you are amazing. i am so lucky to have you, and i most definitely don't tell you that enough. thank you for your love and your concern.
let me reassure you that i am fine. not 'happy on the outside, dying on the inside' fine, TRULY fine. my recent return to singledom comes not with heartbreak, only with some disappointment at having to start over again.
i don't want to minimize the relationship by saying 'it's not that big of a deal', but in some senses, it's not. i certainly saw potential and hoped to see it realized, but i am old enough and FINALLY smart enough not to drag out something that is simply not meant to be!
there is no anger, frustration, misunderstanding, or regret. i enjoyed my time with him, and i care about him. he is a good man, and i expect that we will remain friends. long distance friends who talk every few months or so, but friends:)
i'm excited about staying in california. halle-freaking-lujah!! no offense to my portlandians, but that was an adjustment i wasn't super confident about. life is coming together here, and i'm feeling 'whole' in a way i never have before. i've been getting things in order, and not to sound all feng shue zen masterish, but i have been finding me, and i am loving the process.
i will say that i am over the online/long distance thing for awhile. which means i'm probably over dating for awhile (i don't know why--it just seems to work that way!), and that's okay. there is much adventuring and learning and settling (and job hunting) left to be done . so, here i go!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
back in the groove
last night at 6:30 or so, sitting in my room, backing up my hard drive before sending the macbook in to apple care for repair, my newly engaged roommate ariane comes in to ask me if i will take her engagement photos... ’like…now?’. as it happens, ariane is getting married on saturday. though the engagement is new, and the wedding quick, that is not the story arc i will be discussing in this post. but rather, the request for photos.
i wasn’t feeling all that well last night (female stuff), so i asked aynsley to come along and be responsible for the ‘posing’ of the couple. she volunteered to contact her ex, who has a much nicer camera, to see if he would loan it out. he agreed, which meant ayns would be taking the photos. that was fine, although i was semi-disappointed at the missed opportunity to continue building my portfolio. i went along for the ride nonetheless.
we picked up the camera and headed to the huntington beach pier to commence the photo shoot. i decided to go ahead and take a few shots around aynsley and her fancy shmancy camera. when all was said and done, and all of the photos from the three memory cards perused (ayns took about 200, i took about 30), ariane and her beau narrowed the pictures down to their three favorites. all three were mine.
the ‘winning’ picture, for use in the email invitation is:
every time something like this happens, i get frustrated and annoyed. my composition is usually pretty on target, but the picture quality between a point and shoot and a dslr is noticeable. i need a camera!!
based on last evening’s results, the couple have asked that i take the wedding photos, using a dslr belonging to ariane’s father. i’ve agreed and it will be my first actual wedding. and by actual wedding, i mean, it will be the first time i’m not hovering behind the ‘real’ photographer to get a shot. though I have been asked before, i have always declined as a result of my relationship with the couple. wedding photos can’t be redone. if you screw up, that’s that. But I know they are on a tight (virtually nonexistent) budget, and they’ve seen my photos and they like them. So it looks like I will in fact have another opportunity to build the portfolio, so that when i am really ready to do this, I’ve got some history behind me.
the wedding will be taking place on the beach, near sunset, which will hopefully allow for some amazing photos!
i wasn’t feeling all that well last night (female stuff), so i asked aynsley to come along and be responsible for the ‘posing’ of the couple. she volunteered to contact her ex, who has a much nicer camera, to see if he would loan it out. he agreed, which meant ayns would be taking the photos. that was fine, although i was semi-disappointed at the missed opportunity to continue building my portfolio. i went along for the ride nonetheless.
we picked up the camera and headed to the huntington beach pier to commence the photo shoot. i decided to go ahead and take a few shots around aynsley and her fancy shmancy camera. when all was said and done, and all of the photos from the three memory cards perused (ayns took about 200, i took about 30), ariane and her beau narrowed the pictures down to their three favorites. all three were mine.
– insert moment of triumph here –
the ‘winning’ picture, for use in the email invitation is:
every time something like this happens, i get frustrated and annoyed. my composition is usually pretty on target, but the picture quality between a point and shoot and a dslr is noticeable. i need a camera!!
based on last evening’s results, the couple have asked that i take the wedding photos, using a dslr belonging to ariane’s father. i’ve agreed and it will be my first actual wedding. and by actual wedding, i mean, it will be the first time i’m not hovering behind the ‘real’ photographer to get a shot. though I have been asked before, i have always declined as a result of my relationship with the couple. wedding photos can’t be redone. if you screw up, that’s that. But I know they are on a tight (virtually nonexistent) budget, and they’ve seen my photos and they like them. So it looks like I will in fact have another opportunity to build the portfolio, so that when i am really ready to do this, I’ve got some history behind me.
the wedding will be taking place on the beach, near sunset, which will hopefully allow for some amazing photos!
Monday, July 14, 2008
single again
and that is all i'm going to say about that.
the weekend started a little bit early, as i had a hankering for a flower barrette. i know, it's a strange thing to have a hankering for, but i did. and i didn't want to traipse around multiple stores not quite finding what i was looking for, which is exactly what happens when you know exactly what you're looking for. so i came up with a brilliant idea to make my own.
i mentioned said brilliant idea to alison, and asked if she wanted to come with me to michael's. she agreed, though skeptical, and we found several attractive silk flowers, small alligator clips, and a cheap glue gun.
three hours later, with a lull in the workday, we hid out in a small conference to make magic happen.
alison kept telling me how un-crafty she was, but she held her own and we were pleased with the results!
friday turned out to be kind of a big day for me. though i had anticipated waiting two-three more weeks, this arrived in the mail:
i can't remember if i blogged this earlier, but i lost my va license on the way to vegas. fortunately i had my passport with me, so getting home wasn't an issue. however, it made it necessary for me to get a new license. it's been a process 9testing, letters from the va dmv, etc.) but finally it arrived. and i have to say, it feels surreal to see my face on a non-va license. i had to sit down for a minute. um, i live in california. when did that thappen?!
after work, i headed to brandon and michelle's for the first time in about six weeks. it was also the first time i have seen brandon with hair in a long time. it's finally started growing back post-chemo, and served as a poignant reminder that life isn't perfect, but it IS full of love and beauty and triumph.
shortly after i arrived, another visitor appeared...my old friend andy, also from my high school days. andy was swinging by to pick up a cmputer progra, but we talked him into staying for an episode of 'angel' before heading out.
the three of us only made it through two more before brandon was snoring and i was on my way. i made a late night (quick) stop at a new friend's, who happens to live nearby, before making the hour-ish journey home.
after sleeping in gloriously late on Saturday, and spending a couple hours at the beach, I met up with some friends to go to the orange county fair. oh my, i do love a county fair. livestock, people watching, face painting, craft exhibits, life threatening rides, and deep fried EVERYTHING!
with different goals in mind, our group of 5 split upon arriving at the fair. allison, christian and i were headed straight for the food. we started with roasted corn, a fair favorite, loaded with parm and some other seasonings. but that was just the beginning.
over the course of the next two or so hours the three of us consumed the following:
pulled pork sandwich
corndog
ginormous turkey leg
onion rings (one of my favorite items)
orange julius
funnel cake with strawberries and soft serve vanilla (unbelievably delish)
deep fried snickers (HUGE disappointment)
caramel apple (also a disappointment)
& last but not least, root beer floats
one would think that with that amount of food consumption, that all we did was eat, but our experience was far more entertaining than that! we watched a hypnotist make people shake their booty’s and says ‘who’s your daddy?’ in various languages. i sat with a psychic who told me that a ‘gary’ would be be tied to much financial success for me (anybody no anyone named gary? i don’t), that i would take three trips (no time period given), two by the water, and one in more of a desert landscape. and that after the latter i would feel clarity that i haven’t had in some time. does dc count as the desert, because i think that trip is going to be very good for me!
i also found a hat that matches my bike. i kid you not. below is the hat, but i’ll have to post a side by side comparison later.
all in all it was quite the experience, all documented photographically of course. check the rest of the photos out here.
the weekend started a little bit early, as i had a hankering for a flower barrette. i know, it's a strange thing to have a hankering for, but i did. and i didn't want to traipse around multiple stores not quite finding what i was looking for, which is exactly what happens when you know exactly what you're looking for. so i came up with a brilliant idea to make my own.
i mentioned said brilliant idea to alison, and asked if she wanted to come with me to michael's. she agreed, though skeptical, and we found several attractive silk flowers, small alligator clips, and a cheap glue gun.
three hours later, with a lull in the workday, we hid out in a small conference to make magic happen.
alison kept telling me how un-crafty she was, but she held her own and we were pleased with the results!
friday turned out to be kind of a big day for me. though i had anticipated waiting two-three more weeks, this arrived in the mail:
i can't remember if i blogged this earlier, but i lost my va license on the way to vegas. fortunately i had my passport with me, so getting home wasn't an issue. however, it made it necessary for me to get a new license. it's been a process 9testing, letters from the va dmv, etc.) but finally it arrived. and i have to say, it feels surreal to see my face on a non-va license. i had to sit down for a minute. um, i live in california. when did that thappen?!
after work, i headed to brandon and michelle's for the first time in about six weeks. it was also the first time i have seen brandon with hair in a long time. it's finally started growing back post-chemo, and served as a poignant reminder that life isn't perfect, but it IS full of love and beauty and triumph.
shortly after i arrived, another visitor appeared...my old friend andy, also from my high school days. andy was swinging by to pick up a cmputer progra, but we talked him into staying for an episode of 'angel' before heading out.
the three of us only made it through two more before brandon was snoring and i was on my way. i made a late night (quick) stop at a new friend's, who happens to live nearby, before making the hour-ish journey home.
after sleeping in gloriously late on Saturday, and spending a couple hours at the beach, I met up with some friends to go to the orange county fair. oh my, i do love a county fair. livestock, people watching, face painting, craft exhibits, life threatening rides, and deep fried EVERYTHING!
with different goals in mind, our group of 5 split upon arriving at the fair. allison, christian and i were headed straight for the food. we started with roasted corn, a fair favorite, loaded with parm and some other seasonings. but that was just the beginning.
over the course of the next two or so hours the three of us consumed the following:
pulled pork sandwich
corndog
ginormous turkey leg
onion rings (one of my favorite items)
orange julius
funnel cake with strawberries and soft serve vanilla (unbelievably delish)
deep fried snickers (HUGE disappointment)
caramel apple (also a disappointment)
& last but not least, root beer floats
one would think that with that amount of food consumption, that all we did was eat, but our experience was far more entertaining than that! we watched a hypnotist make people shake their booty’s and says ‘who’s your daddy?’ in various languages. i sat with a psychic who told me that a ‘gary’ would be be tied to much financial success for me (anybody no anyone named gary? i don’t), that i would take three trips (no time period given), two by the water, and one in more of a desert landscape. and that after the latter i would feel clarity that i haven’t had in some time. does dc count as the desert, because i think that trip is going to be very good for me!
i also found a hat that matches my bike. i kid you not. below is the hat, but i’ll have to post a side by side comparison later.
all in all it was quite the experience, all documented photographically of course. check the rest of the photos out here.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
independence day!
before i get started on this photo tour of my holiday, the portland pics are here, and ALL the 4th of july pics are here.
i've been looking forward to the 4th of july since i moved to huntington beach. i had heard that it was something to behold, and i have high expectations for my dia de independence. after all, when you have watched fireworks over the statue of liberty and celebrated on the steps of the lincoln memorial, a high bar has been set.
two days post holiday, i can say that it absolutely ranks. though completely different than any prior 4th, it was an absolute blast!
my roommate aynsley and i got on our bikes at just after 9am and headed towards main street. one of the ysa ward members lives on main street, which just happens to be on the parade route. every year, singles from both the singles and mid-singles ward gather en masse to share muffins, oj, good company, and float watching (heckling).
aynsley and i arrived before the crowds and staked out a position. as the parade began, it was clear our choice was a good one. who knew a parade would be so interactive!
parade highlights included:
the band who broke formation to form a semi-circle around us while bangin' on the drums
tap dancing fools who split their pants (don't peak under that american flag)
gymnasts!?
self-portraits with tk and rachel! (little did i know, they grew up in huntington!!)
getting 'war painted' by boy scouts
i've been looking forward to the 4th of july since i moved to huntington beach. i had heard that it was something to behold, and i have high expectations for my dia de independence. after all, when you have watched fireworks over the statue of liberty and celebrated on the steps of the lincoln memorial, a high bar has been set.
two days post holiday, i can say that it absolutely ranks. though completely different than any prior 4th, it was an absolute blast!
my roommate aynsley and i got on our bikes at just after 9am and headed towards main street. one of the ysa ward members lives on main street, which just happens to be on the parade route. every year, singles from both the singles and mid-singles ward gather en masse to share muffins, oj, good company, and float watching (heckling).
aynsley and i arrived before the crowds and staked out a position. as the parade began, it was clear our choice was a good one. who knew a parade would be so interactive!
parade highlights included:
the band who broke formation to form a semi-circle around us while bangin' on the drums 
tap dancing fools who split their pants (don't peak under that american flag) 
gymnasts!?
self-portraits with tk and rachel! (little did i know, they grew up in huntington!!)
getting 'war painted' by boy scouts
after the parade, aynsley and i were looking for adventure, so we hopped on our bikes, grabbed a sandwich, picked up jamie, then headed to newport.
pacific coast highway was still closed from the parade, so we took the opportunity to ride our bikes down it for as long as possible. then we popped over to the boardwalk and continued our ride.
ultimately, it took us about an hour to ride down and through newport, and it was an absolute scene. most of the roads were shut down and there was a party at nearly every house. there were bicycle traffic jams and people watching galore.
after the two hour bike ride, i took a nap and a shower, then headed to mick and jenny's for fireworks with the fam.
so as you can see, my 4th was pretty stinkin' awesome!
pacific coast highway was still closed from the parade, so we took the opportunity to ride our bikes down it for as long as possible. then we popped over to the boardwalk and continued our ride.
ultimately, it took us about an hour to ride down and through newport, and it was an absolute scene. most of the roads were shut down and there was a party at nearly every house. there were bicycle traffic jams and people watching galore.
after the two hour bike ride, i took a nap and a shower, then headed to mick and jenny's for fireworks with the fam.
so as you can see, my 4th was pretty stinkin' awesome!
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
timely
Think not of how, Tara, whether in terms of logistics, people, or inspiration, but of the end results you dream of. The end, in thought, combined with action, in its general direction, will always create the necessary circumstances, serendipities, epiphanies, ideas, and discoveries necessary to bring about the desired manifestation. The hard part is done for you. Your part is the easy part: Think and let go. Knock on every door and turn over every stone. Do not insist upon the path, but upon the overall change you wish to experience, and never take no for an answer.
You can do this. You've been doing it all your life.
You take after me -
The Universe
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