for as long as i'm single, it will always, always, always be on my mind, even when i don't have time for it. this week's random dating musings come courtesy of long beach pride.
if you can believe it, there were actually a couple of straight guys who hit on me. given how few straight guys there were in attendance, the odds are so remarkably slim that i would get hit on by one of them, let alone two, that i'll admit to having given myself a back pat or two.
both of the guys i refer to were working for the company whose booth was next to ours. both were quite attractive, friendly, apparently had jobs, and were expressing an interest in me to the point that my boss and co-workers made mention of it (just in case i hadn't noticed). particularly gratifying was that my very cute co-worker was simultaneously staffing the booth. their booth, a financial services company of some sort, had new staff every two hours (i was sooo jealous!), and apparently any leads they collected were to be split among the staff for that shift. i only mention this because the guy on sunday morning, who we'll call travis (because that was his name), spent about an hour and a half of his two hour shift talking to me.
now, i don't tell you this story to toot my own horn (okay, maybe one 'toot') but to highlight a problem. a problem i felt compelled to explain (aka 'whine about') to my co-workers. after he was done for the day they were teasing me a little bit, and i responded by saying: "
that guy? in the real world*...i can get that guy (did i mention that he was very attractive?), but in the mormon world, not only does that guy not look twice at me, but if i say hello, he might run for his life screaming in fear that i want to marry him."
they were shocked and appalled. as well they should be! they simply didn't understand how the difference of sharing the same religion with someone could NEGATIVELY impact my ability to 'get' a guy, and frankly, i'm not sure i do either. i proceeded to explain it as best i could. that there is this phenomena in the church where average (at best, sometimes) single 'righteous' men (particularly over the age of 30) are elevated to god-like status among the single women because, well, there are a lot of us, and not a lot of them. men who wouldn't get a second glance from me out in the real world are suddenly hot commodities. they lay on their metaphorical chaise lounges, enjoying the frond-fanning, grape-feeding attentions of all of the 'barbies with testimonies', who are clamoring for a little attention. if you're a skipper, forget about it. you might be cute, but you're still not barbie.
what i wish more than anything is that these over 30 single guys would get a little bit of perspective. i wish that they would actively focus on identifying eternal traits in potential companions. that they would make an effort to stay away form the 'mean girls', who for some unknown reason, they are attracted to, or consider a woman 'amazing' because she wears a size 4. men, if you don't think women are attracted to bad boys or hot guys, you're crazy. but what i can say about most of the 30+ single mormon women i know, is that not only do we consciously try to avoid falling into that trap, we have decided to value and pursue other, more lasting, traits. do we fail sometimes? sure. but we try. do you**?
the most common argument to my complaint/perspective would be that you can't help who you're attracted to. i agree, and i don't mean to devalue that truth. what i
mean to do is suggest that perhaps the attraction and chemistry that we are all determined to have, can exist in unexpected places when you open yourself up to that possibility, and focus on those eternal priorities. i cannot count the number of times i have accepted date invitations with guys who i wasn't physically attracted to. they were good guys with the right priorities who treated me as if i was worth stepping out on a limb for, and i wanted to avoid discounting that in favor of my first 'physical' impressions. at the very least, this practice has never failed to deliver a fun date. at the other extreme, it has resulted in a couple of serious relationships.
i see other women doing this ALL THE TIME! but if i'm being honest, i've never known a man to do it. and why not!? blah, blah, blah, attraction is different for men. hogwash. the difference is, more often than not, we don't expect everything there is about a person or everything we might ever feel about them to be laid out on a platter for us to inspect before we decide to take a bite. and sometimes, what didn't look all that appealing coming out on the plate, turns out to be the most delicious meal you've ever had. but this particular brand of men that i'm referring to, will never have any idea what they could have had. not just a meal for tonight, but a feast for eternity.
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i interrupt myself to say, whoa, i don't know how this got turned into a food analogy, or why it fits so perfectly, but seriously, enough of the waxing philosophical today!
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alright, i'm almost done.
i'm not bitter, and i'm not blameless either--i've fed this beast a time or two. what i am, is sad. sad to see so many amazing women get the short end of the stick on this one, and sad how many men opt to remain blissful in their ignorance about it. for the record, there is nothing blissful about divorce, so men, do yourselves a favor and set (and follow!) the right kind of priorities.
*real world = non-mormon world
** though this is directly addressed to the subjects of my complaint, to my knowledge, none of them read this blog. or at least, not very often. if you're a single mormon man over the age of 30, i'm pretty sure some part of this applies to you. i've only known one exception and he's married now.
