bibliophile

in my freshman year of college, i took a course in contemporary fiction. one of the short stories we read was entitled 'the handsomest drowned man in the world,' and was my introduction to gabriel garcia marquez.

with quotes like this (below), i was an instant fan.

Even though they were looking at him, there was no room for him in their imagination... they also knew that everything would be different from then on, that their houses would have wider doors, higher ceilings, and stronger floors so that no one in the future would dare whisper, ‘the big blob finally died, too bad the handsome fool has finally died,’ because they were going to paint their house fronts gay colors to make Esteban's memory eternal, and they were going to break their backs digging for springs among the stones, and planting flowers on the cliffs so that in future years at dawn, the passengers on the great liners would awaken, suffocated by the smell of gardens on the high seas, and the captain would have to come down from the bridge in his dress uniform, with his astrolabe, his pole star, and his row of war medals, and pointing to the promontory of roses on the horizon, he would say in fourteen languages, ‘look there, where the wind is so peaceful now that it’s gone to sleep beneath the beds, over there, where the sun’s so bright that the sunflowers don’t know which way to turn, yes, over there, that’s Esteban’s village.

i loved the images marquez was able to create...the story stepped out of the confines of paper pages and took root in my imagination. and i was off to the book store for more of his work, most notably 100 years of solitude and love in the time of cholera. these books have been in my possession for nearly 13 years now, and i have read neither.

the other night, i saw a trailer for the movie version of 'love', and i had to consider why it was that i had not yet read the book. ultimately, i decided that it was out of fear.

my favorite book of all-time is les miserables, and after reading it, i got my hands on every piece of hugo's work i could find. invariably i was disappointed. and not just disappointed, but nearly devastated. i could not understand how an author could pen a novel so clearly divinely inspired, only to have his other works fall so short in my mind. there are those that will disagree with my feelings about his other works, the hunchback of notre dame foremost among them, but for me they were sick jests.

unbeknownst to me, i believe, that that created an irrational fear of being let down. i had so loved the handsomest drowned man, and could not put myself through that same disappointment if his other works did not measure up. so they got shelved.

usually i am working on three or four books at a time, and have the 'top 5 books to complete' with me. this has been number 5 for as long as i can remember, and as such, it was close by. when i saw the trailer, i knew it had to be made a priority, as i simply don't believe in seeing a movie before reading the book, unless i have no intentions of ever reading the book.

i've made it a few chapters in, and so far, there is no disappointment looming. in fact, i find that same imagery and storytelling mastery is just as present has it was in that short story read long ago, and i can't wait to finish!

in other book news...the geek blogs (namely engadget and gizmodo) are all abuzz with posts about amazon's new 'kindle' digital book reader. the reader will allow you to wirelessly download from amazon to read (ultimately) any book you can imagine wanting, including those hard to get and out of print books.

i typically like to be on the front edge of new technology, but in this case, i find myself torn. the advantages are unquestionably great. first, that ability to easily access books that are hard to find is amazing. and, since i am someone who typically travels with 6 or 7 books, my luggage and my arms would certainly thank me.

on the other hand, there is something about holding a book..breaking the spine, dog earring those memorable pages, or whipping out the highlighter/pen, that is immensely gratifying. that tactile sensation that fosters a perfect read, is not something that can easily be replaced by a digital tablet. so the question is, do the benefits outweigh the sacrifices? i know there are some fellow bibliophiles reading, and i'm curious about your thoughts...do share...

(ps aaron-i really am still working on 'clash')

rockin' it

yup. i really rocked it today.

first, i rocked the 2nd interview. of course, it didn't hurt to learn that my interviewer is mormon..along with several staff members. ah, the irony. even more ironic that this job has been screaming at me since the first time i saw the posting. can't really explain it, but this was the job i vocally expressed to family that i hoped would call. i don't know why. for all my attempts, i can't actually explain it, except to say that some things are simply meant to be, and sometimes i have an inkling of when/how that is.

aside from the randomly strange mormon connection (i mean it's not like i'm in utah!), i learned more about the company and the job, and it still feels like a very good fit. they are planning on making a decision next week, which hopefully will make a very happy thanksgiving--particularly since i will be solo on the big family day. mick, jenny and crew have departed hence to ut and id and the house is shockingly quiet. i'll admit that to a certain extent, silence is golden, but, i think that is scheduled to wear off tomorrow, when i start losing it because it's too quiet. so, here's hoping for that happy thanksgiving, with happy job news:)

after rocking the interview, i rocked the kitchen. my living circumstances over the past few years have resulted in minimal domesticity. i love to cook, but rarely do it, because i hate interfering in other people's space. but with the fam out of town, i had a little bit of freedom (which is not to say that anyone imposes restrictions on me but myself), so i had some fun with some leftover ingredients in the fridge. the result? bbq chicken pizza.

granted, i didn't make the crust from scratch, but i bbq'd the chicken, carmelized the onions, chopped the cilantro, etc. seriously, you're getting hungry just reading this, right? it was a terrific challenge not to inhale the ingredients before they all made it onto the pizza, but that first hot bite fresh out of the oven made all that restraint worth it. yum. i should have taken a picture, but that would have taken too long.

i was supposed to head to brandon and michelle's tonight, but brandon is going to be staying in the hospital through sunday while he has some more tests run. i may head up there tomorrow for some comic relief (as in, brandon can entertain me from his hospital bed), in the meantime, here's to rockin' it, because i so totally did.

by the way, why has everyone been soooo quiet lately? i continue to require your acknowledgment for the validation of my ego:) thanks in advance;)

reality

i just learned tonight that my records have officially arrived in the huntington beach 1st ward.

i don't know why, but it actually made me gasp. there are moments that reality sneaks up on me. in the first couple of weeks after my arrival, it was usually accompanied by fear and trepidation, self-doubt, and uncertainty about the future.

but now it's changed. the uncertainty still exists, but instead of fear and trepidation, it is accompanied by excitement and anticipation. one of my former co-workers farewell to me included the following comment: "six months from now, your life won't remotely resemble the life you have now."

isn't that friggin' awesome!

an anniversary of sorts

monday marked one month since my arrival in california.

give me a second to process that.

one month. do you remember when a month used to feel like an eternity? in some ways, it still does, but in most, i find myself wondering what happened to all of those days. what did i accomplish? how did i fill my time? did i make the most of it?

often the answer is a disappointing no, but in this case, i feel 'yes' is appropriate. maybe not a resounding yes, but a yes nonetheless.

i've spent a good deal of time job hunting or job pursuing. the bay area job, as i expected, was an option. on wednesday of last week, i had made the final decision not to continue the process, and informed the recruiter of such. what i didn't expect was just how much the company wanted me. on thursday and friday i considered to receive phone calls from various vps at the company...some trying to talk me into accepting the job, some just wanting to find out what reason i might have for not wanting it.

on paper, it was fantastic. a lot of money at a great company. my budgets would be enormous, my clients even more so. so how do you explain 'it just doesn't feel right.' i gave all of the logical reasons i could come up with, but i'm sure they all remain a little baffled. to a certain extent, me too.

but my decision has been confirmed, at least by my own reasoning. friday, i got a call from a company i had submitted my resume to about a month ago. i can't explain what about this particular position or company appealed to me, but as i've carefully tracked all the positions i've applied for, this one somehow stood out. i sent my resume to them three times...just in case.

the short of it is that i interviewed with them on tuesday. i had mixed feelings about how the interview went (the woman was completely unreadable!), but did feel strongly that it would be a good fit all around. the job itself is right up my alley--a corporate event position that seems to have everything i'm looking for...right type of events, right salary, right location (just over 10 minutes from my cousin's house).

the company is looking to move quickly. i have a second interview on friday, and i'm very optimistic. keep your fingers crossed!

so when not job hunting, i've been trying to make new friends and reconnect with old ones. i have been pleasantly surprised to find that in the former case, people here are friendly and open. i haven't met anyone yet with whom there was an instant 'click', but there is definite friendship potential all around. in regards to the latter, i have had a chance to spend more time with my high school friends--brandon and michelle in particular.

a couple of weeks ago, when the party discussion turned to 'buffy', it was suggested to me (as it has been many times over the years) that i really needed to see 'firefly', also created by joss whedon. so last friday we began the marathon to be continued tomorrow night.

it has been immensely fulfilling--the rekindling of these friendships. i have been fortunate enough to have maintained contact with a few old friends. though there are notable exceptions, most of my closest friends are people i've known for a decade or more. i can't help but wonder if that's not because the core of our personalities is formed very early on, so the self of our youth, is the purest self we ever are. we add experiences over the years. we pick up baggage and mature (hopefully), but perhaps the people that resonate with that self of youth, will always have the ability to do so. it's an imperfect theory, i realize, but in my case, i can't think of one close friend from years gone by, one who i chose consciously or unconsciously (not as a result of circumstance, but actual choice) who i think i couldn't/wouldn't be friends with today. and i have most certainly reaped the reward of my imperfect theory.

i got a call from brandon last night, and i didn't get the message until late. michelle sent an email today saying she'd like to chat, and when i called her, i was devastated to learn that last week--the day after our firefly marathon part 1--brandon was diagnosed with cancer. though he has been back in my life for all of two weeks (at least the physical presence part), the news came as an absolute shock. the good news is that it has been caught early, though they don't know yet exactly what they are dealing with. they know it's malignant. they know it's in his lungs (ironic, since he has never been a smoker), but they also know it did not start there. tomorrow morning they will be doing a more invasive procedure to determine the origin and the extent.

needless to say, there are a lot of prayers being said. tomorrow is a big day all around.

do you know the way to san jose?

i do.

first, you drive to john wayne airport. then you check in at the southwest ticket counter, move along through security to your gate, and onto the plane. there is a middle seat calling your name. then...voila!

the day after i arrived here in california--or i guess technically, the first business day after i arrived, i met with a recruiter. said recruiter does not specialize in event planning, however, several months ago, they happened to have an ep position open at a company they were repping some other jobs for.

i was underqualified and i knew it. but i was only lacking one requirement, and there are about 1% of the event/meeting planning population that possess it, so i applied anyway. i received a prompt phone call and learned that the company was being a stickler about that one thing (experience planning events with more than 100,000 people), but was told that they loved my resume and would like me to touch base when i arrived in ca.

the moment after i learned my previous job was not being extended afterall, i shot off an email, and an appointment was set. when i met with them in mid-october, they had a similar position open without the ridiculous requirement, and it sounded ideal--with the major exception being that it was located in northern california, between san jose and san francisco on south bay.

i have never had any intention or desire to live/work in northern california. frankly, in my mind, it defeats the purpose of living in california. i vividly remember being in san francisco one july 4th, and freezing in my sweater while i watched fireworks. i don't dislike fall/winter temps, but i dislike them in july.

aside from the obvious weather disadvantages, there are a few others. first among them is the fact that everyone i know in the state lives south of santa barbara. the idea of being completely alone the next time an earthquake strikes is less than appealing. there are also fewer lds singles in the bay area, which not only makes it more difficult to date, but it also makes it harder to find lds roommates, friends, etc.

but, when i was informed of the position, i thought, 'what the heck?' the money was...pretty darn awesome. even accounting for the high cost of living. as it turns out, my 'what the heck?' got me flown to san jose yesterday, on someone else's dime.

the last two weeks have involved a lot of debating between me and...me:) i went through two telephone interviews before learning they would like to fly me up for face to face interviews, and each day brought a new internal debate.

if the job were in southern california, it would be a no brainer. a done deal. but it's not, and that has been difficult to wrap my head around. there is a company out there who is very interested in me, and is willing to pay me a lot of money--including relocation costs to cover temporary housing while i get my bearings. they have treated me with a great deal of respect throughout the process and are global leaders in event planning. i would be working a single event for a ginormous client that anyone not living under a rock has heard of. the budget is about 10 times larger than any other single event budget i've ever managed. so of course, it would be stupid not to want it, right?

boy am i stupid.

i should explain that while there is not an offer on the table yet, i am pretty confident that it will come. i have always interviewed well, and in this case, after the phone interviews, i knew it was a high probability, which became even greater after yesterday's meetings. they have been looking at me for a few different positions, and as i suspected, the face to face was simply to better identify which one would be the best fit, not whether i would be a fit at all.

now, i genuinely liked the folks i met yesterday, and i think the company is great. it would certainly be a great way to advance my career. and of course, the fact that there haven't been a ton of bites in socal has given me pause. not cause for concern, but pause.

yet, when i got on that return flight, i couldn't help but think 'i just want to go home.' it was an errant thought, and it wasn't until a bit later that the significance struck me. there are a few places that feel like home--virginia of course, north carolina, as a result of school, and for better or worse, utah. i spent a significant amount of time in each of those places, and in the case of the latter two, it was months before they felt like 'home.' i have no business feeling that socal is home--not this quickly. yet there was no mistaking the thought.

i had already mostly decided not to pursue the position, despite the fact that i have a hard time fighting good solid logic, especially when it's me arguing the counterpoint (i'm very persuasive), but it was that thought that brought me peace. i have been feeling mostly confident that things will 'hit' here. and my gut says that they will start hitting all at once, i just need to be patient. it certainly didn't hurt that i received a random phone call and a random email today from companies that had seen my resume online. both positions are of interest, and reinforced my gut.

i am doing one more phone interview tomorrow with the norcal company--i figure it will help keep me sharp--but at this point, i have no intention of accepting an offer, so i will likely bow out after the interview.

i feel blessed that i have the kind of support that i do... my cousins, who have made it clear they won't be pushing me out the door in the immediate future, even though the month that the originally agreed to host me is nearly up. my folks, who continue to take care of my baby girl in my absence (i have resorted to sleeping with a stuffed dog!!), and the friends who listen and reason, and remind me that my instincts are usually good.

it has been an interesting process for me. i tend to always err on the 'everything happens for a reason' side of things, so i have struggled with this. was i suppose to go north, or was this happening for another reason? ultimately what it did, was singularly define what is important to me.

i don't want to sell my soul or my 'free' time for another rung on the corporate and financial ladders. i don't want to live 6 driving hours away from my closest relative. i don't want to wear sweaters in july. i want to be near family and friends. i want to enjoy going to work. i want to be able to pay my bills. and i want to lay out on the beach in october.

call me stupid.