with a new jacket. it wasn’t supposed to work out quite that way;)
the rain had stopped earlier, and though it was cool, it was comfortable. we spent some time on the santa monica pier, taking pictures of course, and it got late quickly, so we headed out.
we arrived back at jesse’s near midnight and were up for awhile talking before calling it a night.
day 5: march 21
departure day ☹
i knew i had a really long day ahead of me, and that the chances of my luggage arriving in salt lake with me, were virtually nil. i was supposed to fly from santa barbara to la, from la to oakland, change airlines, then from oakland to slc. you can see why i didn’t have much hope for my luggage! and as i was reminded, expectation is everything.
jesse made me breakfast (as he had every morning) and we headed off to the airport. he waited with me while i waited for my flight, and we said our goodbyes. if all goes as planned, he will be heading out to see me next month, and we will role reverse as i show him MY town!
bottom line, re this trip, i had an incredible time. jesse was an excellent host. he far surpassed my expectations. and given that we were spending 18+ hours a day together for 4+ days, i was honestly shocked that at no point did i think ‘i wish this guy would get out of my face’. i can’t speak for him, but he never gave the impression that he needed a break from me either.
i knew i would have a great time on this trip, but i was naive. there was all kinds of potential for badness... a lot of time together, very little sleep, the fact that this was our first meeting...yet, i think we both had a really great time. it was sad to say goodbye, but less so as a result of seeing him soon.
i boarded my plane, and we were told that lax was clogged and we would have to wait. it meant that i was definitely missing my connection to oakland. we were rebooked on a leter flight, which would mean i was definitely missing my connection from oakland to slc.
when i arrived in la, i spoke to several people, and weighed the options. ultimately, i decided to wait at the airport for six hours, in order to take a direct flight from la to slc and bypass oakland entirely. in all honesty, it wasn’t that big a deal to me. i knew it was going to take me a good amount of time to rename, resize, and reorder all of mine and jesse’s photos, so i might as well do it at the airport as anywhere else. and that is how i spent my six hours at lax!
when i arrived in salt lake, at 9:30 or so, i didn’t even bother to look for my bags. in all honesty, i wouldn’t have known where to start. so i enlisted the aid of the baggage services folks, who were able to tell me that my bags were in...oakland! apparently they are still there, so i hope the weather is nicer for them than it was for me!
i mentioned expectations before...the truth is, lost baggage would normally make me cry. packing is a nightmare for me because i am really moody about my day to day attire, yet, not having my bags is not freaking me out in the least. i knew it was going to happen, so i packed a toothbrush, extra underwear, and a few other things in my carry on. i forgot the phone charger so i had to buy one of those this morning, and i’m washing my clothes right now, but sa la vie, ya know? if they haven’t come by tonight, i may need to buy a few more things, but it is what it is and being upset about it isn’t going to change it.
so! that is the california recap. some of you will be interested in other details, and i will relay them as appropriate. it was a fabulous time with a fabulous guy who i am looking forward to getting to know better☺
day 1: saturday, march 17
happy st. patrick’s day!
it already feels like long enough ago, that though i can’t remember why, i remember that on both thursday and friday nights, i got very little sleep. being up at 5am on saturday for my 8am flight was extremely difficult, but i was excited for my trip, and that helped provide the appropriate adrenaline to get up and get going.
my flight to dulles was direct to la, where i would wait four hours before boarding a puddle jumper to santa barbara to meet jesse. when i say ‘meet jesse’, i mean it literally. this was a first meeting for us, and were it not for my sheer exhaustion, i might have had the wherewithal to be nervous.
in this case however, i was extremely confident that this was going to be an excellent trip. jesse and i have been developing a friendship for months, and i knew that i was going to be in capable hands on this, my very first trip to the santa barbara area.
arriving at sba was an altogether unique experience. a tiny little airport, with classic spanish red tiled roofs and stucco. all of the ‘hallways’ were outdoors. the baggage claim was simply a raised shelf under a tent. i arrived moments before jesse, which gave me the advantage--as i could see him coming from the parking lot, but he could not see me. and yes, i played with him a little bit;)the bags were unloaded from the plane, and one of mine was missing. though no one wants a lost bag, i wasn’t too panicked, as i had my garment bag and therefore the majority of my clothing. if i need to buy shoes and sundries to get me through a day or two, well okay! i took my claim check to the counter, and apparently i was not the only one missing a bag. i waited as two or three people tried to resolve their circumstances, and when the man in front of me was asked for an address to have his bag sent to, i successfully maintained my composure.
it was finally my turn and the gentlemen at the counter took my claim, headed to a back room, and voila, there was my missing bag. i like to think of this as travel karma. i don’t complain, i am kind and courteous to fellow travelers, and i patiently wait through delays. so this was my just reward☺
we loaded up jesse’s truck, and already it felt like i had just flown in to visit a long-time friend.
the first order of business was a little driving. the sun was shining for what would be the last time until my departure, so jesse took the opportunity to show me some of the surrounding areas. i was immediately struck with the beauty of the place. i have been to northern california, los angeles, and san diego, but had had never been to this particular area. the landscape was dramatic with the mountains looming on the east, and the ocean viewable on the west. absolutely gorgeous! there was much more greenery than expected, and no shortage of things to divert my attention.
after our drive, we headed back to jesse’s where i settled in a bit. but before too long, it was time to get changed for our evening. jesse had purchased tickets to the santa barbara symphony, so we got into our sunday dress and headed to dinner.
while waiting for a table, we walked the streets of santa barbara, which was delightful. i was particularly impressed by a building i could see from a rooftop we had landed on, and when jesse told me it was the theater we would be going to that evening, i had to laugh. --while in london, i fell in love with the covent garden area, only to later learn that it was the theater district. this experience forced me to acknowledge that there is something in my blood that knows when i am near a theater!!we headed back to the restaurant and opted to eat inside as it was a chilly evening. as it would turn out (and unfortunately the weathermen were right), this was just the beginning of my gray and chilly days in california. apparently i have done something to offend the weather gods, because while experiencing temps in the 50s in california, utah was seeing mid-70s and sun. i land in utah in an hour, and the temperature is 45 degrees. it will be in the 50s for the duration of my time there. the cold weather i left behind in snowy virginia last weekend, seems to be following me!
we enjoyed our dinner and one another’s company, and headed to the theater for our evening’s entertainment. the interior of the building was pure whimsy. the side walls had been turned in to a mini street scene, with faux houses and real balconies. it was absolutely adorable. our seats had been carefully chosen, and i was delighted with jesse’s selection, as they provided not only an excellent view, but excellent acoustics as well.the highlight of the evening was the final piece, in which a celtic band played, backed by the full symphony. i always enjoy celtic music, but the power and depth of the symphony behind this four piece band was wonderful. and it was a perfect way to celebrate the land of eire’s favorite saint.
at the conclusion of the performance, we headed back to carpinteria, and jesse’s home. i settled in a bit more, and we talked for hours before calling it a night. by the time i fell asleep, i had been awake for nearly 24 hours, and it was 5am or so body time.
day 2: sunday, march 18
one would think that with the little sleep i had had over the previous several days, i would be sleeping in as long as humanly possible. but at 7am (10am body time) i was wide awake.
it was just as well, since jesse’s ward met at 9:30, and i had the opportunity to take my time getting ready and warming up to the day.
jesse’s family ward is small, yet has their own building, which i found very interesting. we arrived a little late for sacrament meeting, but as we would be staying for the three hour duration (since jesse was teaching priesthood), neither of us was too concerned. after gospel doctrine, jesse left me to fend for myself in relief society, where i met some very friendly ladies--one of whom lives below jesse. the people of the ward were very nice, and i believe that jesse’s hope of starting illicit rumors was realized (though i played no part in the spreading of them). by the time we left church, i’m told that he and i are not only engaged, but i am pregnant. he later informed me that he was selling off our first-born to pay off his gambling debts ;) ah, small wards☺
we headed ‘home’ and changed into our street clothes, and were on our way to see some sights. our first stop was a seal preserve just a couple of miles from jesse’s. the beach spot this large group occupies is protected, and no one is allowed too close. apparently, if they are frightened, the adults will leave their young behind, and no one wants that.
the beach was full of seals, mommas and babies, and we took photos before heading down to the beach a ways off. i was thrilled to find that jesse is as much of a photo-whore (sorry, i can’t think of a better word!) as i am, so, we spent a good deal of time meandering down the beach and stopping to look and or photograph anything that caught our attention. jesse made me touch some sea anemones (ew. squishy. i don’t like squishy), but i was compelled to touch the starfish we found. not squishy. i wanted to take one home, but didn’t.
while wandering on the beach, we encountered two men engaged in catching rock crabs. we were both utterly fascinated, and began our own unofficial quest to find the little buggers. we knew what to look for now, and found a few who (which?) we humanely tormented and photographed.after making our way back up to the car, we headed back into santa barbara, and spent some time at stearns wharf. though it was once again a chilly night, being on the ocean had a way of minimizing the discomfort. we enjoy our dinner at a rooftop restaurant on the wharf, and were serviced by an energetic young waiter who informed us that he had just drunk six shots of espresso. you can only imagine the entertainment he provided. and the food was good too. jesse continued to be a perfect gentleman, and i was thoroughly enjoying my time with him.
after dinner, he introduced me to one of his pastimes. when i travel, i buy jewelry, and usually a picture frame. when jesse travels, he creates canvas rubbings of unusual things. he has a collection of rubbings from his travels both at home and abroad, which include manhole covers, water covers, etc. i had known this about him, but did not realize that i would have the opportunity to witness it first hand. he found an embossed brass plaque with an interesting design, and whipped out his canvas and rubbing materials. as i am someone who enjoys having tangible ‘memories’ of times and places, it was a thrill to see him commemorate this one. it was long before a family with two young children stopped for an explanation. they were utterly fascinated, and jesse relished the opportunity to explain the ‘meaning of the madness.’it was time to leave the wharf, and we headed back in to sb, and parked at the mall. one of my favorite things about california are the outdoor malls, and this was no exception. for some reason, the fresh air makes shopping seems less frenzied. though the stores were closed, and there was no shopping to be done, i still enjoyed the scenery.
as we were passing the movie theater, we decided to see wild hogs. okay, here’s the truth. i had no interest in seeing wild hogs, even though lara told me it was funnier than expected. but, on the other hand, i can’t think of a movie i wouldn’t see with a boy i liked, so we saw wild hogs☺ it WAS funnier than i expected, although i won’t be watching this one again.
we got home late, and were up for hours again just talking and going through our pictures. ultimately it would mean another night of very little sleep.
day 3: monday, march 19
four hours. for the prior four nights, i was averaging four hours of sleep per night. i don’t know how i continued to stand upright. i don’t know how i managed not to completely lose it. i am a person who requires sleep. the lack of it, does not a happy tara make. and yet, when i awoke at 7am again, i was excited for the day.
the day would start with a rite of passage, so to speak. jesse, fearing the worst for his receding hairline, has been contemplating shaving his head. he decided to do so, and enlisted my support for the shearing. ‘we’ started at 1 inch, and worked our way down to 3/8 inch, and it was time to stop. i’m sure the experience was slightly traumatic for him, but the results spoke for themselves.
then it was on with the rest of our day! monday would be our ‘chill’ day. the agenda was ephemeral, and began with a trip to the santa barbara zoo. i have been to some spectacular zoos in my day (as far as zoos go), so i thought this would be fun, but didn’t expect it to compare to zoos like the national or the san diego. and in terms of quantity or diversity, it didn’t. however, it had two major factors playing in its favor. the first was the setting. it’s just a gorgeous area, and that never hurt nothin’. and second, as a result of it being a smaller zoo, it provided an experience unlike any before. there, you find yourself much closer to the animals then you are in larger zoos.
at the gorilla enclosure there is an alcove that separates you from them with a thing piece of glass/plastic. i am sure it is very strong, but the appearance is such that it feels as though you are right there with the animals. at one point, one of the gorillas came running towards the glass, and i found myself naturally stepping back as my heart rate increased. i have never had that kind of experience at the national zoo!
when all was said and done, we had spent hours wandering around this quaint little zoo. we did a significant amount of dawdling and gawking, and of course, continue to snap photos. i found myself sincerely appreciating jesse’s willingness to be in photos, but also his great eye. with his 5 mp version of my 10mp camera, he was able to catch some shots that surpassed most of mine. one of our favorites, though completely anti-pc his his giraffe shooting photo. it made us giggle every time we looked at it for the remainder of the trip.jesse attributes his good photos to luck and his camera, but i watched him long enough to know that he knows what he’s doing when he frames a photo. i also picked up several photoshop tips from him, which will be a great addition to my limited knowledge of the software.
after the zoo, we headed in to santa barbara and back to stearns wharf. we attempted to hit the marine museum, but it was closed. then we attempted to hit the museum of art. but it was closed. so we decided that it must be time for dinner, since we had skipped lunch.
the smoothies we had had had not left us satisfied, but as it would turn out, we were more full than we thought. at an italian place called palazzios, we munched on garlic rolls, and when our meals came, we were barely able to make a dent. though the food was delicious, we were absolutely stuffed. we decided to take the large portion of food home and chill out for the evening.
when we got back, we fiddled with photos, then popped in ‘casino royale’. though i fell asleep during the movie, when it was over, we talked for hours, yet again, before finally calling it a night.
day 4: tuesday, march 20
tuesday was la day. mostly. we slept in a little bit longer than normal and didn’t roll out of bed until 10ish. then we took our sweet time getting ready for the day. eventually, we headed to la and to the getty museum. i didn’t know much about it, but i am always up for a museum.
the getty is built on a hill in los angeles and it is monstrous! parking for the museum is at the base of the hill, and we made our way down through the 7 layers of hell to find a spot.once parker, we made our way up to the tram platform. the tram is electric and has no driver, the novelty of which was kind of fun.
at the top, we made our way into the main building. one of the things i loved about this museum was that since it was raining, in front of the doors of every building (there were four) were big bins full of umbrellas. you could grab one on the way out and leave it in the bin at the building you were going into. brilliant!
the main entryway was filled with a ‘sculpture’ which i could describe, but why, when someone else has already done so?
Tim Hawkinson's Überorgan
What are those bus-size balloons in the Museum Entrance Hall? They are Überorgan, a massive construction of balloons and horns by Tim Hawkinson that is making its West Coast debut at the Getty Center. Überorgan complements the exhibition Zoopsia: New Works by Tim Hawkinson (March 6–September 9, 2007).
What Is Überorgan?
Überorgan is an enormous contemporary sculpture by Los Angeles-based artist Tim Hawkinson. It exemplifies Hawkinson's characteristic use of the ordinary to achieve the extraordinary, combining and recomposing common industrial materials and found musical phrases into a multisensory sculptural experience.
Überorgan changes with every installation, and at the Getty Center it playfully interacts with its setting, the modernist rotunda designed by architect Richard Meier.
The musical score for Überorgan consists of a 250-foot-long scroll. Black dots and dashes encode the notes of traditional hymns, pop songs, and improvisational tunes. The notes are deciphered by light-sensitive switches in its player and scrambled to create an endless variety of compositions.
Überorgan performs for five minutes every hour on the hour throughout the run of the exhibition.
after checking it out, we decided to take the architecture tour. it was a bit of a disappointment, but the garden tour, which followed after was much better. the grounds are expansive, and the layout is very unique. it was raining, but our photo enthusiasm was not dampened in the least. a little water never hurt anyone.by the end of the garden tour, we were a bit chilly though, and began wandering through the indoor collection. there were a couple of pieces that really excited me--’irises’ by van gogh, and a piece by a dutch painter i like. it was nice to simply be able to wander and enjoy. we made it back to the main building to hear the uberorgan play. it wasn’t very pretty, but still it was interesting. jesse, with his engineering background, was completely unimpressed. apparently, it’s something a high school student could have put together, but i must not have gone to that high school;)
we moved on to the gift shop, and nearly shut the place down. all told, we spent several hours at the getty, and in an attempt to avoid rush hour traffic back to santa barbara, we stopped in santa monica for some dinner and wandering. our wandering included a stop at rei because jesse needed socks (and where else are you going to get socks?), yet i left the store with a new jacket. it wasn’t supposed to work out quite that way;)the rain had stopped earlier, and though it was cool, it was comfortable. we spent some time on the santa monica pier, taking pictures of course, and it got late quickly, so we headed out.
we arrived back at jesse’s near midnight and were up for awhile talking before calling it a night.
day 5: march 21
departure day ☹
i knew i had a really long day ahead of me, and that the chances of my luggage arriving in salt lake with me, were virtually nil. i was supposed to fly from santa barbara to la, from la to oakland, change airlines, then from oakland to slc. you can see why i didn’t have much hope for my luggage! and as i was reminded, expectation is everything.
jesse made me breakfast (as he had every morning) and we headed off to the airport. he waited with me while i waited for my flight, and we said our goodbyes. if all goes as planned, he will be heading out to see me next month, and we will role reverse as i show him MY town!bottom line, re this trip, i had an incredible time. jesse was an excellent host. he far surpassed my expectations. and given that we were spending 18+ hours a day together for 4+ days, i was honestly shocked that at no point did i think ‘i wish this guy would get out of my face’. i can’t speak for him, but he never gave the impression that he needed a break from me either.
i knew i would have a great time on this trip, but i was naive. there was all kinds of potential for badness... a lot of time together, very little sleep, the fact that this was our first meeting...yet, i think we both had a really great time. it was sad to say goodbye, but less so as a result of seeing him soon.
i boarded my plane, and we were told that lax was clogged and we would have to wait. it meant that i was definitely missing my connection to oakland. we were rebooked on a leter flight, which would mean i was definitely missing my connection from oakland to slc.
when i arrived in la, i spoke to several people, and weighed the options. ultimately, i decided to wait at the airport for six hours, in order to take a direct flight from la to slc and bypass oakland entirely. in all honesty, it wasn’t that big a deal to me. i knew it was going to take me a good amount of time to rename, resize, and reorder all of mine and jesse’s photos, so i might as well do it at the airport as anywhere else. and that is how i spent my six hours at lax!
when i arrived in salt lake, at 9:30 or so, i didn’t even bother to look for my bags. in all honesty, i wouldn’t have known where to start. so i enlisted the aid of the baggage services folks, who were able to tell me that my bags were in...oakland! apparently they are still there, so i hope the weather is nicer for them than it was for me!
i mentioned expectations before...the truth is, lost baggage would normally make me cry. packing is a nightmare for me because i am really moody about my day to day attire, yet, not having my bags is not freaking me out in the least. i knew it was going to happen, so i packed a toothbrush, extra underwear, and a few other things in my carry on. i forgot the phone charger so i had to buy one of those this morning, and i’m washing my clothes right now, but sa la vie, ya know? if they haven’t come by tonight, i may need to buy a few more things, but it is what it is and being upset about it isn’t going to change it.
so! that is the california recap. some of you will be interested in other details, and i will relay them as appropriate. it was a fabulous time with a fabulous guy who i am looking forward to getting to know better☺
Monday, March 19, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
getting in shape
it's safe to say that 2007 has been a different kind of year for me.
i decided to reprioritize my social time and no longer attend parties or mass gatherings. instead, i find that my social hours are spent engaged in activities and conversations with one or two friends at a time. the result has been fewer relationships that are far more meaningful to me.
i also decided to be less selfish. it has been a growing concern of mine that the older i get still single, the less selfless i become. it is all too easy to put yourself first, all of the time, especially when you are not responsible to or for anyone else. so, though this desire to be less selfish has not resulted in grand gestures, there have been baby steps. small, subtle changes that allow me to consider the needs of others before my own.
i decided to use my calling to gain more solid spiritual footing. it's not as if i was walking through quicksand before, but through that, an effort to be more consistent with spiritual habits, and a rededication to strengthening my testimony, i have felt a peace and a faith previously unknown.
i also decided to go back to the gym. of all of the changes, this was the hardest. i am not someone who has ever loved physical exertion. i far prefer exertion of the mental type. yet, i remembered a time when i was consistently working out for about a year, and remembered how much i had come to enjoy it. not the act of sweating itself, but the stress release, the ability to sleep better, and just generally feeling better about myself.
it's been a month now. i am in the gym five to six days a week. i consider it a tender mercy that by day 2, i was already enjoying it again. and rather than having to motivate myself to go, i have been severely disappointed on those rare occasions that i have not been able to (i.e. snow days).
the reason i consider this a tender mercy is that i am someone who is motivated by the scale. digital number readouts can single-handedly result in my refraining from a second piece of cake, or deciding i don't really care that much. in a 24 hour period, my weight can fluctuate between 2-4 pounds, for no discernible reason. in a week, i can be up or down 10. i am used to some variety in those digital numbers.
and yet, for the past month, when i get on that scale in the morning, those numbers read the exact same thing. i know my scale works, because if i get on at a different time of day, it will say something different. but consistency is the key when it comes to weighing yourself, and every morning, those same numbers look up at me, taunting me.
there are many theories as to why this may be the case, and i've spoken to many people about it. i had come up with one very good theory, which has yet to be proven, but today i encountered another likely culprit. did you know that there are 3200-3500 calories in one pound?
every day, i average about 1100 calories. i burn 700 off the top on the elliptical machine, and my daily meanderings easily burn the rest and more. so technically, i should be losing pounds. ive heard the 'muscle weighs more than fat' statement, and it's not that i don't believe it, but in my case, nothing about my body has changed. my clothes aren't fitting differently, i'm not losing inches. nothing has changed.
so my friend turned me on to a pretty good website today for women and working out, and in doing some reading, i found that i should intake 1600-1800 calories a day in 3-6 meals. and i looked at the clock, and it's almost 2:30 and i have a total of 30 calories so far.
eating before 10am makes me nauseous, and by then i am at work and going. so i don't do breakfast. and it's such a hassle to go out for lunch. so i have dinner. not always, but it's pretty common.
believe me, i love food. it's not as if i wake up each morning and think, 'hey, i'm going to starve myself today, and maybe i'll lose weight.' but in effect, my body thinks that it is what i am doing to it, and it's storing everything it possibly can. it's probably made my metabolism very slow, which explains why even during those short bursts of 'normal' eating habits, there is no effect.
so i'm learning a lot about my body, and that altering it is a process that involves consistency and time and commitment. and i'm okay with that. i want to look and feel better, but i don't need a drastic change overnight for my self-esteem. and the truth is, that's a big change for me.
clearly, one of many taking place this year, and i'm sure there are many more to come!
fyi, there is also another great site i found that allows you to log food and activities, set goals, etc. it's easy and free.
i decided to reprioritize my social time and no longer attend parties or mass gatherings. instead, i find that my social hours are spent engaged in activities and conversations with one or two friends at a time. the result has been fewer relationships that are far more meaningful to me.
i also decided to be less selfish. it has been a growing concern of mine that the older i get still single, the less selfless i become. it is all too easy to put yourself first, all of the time, especially when you are not responsible to or for anyone else. so, though this desire to be less selfish has not resulted in grand gestures, there have been baby steps. small, subtle changes that allow me to consider the needs of others before my own.
i decided to use my calling to gain more solid spiritual footing. it's not as if i was walking through quicksand before, but through that, an effort to be more consistent with spiritual habits, and a rededication to strengthening my testimony, i have felt a peace and a faith previously unknown.
i also decided to go back to the gym. of all of the changes, this was the hardest. i am not someone who has ever loved physical exertion. i far prefer exertion of the mental type. yet, i remembered a time when i was consistently working out for about a year, and remembered how much i had come to enjoy it. not the act of sweating itself, but the stress release, the ability to sleep better, and just generally feeling better about myself.
it's been a month now. i am in the gym five to six days a week. i consider it a tender mercy that by day 2, i was already enjoying it again. and rather than having to motivate myself to go, i have been severely disappointed on those rare occasions that i have not been able to (i.e. snow days).
the reason i consider this a tender mercy is that i am someone who is motivated by the scale. digital number readouts can single-handedly result in my refraining from a second piece of cake, or deciding i don't really care that much. in a 24 hour period, my weight can fluctuate between 2-4 pounds, for no discernible reason. in a week, i can be up or down 10. i am used to some variety in those digital numbers.
and yet, for the past month, when i get on that scale in the morning, those numbers read the exact same thing. i know my scale works, because if i get on at a different time of day, it will say something different. but consistency is the key when it comes to weighing yourself, and every morning, those same numbers look up at me, taunting me.
there are many theories as to why this may be the case, and i've spoken to many people about it. i had come up with one very good theory, which has yet to be proven, but today i encountered another likely culprit. did you know that there are 3200-3500 calories in one pound?
every day, i average about 1100 calories. i burn 700 off the top on the elliptical machine, and my daily meanderings easily burn the rest and more. so technically, i should be losing pounds. ive heard the 'muscle weighs more than fat' statement, and it's not that i don't believe it, but in my case, nothing about my body has changed. my clothes aren't fitting differently, i'm not losing inches. nothing has changed.
so my friend turned me on to a pretty good website today for women and working out, and in doing some reading, i found that i should intake 1600-1800 calories a day in 3-6 meals. and i looked at the clock, and it's almost 2:30 and i have a total of 30 calories so far.
eating before 10am makes me nauseous, and by then i am at work and going. so i don't do breakfast. and it's such a hassle to go out for lunch. so i have dinner. not always, but it's pretty common.
believe me, i love food. it's not as if i wake up each morning and think, 'hey, i'm going to starve myself today, and maybe i'll lose weight.' but in effect, my body thinks that it is what i am doing to it, and it's storing everything it possibly can. it's probably made my metabolism very slow, which explains why even during those short bursts of 'normal' eating habits, there is no effect.
so i'm learning a lot about my body, and that altering it is a process that involves consistency and time and commitment. and i'm okay with that. i want to look and feel better, but i don't need a drastic change overnight for my self-esteem. and the truth is, that's a big change for me.
clearly, one of many taking place this year, and i'm sure there are many more to come!
fyi, there is also another great site i found that allows you to log food and activities, set goals, etc. it's easy and free.
Monday, March 12, 2007
say cheese!
if you watched the oscars, you'll know, that the single most entertaining moment (no, this is not up for debate) was when ellen degeneres went into the audience and asked stephen spielberg to take her picture with clint eastwood.
perhaps it is my love of cheesy photos, or my complete lack of shame in taking them/having them taken, in completely inappropriate circumstances, but i found it absolutely hilarious. stephen spielberg. taking a picture. ha ha! i especially loved that she made him take two, and gave him direction on the second one!
as promised, ellen did post the photo on her myspace page...
the weekend was quiet, yet productive. i started packing,and was dismayed to learn that it will be warmer in utah than in california while i am IN california. there is something wrong about that. i suppose i will have to learn to live with 70 degree temps!
perhaps it is my love of cheesy photos, or my complete lack of shame in taking them/having them taken, in completely inappropriate circumstances, but i found it absolutely hilarious. stephen spielberg. taking a picture. ha ha! i especially loved that she made him take two, and gave him direction on the second one!
as promised, ellen did post the photo on her myspace page...
the weekend was quiet, yet productive. i started packing,and was dismayed to learn that it will be warmer in utah than in california while i am IN california. there is something wrong about that. i suppose i will have to learn to live with 70 degree temps!
Friday, March 09, 2007
short attention span theater presents: friday
life is full of little contradictions. for instance, i don't like football, but i like football movies.
in an unplanned maneuver, two of my recent netflixes have been football movies. the first was 'invincible.' set in the 70s, mark wahlberg plays a local boy who walks on to the philadelphia eagles.
the second was 'gridiron gang'. set in modern day, dwayne 'the rock' johnson plays a correctional officer at a juvenile detention facility, who decides to turn his little criminals into football players.
both are based on true stories, which is always a good start for me, and both leads are fairly delicious. wahlberg, even with his 70's shag cut is still fine. and despite the furrowed brow, i've been a little in love with the rock since i saw him making valentine's cookies on martha stewart many years ago. the guy is funny.
both movies are tales of the underdog, and who doesn't love an underdog? my preference however, was gridiron gang. while invincible captured the struggle of one man to overcome odds, gridiron gang, instead told a tale of someone who affected change within his circle of influence, so that many could overcome odds. i am almost always moved by stories like this, and their lesson that not only is change possible, but one person can have power to orchestrate it in a meaningful way.
i enjoyed both flicks, and both surpassed expectations, but if i had to recommend one, it would definitely be gridiron gang.
i often forget how much taller i am than most of my girlfriends (most of my guy friends too!), until i see pictures of us standing. it's why i make deb stand on ledges and steps above me.
i don't have anything to do this weekend. on one hand that is a glorious thing, since i don't have to teach. on the other, i don't have anything to do this weekend. maybe i'll start packing. giving myself a week is usually a good idea. and if i start packing, i guess i should do laundry. phew. now i have something to do this weekend.
in an unplanned maneuver, two of my recent netflixes have been football movies. the first was 'invincible.' set in the 70s, mark wahlberg plays a local boy who walks on to the philadelphia eagles.
the second was 'gridiron gang'. set in modern day, dwayne 'the rock' johnson plays a correctional officer at a juvenile detention facility, who decides to turn his little criminals into football players.
both are based on true stories, which is always a good start for me, and both leads are fairly delicious. wahlberg, even with his 70's shag cut is still fine. and despite the furrowed brow, i've been a little in love with the rock since i saw him making valentine's cookies on martha stewart many years ago. the guy is funny.
both movies are tales of the underdog, and who doesn't love an underdog? my preference however, was gridiron gang. while invincible captured the struggle of one man to overcome odds, gridiron gang, instead told a tale of someone who affected change within his circle of influence, so that many could overcome odds. i am almost always moved by stories like this, and their lesson that not only is change possible, but one person can have power to orchestrate it in a meaningful way.
i enjoyed both flicks, and both surpassed expectations, but if i had to recommend one, it would definitely be gridiron gang.
***
last week word came down that they were moving our procurement department from the building next door into this one, which means my having to move to accommodate. the office of any event planner is akin to a black hole of miscellaneous items; leftover awards, flip charts, boxes of name badges, gift bags, more catalogs than one person should have, files on top of files, random gifts from venues like pillows and robes and place card holders. it is organized chaos at best, and disaster at worst, depending on the event season. so the prospect of moving has not been a pleasant one. especially since i am only moving four doors down. yes, it is a bigger office, but if you ask me, it's a lot of trouble for a lot of people for only four doors.
earlier this week i was told by our facilities department (the department that has a crush on me) that i could leave everything on my bookcase and in my filing cabinet. this was sweet relief, and as i watched my hall-mates pack up their cabinets and bookcases, it would seem they made an exception in my case.
i can't officially move until late next week when my new desk arrives, but my new office was vacant as of yesterday. while the guys were moving other folks on the hall, they asked if i needed anything. 'well, whenever you can move my white board and cork board, that would be great.' it was immediately taken care of, which is especially humorous since colleagues of mine have waited upwards of two months to have that 'service' performed. there are most definitely perks to being a 'favorite.'
below is a pic of the madness, and yes, the little boy (in the striped shirt) in the pic is the 'new guy.' he apparently continues to ask other folks about me, and doesn't seem to be put off at having been told 'she only dates mormons.' he did finally speak to me yesterday. his profound first words were 'tara, are you moving today?' what can i say? he's 21.
last week word came down that they were moving our procurement department from the building next door into this one, which means my having to move to accommodate. the office of any event planner is akin to a black hole of miscellaneous items; leftover awards, flip charts, boxes of name badges, gift bags, more catalogs than one person should have, files on top of files, random gifts from venues like pillows and robes and place card holders. it is organized chaos at best, and disaster at worst, depending on the event season. so the prospect of moving has not been a pleasant one. especially since i am only moving four doors down. yes, it is a bigger office, but if you ask me, it's a lot of trouble for a lot of people for only four doors.
earlier this week i was told by our facilities department (the department that has a crush on me) that i could leave everything on my bookcase and in my filing cabinet. this was sweet relief, and as i watched my hall-mates pack up their cabinets and bookcases, it would seem they made an exception in my case.
i can't officially move until late next week when my new desk arrives, but my new office was vacant as of yesterday. while the guys were moving other folks on the hall, they asked if i needed anything. 'well, whenever you can move my white board and cork board, that would be great.' it was immediately taken care of, which is especially humorous since colleagues of mine have waited upwards of two months to have that 'service' performed. there are most definitely perks to being a 'favorite.'
below is a pic of the madness, and yes, the little boy (in the striped shirt) in the pic is the 'new guy.' he apparently continues to ask other folks about me, and doesn't seem to be put off at having been told 'she only dates mormons.' he did finally speak to me yesterday. his profound first words were 'tara, are you moving today?' what can i say? he's 21.
***
i often forget how much taller i am than most of my girlfriends (most of my guy friends too!), until i see pictures of us standing. it's why i make deb stand on ledges and steps above me.
***
i don't have anything to do this weekend. on one hand that is a glorious thing, since i don't have to teach. on the other, i don't have anything to do this weekend. maybe i'll start packing. giving myself a week is usually a good idea. and if i start packing, i guess i should do laundry. phew. now i have something to do this weekend.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
italy will have to wait...
looks like it's paris in may. and by paris, i mean paris, versailles, and amsterdam(again). many of you know that when i travel with deb, she pays for the accommodations. it is a great blessing, and one of the only reasons i am able to travel as often as i do, and in the way that i do. and, well, deb wants to go to paris.
she just sent the link to the apartment she has chosen. looks pretty nice!
she just sent the link to the apartment she has chosen. looks pretty nice!
tamara, this is for you
some time ago i blogged but did not post. at the time i felt that the message was a little too pointed and a little too passive aggressive, so i refrained from sharing it with the world.
i post it now, only because tamara, one of my favorite pseudo-strangers, seems to have a similar frustration, not because it is relevant at the moment...
as far back in my dating career (yes, i have unwittingly made a career out of it), men have been telling me (or implying) that i lack patience. i can't tell you how many times i have been in relationships where i have bent over backwards accommodating the timeline of the other person, thinking 'i just need to be more patient.'
but, when it was implied to me again this week, it absolutely hit a nerve. why is it always me that has to do the accommodating? why is it continually implied that it is MY timeline that is wrong? i think i've fallen victim to a superior marketing scam perpetrated on women.
when i'm told that i am impatient, the other person is typically in a position where they are simply not ready to move forward. it may be fear, lack of faith, lack of commitment, the inability to hope, or their uncertainty that i'm worth the risk, that prevents them from moving to the next step--whatever that is. i don't really know, but every one of those things is a far greater travesty to me, then my desire to proceed.
every time a man has told me i'm impatient, it has been to justify the fact that he wasn't 'ready.' (apparently men really have to psych themselves up to date me, but that's beside the point.) and every time, i have thought, i'll just give him time to work out his stuff, and then life will be hunky dory. well, i'm finally realizing that when a man drags his feet, not only is it not my responsibility to wait him out (or worse-push/drag him), but it's probably not in either of our best interests.
deep down, i believe that when someone is interested in you, they make it painfully clear in both words AND actions. those actions do not include overwhelming hesitation, or hemming and hawing. when that hesitation exists, despite contradictory words having been spoken, i am coming to believe that it is because men are enamored of the 'possibility' of a relationship, yet unwilling to take the risk the reality of that relationship might bring.
that's pretty much when i start hearing the 'patience' bit.
i have always been someone who knows what i want. where is the fault in that? i'm to feel guilty about my willingness to take risks and make progress? i've been hurt too. i have issues too. have i made mistakes? of course. have i put too much trust in people? absolutely. yet, you don't see that paralyzing me.
i guess the moral of this story is that i'm learning. i'm learning that it's not always my fault (though it's too bad i'm learning this so late), and i'm learning to get out while i still can.
i post it now, only because tamara, one of my favorite pseudo-strangers, seems to have a similar frustration, not because it is relevant at the moment...
as far back in my dating career (yes, i have unwittingly made a career out of it), men have been telling me (or implying) that i lack patience. i can't tell you how many times i have been in relationships where i have bent over backwards accommodating the timeline of the other person, thinking 'i just need to be more patient.'
but, when it was implied to me again this week, it absolutely hit a nerve. why is it always me that has to do the accommodating? why is it continually implied that it is MY timeline that is wrong? i think i've fallen victim to a superior marketing scam perpetrated on women.
when i'm told that i am impatient, the other person is typically in a position where they are simply not ready to move forward. it may be fear, lack of faith, lack of commitment, the inability to hope, or their uncertainty that i'm worth the risk, that prevents them from moving to the next step--whatever that is. i don't really know, but every one of those things is a far greater travesty to me, then my desire to proceed.
every time a man has told me i'm impatient, it has been to justify the fact that he wasn't 'ready.' (apparently men really have to psych themselves up to date me, but that's beside the point.) and every time, i have thought, i'll just give him time to work out his stuff, and then life will be hunky dory. well, i'm finally realizing that when a man drags his feet, not only is it not my responsibility to wait him out (or worse-push/drag him), but it's probably not in either of our best interests.
deep down, i believe that when someone is interested in you, they make it painfully clear in both words AND actions. those actions do not include overwhelming hesitation, or hemming and hawing. when that hesitation exists, despite contradictory words having been spoken, i am coming to believe that it is because men are enamored of the 'possibility' of a relationship, yet unwilling to take the risk the reality of that relationship might bring.
that's pretty much when i start hearing the 'patience' bit.
i have always been someone who knows what i want. where is the fault in that? i'm to feel guilty about my willingness to take risks and make progress? i've been hurt too. i have issues too. have i made mistakes? of course. have i put too much trust in people? absolutely. yet, you don't see that paralyzing me.
i guess the moral of this story is that i'm learning. i'm learning that it's not always my fault (though it's too bad i'm learning this so late), and i'm learning to get out while i still can.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
in other news...
1. this upcoming trip is getting better and better. looks like deb will be coming out for a long-weekend of skiing during the utah portion, and will be staying with me at my cute cousin's place. seriously, so many of my favorite people in one place, i almost can't stand it!
2. anne and i went to see amazing grace last night. there haven't been many television promos, as far as i can tell, but i've seen enough movies lately that the trailer peaked my interest. i am happy to report that i really really enjoyed it. i've seen crappy movies (because i said so) and mediocre movies (breach) lately, so it was a nice treat. it is the story of william wilberforce and his successful effort to abolish slavery in england in the early 1800's. maybe i'm just a sucker for a feel good story, or a british accent, but it was a well spent $9.75. in fact, i probably would have paid that just to listen to the bagpipe version of the song that played just before the credits.
my only irritation is not having known the story prior to my london trip. knowing he was buried in westminster abbey would have made the organ recital there just that much more meaningful...
2. anne and i went to see amazing grace last night. there haven't been many television promos, as far as i can tell, but i've seen enough movies lately that the trailer peaked my interest. i am happy to report that i really really enjoyed it. i've seen crappy movies (because i said so) and mediocre movies (breach) lately, so it was a nice treat. it is the story of william wilberforce and his successful effort to abolish slavery in england in the early 1800's. maybe i'm just a sucker for a feel good story, or a british accent, but it was a well spent $9.75. in fact, i probably would have paid that just to listen to the bagpipe version of the song that played just before the credits.
my only irritation is not having known the story prior to my london trip. knowing he was buried in westminster abbey would have made the organ recital there just that much more meaningful...
Monday, March 05, 2007
another kendyl video
my videos are getting too large to host on youtube, so i am hoping this alternative works.
this may be my favorite video thus far, but i had to do some tweaking, as i mistakenly took the video with the camera turned in the wrong direction.
here's a tip for those who have made the same mistake..there is a program called transform movie that allows you to rotate and resize video. it's a free trial for 11 days, and a donation of your choice after the trial period. i wish i had known about this before!
this may be my favorite video thus far, but i had to do some tweaking, as i mistakenly took the video with the camera turned in the wrong direction.
here's a tip for those who have made the same mistake..there is a program called transform movie that allows you to rotate and resize video. it's a free trial for 11 days, and a donation of your choice after the trial period. i wish i had known about this before!
hello goodbye
my 'weekend' started on friday morning. lara and i met early at ihop for a a farewell breakfast with angela, who left for orlando on saturday. it is strange to think that she won't be within a few mile radius, after having had that for so long, but, since steve works for jetblue, and jetblue is adding a direct flight from orlando to dulles, we expect to see her (hopefully) regularly. the bonus is that since my motto is 'i'll go anywhere there is a free place to stay,' i've added a city to possible destination vacations. i think disney world as an adult would be a roarin' good time.
friday afternoon, i left work early for a homecoming. steph was back in town from montana, so a group of us met at cpk for dinner. as always, there were plenty of laughs.
it was an interesting evening, in that it is the largest social gathering i have been in in some time. perhaps its the natural evolution of aging, but for months now, the idea of the 'party scene' has been completely abhorrent to me. i enjoy doing social things in small groups (under 5 people), but large groups are just not my thing anymore. i though perhaps i would find that being back in that environment, i would realize that i had missed it, but that was not the case. nstead i found myself wishing there were a lot less people, so i could interact more with the people i really cared to. i guess this social butterfly may have permanently gone back into the cocoon.
the rest of the weekend was spent preparing my lesson. there was one break for unexpected hilarity. i went out to grab lunch and gas, and as i was pulling out of the gas station, so was someone else...with the nozzle and hose still attached to their vehicle. i have never seen such a thing, and am completely befuddled as to how that driver did not know they were pulling off a 6 foot hose from a pump. but it did provide some comic relief.
this week's lesson was on miracles. the upside is that i got to teach one of my all-time favorite scriptural stories..about the woman with the 'issue of blood' who makes her way through a mob to touch the hem of christ's robe and is healed. i love what that says about the power of faith, and how it reminds me that it is an active, not passive state.
the downside is that between gospel doctrine and stake enrichment, i've taught every week for the last three. what that means is that i have spent the last three weeks pretty stressed out. i was supposed to teach again next week, since i will be gone for the two following, but i hit my wall. so i found myself a sub.
that provides a great deal of relief, but it also makes me extremely ancy for my upcoming trip. so far, i have been pretty relaxed about it, knowing that there were many 'obstacles' in the way before my departure. but, with the last major one removed, i am anxious to go NOW.
jesse is planning all kinds of fun activities for my time in california, and i can't wait to reconnect with family and friends in utah, and to celebrate with jill and corey.
11 days is too many!!
friday afternoon, i left work early for a homecoming. steph was back in town from montana, so a group of us met at cpk for dinner. as always, there were plenty of laughs.
it was an interesting evening, in that it is the largest social gathering i have been in in some time. perhaps its the natural evolution of aging, but for months now, the idea of the 'party scene' has been completely abhorrent to me. i enjoy doing social things in small groups (under 5 people), but large groups are just not my thing anymore. i though perhaps i would find that being back in that environment, i would realize that i had missed it, but that was not the case. nstead i found myself wishing there were a lot less people, so i could interact more with the people i really cared to. i guess this social butterfly may have permanently gone back into the cocoon.
the rest of the weekend was spent preparing my lesson. there was one break for unexpected hilarity. i went out to grab lunch and gas, and as i was pulling out of the gas station, so was someone else...with the nozzle and hose still attached to their vehicle. i have never seen such a thing, and am completely befuddled as to how that driver did not know they were pulling off a 6 foot hose from a pump. but it did provide some comic relief.
this week's lesson was on miracles. the upside is that i got to teach one of my all-time favorite scriptural stories..about the woman with the 'issue of blood' who makes her way through a mob to touch the hem of christ's robe and is healed. i love what that says about the power of faith, and how it reminds me that it is an active, not passive state.
the downside is that between gospel doctrine and stake enrichment, i've taught every week for the last three. what that means is that i have spent the last three weeks pretty stressed out. i was supposed to teach again next week, since i will be gone for the two following, but i hit my wall. so i found myself a sub.
that provides a great deal of relief, but it also makes me extremely ancy for my upcoming trip. so far, i have been pretty relaxed about it, knowing that there were many 'obstacles' in the way before my departure. but, with the last major one removed, i am anxious to go NOW.
jesse is planning all kinds of fun activities for my time in california, and i can't wait to reconnect with family and friends in utah, and to celebrate with jill and corey.
11 days is too many!!
Sunday, March 04, 2007
kendyl
needless to say, i am spending as much time as humanly possible with my niece, and taking entirely too many photos and too much video. i can't help it if she's adorable.
Friday, March 02, 2007
new glasses
i am one of the lucky ones in that i have very good vision. that being said, i suffer sever migraines when looking at a computer or a book for too long, and glasses help to combat them. so, it was time for a new pair. i had gotten another pair which malfunctioned two weeks in, and the dolce frames were discontinued. so i had to go with prada (thank you, flexible spending account).
what d'ya think?
p.s. i'm using my quik pod to take my self-portrait. hee hee hee
what d'ya think?
p.s. i'm using my quik pod to take my self-portrait. hee hee hee
a nice little ego trip
earlier today one of our facilities guys, who i've known for years now, dropped by my office to say hello. with him was the 'new guy', who i've seen around for the past couple of weeks but hadn't officially met. our discussion was innocuous--nothing out of the ordinary.
a few minutes ago i went down to receiving to pick up a package, and one of the other guys i know pretty well in facilities, mentioned that someone had been asking about me and my relationship status. when i pushed him, he told me it was the new guy.
honestly, the guy is cute (with the exception of his being two inches shorter than i am), but cute. what makes it interesting however, is the fact that he is 21.
every once in awhile, it's nice to be reminded that you still got it...especially when you've spent the last three weeks in the gym and haven't lost a friggin pound.
a few minutes ago i went down to receiving to pick up a package, and one of the other guys i know pretty well in facilities, mentioned that someone had been asking about me and my relationship status. when i pushed him, he told me it was the new guy.
honestly, the guy is cute (with the exception of his being two inches shorter than i am), but cute. what makes it interesting however, is the fact that he is 21.
every once in awhile, it's nice to be reminded that you still got it...especially when you've spent the last three weeks in the gym and haven't lost a friggin pound.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
a gift for you, netflix user
for those of you using netflix, if you haven't heard, they will be offering video streaming as a part of membership. they are rolling it out slowly, but i found an article with the cheat for jumping ahead in line.
the only downside is that it requires windows xp or vista, and ie, so, mac and safari/firefox users are out in the cold for now. fortunately, i use a pc for work. unfortunately, this is going to decrease my productivity by 80%.
the only downside is that it requires windows xp or vista, and ie, so, mac and safari/firefox users are out in the cold for now. fortunately, i use a pc for work. unfortunately, this is going to decrease my productivity by 80%.
a procrastinated post
all week there has been a heavy weight on my heart. i have attempted to blog it several times, yet doing so seemed to make it more real. but the reality has set in nonetheless--so much so that i have woken twice this week in tears, and so i blog.
recently, kate took kendyl to nashville to visit a friend and determine the feasability of a move there. upon their return, she let us know that she was going to pick up and go. so at the end of march, the two of them will be moving, and my heart is breaking.
perhaps this may seem an overdramatic reaction for an aunt, but my experience as such has been anything but typical.
i was there to witness kendyl's arrival into the world and her first breaths. since then, we have shared the same house, and i have been blessed to be a part of all of the wonderful firsts a child has. first words, first steps, solid food... i have spent the nearly three years of her life in close quarters with her, and now she is going to be living in another state.
it looks as though i may be in utah during move time, and i am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. all i know right now is that i am a wreck, and every moment spent with her now is bittersweet.
recently, kate took kendyl to nashville to visit a friend and determine the feasability of a move there. upon their return, she let us know that she was going to pick up and go. so at the end of march, the two of them will be moving, and my heart is breaking.
perhaps this may seem an overdramatic reaction for an aunt, but my experience as such has been anything but typical.
i was there to witness kendyl's arrival into the world and her first breaths. since then, we have shared the same house, and i have been blessed to be a part of all of the wonderful firsts a child has. first words, first steps, solid food... i have spent the nearly three years of her life in close quarters with her, and now she is going to be living in another state.
it looks as though i may be in utah during move time, and i am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. all i know right now is that i am a wreck, and every moment spent with her now is bittersweet.
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