i do.
first, you drive to john wayne airport. then you check in at the southwest ticket counter, move along through security to your gate, and onto the plane. there is a middle seat calling your name. then...voila!
the day after i arrived here in california--or i guess technically, the first business day after i arrived, i met with a recruiter. said recruiter does not specialize in event planning, however, several months ago, they happened to have an ep position open at a company they were repping some other jobs for.
i was underqualified and i knew it. but i was only lacking one requirement, and there are about 1% of the event/meeting planning population that possess it, so i applied anyway. i received a prompt phone call and learned that the company was being a stickler about that one thing (experience planning events with more than 100,000 people), but was told that they loved my resume and would like me to touch base when i arrived in ca.
the moment after i learned my previous job was not being extended afterall, i shot off an email, and an appointment was set. when i met with them in mid-october, they had a similar position open without the ridiculous requirement, and it sounded ideal--with the major exception being that it was located in northern california, between san jose and san francisco on south bay.
i have never had any intention or desire to live/work in northern california. frankly, in my mind, it defeats the purpose of living in california. i vividly remember being in san francisco one july 4th, and freezing in my sweater while i watched fireworks. i don't dislike fall/winter temps, but i dislike them in july.
aside from the obvious weather disadvantages, there are a few others. first among them is the fact that everyone i know in the state lives south of santa barbara. the idea of being completely alone the next time an earthquake strikes is less than appealing. there are also fewer lds singles in the bay area, which not only makes it more difficult to date, but it also makes it harder to find lds roommates, friends, etc.
but, when i was informed of the position, i thought, 'what the heck?' the money was...pretty darn awesome. even accounting for the high cost of living. as it turns out, my 'what the heck?' got me flown to san jose yesterday, on someone else's dime.
the last two weeks have involved a lot of debating between me and...me:) i went through two telephone interviews before learning they would like to fly me up for face to face interviews, and each day brought a new internal debate.
if the job were in southern california, it would be a no brainer. a done deal. but it's not, and that has been difficult to wrap my head around. there is a company out there who is very interested in me, and is willing to pay me a lot of money--including relocation costs to cover temporary housing while i get my bearings. they have treated me with a great deal of respect throughout the process and are global leaders in event planning. i would be working a single event for a ginormous client that anyone not living under a rock has heard of. the budget is about 10 times larger than any other single event budget i've ever managed. so of course, it would be stupid not to want it, right?
boy am i stupid.
i should explain that while there is not an offer on the table yet, i am pretty confident that it will come. i have always interviewed well, and in this case, after the phone interviews, i knew it was a high probability, which became even greater after yesterday's meetings. they have been looking at me for a few different positions, and as i suspected, the face to face was simply to better identify which one would be the best fit, not whether i would be a fit at all.
now, i genuinely liked the folks i met yesterday, and i think the company is great. it would certainly be a great way to advance my career. and of course, the fact that there haven't been a ton of bites in socal has given me pause. not cause for concern, but pause.
yet, when i got on that return flight, i couldn't help but think 'i just want to go home.' it was an errant thought, and it wasn't until a bit later that the significance struck me. there are a few places that feel like home--virginia of course, north carolina, as a result of school, and for better or worse, utah. i spent a significant amount of time in each of those places, and in the case of the latter two, it was months before they felt like 'home.' i have no business feeling that socal is home--not this quickly. yet there was no mistaking the thought.
i had already mostly decided not to pursue the position, despite the fact that i have a hard time fighting good solid logic, especially when it's me arguing the counterpoint (i'm very persuasive), but it was that thought that brought me peace. i have been feeling mostly confident that things will 'hit' here. and my gut says that they will start hitting all at once, i just need to be patient. it certainly didn't hurt that i received a random phone call and a random email today from companies that had seen my resume online. both positions are of interest, and reinforced my gut.
i am doing one more phone interview tomorrow with the norcal company--i figure it will help keep me sharp--but at this point, i have no intention of accepting an offer, so i will likely bow out after the interview.
i feel blessed that i have the kind of support that i do... my cousins, who have made it clear they won't be pushing me out the door in the immediate future, even though the month that the originally agreed to host me is nearly up. my folks, who continue to take care of my baby girl in my absence (i have resorted to sleeping with a stuffed dog!!), and the friends who listen and reason, and remind me that my instincts are usually good.
it has been an interesting process for me. i tend to always err on the 'everything happens for a reason' side of things, so i have struggled with this. was i suppose to go north, or was this happening for another reason? ultimately what it did, was singularly define what is important to me.
i don't want to sell my soul or my 'free' time for another rung on the corporate and financial ladders. i don't want to live 6 driving hours away from my closest relative. i don't want to wear sweaters in july. i want to be near family and friends. i want to enjoy going to work. i want to be able to pay my bills. and i want to lay out on the beach in october.
call me stupid.
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