where do i begin?

it seems impossible that everything that has happened in the space of the last week+ could actually happen in that limited amount of time. let me start with what is bound to sound like a broken record, yet bears repeating nonetheless. my family is awesome.

yesterday, i was flummoxed (flummoxed, i tell ya!) when i received these at work:



upon reading the card, i discovered that they were from my darling cousins mel and katie who who were here visiting recently. the card expressed a hope that i had survived the conference, and thanks for playing chauffeur during their trip. ha! jokes on them, i played chauffeur purely for my own selfish reasons. i wanted to see them!

at any rate, i was reminded yet again that my family is incredible, and i am so grateful for the thoughtful gesture that brightened my week:)

now to move backwards a bit... when i was called to serve as the hb mid-singles co-chair, i had no idea that i was taking on the most difficult calling i had ever had. those who know how badly i have struggled with my gospel doctrine assignments can appreciate the full weight of my statement.

the calling itself would not have been difficult were it not for my co-chair, who, at every turn, somehow managed to either create great stress or cause great turmoil in my life. i have worked with challenging people before. i have worked with ceo's, contentious vice presidents, tightwad high-ranking government employees, and never before have i come across a person such as he.

i need to say before i begin my ranting, that the man has passion. and i truly believe that there are many many people who benefit from that passion. he has driven this conference, despite a fair amount of opposition in some cases, and after having been involved with the mid-singles program back east, i know how difficult that can be.

collecting a few numbers

for that reason, i think his involvement is a good thing. but that's where it stops for me. from the first conversation following my official call, i knew i was in trouble. i tried on various occasions to pass on my mantle without going so far as to ask for a release. i hoped that he'would come to the same conclusion that i had, which was that our communication was not good. in fact, 'not good' is a monstrous understatement.

i hoped he would take the opportunity i provided to let me go, and find an alternative. frankly, i wasn't contributing that much. he wouldn't let me. but every time i proposed extracting myself from the situation, he panicked. so i stayed, and did the best i could.

after arriving home late tuesday night, i headed to work on wednesday, and then to the stake center. i repeated this on thursday, and on friday, i took the day off to dedicate to the preparation. over the course of those three days, i probably moved some 600-700 chairs, 30-40 tables, swagged 30 flourescent lights, hung globes, covered chalkboards, etc. etc. etc.

somehow my co-chair had managed to assign himself every task that avoided any sort of manual labor, so he was nowhere to be seen during any of this process. but for me, the straw that broke the camel's back came on friday.

as he had maintained a tight grip on registration, despite my efforts to relieve him, he had all of the registration materials. lists, wristbands, etc. he was supposed to arrive at the building at 3pm on friday with the materials, in order to prepare for the 6pm registration start.

by 5pm with no sign, i called to find out where he was. i learned that he was sitting in a kinkos nearly an hour away waiting for banners to put on the front lawn, with no sign of their completion. i told him if they weren't done in 10 minutes, to get his money back and "get his butt in the car, and get here with the registration stuff." he agreed that that was the best course of action, but was clearly patronizing me.

he arrived at 7:30pm. a full hour and a half after registration had begun. we had to let people in and go back and find them to check them in. keep in mind that this was a paid event, hence the need for registration in the first place.

the speed dating tent

that single example is a good illustration of my entire experience. he made some of the worst decisions i have ever seen anyone make in a situation like this. he also managed to somehow discount his involvement in anything that went wrong, but you better believe that everything that went right, somehow, he was single-handedly responsible for. the truth is, i'm appalled by his behavior. i haven't even mentioned the voice mail he left me, which said, and i quote "i hope you feel fine about the fact that you are about to screw over 1200 people."

the truth is, i was left with some battle wounds on this one, and the scars may take a little while to fade.

but, i would be remiss if i didn't also talk about the good that came from the experience. first and foremost, those in attendance had a good experience. the 1400 attendees came truly, from all over the world. they were excited to be there and enjoying the associations with one another. as to my own reward, perhaps it's best if i simply copy/paste an email i sent saturday night, as i was very 'in the moment' when i wrote it:

It's 2am, and my pajamas are on, teeth are brushed, and after finishing this message I will close my laptop, turn off michael clayton, and slip off happily into dreamland.

Tonight was an interesting experience for me. For all the stress this calling has caused, and all the frustrations I felt, tonight more than made up for it. During the night, I was engaged in random necessary tasks, finally rendering me, at one point, barefoot, as my shoes were not up to the task of carrying my body to and fro without blistering my feet. That aside, I started to notice something. People I've seen in my ward, who I've never met, and some I've never seen before, were approaching me, and by name, asking me to make decisions on the issues at hand, pass along information, or help offer solutions.

Now technically, I've been in my ward for about five months now, and I haven't felt remotely 'connected' to it. I recognize that it's my fault. I've been in a lot of different wards with family, or on the road, and when I have been there, I haven't been motivated enough or energetic enough, or something enough, to invest. But tonight was different. Tonight I was interacting with ward members as though we'd been long time friends. It occurred to me that kind of change is rare, yet somehow, in service, it becomes common. In fact, it's one of the few things I can think of that almost without exception, binds people together with no more common ground necessary than that of simply being unified in purpose.

That realization was only broadened and enhanced by what was to follow at the end of the evening. I had been told many times that last year the process of cleaning the church and putting it back to 'Sunday status' lasted until 4am. I was prepared for the worst. But I watched in amazement as tasks were quickly requested, assigned, and carried through. I didn't have enough tasks for the people that were willing to and wanted to help. The directions I gave were never met with annoyance or avoidance--simply an eagerness to be of use, wherever and whatever that meant.

There wasn't a one of those people that wasn't tired or that wouldn't have rather been at the after party or in their beds (depending on their nature), but neither was more important for them than the service they could render. There are rare moments when you can actually almost see the divinity in people--the goodness and the light. Tonight was one of those moments.

And tonight, all of the stress and frustration of the last six weeks felt inconsequential and trivial. It probably seems strange that I would feel the spirit so strongly in the midst of picking up trash, vacuuming, and setting up chairs, but it was undeniable.

me and justin... all the way from va

to say that i'm glad it's over is almost laughable. once i've caught up on sleep, maybe i'll be a bit more magnanimous about the whole thing, but for the moment, i'm just really looking forward to having the weekend to myself, to buying a beach cruiser, and to a special visit next month from a special man:)

and did i mention how awesome my family is?!