it happened again

the most awful horrible dreaded thing that has ever happened to me, just happened again. after three months of being back in my stake's singles ward with no calling, i was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with me. i wish it had stayed that way.

what most people do not know about me is that i have an extreme fear of public speaking. stick me at a party with hostessing duties, and i am fine. but give me a pulpit with all eyes in the room directed at me, and it is an entirely other story. i cannot understae this particular fear. it creates a physical reaction in me that usually manifests itself in a vomitous fashion. fortunately, that stage hits before the actual 'performance' so as of yet, no one else has been victimized by my phobia. it doesn't matter if it is a talk in sacrament meeting, or simply directing the senior management to the next meeting room, it simply makes me ill.

four years ago, almost exactly, i was asked to serve in my ward as the gospel doctrine teacher. for the benefit of my non-lds readership, gospel doctrine is a scripture study class in which each year is a different book; old testament, new testament, book of mormon, and doctrine and covenants. at the time, old testament was being covered.

when i accepted the calling then, i was simultaneously laughing and crying. i was laughing because i have been blessed to be given some foreknowledge on matters like this, and i knew it was coming. i cried because i couldn't imagine a more awful thing to have to do. and every other week for nearly two years, i threw up, and i taught. it never got any better, and it never got any easier. but at the same time, i have never stood on firmer spiritual ground, or had a stronger testimony than i did when i was teaching. and even stranger than that, i am actually a pretty good teacher. i don't know how, but my unsuspecting pupils seem to never be the wiser about my great and terrible fear.

eventually after a couple of years, i finally escaped this traumatic calling by leaving the ward. but it seems that one cannot run from destiny. last night my home teacher, who is also in the bishopric, came to home teach and extend a calling. i feared it, i dreaded it, and i was even too afraid to vocalize it, because i thought it would tempt the fates just a little too much. but it seems that was irrelevant, because, as it would happen, the calling i have been extended is gospel doctrine teacher. and ironically, i will be teaching the same set of scriptures i taught before, and once again, i am terrified and nautious.

so why would i accept such a calling? because i believe in inspiration, and i believe in service. i believe that this calling is as much about getting me on better spiritual footing as it is about any wisdom i might impart to others.

i don't really know how i am going to do it. it takes me an average of 15 hours to prepare a lesson, and i simply don't know how to do it any other way. it's my process. and lucky for me, my first lesson will be two days before my huge event in october. i continue to learn lessons about humility and submitting to the lord's will, and look forward to the day when i have that mastered. in the meantime, there will be a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth.

sast presents: ashburn hearts five guys, i heart aaron sorkin, and london. it's official

if i'm not mistaken, today is national lack of focus day. and in honor of the holiday, short attention span theater brings you the following:

they just put in a new five guys in ashburn. it seemed like a perfectly delectable dinner choice on my way home last night, but apparently that was true for every resident in ashburn as well. it took me 15 minutes in line and another 10 to get my burger, and there was no dilly dallying to be found. ashburn hearts five guys.

i admit it. i am still mourning the loss of the west wing. but with sorkin's return, last night's premier episode of studio 60 has temporarily eased my grief. i'm sure there will be mixed reviews of the much hyped new series, but as for me, thank heavens intelligent tv is back. that's not to say that i require intelligence in my tv programming--i do love reality tv after all--but it is noticed and appreciated. in addition, despite my affinity for a few of the cast members (bradley whitford, steven weber, and timothy busfield), i was skeptical of how the ensemble would work. and i don't know how it did, but it did. this show has managed to do what many attempt and most fail at--hooking me in episode 1.

it's official. i will be spending thanksgiving in london. today i used lara's birthday gift to purchase a couple of old friends--the rick steves and lonely planet guides to london. oh how i have missed you.

the annual cruise

i wish my annual cruise was a bit more exciting, however, every year, my company puts on a dinner cruise which benefits the darrell green youth life foundation. although i guess men dressed up like female pigs is exciting in it's own way.

if you have been wondering what exactly has me so busy these days, this would be one of many answers.

though the event took place a couple of weeks ago, i just got photos from corporate communications and you can find all of them here.

in need of geeks

i just learned that blogger is going to be discontinuing web hosting, which means i will lose the ability to customize my own templates or to provide the playlists you all enjoy so much;). i know there a few computer peeps out there who read the blog..and i am only 1/4 geek. i need user friendly server space that i can easily ftp to. i don't mind paying a reasonable price, i am more concerned about ease of use.

any suggestions?

i'm in love

i'm in love with my new macbook (although still working through a couple of glitches--love takes work afterall)

i'm in love with the dooney & bourke bag i bought to carry my new macbook

i'm in love with the wireless mighty mouse i got to do micey things with my new macbook

i'm in love with pilates

i'm in love with migraine medicine that works

i'm in love with planning trips to london for thanksgiving

and allow me to be a girl for a minute. i'm in love with david boreanaz (i have completed the entire buffy series and have moved on to angel, and hot damn!)