notes from the universe

not long ago, a co-worker turned me on to a site that will send you notes from the universe. a daily email, with a little tidbit of some sort.

some days are more amusing than others.

this is what the universe had to say to me today:

How could it be difficult, challenging or hard, Tara, when so many others have done it?

You know, anything. For instance, to move.

funny, right?

anne's was equally on point.

in other news, i am sorry to disappoint those of you who have been amused by my 'tales from online', but i am officially taking an online dating hiatus. chalk it up to increased frustration and decreased tolerance, but i'm done for awhile, or forever. i don't really know yet.

open invite

friday night, 9:45, reston towncenter, chick flick: 'catch and release'

dinner at uno's, 7:30.

email or call me if you're in.

karina, karina

while yesterday's post focused on largely on someone i have known for a very long time, and know well, today's post focuses on someone who is a virtual stranger. except not.

a couple of years ago, almost two, to be exact, i went to utah to visit family and some friends i had made online. while there, i was at a social function , and found myself in the kitchen talking to a girl i had never met before. her name was heather, and she had spent time in the dc area. we had many mutual friends, and even beyond that, there was an instant connection between us.

there are moments. they are few and far between, but they happen. moments when the eternal wheels click into place and start to turn. in these moments, there is a recognition that defies logic. and it is always mutual. you know, and they know, that you have each met someone who is going to change your life, simply by being a part of it. it's not that they will alter your path or your destiny in obvious ways, necessarily, but a divine purpose will be served. in these moments, coincidence becomes obsolete.

meeting heather in the kitchen at a stranger's house was one of those moments. however, the most fascinating thing about that moment, is that it generated another such moment with another person. prior to that experience, i have never felt such a strong connection with two different people in such a limited time frame (only minutes apart!).

it was through heather that i met karina. karina and i sat down on a couch, and didn't leave it for the remainder of the night. as we related our life stories to one another, there were enummerable parallels and an uncommon understanding. she and i both knew we had found a wonderful new friend in eachother.

since that meeting two years ago, our communication has been sporadic at best. life is life, and it is easy to lose sight of what is important. for months, karina and i have tried to actually have a phone conversation, but our timing has been incredibly bad. last night, we were finally able to connect, and it was if not one day had passed since last we spoke. as we recounted our experiences over the last year, we could have each told the other's story. though the timing had been different, our experiences bear shocking similarities.

our conversation lasted for hours, and reminded me of that special connection. that feeling of knowing someone without knowing them has happened to me a grand total of 7 times. each time, it was powerful--hence the reason i can so clearly recall the frequency. 3 of those people are 3 of my best friends and have been for years. 3 of them are still virtual strangers, who i would do anything for. only one of them have i dated, but since most of them are girls, that is probably for the best;)

at any rate, i am thrilled to have karina back in the forefront of my thoughts. and in fact, i may have even convinced her to move to london with deb and i! now THAT would be something!

i'm also thrilled that i will have a chance to reconnect with heather when i'm in utah in march (which ironically, will be our exact 2 year anniversary date of meeting), and assuming i do ever make it to london, i plan to spend a lot of time with louise--whether she likes it or not:)

all this to say, i am grateful for the people in my life. the friends and family who know me well and still put up with me, and the relative strangers who's brief appearances in my life, leave indelible impressions.

it's only wednesday

but i think that in regards to this week, it’s safe to say ‘so far so good.’

in fact, it’s actually been a really good week.

first, there is work. for the first time in a long time i am actually starting to get excited about some of my upcoming events. not to mention that i have been really (dare i say it?) productive this week! i really work best when i am under pressure, with tight deadlines and impossible tasks. having dragged my feet for the last couple of months, i am finding it’s now do or die time, and i’m loving it. i’m getting so much accomplished, my creativity is sparked, and i’m feeling a little like my old work self again!

i have been desperate to get out of here before april, and my biggest event of the year, but now, i can’t imagine not being here for it.

we are holding it at the steven f. udvar-hazy center (the air & space satellite campus) and have settled on a mission: possible theme, complete with some of the most incredible decor you’ve ever seen, and our very own ‘ethan’ suspended from the ceiling serving drinks. the main band will perform next to the sr-71, and we’ll have a dj in the space shuttle hangar. this party is seriously going to kick.

i have the go-ahead to out source some of the tasks this year, which means, i may even bring a date! interested parties should submit applications with no less than five references;)

in other news, you may remember that i was asked to teach a class at the stake enrichment meeting being held in february. i reluctantly accepted, and those of you who know, will understand how difficult that was for me. i got more information today regarding the evening’s topic and my assignment. i had to laugh when i read that the scriptural theme for the evening: live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you (Alma 34:38). if you don’t understand why i find that so amusing, read my last post.

at any rate, my teaching assignment is: "get a handle on it: stress management."

i’m laughing again, and not sure if it is me that is supposed to be learning, or the class i will be teaching!

at any rate, the real highlight of the week thus far has been dinner with aaron and cindy. we have been trying unsuccessfully to get together for ages, but with work and sickness, and prior engagements, we couldn’t seem to make it work--until last night.

aaron and i have known each other for about 15 years. i’ve included this prom photo of the two of us, mostly because i think it will make him laugh. i was 15 in this pic, and i think aaron was 17? at the time, that was a pretty big deal, and i think he takes great pride in being the only boyfriend my dad ever pulled a gun on.

it’s probably fair to say that he was my first love (in that pure, yet overly dramatic way that you love someone when you are a sophomore in high school). during the last decade and a half, there have been times when we were closely in contact, and others when we got a little bit lazy. though i can’t speak for him, i think i’m safe in stating that we have both come to cherish the friendship that has developed and remained over all that time. hmmm. i guess that makes aaron my first love and my longest love. said love has taken on many variations, beginning with that high school puppy love, and evolving into a deep respect and care.

fortunately for everyone, aaron married an incredible woman, who impressed me the first time i met her. she is warm and accepting, and though very different from aaron, she is in every sense of the cliche, his other half. some people just fit, and it is largely due to their great relationship, and just how friggin’ cool she is, that aaron and i are able to continue the friendship evolution.

needless to say, i was excited to see them both. an evening with these two promises great conversation, lots of laughs, just the right amount of sarcasm, and bottle pointing--and it did not disappoint. not only that, but i was thrilled to learn that 2 1/2 year old caius, who apparently only likes blondes, was willing to make an exception for this brunette. and it was everything i could do not to kidnap him and take him home with me.

also worth noting is that aaron made me a deal last night. we have a mutual friend who writes and produces his own plays. aaron’s deal was that he would do a small part, if i would. which, i must admit, i’m considering--if only for the fact that it wold be great to see aaron on a stage again. and of course, i think the three of us together back in that environment, would bring no end of merry mayhem. i’m always up for a bit of that!

the evening did make me start to wonder whether i should consider blogging a bit less, as every time i started on a story, aaron’s response was ‘i know, i read your blog.’ sometimes i am concerned that i share too much, but in this one area at least, it comes more from my innate need to write than my need to share. this one-time english major doesn't really have another outlet (although i'm working on fixing that). hence, the justification for my innundation. perhaps, if all goes according to dream (no, not plan), i will be able to keep some thoughts a bit more closely guarded...more like a normal person.

at any rate, back to the subject at hand. there are some people you can not see for a long time, and when you do, you think ‘alright, this will tide me over for the next year,’ and there are others who make you think ‘man that was fun, when can we do it again?’ aaron and cindy definitely fall into the latter category, and now that i have an open invitation to ‘just show up,’ i won’t be letting so much time pass between our visits.

the rest of the week promises a steady decline, as i now have to begin preparing my lesson, but at least i started the week off right!


ps-aaron, why do i always feel like i am spelling cindy’s name wrong? am i?

new year's post

i have been writing, deleting, and rewriting a new year’s post for about three weeks now, and nothing has felt quite right.

typically, the beginning of a year brings reflection on the year past and a resolve to make changes in the next year. it is no secret that 2006 was rough. and yet, by year’s end, i found myself overwhelmed with gratitude. i became acutely aware of the priveleges and the blessings my life has afforded me, and was humbled by my unworthiness to have received them.

that thought is with me still, and has been prevalent as i have pondered the many possible areas of improvement for 2007. my one and only resolution for 2007 has been not to make any resolutions. it’s been my experience that making a new year’s resolution simply gives one another opportunity to disappoint oneself, and that is not how i wanted to begin what i expect to be the greatest year i’ve ever had (all in the attitude. all in the attitude.)

despite my anti-resolutionist attitude, i believe in goal setting. and in considering what goals might be worthwhile, i kept coming back to this feeling of gratitude. and fair warning, this may be the strangest new year’s post you’ve ever read.

i grew up in the home of a writer. and as a writer, my father traveled often. when possible, he would take my brother and i along. each year he traveled as a lecturer for a tour group, usually spending about a month in a new part of the world. usually dylan and i were left with relatives for those trips. one year though, the trip was scheduled to coincide with my first month of high school, so dad arranged for us to come along. It was an eastern european trip, and we covered a lot of ground. i would have liked to spend more time, but with 13 countries in 30 days, that wasn’t really an option.

however, despite the brevity of our time in each individual place, i learned three great lessons on that trip that have stuck with me for the last 16 years.

the first came in romania. we were there before the wall fell, and i imagine it is a much different place now. at the time however, it was dirty and poverty stricken. when we arrived in bucharest, the driver pulled the tour bus into one of the town squares. we had been instructed prior to the trip to bring extra every day items, such as toothbrushes, soap, etc.

curious children began approaching to see what was going on. they were dirty, mostly shoeless, and inappropriately dressed for the weather. we began handing out some of the items we had brought. i don't think to this day i have seen such a look of joy cross someone's face. it was the first time i truly understood how fortunate i was to be an american, and I have never forgotten it. romania to me had nothing to do with the architecture or the landscape, but with the lesson it taught me.

the other two lessons were both learned in poland, and almost simulaneously. i had the opportunity to visit auschwitz, the infamous concentration camp in poland. while there, we wandered through the ‘showers’ where prisoners were gassed, firing walls, where they were shot, and ovens where they were creamated. while all of that was completely disturbing, what had the most impact, was walking through various buildings, in which items collected from prisoners such as shoes and eyeglasses were piled behind glass for our viewing pleasure. there was one building however, that i was completely unprepared for. as i passed through the doorway, i was immediately engulfed by a stench i could not place. i took another step and saw one of the most horrifying things i have ever seen. piles and piles of rotting hair. hair that had been collected as prisoners’ heads were shaved.

the showers and the firing wall and the ovens had disturbed but not mortified me. it was seeing and smelling that pile of hair that created waves of nausea that sent me running from the building. at 14 years old, i understood what kind of evil atrocities humans were capable of perpetrating on one another, but even beyond that, i understood the kind of impact that our lives and experiences could have on eachother. i have never personnally known a holocaust survivor, but learning of their lives humbles me and reminds me how blessed i am. and again, i return to gratitude.

last week, i went to see ‘freedom writers’ with the girls, and did not realize that the holocaust would be a part of the story line. though i have been thinking recently about my experiences in eastern europe, the movie reminded me yet again of the lessons i have learned.

in considering what it is that i want to accomplish in 2007, i realized that as a result of my having been so blessed, i wanted to somehow find a way to bless the lives of others. this is a well-entrenched desire, yet i have struggled to determine how it is that i can accomplish it.

i think all of us have an innate desire to make a mark on the world, but doing so often seems a bit out of our reach. i was certain that i would be a mother by now, and i have always felt that parenthood is the most noble way to bless the lives of others. seeing as how i am not in that situation however, i have struggled and often been overwhelmed in attempting to find a suitable alternative.

what i have finally began to understand, is that our impact on the lives of others does not have to be overt or grand. gestures that are small and simple have a power all their own. and it is that power that i am seeking to expand upon this year. small and simple gestures meant to bless the lives of others, in gratitude for the blessings i have received.