january 9

sent by colleagues wishing me a happy new year.  
they had no idea how much i needed a little chocolate 
in my life .

been a bit of a rough week here in la la land.

that little romance i mentioned before?  mmm. not so much.

it's not that the thing never really got off the ground that's so disappointing, it's that i was led to believe that it would.

the short version, which isn't so long anyway, is that i recently re-connected with an old flame and discovered a spark still there. i was surprised.  and excited!  it's been a long time since i felt a spark. with anyone.  and it seemed like for the first time, in a long time, i was just starting to make out a picture in the puzzle pieces that have been hanging out, jumbled, on the coffee table that is my life.

suffice it to say, i was given good reason to believe that the feeling was mutual, and it turns out, i basically got played. so, i'm battling a fair amount of frustration and anger right now.  and yet, i also have surprising moments of gratitude.

i'm thankful for the lessons i've learned and the life experiences that have tested and strengthened me.  i'm grateful for perspective, and the knowledge (though not quite yet the feeling) that i dodged a bullet on this one. i'm also grateful for the nostalgia trip this sent me on, causing me to re-visit my past and the incredible people that have shaped it.  and i'm grateful for chocolate.