merry christmas

yay!

heading home tomorrow! woo-hoo!

still working out a lot of scheduling, but it looks as though it is going to be a wonderfully busy trip. i can't wait to finally get my hair cut (at some point, i will have to suck it up and find a new stylist), use my gift certificate for the mani/pedi/facial at red door (which expires at the year end), and of course, see a lot of my peeps.

again. yay!

a quick update

work is going better than anyone has a right to hope for in the first three days of a new job, although i realize it has been an atypical week. monday was mostly spent meeting people and getting the information dump. my boss and my team took me out to a fabulous lunch (at the kind of restaurant that, when i told jenny, her response was 'ooooh').

the lunch was meant to be a pseudo-introduction of me to my team, and vice versa. apparently the bonding worked, as i was told the next day that they had given me the thumbs up. 'sh', my boss, also mentioned that she had informally polled others who all agreed, and one had 'said it best' when they commented that i seemed 'cut from our cloth'. i couldn't agree more. i have never walked into a new job and been so comfortable as i have been here. i know very little about my co-workers, but there is an overwhelming feeling of 'family'. it is clear that everyone likes each other. this is not a place where people are deceitful or uber-political. this is a place where people help each other succeed.

much of tuesday was spent at a site inspection at a nearby resort and spa, at which, we will be holding the big january conference (cal ripken is our guest speaker). we toured the property and i enjoyed another free lunch!

today was our office holiday party, so as you can see, it's been a fun week! we had the bowling alley 'lucky strike' (yes, it is related to the one in dc) to ourselves, and it was a blast. i was the top female bowler out of maybe 40-50 other ladies (though it was actually a medium to low score for me, so i won't share it), and of course, i wasted no time getting started with the self-portraits!

lw (one of the great girls on my team), lc (the great girl i replaced),
me (also a great girl), and rb (the other great lady i am managing)

me and the boss

jw (one of the other mormons i work with) and i

me and aw (my office mate, and awesome chica)

*i am being, perhaps, overly cautious about the use of names, and therefore, my co-workers will be referred to by initials:)

three interviews...

...two personality tests, one criminal background, and one credit check later (all for the same company), i have the job i've been hoping for.

i start monday, and i couldn't be more thrilled.

there is much more blogging that needs doing, but i haven't been feeling very motivated. for now, this will have to suffice.

ps - i will be back in va for xmas on the 20th - 31st.

shameless plug

thank you for your thoughts, comments, suppositions, emails, phone calls, and texts. if i haven't responded directly, please don't take it personally. i don't really want to talk all that much right now, but those messages do wonders. i am feelin' the love, so i thought it would be appropriate to step away from my wallowing for a moment (don't worry, i'll be hurrying back), to share a little love of my own.

since arriving in california, i have reconnected with several old high school friends, two of which, in particular, i've spent a good amount of time with thus far. i continue to find it incredible that two people from 13 years in my past, have come to play such a prominent role in my present. i believe that people are placed in our lives at different times for different reasons, and i have come to feel strongly that brandon and michelle were placed in my life then, because they would play such an important role now.

initially, i had planned to spend the thanksgiving holiday with them, and some other friends of theirs. my family (the ones i am currently living with) were all in idaho for the holiday, but i wanted to stick close in case of job stuff popping up (they were gone for over a week). but with things working out the way they did, i called him on wednesday to let him know that i was bailing.

of course, he instantly picked up on the fact that i was sobbing, and had the whole story out of me before too long. his response was 'what do you need?'

what i needed, was to not be alone, but i told him that i was going to call my friend up in sb, and see if i couldn't find a place on the couch there. sb is farther, but frankly i had no intention of adding to brandon's troubles. you may remember that i recently mentioned he had been diagnosed with cancer, and i didn't want to cause any more drama in his life.

i called my friend in sb, who simply did not know what to say. it is very difficult for me to ask for help (contrary to what my recent blog posts may have led you to believe), and i couldn't quite find the courage to ask if i could come sleep on his couch. i needed for him to ask me what i needed, or if there was anything he could do. but he never did.

it took me about 45 minutes, but i finally got the courage up to ask and called him again. he didn't answer. he didn't call me back. in fact, i have not heard from him since that night. needless to say, i have reevaluated our 'friendship'.

to say that i was distraught, would be a gross understatement. everything was a blur, i couldn't think straight. the only thing i could be certain of that day, was that i could not spend the night alone. but i didn't know what to do. the one person i sort of felt comfortable asking for help, had completely and totally failed me.

within a half-hour of the second call attempt, i received a text message from brandon. it said 'you sure you don't want to stay with us tonight? michelle can get ice cream. we love you, and we'd love to have you.'

i knew, without a doubt in that moment, there was nothing they would not have done for me. these two people, over a decade from my past, would have done anything i could have possibly needed or asked. isn't that incredible?

i was on the road with my overnight bag 15 minutes later.

i arrived to find that michelle had picked up my favorite ice cream (which was the only food i would eat for the next four days), and firefly was in the dvd player ready to go. after a lot of crying on my part, and a couple of great episodes, we called it a night, and i curled up on the couch with sweet sammy the cat.

needless to say, i will never forget what those two did for me. any service i can render them will fall short, in my mind, of the service i received.

the diagnosis update on brandon is that he has germ cell cancer, with a good prognosis. he starts chemotherapy on monday and will undergo a 12 week cycle. there is a 70% chance of complete remission, and he is doing everything in his power to keep those odds high.

[insert shameless plug] as it so happens, brandon is a singer/songwriter..in fact, one of the most talented people i have ever known. he has just released a christmas single called winter in the sun and it is available on itunes. download it now!

i love it, but maybe that's because it's about christmas in california;) or maybe i'm a little biased. at the very least, check it out and decide for yourself.

alright, back to wallowing i go!

blog challenge: give me a reason

well, i am less angry today. the good news is, no tirades or finger pointing. the bad news is less anger=more sadness. my friend adam put it perfectly when he said that anger takes the edge off sadness. truer words were never spoken.

i don't know if you are like me, but i have watched many friends face difficult trials. i always feel helpless, knowing that words cannot take the place of a magic wand. and i always wish that there was something i could do. anything.

well, my friends, there is something you can do for me. maybe two somethings if the first applies.

i can't help but keep qualifying my sadness. logically i recognize that losing an animal is different than losing a friend or family member of the human variety. i have friends that have faced the latter, and a part of me thinks it's unfair not to acknowledge that. yet, emotionally i feel like a part of me just died and i want to be able to just be illogically sad for a little while. so. if you have lost someone close to you. i need your permission to grieve without caveats or exceptions. it doesn't matter how you give it..email, text message, comment on this post...i just need you to tell me that it's okay to feel as badly as i do (assuming you have not already done so).

the second something, which applies to everyone, is alluded to in the title of this post. my all-time greatest coping mechanism has been finding the 'reason' in the oft quoted phrase 'everything happens for a reason.' i understand that we don't always get to know why things happen, which is why i often just make things up. don't knock it. it works for me. at least it usually does.

this time, however, i haven't been able to come up with something i haven't also been able to talk myself out of shortly thereafter. this is where you come in. answer the question 'why?' the only rule is that it needs to stand up to scrutiny. it doesn't matter how far-fetched it might appear on the surface, how complicated or convoluted, whether it's thoughtful or delusional. funny is allowed. a good laugh would be much appreciated. use your imagination.

the one answer not on the table is this: maybe i need to live in a certain place that i couldn't have lived in with a dog, because my roommate is going to introduce me to my future husband.

i've already talked myself out of that one. everything else is fair game.

grieving

i understand that there are different stages of grieving. they cycle in, cycle out, overlap, disappear only to return with a vengeance. i also recognize that not all of these stages are rational. which brings me to today's wrath.

one comment.

i tell you all the my dog has been hit by a car, that my companion of 10 years is dead, and that garners one comment? (thank you corey and jill). there are a couple of people i've spoken with via telephone since wednesday, so you are off the hook.

everyone else... seriously?? is this how highly you value our friendship, that you can't be bothered to call me and see how i'm doing, or at the very least, comment on a friggin' blog post? too much effort?

i tried to cut everyone some slack, with it being the holiday and all. but it's monday. it's been five days people. the saddest, most difficult five days i can remember, and with a couple notable exceptions no one bothered to check in on me. my thanksgiving was spent alone and in tears, and every mass text message i got wishing me a happy thanksgiving made me want to throw my phone against the wall and scream.

maybe you just don't know what to say, or maybe you think it's silly that i'm mourning a dog. to the former "i'm sorry you're hurting," usually works pretty well, and to the latter, you obviously don't know me very well. whether or not you can understand why this is so difficult for me is irrelevant, the overwhelming apathy is not something i will easily be able to forget.

letter to a friend (11/19/97 - 11/21/07)

dear cyra,

i can’t sleep.

of course i can’t sleep. i’m too used to having you in bed beside me. it was hard enough to sleep during our temporary separation. now that it’s permanent, i wonder when i will sleep soundly again.

i can’t believe you’re gone. how is it that something can feel so real, and yet so completely impossible? i keep thinking i will wake up.

when i got you, about 10 years ago now, it was the first adult decision i’d ever made--choosing to be responsible for another living being, and knowing that it would mean making certain sacrifices. it’s hard to admit that sometimes those sacrifices were difficult to make, but never once did i regret the decision.

you were named cyra because it means ‘sun’, and your fur was so shiny and red. when i first became acquainted with patterdales, i thought i would end up with a black dog, since 95% of the breed has that trait. but you were the last of the litter, and the minute i saw your picture, i knew you belonged with me. your name was more appropriate than i ever would have imagined, and if you knew how much light you brought to my life, you would understand.

i was going to pick you up at christmas and bring you back with me, to resume your normal place at my side. you would have loved it here, and i was so excited to take you for walks on the beach, and let you enjoy the warm california sun. you always were a sun baby, lying for hours in the warmest spot you could find, whenever given the opportunity. in that regard, we were greatly alike.

they say that dogs take after their owners, and in your case i like to think that’s true. you were tough (remember picking that fight with riggins?), and yet so tender. playful and snuggly, always wanting to do things your way, and too smart for your own good. your sense of adventure and need for ‘escape’ has always paralleled my own. you know as well as anyone how much i hate feeling confined. i was always the type that, in three feet of snow, i’d go driving because i needed to know i could. you were much the same, always wanting to discover and explore, and i often felt guilty that you didn’t have more freedom to roam. but those restrictions came only from my own fear. fear that you would get lost, and that i wouldn’t be able to protect you. in the end, i guess that is exactly what happened.

i can’t help but feel guilty. about all kinds of things. i feel guilty that i am handling this so badly, when people i love have lost people they love. i feel guilty about imposing my sorrow on others, when they have their own sorrows to contend with. i feel guilty when errant thoughts pass through my brain like ‘it’s going to be a lot easier to find an apartment now.’ and i can’t help but think about what i could and should have done differently. i think about how i never intended to leave you for this long, and how maybe if i had told mom and dad to shake the treat box if you ever got away, you’d come right back, that maybe you would still be here. and of course, i can’t help feeling that i should have been there. even if there was nothing i could have done, just to have been there for you to know you hadn’t been forgotten or left behind. you hadn’t been abandoned, simply placed in the care of others who loved you, until i could make a place for us both here.

this is a day i have been dreading for many years, and never did i imagine it would come so quickly or abruptly. the more attached i became to you, and you to me, the more i worried about how i would cope when your life on earth came to an end. and to tell you the truth, i always thought that i would be married and have children when the time came to say goodbye. you have been with me through every major life change i’ve encountered, and i can’t quite reconcile that you won’t be here to experience the changes yet to come. it’s not fair.

you have been the one constant in my life. i already feel like my bearings are a bit ‘off’, and now i feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. i would have done anything to have you with me. i would have moved back to va, if i couldn’t find housing. i would have spent whatever money necessary to keep you here and in my life. if i knew that this unexpected, but relatively quick death, would save you from sickness or prolonged suffering in the future, there would be some comfort in that. and i am grateful that i never had to make a decision. i never had to decide if it was your time. i know now, that i would have been incapable of that decision. i would have wanted to keep you with me for as long as possible, under any circumstances. so, i suppose i’m glad that your quality of life never deteriorated...that you lived a healthy and happy life.

i hope that your last moments were not fearful ones, and i am so grateful that your little body remained in tact. the doctors at the emergency animal hospital seem to think that you suffered a concussion, and that your passing was nearly instantaneous. i hope with all my heart that they are right. the thought of you being scared or in pain is simply too much to bear.

i did my best to make sure that you felt neither of those things while we were together, but instead, somehow relay to you that you were loved and safe, and that your happiness was important to me. did you know just how much? did you know that every moment we spent together was a moment i was thankful for? that i never took for granted how much you enriched my life? that when i knelt in prayer, and expressed gratitude for my many blessings, your name was always spoken?

i have always felt you were a gift from god. that you were selected especially for me, to be what i needed you to be, just when i needed it. and i don’t know how, but you did always know what that was. every day, i could count on coming home to that expectant face and wagging tail. there was never any judgement when i got home later than usual, and you had to wait to go outside. always excitement and anticipation. whether it had been a good day or bad, it was always made better by walking through that door. and when life was especially hard, you always seemed to understand. no matter how much i wanted to wallow, or to be left alone, you simply wouldn’t allow it--not on your time. and now that i face a deeper sadness than i have yet known, you aren’t here to comfort me.

doggy self-portraits...just a few days before i left virginia

there are so many things i’ll miss. i’ll miss how much you loved to ‘sing’ along with sirens that came within earshot and how much you loved being near the water. i’ll miss our tug of war and always being amazed at how high that little body could jump! i’ll miss you licking my toes for what seemed like forever and how excited you got whenever you saw a squirrel. i’ll miss burying my face in your fur and resting my head on your stomach. i’ll miss your curiosity about the world around you and how fiercely you tried to protect me from strangers. i’ll miss having you slide under the covers with me. maybe that most of all. having you curl up into a little ball at my side, feeling your warmth, and knowing that tomorrow would be okay.

i have few fears in life, but one of the worst has now manifested. i no longer have to wonder how i will feel, how i will cope. i know, and it’s a knowledge i’d rather not have. there was no time to prepare, no gradual acceptance. my heart broke into pieces when i heard, and the healing of it is going to take a very long time. i feel your loss acutely, and wonder why. why now, why like this. but, i believe in a loving god, and i believe that no life is snuffed out without purpose. so i must trust in that, and give thanks for being entrusted with your care, even if it was shorter than i would have liked.

i believe that life exists beyond this mortal plane, and as such, that we will meet again. i have always loved the book ‘what dreams may come’ simply for the passage in which the main character arrives in heaven, and is immediately met by the faithful canine companion who shared his life. over the years, i have thought of that passage often, and simply cannot imagine a heaven in which such things don’t happen.

thank you for being such a loving and loyal companion. you loved me unconditionally, even when i didn’t deserve it. one day, i will be able to look back on our decade together wihout tears, and without sadness. you gave me so much joy in life, and one day, that will be what i remember, not how hard it was to lose you.

mom and dad will be picking you up this weekend on the way back, so they can take you home and bury your body in the backyard, under the bench. it’s the only thing i feel sure of. your body will be safe there, in a place that is familiar. i understand that your spirit no longer resides in that shell, and that it has returned to it’s true home. it seems fitting that your body should find rest at it’s home too. and of course, i need to somehow say goodbye. i wish that i had been able to hold you in my arms in your last moments. to rub your ears (you always loved that) and to tell you once more how much i loved you, and how grateful i was for you. i tried to tell you often in life, and pray that you understood what surpasses these inadequate words.

my dog cyra was hit by a car yesterday and did not survive.

happy thanksgiving.

dream psychology

dream:

i have a date with a guy who, it turns out, is an actor from 3:10 to yuma (i haven't seen it but it's at the dollar theater so i've been contemplating). it's actually christian bale, but in my dream state, i can only account for him as "an actor from 3:10 to yuma."

during my date, audrina from the hills shows up and totally kifes my man (she gave him her number, and somehow it's clear he is going to hook up with her). incidentally, in no world, dream or real, is she enough woman for christian bale.

i ditch the guy and lament (with actual tears) the clear violation of the girl code, before finding comfort in the arms of an unnamed man, who quite identically looks like riggins from friday night lights. end scene.

interpretation:

having all this time on my hands, and having watched just about every episode of every show available online, it has become clear that tv is very literally rotting my brain.

on that note, the good news is that i got a callback from the desired company today and they want to 'proceed to the next step'. in their case, what that means is a couple of online personality profiles, reference screening, criminal background check, etc. apparently that takes 'a few days', so i should hear back next week, and could be working as early as december 1 (well technically dec. 3, but dec. 1 sounds better). thanks to all those including me in their prayers and positive thoughts--please continue to do so!

bibliophile

in my freshman year of college, i took a course in contemporary fiction. one of the short stories we read was entitled 'the handsomest drowned man in the world,' and was my introduction to gabriel garcia marquez.

with quotes like this (below), i was an instant fan.

Even though they were looking at him, there was no room for him in their imagination... they also knew that everything would be different from then on, that their houses would have wider doors, higher ceilings, and stronger floors so that no one in the future would dare whisper, ‘the big blob finally died, too bad the handsome fool has finally died,’ because they were going to paint their house fronts gay colors to make Esteban's memory eternal, and they were going to break their backs digging for springs among the stones, and planting flowers on the cliffs so that in future years at dawn, the passengers on the great liners would awaken, suffocated by the smell of gardens on the high seas, and the captain would have to come down from the bridge in his dress uniform, with his astrolabe, his pole star, and his row of war medals, and pointing to the promontory of roses on the horizon, he would say in fourteen languages, ‘look there, where the wind is so peaceful now that it’s gone to sleep beneath the beds, over there, where the sun’s so bright that the sunflowers don’t know which way to turn, yes, over there, that’s Esteban’s village.

i loved the images marquez was able to create...the story stepped out of the confines of paper pages and took root in my imagination. and i was off to the book store for more of his work, most notably 100 years of solitude and love in the time of cholera. these books have been in my possession for nearly 13 years now, and i have read neither.

the other night, i saw a trailer for the movie version of 'love', and i had to consider why it was that i had not yet read the book. ultimately, i decided that it was out of fear.

my favorite book of all-time is les miserables, and after reading it, i got my hands on every piece of hugo's work i could find. invariably i was disappointed. and not just disappointed, but nearly devastated. i could not understand how an author could pen a novel so clearly divinely inspired, only to have his other works fall so short in my mind. there are those that will disagree with my feelings about his other works, the hunchback of notre dame foremost among them, but for me they were sick jests.

unbeknownst to me, i believe, that that created an irrational fear of being let down. i had so loved the handsomest drowned man, and could not put myself through that same disappointment if his other works did not measure up. so they got shelved.

usually i am working on three or four books at a time, and have the 'top 5 books to complete' with me. this has been number 5 for as long as i can remember, and as such, it was close by. when i saw the trailer, i knew it had to be made a priority, as i simply don't believe in seeing a movie before reading the book, unless i have no intentions of ever reading the book.

i've made it a few chapters in, and so far, there is no disappointment looming. in fact, i find that same imagery and storytelling mastery is just as present has it was in that short story read long ago, and i can't wait to finish!

in other book news...the geek blogs (namely engadget and gizmodo) are all abuzz with posts about amazon's new 'kindle' digital book reader. the reader will allow you to wirelessly download from amazon to read (ultimately) any book you can imagine wanting, including those hard to get and out of print books.

i typically like to be on the front edge of new technology, but in this case, i find myself torn. the advantages are unquestionably great. first, that ability to easily access books that are hard to find is amazing. and, since i am someone who typically travels with 6 or 7 books, my luggage and my arms would certainly thank me.

on the other hand, there is something about holding a book..breaking the spine, dog earring those memorable pages, or whipping out the highlighter/pen, that is immensely gratifying. that tactile sensation that fosters a perfect read, is not something that can easily be replaced by a digital tablet. so the question is, do the benefits outweigh the sacrifices? i know there are some fellow bibliophiles reading, and i'm curious about your thoughts...do share...

(ps aaron-i really am still working on 'clash')

rockin' it

yup. i really rocked it today.

first, i rocked the 2nd interview. of course, it didn't hurt to learn that my interviewer is mormon..along with several staff members. ah, the irony. even more ironic that this job has been screaming at me since the first time i saw the posting. can't really explain it, but this was the job i vocally expressed to family that i hoped would call. i don't know why. for all my attempts, i can't actually explain it, except to say that some things are simply meant to be, and sometimes i have an inkling of when/how that is.

aside from the randomly strange mormon connection (i mean it's not like i'm in utah!), i learned more about the company and the job, and it still feels like a very good fit. they are planning on making a decision next week, which hopefully will make a very happy thanksgiving--particularly since i will be solo on the big family day. mick, jenny and crew have departed hence to ut and id and the house is shockingly quiet. i'll admit that to a certain extent, silence is golden, but, i think that is scheduled to wear off tomorrow, when i start losing it because it's too quiet. so, here's hoping for that happy thanksgiving, with happy job news:)

after rocking the interview, i rocked the kitchen. my living circumstances over the past few years have resulted in minimal domesticity. i love to cook, but rarely do it, because i hate interfering in other people's space. but with the fam out of town, i had a little bit of freedom (which is not to say that anyone imposes restrictions on me but myself), so i had some fun with some leftover ingredients in the fridge. the result? bbq chicken pizza.

granted, i didn't make the crust from scratch, but i bbq'd the chicken, carmelized the onions, chopped the cilantro, etc. seriously, you're getting hungry just reading this, right? it was a terrific challenge not to inhale the ingredients before they all made it onto the pizza, but that first hot bite fresh out of the oven made all that restraint worth it. yum. i should have taken a picture, but that would have taken too long.

i was supposed to head to brandon and michelle's tonight, but brandon is going to be staying in the hospital through sunday while he has some more tests run. i may head up there tomorrow for some comic relief (as in, brandon can entertain me from his hospital bed), in the meantime, here's to rockin' it, because i so totally did.

by the way, why has everyone been soooo quiet lately? i continue to require your acknowledgment for the validation of my ego:) thanks in advance;)

reality

i just learned tonight that my records have officially arrived in the huntington beach 1st ward.

i don't know why, but it actually made me gasp. there are moments that reality sneaks up on me. in the first couple of weeks after my arrival, it was usually accompanied by fear and trepidation, self-doubt, and uncertainty about the future.

but now it's changed. the uncertainty still exists, but instead of fear and trepidation, it is accompanied by excitement and anticipation. one of my former co-workers farewell to me included the following comment: "six months from now, your life won't remotely resemble the life you have now."

isn't that friggin' awesome!

an anniversary of sorts

monday marked one month since my arrival in california.

give me a second to process that.

one month. do you remember when a month used to feel like an eternity? in some ways, it still does, but in most, i find myself wondering what happened to all of those days. what did i accomplish? how did i fill my time? did i make the most of it?

often the answer is a disappointing no, but in this case, i feel 'yes' is appropriate. maybe not a resounding yes, but a yes nonetheless.

i've spent a good deal of time job hunting or job pursuing. the bay area job, as i expected, was an option. on wednesday of last week, i had made the final decision not to continue the process, and informed the recruiter of such. what i didn't expect was just how much the company wanted me. on thursday and friday i considered to receive phone calls from various vps at the company...some trying to talk me into accepting the job, some just wanting to find out what reason i might have for not wanting it.

on paper, it was fantastic. a lot of money at a great company. my budgets would be enormous, my clients even more so. so how do you explain 'it just doesn't feel right.' i gave all of the logical reasons i could come up with, but i'm sure they all remain a little baffled. to a certain extent, me too.

but my decision has been confirmed, at least by my own reasoning. friday, i got a call from a company i had submitted my resume to about a month ago. i can't explain what about this particular position or company appealed to me, but as i've carefully tracked all the positions i've applied for, this one somehow stood out. i sent my resume to them three times...just in case.

the short of it is that i interviewed with them on tuesday. i had mixed feelings about how the interview went (the woman was completely unreadable!), but did feel strongly that it would be a good fit all around. the job itself is right up my alley--a corporate event position that seems to have everything i'm looking for...right type of events, right salary, right location (just over 10 minutes from my cousin's house).

the company is looking to move quickly. i have a second interview on friday, and i'm very optimistic. keep your fingers crossed!

so when not job hunting, i've been trying to make new friends and reconnect with old ones. i have been pleasantly surprised to find that in the former case, people here are friendly and open. i haven't met anyone yet with whom there was an instant 'click', but there is definite friendship potential all around. in regards to the latter, i have had a chance to spend more time with my high school friends--brandon and michelle in particular.

a couple of weeks ago, when the party discussion turned to 'buffy', it was suggested to me (as it has been many times over the years) that i really needed to see 'firefly', also created by joss whedon. so last friday we began the marathon to be continued tomorrow night.

it has been immensely fulfilling--the rekindling of these friendships. i have been fortunate enough to have maintained contact with a few old friends. though there are notable exceptions, most of my closest friends are people i've known for a decade or more. i can't help but wonder if that's not because the core of our personalities is formed very early on, so the self of our youth, is the purest self we ever are. we add experiences over the years. we pick up baggage and mature (hopefully), but perhaps the people that resonate with that self of youth, will always have the ability to do so. it's an imperfect theory, i realize, but in my case, i can't think of one close friend from years gone by, one who i chose consciously or unconsciously (not as a result of circumstance, but actual choice) who i think i couldn't/wouldn't be friends with today. and i have most certainly reaped the reward of my imperfect theory.

i got a call from brandon last night, and i didn't get the message until late. michelle sent an email today saying she'd like to chat, and when i called her, i was devastated to learn that last week--the day after our firefly marathon part 1--brandon was diagnosed with cancer. though he has been back in my life for all of two weeks (at least the physical presence part), the news came as an absolute shock. the good news is that it has been caught early, though they don't know yet exactly what they are dealing with. they know it's malignant. they know it's in his lungs (ironic, since he has never been a smoker), but they also know it did not start there. tomorrow morning they will be doing a more invasive procedure to determine the origin and the extent.

needless to say, there are a lot of prayers being said. tomorrow is a big day all around.

do you know the way to san jose?

i do.

first, you drive to john wayne airport. then you check in at the southwest ticket counter, move along through security to your gate, and onto the plane. there is a middle seat calling your name. then...voila!

the day after i arrived here in california--or i guess technically, the first business day after i arrived, i met with a recruiter. said recruiter does not specialize in event planning, however, several months ago, they happened to have an ep position open at a company they were repping some other jobs for.

i was underqualified and i knew it. but i was only lacking one requirement, and there are about 1% of the event/meeting planning population that possess it, so i applied anyway. i received a prompt phone call and learned that the company was being a stickler about that one thing (experience planning events with more than 100,000 people), but was told that they loved my resume and would like me to touch base when i arrived in ca.

the moment after i learned my previous job was not being extended afterall, i shot off an email, and an appointment was set. when i met with them in mid-october, they had a similar position open without the ridiculous requirement, and it sounded ideal--with the major exception being that it was located in northern california, between san jose and san francisco on south bay.

i have never had any intention or desire to live/work in northern california. frankly, in my mind, it defeats the purpose of living in california. i vividly remember being in san francisco one july 4th, and freezing in my sweater while i watched fireworks. i don't dislike fall/winter temps, but i dislike them in july.

aside from the obvious weather disadvantages, there are a few others. first among them is the fact that everyone i know in the state lives south of santa barbara. the idea of being completely alone the next time an earthquake strikes is less than appealing. there are also fewer lds singles in the bay area, which not only makes it more difficult to date, but it also makes it harder to find lds roommates, friends, etc.

but, when i was informed of the position, i thought, 'what the heck?' the money was...pretty darn awesome. even accounting for the high cost of living. as it turns out, my 'what the heck?' got me flown to san jose yesterday, on someone else's dime.

the last two weeks have involved a lot of debating between me and...me:) i went through two telephone interviews before learning they would like to fly me up for face to face interviews, and each day brought a new internal debate.

if the job were in southern california, it would be a no brainer. a done deal. but it's not, and that has been difficult to wrap my head around. there is a company out there who is very interested in me, and is willing to pay me a lot of money--including relocation costs to cover temporary housing while i get my bearings. they have treated me with a great deal of respect throughout the process and are global leaders in event planning. i would be working a single event for a ginormous client that anyone not living under a rock has heard of. the budget is about 10 times larger than any other single event budget i've ever managed. so of course, it would be stupid not to want it, right?

boy am i stupid.

i should explain that while there is not an offer on the table yet, i am pretty confident that it will come. i have always interviewed well, and in this case, after the phone interviews, i knew it was a high probability, which became even greater after yesterday's meetings. they have been looking at me for a few different positions, and as i suspected, the face to face was simply to better identify which one would be the best fit, not whether i would be a fit at all.

now, i genuinely liked the folks i met yesterday, and i think the company is great. it would certainly be a great way to advance my career. and of course, the fact that there haven't been a ton of bites in socal has given me pause. not cause for concern, but pause.

yet, when i got on that return flight, i couldn't help but think 'i just want to go home.' it was an errant thought, and it wasn't until a bit later that the significance struck me. there are a few places that feel like home--virginia of course, north carolina, as a result of school, and for better or worse, utah. i spent a significant amount of time in each of those places, and in the case of the latter two, it was months before they felt like 'home.' i have no business feeling that socal is home--not this quickly. yet there was no mistaking the thought.

i had already mostly decided not to pursue the position, despite the fact that i have a hard time fighting good solid logic, especially when it's me arguing the counterpoint (i'm very persuasive), but it was that thought that brought me peace. i have been feeling mostly confident that things will 'hit' here. and my gut says that they will start hitting all at once, i just need to be patient. it certainly didn't hurt that i received a random phone call and a random email today from companies that had seen my resume online. both positions are of interest, and reinforced my gut.

i am doing one more phone interview tomorrow with the norcal company--i figure it will help keep me sharp--but at this point, i have no intention of accepting an offer, so i will likely bow out after the interview.

i feel blessed that i have the kind of support that i do... my cousins, who have made it clear they won't be pushing me out the door in the immediate future, even though the month that the originally agreed to host me is nearly up. my folks, who continue to take care of my baby girl in my absence (i have resorted to sleeping with a stuffed dog!!), and the friends who listen and reason, and remind me that my instincts are usually good.

it has been an interesting process for me. i tend to always err on the 'everything happens for a reason' side of things, so i have struggled with this. was i suppose to go north, or was this happening for another reason? ultimately what it did, was singularly define what is important to me.

i don't want to sell my soul or my 'free' time for another rung on the corporate and financial ladders. i don't want to live 6 driving hours away from my closest relative. i don't want to wear sweaters in july. i want to be near family and friends. i want to enjoy going to work. i want to be able to pay my bills. and i want to lay out on the beach in october.

call me stupid.

look ma, friends!

on saturday night i attended the birthday party of an old friend. when i say old, i refer to the length of our association, not his age. and truth be told, we haven't been in contact for many years--which made said party quite fun.

as it turns out, several high school friends (my fellow drama geeks) have migrated here over the years. i've been in touch sporadically with brandon and his wife michelle (high school sweethearts still happily married some 12ish years and two children later), and he was the one who invited me to the shindig. he suggested that we make my attendance a surprise, and i though that was a fabulous idea.

so i headed up to la only slightly trepidatious. of the 5 here, 3 i had seen about 7 years ago, but the other two, i haven't seen in 13 years. thoughts like 'will they think i've aged well?' and 'will we still have anything in common?' ran briefly through my mind, but more than anything, i was excited about past meeting present.

when i arrived, i was greeted by a friendly stranger who introduced himself. it was a costume party, so i'm not entirely sure i would recognize him on the street, but he did alleviate any concerns i may have had about being at a decent size party for the first time in a long time (chalk it up to the last year and a half of anti-social behavior). i explained who i was, and who i was looking for and he offered to introduce me to some people, i suggested that perhaps he help me find the people i came here to see first, and he did.

brandon and michelle were the first to be found, which was probably good since they were the only ones who knew i would be coming.

brandon, me, michelle

i don't know how but after that, word got around quickly and bronwyn and kevin appeared shortly thereafter. there were hugs and greetings all around as we began to get caught up. the birthday boy (andy) was still missing from the scene, so i asked around a bit and found him in the kitchen. i simply walked up to him (with the gang in tow) and said 'i think i know you.' he responded 'uh-huh', and i said 'from a very very long time ago.' it was then that he pieced it together, and you've never seen someone look more shocked. so fun!!

me and andy

the remainder of the evening was spent catching up, and it took only one lengthy conversation dissecting the buffy and angel series, before i realized that the answer to my 'will we still have anything in comon?' question, was a resounding yes.

i was also pleased by the friendliness of the other party-goers, and a bit amused by the notoriety that had come along with me 'i've known them since high school' line. throughout the evening i had some extremely enjoyable conversations. for better or worse, this area is filled with so many bright, creative people, and it just so happens that those are my very favorite type of people to spend time with.

ye olde gang: top row-andy middle row-bronwyn,
(picture party crasher) oliver, me, kevin bottom row-michelle, brandon

the evening also boasted a great soundtrack (make sure you check out the 'wicked games' cover on the new playlist), and an interesting and entertaining birthday ritual.

i had arrived at the party at about 9:30 (started at 8) because i wasn't sure how long brandon and michelle would be able to stay with their two children. i expected i would be leaving by 11:30, yet it wasn't until 2am rolled around, that it was finally time to call it a night.

needless to say, i had a GREAT time, and have made plans for next weekend with brandon and michelle. yay! something to put on my calendar!

week in review

adjusting to a new home has it's challenges and it's rewards. i'm still jobless, and it's slow going, although there seem to be plenty of interesting openings. that's the number 1 challenge--staying optimistic as i watch the funds slowly drain from my bank account, and knowing nothing is coming back in. i'm living frugally, but still it goes. i like to pretend it's analogous to a tsunami. the water (money) recedes and recedes, gathering at some unidentified point, only to come crashing back to shore with devastating force. i could seriously be happy with a 'devastating' paycheck:)

in other news, last week, i started meeting people. it's been a slow warm up, as i've been getting the lay of the land, checking out different wards, and visiting the mid-singles (27-40) institute (non-mormon translation: scripture study). the institute class has been extremely rewarding. the teacher is excellent, and because the class is older than is standard, the discussion is engaging and enlightening.

not only that, but it's also been the easiest forum for meeting new people. just a couple thus far, but they are very nice. in general, the people here are nice, and i realize that once i start coming out of my shell a bit, there will be plenty of opportunities for new friends...which sounds easy, doesn't it? well, it's not. anyone who has ever relocated knows how difficult it can be to motivate yourself to attend activities and functions solo...even for someone who considers themselves a social person.

so i forced myself to go to a halloween dance on saturday. it was a large mid-singles activity, and more than anything, i wanted to get an idea of what a 'large mid-singles activity' looks like. oddly enough, it actually was large. but it was also a dance. a mormon dance. and true to form it was not only difficult to meet new people, but it had all the usual markings of the rhythmless. in the 'unexpected' category..the fact that there were so many inappropriate costumes for the setting. but i guess people will continue to surprise and disappoint you.

nonetheless, i was glad i went, if for no other reason than to prove to myself that i could.

on sunday, i went back to one of the large mid-singles wards here. in actuality, it's a mixed ward, half the congregation being families, the other half being mid-singles. after checking out a couple other wards, and having a little bit of flexibility where my records end up, i decided it was as good a place as any.

as the bishop was going through the opening announcements and callings, a familiar name was read. i recognized it from virginia, a friend of a friend of a friend type thing. i haven't seen her in awhile, and though i knew she was coming out to the area, i didn't realize she would be in the ward. she arrived a little bit later, and sat next to me. after sacrament meeting, we caught up before heading our different ways. it's interesting to see a face from home. no doubt there is some relief in that, yet at the same time, we weren't friends there (despite the opportunity to be so), so i don't expect that will change now. and truth be told, the challenge of finding my own way through the social albatross of the single set is more appealing than glomming on to someone for the sake of being needy.

monday night, i couldn't quite muster the courage to attend the ward's fhe, so i used the excuse of staying home and watching the kids carve pumpkins. i love holidays with children around!

the kids get down to business

rachel shows off her first pumpkin face

while the kids were carving, jenny told me a story i had never heard, and that she had just remembered earlier in the day. apparently, when my cousin mick was 19, he had been preparing to go on a mission, but hadn't been able to get the required amount of money together to go. he pondered postponing for a year and working, but his parents insisted that it would all somehow work itself out. they were able to put more together, but it looked like they would be $100 short every month. my aunt told mick that he should go and have faith. fast forward to his departure...many family members, including my parents, were in attendance at the mtc to say their farewells. at some point that day, without knowing the background, my folks handed my aunt a check for $100 and said 'there will be another one of these every month for the duration of his mission.'

my parents never had any thought of being repaid, nor can they have possibly suspected that some 16ish years later, that debt would repaid to their daughter in the form of an unusually generous amount of hospitality.

when jenny told the story, the kids commented that i didn't 'owe them' anything, and jenny tried to make it clear that that was irrelevant, because it's what family does for family. how rare it is, and how grateful i am for family (both immediate and extended) that not only professes such a creedo, but lives it.

it has continued to be a busy week, and tuesday was a definite highlight. i headed up to the santa barbara area early in the afternoon. unfortunately, there was a HUGE accident on the 405 (finally, some infamous california traffic!), and the two hour drive became 3. i had given myself plenty of time though, so after a quick stop at stearns wharf in sb to pick up a replacement for the bracelet charm i lost after my march trip, jesse called to let me know that he was done at work, and i made the 15 minute drive to his place.

he caught me up to date on the changes/additions to the apartment since my last visit, and then we headed out for dinner. he took me to this great little place on the water, where we enjoyed our meal outside at a picnic tables, while taking in the vibrant colors of the sun falling below the horizon. gorgeous, i tell ya! and the food and company happened to be pretty good too:)

from there, it was on to my very special treat. i refer to it as mine, because when jesse asked what i wanted to do, there was only one answer. it was the night before halloween afterall, and that calls for a haunted house!

i absolutely LOVE haunted houses...there isn't much that scares me, but people jumping out from dark corners gets me every time. and there's just something cathartic about a few good screams. we had independently found a place about 20 minutes from his apartment, and he pre-purchased vip tickets for us. the tickets would mean we wouldn't have to wait (theoretically) and had a few more 'scenes' then the regular priced peons.

not scared...yet

as it turned out, we did have to wait as a result of them opening late. but we were the second group to go in, so it was still worth it (easy for me to say, since it wasn't my dime). our group consisted of j and i, and two teenage girls. oh yeah.

i liked that they weren't pushing us through in groups of 10 or 20, but i didn't like the fact that i was elected to go first. at least jesse had the decency to hang on to me through out the course, and i'm sure that that was solely for my benefit;)

as it turned out, i had it the easiest, since creepy scary guys were usually coming from behind. i got my fair share of screams in though, and there were a couple of times where i literally tried to bury myself in jesse to avoid said creepy scary guys. yeah, i'm a wimp when it comes to these things!

though it was shorter than i would have liked, it was thoroughly satisfying.

after we finished up (and by finished up, i mean after i was sent sprinting out the exit being chased by chainsaw guy), we headed back to his place and hung out for awhile before i made the drive back (which was far less eventful than the drive up).

and that brings us to tonight! happy halloween! tonight i got to go trick-or-treating with the kids. since kendyl is 3, i haven't had the opportunity to do that in some time, and it is just so amusing! watching the kids plot which houses to hit, and seeing who in the neighborhood likes to put on a show and who wants nothing to do with the spooky holiday. in fact, there was one house that actually strung a 'keep out' sign across their stairs--which i thought was overdramatically bah-humbug. the kids had a great time though, and it was fun for me to be able to participate.

watch out world, er, neighborhood

the rest of the week promises to continue being busy (thank heavens). back to institute tomorrow night, then on friday, i'll be attending the 'savior of the world' production mick and jenny's stake is putting on. jenny is producing, and the stake has pulled out all the stops. since we are where we are, the talent pool is immense, and most of the significant players both onstage and off are professionals. i missed the opportunity to see this when my virginia stake put it on, so i'm excited to get a second chance!

on saturday, i've got what i expect to be another highlight. i have several friends out here in the la area from high school. in this case, they are people i genuninely enjoyed, and since we were all drama buddies, it makes a certain sort of sense that they all migrated here.

brandon and michelle were high school sweethearts and married shortly thereafter. they are still happily married with two little boys. andy and kevin have always been the comic relief, and bronwyn was my english drop out buddy... we were both in the honors english program, but during the summer of our junior year were assigned a bunch of reading we didn't want to do. so we both dropped out. since the honors program basically just puts you a year ahead, the only thing they could do, was stick us in a senior english class. so together we sat that year..keeping our heads down and entertaining ourselves surrounded by 'scary' seniors. ;)

got a call from brandon on monday that saturday is andy's birthday party. he and michelle know i'm coming, but the rest will be completely surprised, and i can't wait!!

the santa ana's are predicted to make a reappearance this weekend, so things are lible to get interesting again. stay tuned for more california adventures...

the state of the state

though i haven't changed my license or registration yet, i think going through a state of emergency qualifies me as a 'californian'. when you can chat with the local surf bum (who adheres to every stereotype you can imagine) while you lay on the beach, about how 'gnarly' the pervasive smell of smoke is, i think all other criteria are waived. and such is life as a local californian.


the fires continue to burn, as the wind conditions have exasperated the situation. we learned on monday morning that sunday's news reports weren't quite accurate, and the fire was actually closer to us than we realized--just about 5 miles away. in this one case, i think we were all grateful the location was slightly misreported, as we slept better than we otherwise would have. the path of the santiago canyon fire (the one in our backyard) is no longer frightening to us, although it still threatens land and building alike, as do the many other fires around the state. sadly, it has been determined that 'ours' is arson. i believe they consider all the others natural, but some numbskull intentionally set this one. they've found at least three start points, which means it is most definitely not accidental arson (ie cigarette butt or random other man-made spark).


in non-fire related news, i'm finding the 'fit' just as natural as i expected. having visited the state on many prior occasions, i have always known that i could live here. the people are nice, the weather is nicer, and the beach is 15 minutes away.

the only frustrations to date, come from not exactly knowing what to do with myself. i have been visiting local mid-singles wards and attending institute, but so far, just getting the lay of the land. and, as i am still jobless, i have a lot of time on my hands. i try and make myself as useful as possible, so as to minimize my intrusion here, and fortunately, have had a few opportunities to be of assistance to the family.

since arriving, i got my 'space' at mick and jenny's in order, with a little help from my friend 'bed, bath, & beyond'. and quite frankly, i like it.


in fact, i like the whole environment. it's been a long time since i have been around children (more than one) for an extended amount of time, and i find that i just love the sometimes chaotic, yet always exciting energy that fills the house.

nicole, the oldest, is 12. brad and rachel, the twins, are 10. and drew, the youngest, is 7. between the four of them, there is never a dull moment. each one has a distinct personality, and yet each is thoughtful, courteous, and extremely bright. at no point thus far have i desired isolation or separation, but rather enjoy participating in family home evening, or hearing about what brad is reading, or picking nicole up from school.

top: drew and rachel
bottom: brad and nicole

already, two moments stand out in my mind as both heartwarming and humbling. the first took place during my first weekend here (wow, was that only a week ago?!?). jenny's cousins were in town from utah for a long weekend at disneyland. on the way to the beach one day, we all stopped at the newport beach temple to check it out. after i had taken a photo of jenny, her cousins, and all the kids, drew approached her to say 'mom, can we take a picture with tara in it?' jenny's cousin zane stepped up, which resulted in the pic below. (you can see all of the pics from that first weekend here)


the second came sometime last week. the kids (and adults) are off to school far earlier than i am or will naturally be out of bed. one morning, i overheard them whispering family prayer before departing. nicole was the voice, and in her prayer, she said 'please bless tara that she finds a job nearby, so that she can live close to us.'

me and nicole

yes, life is different, and that is exactly what i had hoped for.

the job hunt continues. technically, i have been here for a week and a half, so i am attempting to not let myself get frustrated. there are positions, and there are a couple of promising leads, but everything comes down to timing, and most employers do not operate on the 'interview and hire in under a week' schedule. patience has never been a forte, and i am being reminded of that daily.

other things i have learned or relearned since arriving:

1. gps is an awesome investment when you move across the country into completely unfamiliar territory.

2. i am blessed with an amazing family, both immediate and extended.

3. being able to spend less than 30 minutes in a car to get to the ocean is as close to heaven as i expect in this life.

4. i am capable of being a minimalist!

5. the three hour time difference is affecting me far more than expected. by the time i am ready/able to call friends on the east, they have long since gone to bed. if i do remember to call earlier, then ensues a lengthy internal debate about whether or not i can afford the 'peak' minutes.

if i have not called, and you had expected/hoped i would, please don't be offended. with no income, i do have to be cautious about my expenditures. it does not mean i love you any less.

i realize i need to finish off the trip report, but thought it important to do a regular check-in, so bear with me, and i will get to it. oddly enough, i have plenty of time...just little motivation to do anything other than job hunt or lay on the beach:)

don't mess with the santa ana winds

just a few miles from my current home, today's santa ana winds have ignited a fire in the canyon (santiago canyon).

when i arrived home from church, jenny asked if i had seen smoke. i hadn't, but it didn't take long. the sky turned black, and the fires have been spreading more quickly then expected as a result of the strong winds. the glow is easily seen from our windows, and members of mick and jenny's ward have voluntarily evacuated. it is unlikely that the fires will spread to us, yet it is certainly making for an interesting evening. the kids, have gathered sneakers, sweatshirts, journals, dolls, etc, but this is mostly to alleviate their fears by helping them feel prepared.

for the moment, we watch and wait. one small earthquake and i'll consider my california experience complete:)

catching up, part two

picking up where we left off...

staying for the bat flight put me a little behind schedule, but i received a warm greeting in el paso nonetheless.

tommy and i met several months ago online, and since my journey would be taking me through his hometown, a meeting was in order.

upon arriving, i was welcomed with open arms by him, his mother, and the three dogs. i was promptly fed before we headed out to see the sites of el paso. we drove up 'scenic' drive and got a great overview of not only the city, but also, just across the river, mexico.

as a matter of fact, we even managed to get stopped by border patrol on the way back from t's work. it sits on the mexico side of the river, though still technically in the state of texas. with a quick 'i work here' from tommy, and the obviousness of our non-Mexican heritage, we were speedily let on our way.

after a tour of the utep campus, we headed home and called it a night.

the following morning, i got to sleep in. tommy and his family all got up and out to their various activities for the day, and it wasn't long after that i heard my door open. apparently i hadn't latched it completely, and the dogs were looking for company. that was alright by me, and with a 'come on', i suddenly found myself covered in canines. one on my feet, one at my stomach, and one in the crook of my arm. i fell back into a blissful sleep, the sadness of missing my own dog, temporarily alleviated.


eventually, it was time to start moving. i got up, got ready, and when tommy came home he took me to a great little tex-mex place for lunch. then it was time to be on my way. still a lot of road to cover!


from el paso, it was on to albuquerque. this had been my one 'must see' of the trip, and as such, i didn't have a lot of flexibility on timing beforehand. i had bought tickets to attend the annual international balloon fiesta on the 10th, and i was not going to miss it. having heard about this for years and years, as it is one of the premiere hot air/gas balloon events in the world, i couldn't believe my luck when i had learned that the timing would coincide with my travels.

i arrived in abq in the early evening and got checked in at my hotel. i thought it would be prudent to check out the 'park and ride' pickup location that i had selected. though you can park at the grounds, it was actually cheaper for me to do the park and ride, and since i had no idea what to expect, also safer. i wouldn't have to contend with thraffic, or finding my car after having been up since 4am.

the pickup location was easily found, and i headed back to the hotel to settly in for the night. i needed to get some sleep if i was going to get up that early, and though i wasn't entirely successful, at least i was just relaxing--not running hither and fro.

but 4am still came far too early. time to suck it up. i was at the park & ride by 5am to catch the first shuttle to the park. the first event i was attending was the 'dawn patrol', a pre-dawn flight of a dozen or so balloons. what makes this such an interesting event is that it gives an opportunity to see what the balloons look like lit up.

i arrived at fiesta park to find rows upon rows of vendors selling food, gifts, you name it. i paused to watch the local nbc team do a little morning show filming, and when on break, the weatherman called a few of us over to be in the shot. as i was just behind his right shoulder, i was famous in albuquerque for a minute or two:)

from there i wandered over to a booth where i picked up breakfast, then began my search for a charm for the bracelet. i started this tradition about 5 years ago, and since, have been collecting charms from places i travel. the bracelet is starting to get very heavy, but it's one of my favorite things to wear, as it is full of memories.

my search was successful, but i continued my wanderings until the balloons were ready to launch. the contrast of the balloons lit with fire against the dark sky was quite dramatic, and made my early rising well worth it. as you might imagine, pictures were difficult, but i did manage to capture this one:


after the dawn group had left, scores of trucks and trailers began littering the field. there were more rows than i could count, covering an expanse farther than i could see, of balloons lining up. having had the opportunity to fly in a couple of hot air balloons previously, i know what a physical challenge this can be, and i was amazed at the precision and efficiency demonstrated in preparing the balloons for launch.



as the sun began to rise, balloons began to launch. the sight was incredible. balloons as far as the eye could see, both lined up on the field, and already hovering in the air. i am told that nearly 300 balloons flew that day, and i believe it!

there were some particularly fun balloons, a darth vader (which remained my favorite) balloon was the first 'special shape' to launch, but there was also a turtle, an angel, bumblebees, a cow, the wells fargo wagon... but even the 'regular' balloons were amazing. i have always thought hot air balloons quite beautiful, but seeing so many in one place was breathtaking.



i did a little more wandering, as the balloons could clearly be seen from just about anywhere in the park. i met some interesting people--learned that the turtle balloon cost a cool million, visited the balloon discovery center, and enjoyed the perfect day. blue and clear skies, gorgeous temperature. all in all, it was a perfect experience, and one i'd love to share with a friend or companion in the future. if you ever happen to be in the southwest in october, this festival is a must!



to be continued...

playing catch up

there is so much updating to do, and the prospect is absolutely daunting. but, i must begin if i am to finish. as for you, maybe popping a bag of popcorn, grabbing your beverage of choice, and settling in, is in order.

i arrived in mississippi on thursday (the 4th). after a slight error landing me at the neighbor's house, i made my way next door to find laura and robert on the front porch waiting for me. i was greeted with hugs, ushered in, and shown my room and bathroom for the next couple of nights. after a bit of pizza, the three of us spent time reminiscing, more like old friends reconnecting after a seperation, than a group of strangers meeting for the first time. that is the most appropriate summary i can give of my time with them, but it was only just beginning.

on friday morning, we got up and ready, and made the 90 minute or so drive to new orleans. to get there, we took the causeway. the causeway is the longest bridge in the world, at 24 miles long, and made for an interesting route!

we made a quick stop at lee circle--or i made a stop, hopping out to snap photos, while laura and robert drove around the circle--before heading on to the tomb of marie laveau, known for being a voodoo queen. it took a little longer than expected, but we eventually asked a tour guide leading a small group through the cemetery, and were pointed in the right direction.

robert, tara, and laura, at marie laveau's tomb

after the cemetery, we found parking near the french quarter and paused at jackson square to sign up for a ghost tour later in the evening, before meandering on to the flea market. we also wandered through a few of the nearby shops. at one, i picked up a charm for my bracelet, as well as a darling fish necklace. i've never been fish lover, but after coming across the current blog template, i was struck with the 'fish out of water' and 'little fish, big pond' analogies to the current life change.

the sun was hot, and it was quite humid, so we stopped for beignets--french pastries, covered in powdered sugar. the intensity of the wind meant that i ended up as covered as my beignet, but boy was it yummy!

we spent the rest of the afternoon wandering, sometimes on foot, sometimes by car.

new orleans provided the perfect opportunity to have my palm read--something i've always been interested in, but never done. the best way for me to describe it, is 'creepy'. i was very careful to give nothing away, wearing sunglasses, and providing no information unless directly asked (which only happened twice). 99% of what the woman said was already true or could be, given my circumstances. the information fairly specific, and as such, the reading was stranger than i expected. i don't put too much stock in such things, but i do find them interesting.

having my palm read in jackson square

after an early dinner, we headed to the assigned meeting place for the evening's tour. we were early, so laura and i wandered down bourbon street, during which time, the skies decided to open up and unleash a torrent of rain on us. slightly soaked, we made our way back to robert, and the three of us discussed whether or not we would proceed with the ghost tour in the rain. eventually it slowed to a stop, and our decision was made for us.

the tour guide was extremely animated--so much so that it bothered me initially. but, i adjusted. she walked us through the streets of the french quarter, telling tales as we went. among the stops was the lalaurie house--a creepy house with a dark past, and which is now owned by nicholas cage. needless to say, we didn't go in the house:)

after the tour, we immediately got in line across the street from our pickup point, at preservation hall. preservation hall is known for jazz, and i was excited that the revised schedule would allow me to see it (only open on weekend nights). while we waited for the doors to open, we heard music and cheering further down the street, and eventually we found the source . it was a new orleans style wedding, and we watched as the entire wedding party paraded by us on the street, led by their own personal jazz band.

eventually the doors opened, and everyone packed in. i found a seat on the floor up front, and laura and robert found cushy seats just outside the main hall. we stayed for about an hour, and i got to listen to some great jazz. the hall itself has a unique character that is only enhanced by the musicians who fill it with sound.

we left the hall after the first set, and wandered a bit more. during our wanderings, i picked up a new look, and a new boyfriend!













we eventually headed back--exhausted, and called it a night!

laura--feel free to add any details you wish in the comments section:)

saturday morning, i was up and making my farewells, with many a fond memory to add to my repertoire. robert and laura were wonderful hosts, and my visit to new orleans was a smashing success.

on the way to san antonio, i stopped in houston. since it was on the way, i thought it would be the perfect opportunity to see the space center. it was supposed to be open until 7, so imagine my disappointment when i arrived at 4:45pm and was told they would be closing in 15 minutes! turns out that some pretentious event planner had rented the facility for a private function. the nerve!

actually, my ire was softened when i learned that, but i am afraid that this is as far as i got.

i tried. i really tried.

so, on to san antonio i went, and my experience there could best be summed up by a t-shirt that reads "i got spoiled in san antonio."

my former co-worker, rhonda, moved to the city with her family about a year ago to work in the office there. i was excited to see the house i have been hearing about for months, and it did not disappoint. the house is situated at the top of a hill, and the layout is open and spacious. the cherry though is the back porch and pool, complete with waterfall.

rhonda and i, along with her husband george, and daughte michelle, spent the majority of the evening sitting on the back porch, chatting, and enjoying the san antonio night.

on sunday morning, we all overslept, and no one minded.

then it was time to head in to town. we loaded up in rhonda's new 2008 windveil blue mustang convertible, and she is a beauty! in the back seat though, the wind wreaked a little havoc.

slightly windblown

we stopped for a delicious breakfast, then continued on. we parked, and began our wanderings.

first stop--the alamo. i knew that the alamo was in the middle of the city, so i wasn't expecting much. ah, the beauty of low expectations! it was gorgeous...both the buildings and the grounds-- which were more expansive than i had previously thought. we enjoyed the architecture, the history, and the garden.

last stand

after the alamo, george and rhonda did a little shopping, and we decided to stop at pat o'brien's for a snack. though i had not had the opportunity to visit the bar/restaurant in new orleans, i came away with a similar experience, sipping my virgin hurricane on the patio, eating gumbo, and listening to jazz. i was even given beads! i think san antonio might have an identity crisis, but i wasn't complaining.

my own personal hurricane

after the mid-day break, we headed down to riverwalk, and i fell a little in love with the city. we decided that the first order of business was to take one of the river boat tours. it was a perfect way for me to see the entire length of the river, and to learn some fun facts while enjoying the breeze and the scenery.

the river ride

as we floated the river, we saw that there was a crafts festival taking place, so after we departed the barge, we wandered around, stopping at various stalls, with rhonda making several purchases along the way. it was an absolutely beautiful day, and the wandering was lovely.

eventually it was time for dinner, and we stopped at saltgrass--a favorite steakhouse of the host couple. after enjoying my pepper encrusted sirloin, i could understand why! apparently you are required by law to have steak when you visit texas, and i'm no rule breaker;)

after dinner, we headed back to the house. i did some laundry, some uploading, and some catching up on email, and capped off the evening by taking a relaxing dip in the pool.

on monday morning, i was up bright and early to make it to carlsbad caverns with plenty of time to spare. i said my goodbyes and thank yous, and got on my way.

i made it to carlsbad at 3pm or so, and though i had missed the tour i hoped to take, i got my ticket for entrance to the big room. i wasn't expecting much, but the 'big room' took me over an hour to wander through. 'big room' is an understatement.

don't let the ceiling height fool you--the place was ginormous!

as i wandered through the caverns, a volunteer stopped to chat with me. if there is one thing i learned on this trip, it's that being alone makes you far more approachable. in some cases that could be bad, or even dangerous, but fortunately in this case, it was nothing but frosting. the volunteer asked me if i would be staying for the bat flight. i was clueless, as i guess is bound to happen once in every lifetime.

the bat flight is a nightly ritual that takes place may through early october, when the 500,000+ bats living in the cave, leave it to find dinner. when the volunteer told me this, i knew i would be staying.

i made my way to the ampitheater (yes they have an amphitheater for a bat flight) at 4:30pm or so, based on the expected flight time. but as nature will, the 'schedule' was not adhered to. while waiting, and waiting, and waiting, i met and talked with a woman who was traveling cross country, round trip, with her son. she was also from virginia and had taken the northern route. she had looped around and was on her way back. i asked both her and her son what some of their favorite stops were, and of the many she mentioned, i had been to every single one.

in that moment, i realized more powerfully than ever before how blessed i have been, and how grateful i am to have had parents who were excited to show me (us) so many incredible places. what wonderful lessons i have learned as i have been exposed to the interesting, the bizarre, the magnificent, and the unparalleled places that exist both within the borders of this country, and beyond.

we continued to wait for the bats, and i reflected on how perfectly the trip had gone so far. had i been with a traveling companion, i never would have waited. and it seemed that in each place i had been alone, i had been grateful for the flexibility. yet, in each place i visited with friends, i had been grateful for the company.

my solo status here gave me the freedom to just sit and wait. and wait i did.

waiting

at about 6:15, we started to see movement. photos were not allowed, so i had to wait until i had left the ampitheater to sneak in a few. nonetheless, the photos do not do it justice.

bats at sunset

the bats are small, and as they exited the cave, first creating a vortex of movement, then expanding across the horizon, they looked more like birds than creepy bats. the sun was setting, and the scene was absolutely magical. not a word i ever expected to pair with 'bats', but magical nonetheless.

well, i think that is enough recapping for one night! i'll pick up again tomorrow with my el paso experience.

just a reminder that ALL the photos are here.