well, i am less angry today. the good news is, no tirades or finger pointing. the bad news is less anger=more sadness. my friend adam put it perfectly when he said that anger takes the edge off sadness. truer words were never spoken.
i don't know if you are like me, but i have watched many friends face difficult trials. i always feel helpless, knowing that words cannot take the place of a magic wand. and i always wish that there was something i could do. anything.
well, my friends, there is something you can do for me. maybe two somethings if the first applies.
i can't help but keep qualifying my sadness. logically i recognize that losing an animal is different than losing a friend or family member of the human variety. i have friends that have faced the latter, and a part of me thinks it's unfair not to acknowledge that. yet, emotionally i feel like a part of me just died and i want to be able to just be illogically sad for a little while. so. if you have lost someone close to you. i need your permission to grieve without caveats or exceptions. it doesn't matter how you give it..email, text message, comment on this post...i just need you to tell me that it's okay to feel as badly as i do (assuming you have not already done so).
the second something, which applies to everyone, is alluded to in the title of this post. my all-time greatest coping mechanism has been finding the 'reason' in the oft quoted phrase 'everything happens for a reason.' i understand that we don't always get to know why things happen, which is why i often just make things up. don't knock it. it works for me. at least it usually does.
this time, however, i haven't been able to come up with something i haven't also been able to talk myself out of shortly thereafter. this is where you come in. answer the question 'why?' the only rule is that it needs to stand up to scrutiny. it doesn't matter how far-fetched it might appear on the surface, how complicated or convoluted, whether it's thoughtful or delusional. funny is allowed. a good laugh would be much appreciated. use your imagination.
the one answer not on the table is this: maybe i need to live in a certain place that i couldn't have lived in with a dog, because my roommate is going to introduce me to my future husband.
i've already talked myself out of that one. everything else is fair game.
4 comments:
How about these:
Maybe because it happened fast instead of nursing an illness
Maybe you NOT being there is better for you than being there (as crazy as that may sound)
I promise you that there are tender mercies in this - some you have to take on faith.
I give you permission to grieve anyway you need to grieve. Like I said yesterday, a loss is a loss.
I'm still very sorry for your loss. I hope things start going your way soon.
I suffered a terrible loss at the end of September. It was very personal and I felt like a complete failure because of it. I thought it was going to kill me and almost hoped it would but it didn't. I still hurt a lot from it but I'm doing better.
Take your time to grieve. I learned that ignoring my loss didn't help, it's important to be hurt a while and to survive it... I don't know what else to say. I wish I had read you blog sooner especially now that I just read your angry one before this. Sorry I couldn't help you.
maybe it's because the move would have been too much. i had a dog growing up and when we were packing up to move, my dog was acting very strange...he barked at the movers and wouldn't get in the car when it was time to go.
a few weeks after we moved, my dog took off running when we let him out for a walk. we ran after him but he kept running. we never found him...he kept running. to this day, i believe he was trying to run back to the home we left... running to the only home he had ever known...
any loss is a great loss tara. it will get better. you have a lot going on with moving to a new place and finding your fit. hang in there...
I've lost both friends and family to lingering sickness and sudden accidents. You do not need a caveat to grieve; loss of a dear friend is loss, period.
As far as why: You're going to end up moving to England (where they quarantine incoming dogs for six months to keep rabies out), and this spares incarceration.
You're going to be new RS Pres, and you will be able to empathize with those who lose a family member.
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