it's just past 8am in a holiday inn outside of nashville.

though kate and kendyl were originally scheduled to move here in march, at the last minute, kendyl's father raised some objections..in a truly legal sense. his antics gave us a little more time, but the outcome was inevitable despite the delay.

for many reasons i won't elaborate on, i made the 10+ journey with dad, and the girls, instead of mom. i think part of the thought process was that mom would be too emotional. but they give me to much credit for apathy i think.

it's true that when the new move date was set, i didn't respond emotionally the way i had the march date , but only because i could never be sure if it was 'real'. now that it is, apathy is long gone, and i am fighting to keep the devastation at bay.

the house will be a lot different now. no one to scream my name with excitement and glee as i walk through the door. no one to chase through the house yelling 'i'm gonn git ya.' no one to take so much delight in saying 'cheeeeze' when asked to pose for a photo. no one for arbitrary shrieking. no one to kill monsters with. no one to constantly surprise and amaze me. no one to throw their arms around my neck and refuse to let go. and most of all, no one to giggle, in just that perfect giggly way.

though i will be moving much farther, and putting even more distance between us, i've always felt that it is far more difficult to be left than to leave.

today, we'll head home not knowing when the next time we will see kendyl is. she has scheduled visits with her father, but there are no guarantees for us. and though we will all be learning (or them learning, me teaching) the fine art of webcamming, it will be an almost cruel subsitution for being able to smother the little one with wet sloppy kisses...one of my favorite things in the world to do.