v for van atta

yes, i saw it. i liked it. i know some of you will disagree, and that's ok. mostly i just couldn't resist the play on words. for years people have been pronouncing my name like an italian sports car; 'venetta', so i felt like i was owed some cheap humor.

but mostly what i want to ramble about today are my adventures in shopping. they started last night, when i ran out of foundation. i only wear makeup in the winter, because i get so pale it's fairly terrifying, so needless to say, running out of foundation at this critical juncture was tantamount to crises. so, i got to the store and immediately honed in on what i was looking for. but serendipitously, someone had put something in the wrong place, and it was right next to my product of choice. it peaked my curiosity. it was a 'smart shade' foundation.

i didn't really know what that meant, but the product labeling seemed to imply that it was smart enough to match your skin tone. there were only three choices. light, medium, and dark. i stood in the cosmetics aisle for nigh on fifteen minutes deciding whether or not to take the risk. eventually, my curiosity got the better of me.

when i got home, i opened the product to try it out. it was a white cream. 'oh heavens' i thought, 'what have i done?' but i proceeded to apply it anyway. then, the most magical thing happened. it was turning colors. and it was matching my skin tone perfectly. it was a makeup miracle.

after that blessed experience, i headed to the mall before meeting up with corey for 'vendetta'. on a whim, i stopped into the gap. i say 'on a whim' because I have been to every gap store within a 50 mile radius of dc, as well as several in new york, in search of their new 'curvy fit' (how wonderful is that?!) jeans. i already have a pair in the dark wash, but i wanted a pair in the light wash. look people, you go with what works.

i had given up on finding it in my size, which, inexplicably always seemed to be missing. but last night, i thought 'what the heck. i'm here.' i boldly entered the gap, dead set on disappointment. i walked over to the shelf, preparing my 'dag gonit' facial expression, and what i saw shocked and amazed me. there they were. beautifully folded, and i swear they had my name written on them.

readjusting to my 'elated' facial expression, i happily marched them to the sales counter. i set them down, and the following conversation ensued:

sales lady: um, this is a size __ (no one needs to know this)
me: um, yes
sales lady: i'm sorry, but, do you wear a size __?
me: um, yes
sales lady: did you try them on? i think they are going to be much too big.
me: no, but i'm wearing the same pair right now.
sales lady: (checking me out with awe) i would have never thought you were a size __. you don't look like a size __. wow. i never would have guessed.
me: in my head, i've just given you everything i own.

okay, not really on that last one. but you get the idea.

today's adventures have been a bit more challenging. i have been on the hunt for shoes. not just any shoes, but high heels. and not just any high heels. high heels that i can comfortably run around in for 6-8 hours on saturday night on hard floors. ladies, you will know how difficult a task this is. and what makes it more difficult is that you don't really know if you have succeeded until it's too late to change your mind. i did find a pair i think will work, but i wish i could just get away with wearing tevas or birks on saturday night. somehow i don't think they will go with my cocktail dress.

last but not least, and just for fun, here is a pic of my bro awhile back. he dressed up as kurt cobain for a ward oscar night, and i think he pulls it off pretty well. i couldn't resist posting! (thanks, tamara)

vanity, thy name is stamp

i did something silly today, because i need to do silly things when i am feeling particularly not silly. so today my silly thing was ordering personalized stamps.

i wanted to incorporate my all-time favorite quote: "go confidently in the direction of your dreams. live the life you've imagined.' (thoreau) but it's a little text heavy. so i cut it down, and threw it on a traveling picture. it's not my favorite pic of me, and i really wanted one in amsterdam (instead of paris), but the eiffel tower seemed to compliment the quote better--as in, it is more recognizable.

i've been trying to write more handwritten notes since the beginning of the year, and find that fun special touches make it easier to stay motivated. hence my love of wax seals, and my new sillyness for personalized stamps.

insomnia

definition:

sleeping problems, called insomnia, can take several forms:

* difficulty falling asleep when you first go to bed at night
* waking up too early in the morning
* waking up frequently throughout the night

all types of insomnia can lead to daytime drowsiness, poor concentration, and the inability to feel refreshed and rested in the morning.

when i was 17, i had an epiphany. i was at a slumber party, and realized that while all of my friends were happily slumbering, i was wide awake. then i realized that this had happened at every slumber party, sleepover, or family trip i had ever participated in. i understood for the first time that laying in bed for two to three hours before falling asleep, was not normal. and it came as a shock.

now here i am, 12 years later, and not much has changed. i still lay awake for hours before achieving the blissful peace of sleep. but even when achieved, it is too quickly interrupted by the buzzing of the alarm clock, and it's time to pretend like i feel rested and well. the truth is, i don't. i very rarely do. i often bail out of things because i am simply too tired--which is particularly frustrating because i abhor flakiness in other people. of course, i don't feel like i can say 'i am too tired' and have anyone truly understand, so it usually ends up being 'i'm sorry to cancel, i'm just not feeling very well.' my 'excuses' have put a strain on many a friendship.

to add insult to injury, it seems that not only do i have difficulty falling asleep at night, but i actually hit a second wind. on any given day, i could go home from work and take a nap (quickly falling asleep), and be up all night. or i could forgo the nap in the hopes of going to bed at a normal time, only to be sadly reminded that that is simply not how it works for me. i can sleep anywhere in the middle of the day (a plane, the floor), but when it comes to bedtime, i am out of luck.

a friend suggested some time ago that i had probably done this to myself. my love of reading developed as a child, and i could often be found under the covers with flashlight and book in hand, during the wee hours of the morning. as i aged, that continued. it wasn't always a book, sometimes it was tv, or internet surfing, but it was usually something. this friend proposed that over the years, i had trained my brain to maintain alertness while in bed. that i had never given it the opportunity to 'rest', and therefore, it was incapable of doing so.

that made perfect sense to me. so, i went out and bought a nice comfy chair for my room. for nearly a year, i would not allow myself to read, watch tv, or internet surf in my bed. it was the chair, or nothing. it didn't help. not one tiny little bit. so i went back to doing those things in my bed. i understand that 1 year may not erase 20+ years of behavior, but do i have to sit in that chair for 20 more years to make it go away?

another friend suggested that my insomnia may be the result of my love affair with diet coke. this also made complete sense to me. so, for a respectable amount of time, i seriously cut down my intake, and would not allow myself the pleasure after 6:00pm. didn't make an ounce of difference. so i went back to my diet coke.

at one point i remembered that i have been able to fall asleep quickly, when visiting grandma's lakehouse, or while on a beach vacation. so i bought one of those 'nature sounds' cds in an attempt to lull myself to sleep with the peaceful background music of water. again, no luck.

i've tried over the counter sleeping pills from time to time with varying results. mostly they do nothing, and i can almost hear my brain saying (in mocking tones) 'you thought you could outsmart me? i am your brain afterall.'

it's true that i could have gone to a doctor a long time ago, but the idea of being dependent on a pill terrifies me. i think though, it may have finally come to that. maybe there is something i have missed that can only be discovered through professional help. i'm tired of being tired.

oh billy, you're my hero

has anyone seen stage beauty?

i am reminded again about the nature of expectation v. perspective. high expectations increase your odds of being disappointed. low expectations increase your odds of being pleasantly surprised. recently, i've seen a bunch of crappy movies i expected to be good. tonight i saw an excellent one i expected to be mediocre (at best).

i have a few random flicks in my blockbuster queue, because let's face it, i've seen the majority of 'mainstream' movies. i don't remember stage beauty ever being in theaters, but i have been a claire danes fan since back in the my so called life days, so i figured, what the heck.

the movie takes place in england, in a time where women are forbidden on stage, and addresses the whims of power, role reversal, self-discovery, and of course, mad love. the on-screen chemistry is intense, the period well represented (well enough anyway) and truth be told, i am still looking for a flaw.

clearly, opinions expressed on any topic are based on our own experiences, and i find it likely that my amazement and awe of this movie comes in part from my low expectations, and in part from my history and interest in the theater.

whatever the reasons for my high praise, billy crudup and claire danes have rescued me from the bad movie blues.

stage beuaty: ('nuff said)

friday night lights: (i almost forgot what a weirdo billy bob thornton is)

tickle me

recently steph and erin have been showering us with a variety of fun and entertaining quizzes, so i thought i would share my favorite 'quiz' site, and some of the results i've gotten...



You're an Amorous Adventurer

Carefree and fun, you are easily excited when it comes to new experiences — and that includes relationships. It's not that you see boyfriends as frivolous pursuits, but you enjoy the art of the chase, and you work to make sure that long-term relationships maintain that sense of adventure and surprise.

You may not be the type of girlfriend who spends every waking hour with her man, but that doesn't mean you're not thinking about him. You're just an independent woman, and it's important for you to feel challenged and creative in most things you do. That's what makes any relationship an adventure.

***

Your signature city is Seattle

Sleepless in Seattle? We don't think so. You may be laidback but that doesn't mean you're lacking in energy. Someone as adventurous and active as you is the perfect pairing with a city that's filled with fresh air, beautiful waterfront, snow-capped mountains, and plenty to do.

Whether you're hiking, skiing, or biking, you lead the way to new heights and lots of fun. And what better place to reach new heights of fun than in your signature city? How about from the top of the Space Needle or Mt. Rainier? You can quench your need for speed in the Great Outdoors, check out a jazz club or a museum, and wash it all down with a fresh cup of java at one of the city's countless cafés — all in one day. Now that's something we can all toast to!

***

Your match is Brad Pitt!

We can hear your heart fluttering from here. Yes, it's true — Hollywood golden boy Brad Pitt is your celebrity dream date. This outrageously handsome, disarmingly sexy Missouri-raised cutie may be taken, but that doesn't mean you can't daydream about a passionate affair. After all, your preference for sensitive, romantically boyish guys means Mr. Sexiest Man Alive (according to People in 1995 and 2000, that is) is right up your alley. We can just tell that his athletic build and clean-cut charm are matched only by his desire to keep you satisfied (look what he did for Geena Davis in Thelma and Louise!). Sure, he dressed up as a giant chicken to make money when he first moved to L.A., but that smidge of goofiness intrigues you, doesn't it? We can just picture a perfect date between the two of you. Imagine a night at the drive-in: one milkshake, two straws. Need we say more?

***

Your celebrity smile style is Innocent Like Drew

While we'd never believe she's Never Been Kissed, Drew is sweet and innocent smile is what makes so many women want to be her, and so many men want to be with her. Like Drew, you have a sparkling personality that can light up a room (or a movie set) the moment you walk into it. Accompanied by an easy-going manner, your charming nature tells people that you are trustworthy and ready for a good time.

You love to laugh about anything — jokes, pranks, yourself — and you prefer to maintain a childlike sense of wonder and amusement about the world. Even when things don't go your way, your positive attitude always helps you find the bright side of things. Keep on smiling!

***

You're Hot 'n' Sexy

When you enter a room, all eyes gravitate toward you. Like a moth to a flame, people can't help but notice you. Maybe it's how you casually move through a crowd or that glow you give off when you flash that smile. You're hot and it shows. Could it be the haircut that says it all about you, the jeans that fit just right, or the casual way you saunter across a room looking confident from all angles?

You have an air about you that commands respect from men and women alike. You possess such outward strength that these people ache to be around you. When you speak, people hang on your every word. You are so full of charisma and cachet that, whether in a business or social setting, you can gauge the mood in the room and offer the right compliment or provocative statement for any scene. Do you have a secret intuition about how people work? Just maybe. And that's one of the sexiest things about you.

***

Your true color is Green!

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

***

Your dream event is the DAYTONA 500!

It's the longest, fastest course on the NASCAR circuit. Of course the DAYTONA 500 is your dream event. There's only one place where you can live out your adrenaline-charged, drag-racing fantasies—where precision machines take hairy turns at more than 200 mph, where the difference between first and fifth place is decided by how quickly your pit crew can change a bald tire.

The DAYTONA 500 is the race that started it all, that accelerated the rise in popularity that makes NASCAR America's No. 1 spectator sport. So don't sit back and wait for the televised event. Pack your bags and get ready for the smell of burned rubber, fried bologna sandwiches, and motor oil. Join the thousands of diehard grandstand fans who already know that auto racing can give you a better rush than bungee jumping and skydiving combined.

Your future has DAYTONA written all over it. It's time for palm trees, beaches, and warm nights in the middle of February. Come on, everybody's doing it. Even Aerosmith entered a car in last year's race. Just put your pedal to the metal and get movin.' You don't want to be late when the checkered flag drops.

***

You're an Irish Setter!

No bones about it, you're a devil-may-care Irish Setter. Fun-loving and light-hearted, life is an adventure for you — an attitude your nearest and dearest find refreshing and inspiring. Witty, with a nose for fun, you can turn any social gathering into an unforgettable event, which is why you're always at the top of the guest list. Your varied interests — anything and everything from sky-diving to club hopping — make you extremely well-rounded. Just make sure you don't get distracted and lose sight of your responsibilities. As long as you stay balanced, you're a lucky dog who will always be a kid at heart — woof!

***

Your inner rock star is Faith Hill!

Hey, gal, your inner rock star is all Faith Hill. You are country, as sweet and sultry as summertime honeysuckle. You can warm hearts with your charming stage style, but you're calm and friendly with your success because you're grounded in the important things in life—family, friends, good living. Your balance has let you to build all the talent that's at your disposal, and that comes from your superstar commitment. You've been blessed with natural talents, grace, and glamour—not to mention spunk—that just flow out of you like honey. Thank your inner Faith Hill. She's making things happen for you!

***

You're fit to commit because you know what you want

You don't need us to tell you that you're on the right track. A cool and confident person, you know what you want; now it's just a matter of finding it. Even more important, you know that love is about much more than what kind of clothes they wear or car they drive. And you're ready to make it work.

You've gotten to a place where you are happy with your life, and you're ready to share it with someone special. So whether you've found them or are still looking, know that this time, you'll get what you want.

***

proof: (they seem to have forgotten to write an ending)

the hours: (i couldn't even finish this. i was afraid i would go jump off a bridge)

good girl: (i seem to have inadvertently ended up on a gyllenhall tangent)

punch drunk love: (a bit strange with quirky humor)

triumph of love: (mira sorvino makes me want to throw up)


please help! i need to see a good movie!