the midsingles conference

the kayak crew

every year several hundred mormon midsingles (singles in roughly the 27-45 age range) converge on my former hometown of huntington beach for a weekend of activities, workshops, and mingling. and every year i look forward to it with dread.

i always feel like i should participate, particularly  since it's in my back yard, and people come (literally) from all over the world to attend.  but i've learned about myself that i don't do well in large groups, so it is an anxiety ridden 72 hours for me.  so much so that i've skipped out on it for the last couple of years.

this year, though, the schedule was much more appealing...i even begged off a work trip in order to attend.  maybe it's the sentimentality of knowing that it will probably be my last, or maybe it's just that it seemed organized in such a way as to create smaller (better) group interactions, but i found myself looking forward to it this year for the first time...ever.

the festivities started on friday, but as i was traveling home from a work event in houston, i missed day one.  i finally arrived home on friday night/saturday morning at about 1am after flight delays and local traffic jams, and i knew saturday morning would come way too fast.  in fact, i wasn't 100% committed to attending the morning workshops, but i would try.

when the alarm went off, i decided to get up, move around a bit,  and see how i felt.  i felt okay. not awesome.  definitely in need of more sleep.  but okay enough to suck it up and participate. so i did.  jamie and i headed to huntington, and though we were on time, we found seats near the middle of the cultural hall overflow.

clint and tara's kayak selfie

the first workshop speaker was probably fine, but i was so tired, and his voice so constant, that it was a struggle to stay awake. after he concluded, we moved up to cushier seats for the highlighted speaker, sister kristen oaks (wife of apostle dallin oaks).  she was much easier to stay awake for! she was charming and engaging and funny and self-deprecating -- a real pleasure to listen to.

when she concluded, we grabbed our bagged lunches, found our friends, and spent the lunch hour chatting and catching up.  i had decided that, since my travel makes it hard for me to participate in any normal choir,  i would also participate in the choir practice that would take place at the latter half of the lunch break, and would sing in the sunday meetings the following day.

the aquarium after dark

it was there that i met my new friend clint. he'd come from yuma, az and we were insta bffs for the day.  choir practice was rough on all of us as they had only about six copies of the music for 40 people, but we were promised there would be enough music at the sunday practice.

during this time i was debating about whether or not i was going to participate in the afternoon kayaking that i had signed up for.  i had actually registered for that before registering for the conference. i loved the idea of the smaller group, and an alternative to just laying around on the beach feeling judgy and self-conscious.  but i was TIRED! and, for a californian, it was a bit chilly.

again, and contrary to my nature, i decided to suck it up.  jami was asked to be our group leader so i was able to beg her not to be too hard on my tired body.:)  when we arrived and everyone started checking in, i discovered that my new bff, clint, was also in the group, and when we were told to pair off, he asked if we could be partners.

jenn, kristina, larysa, and i

we spent the next couple of hours getting to know each other and the others in our group, while enjoying what turned out to be a beautiful sunny afternoon, weaving in and around newport harbor.  despite my exhaustion, i was really glad i had decided to go through with it.

i was planning on getting in a power nap between kayaking and the evening activity, but the timing just didn't work.  so, i powered through.  the dinner/dance was being held at the long beach aqauarium (which i love!), so i knew that even if the social aspect was a bust, that i would really enjoy the setting.  and it truly was amazing.  being there as a private group, after hours, was very very cool.  and it also afforded the opportunity to spend some time with my girls, catch up with my friend ben, and reunite with clay, an old friend from virginia who now lives in northern california.

virgina is for lovers!
(ben, clay, and i)

finally, it was time to call it a night and to slip into the bliss that was my bed!

sunday morning, i headed out a little early for the second choir practice.  the numbers had grown, and lo and behold, eventually, there was sheet music.  i think we sounded pretty good. and...we had the best seats in the house.  the chapel, overflow, and cultural hall were completely full. even the stage had filled seats.  the estimate was about 1400 people -- all of whom i watched for the duration of the meetings.  the main speaker was elder acosta of the seventy, and i enjoyed his message.

after sacrament, it was boxed lunches, then a fireside with guest speaker bishop causse, first counselor in the presiding bishopric.  if you are lds, the name might be more familiar to you as he just spoke at general conference last month.

he was an absolute delight. his accent is not hard on the ears, and i really appreciated that he spoke on a topic that was not TOO 'singles focused' but certainly had a number of apropos applications.

his talk focused on the story of the laborers in the vineyard, and he referred to a talk previously given by elder holland.  it resonated strongly with me, and i particularly appreciated this quote:

However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.

all in all, it was a great way to close out what had turned out to be a great weekend!

the sunday-family-fun day

one of the things i have loved about living in southern california, is that, largely due to it's beaches and the little amusement park called disneyland, people are always coming to visit!  this week it was my cousin russ and his family, in town for some vacation time with mickey.  on sunday eve, i headed over to the 'local' cousins, where it had been determined that we were all going to do some evening sight seeing.

the plan was to swing by the newport beach temple, and then a stop at the beach.  the irony, is that it was a nearly identical repeat of my very first day living in california.  it was october, 2007, and my cousin-in-law, jenny had some of her own cousins visiting.  as a part of the intro to socal, we went to visit the newport beach temple and then to the beach in corona.  nearly eight years later, and just a couple of months before moving out of the state, sunday night had me feeling like i had come full circle - reflecting on my time here and how many amazing opportunities and blessings it has given me.

the spartan reunion

the farewell tour has begun.  which basically means that i am trying to make sure that i see all of my local friends before i move.  schedules being what they are, sometimes that's easier said than done.

take, for example the group of six of us broad run high school, class of '94 alum, all residing in the los angeles area.  i've had the opportunity to spend a little more time with brandon and michelle, than with bronwyn, andy, or kevin, but even with brandon and michelle, it had been a couple of years.

when i reached out to them about getting together, i had no plan, other than the intention to find a good date and put it on the calendar.  so as the date got closer, bronwyn reached out to me with some ideas about activities.  i honestly didn't care -- i just wanted to see them -- so i jumped at all of the ideas she and the others had batted around, and  a plan was laid.  but here's the truly amazing thing: i was not involved.   they figured out timing, locations, transportation, everything! i feel like 90% of my life is spent planning things for other people and this simple act, unbeknownst to them, was one of the greatest going away gifts they could have given me.

they had decided, that since i was the first person they had known with a selfie-stick, that we should pretend to be tourists in our own backyard.  we met at a speak-easy in culver city before piling into andy's suv, heading to la for dinner at the iconic cafe formosa.

after dinner, it was on to a couple of other stops; jim henson studios, capitol records, the roosevelt hotel, and grauman's chinese theater/walk of fame.

i've said it before, but there's just something awesome about being with people who have known you since you were a teenager. we laughed and caught up, and took photos, and laughed some more, all of us kicking ourselves that we hadn't taken more advantage of our close proximity over the last eight years.

and while i'm sad to say farewell, it looks like we'll be going out with a bang.  during our tourist travels, we happened to drive by the magic castle.  it's been on my bucket list since i arrived in cali, but you have to be a member, or be invoted by a member.  i thought i had combed my 'friend list' carefully to see whether i might know someone who knew someone, but had always come up dry.  so this night, as we were driving by the castle, i started to ask "does anyone know...? brandon immediately responded that he thought he had a connection.  and two days later, he confirmed via text.  we've set a date, and i'm equally excited to check this off the list as i am to see my friends one more time!

the tale of the red pants

anyone who has known me for five minutes, or has looked at even a few pictures of me, would be able to tell that i love black clothes.  in fact, it's not JUST black clothes i love, i just really love black.  i've always loved it, even before goth was a thing, and then in spite of it.  i even tried to convince my mom to let me paint my room black when i was 13 or 14 (we comprised on one black wall, one black and white checkerboard wall).  when it comes to clothes, not only do i feel like black is more slimming, but i also just think i look good in it.  it's a comfort thing, i'm sure.

so, nine or ten years ago, i bought a pair of red pants. capri pants to be specific.  it was kind of monumental, because at that point it was probably the only color not in a shade between black and gray in my closet.  and i loved them!  i thought they were fun and flattering and comfortable.  i wore them a lot, until i couldn't wear them anymore.

it wasn't that they wore out. no. sadly, it was because there came a point where they just didn't seem to fit any more.

these are the pants in 2006:

i don't know exactly when they stopped fitting - i think it was sometime later in 2006 or early 2007 - but i didn't have the heart to get rid of them.  they represented so many things to me, that i just kept moving them from place to place year after year.

in fact, they have sat, unwearable, on a shelf in my closet or drawer in my dresser for the last nine years.  for awhile, i kept thinking that surely they would fit again, someday soon. but soon was not to be.  and eventually, they came to serve as a visual reminder.  at that time (back in '06/'07) i was somewhat unhappy with my appearance. i felt fat. i thought i looked fat --you know, the 'every woman' complex -- and for the last several years, when i look back on photos of that time (and in those pants) i couldn't help wonder what was wrong with me! how could i not have been happy with myself then? i was so much thinner, healthier, and what i wouldn't give to get back to that.

so as a part of the upcoming move, i've slowly been going through things and getting rid of what i don't need/want.  this morning, i dug into a new batch of clothing i haven't worn in awhile and something incredible happened.  i tried on clothes i hadn't touched in years because maybe they were just a tad small when i bought them (hoping that i too would be smaller soon), and some of them fit!  in fact, some of them were too big!  shorts after dresses after pants after skirts, i tried on.  and eventually, it was time for the moment of truth - the red pants.

i couldn't believe it when they slid on easily, and buttoned more easily than i had ever remembered.  all of a sudden, the belt that was once just a fashion statement had become a necessity.

these are the pants today (i tried to recreate the earlier outfit as closely as possible):

last february i happened to be in a hotel room that had a scale.  i don't know how long it had been since i'd been on one, but for kicks, i stepped on, just to see.  and i was absolutely horrified.  clearly i had been in serious denial, because it had gotten out of control, and i hadn't even realized it. but i also felt helpless.  i was traveling A LOT, which is brutal on a diet. not only is it a challenge to eat well and practice healthy habits while on the road, but for the small windows of time in between those trips, i couldn't muster the motivation to do much more than drive through the local fast food joint.

so, when october rolled around and i was reviewing the upcoming calendar, i realized that i my travel was going to be very limited for the upcoming two or three months.  it was now or never time.

i started scouring the internet for recipes, focusing on low-carb/paleo/ketogenic options, and was pleasantly surprised at how far the food world has come in that regard.  i slowly started acquiring healthy base ingredients, learned to like left-overs, stopped eating late meals, and reduced my soda intake. it hasn't been all sunshine and roses, but since the beginning of november, i've lost 35 pounds.  i've actually eaten better (tastier) food then i'm used to at home, and learned to enjoy cooking.  i've hit some frustrating plateau's and had a few small backslides (always travel related), but overall, i've managed to keep moving forward.  i'm no longer tempted - or rather, i no longer find myself NEEDING the problem items (chocolate, chips, every kind of junk food), and the 'diet' has turned into a 'lifestyle'.  the way i look at food has changed, and so have my habits.

the funny thing about those pants is that i know i weighed less than i do now that last time i wore them.  i don't know exactly what that says about the shape of a body or how weight affects it at different stages of your life, but i know that i'm thrilled.  i've got 25-30 more pounds to go before i'm at my ideal weight, and i am looking forward to the day i can safely donate those pants because they are just too big!

the renaissance pleasure faire

when i was a teen and visiting my grandmother's new york lake house every summer, we usually made a stop at the local renaissance faire.  there were two things that always made it memorable.  the first, was that for many years, my cousin was one of the actors.  as a result, for two or three years, before our visit to the faire, several of her cast-mates would come to the lake house and spend the day with us boating, water skiing, relaxing.  typically we visited the faire the following day, and to see the change from real person to character was truly unique.  it also always made us feel like we were part of the group...to be interacting with characters who we had met the day before giving us a sly wink or some small acknowledgement of our shared 'real life' day.

the second was that this particular ren faire had something i'd never seen/done before or after.  they had a quest.  so, instead of wandering aimlessly throughout the day, we started with a clue which led us to a character, who gave us another clue, which led us to a character, etcetera, etcetera. usually it would take a good chunk of the day (with the leftover time available for watching other entertainment), and of course, my family won every time we participated (beating out other attendees also participating).  it created a totally different kind of interaction with the characters than you would otherwise get and it was super fun to collect clues.

larysa and i spent the day walking.  really. mostly walking. we signed up for the 'quest' and found the morning half extremely enjoyable.  the clues were not difficult to follow and we met and interacted with some fantastic characters.  it felt 'easier' than i remembered my previous experience, but nonetheless, we enjoyed ourselves.  of course, we were the first people to turn in our collected map pieces and with the second portion not beginning until over an hour later, we took a break to sit and eat.

  

of course i had to have a giant turkey leg, sadly, it wasn't as good as i remember them.  but the sitting was lovely and much needed.  the faire grounds aren't big, but our clue hunting had us doing a lot of back and forth.  fortunately it was a beautiful day, which got more and more crowded as the day went on.

we then began the second part of the quest, and it didn't take long for us to figure out that it was kind of lame.  i don't really know how it came to be at the new york festival, but in this case, it's a seperate company than the ren faire folks who run it.  it appears that they have coordinated with the faire enough to involve their cast for the morning portion, but not for the afternoon portion, so the people that we were trying to interact with in the afternoon seemed kind of lazy. and frankly, at that point we had clocked 7 miles and just didn't appreciate being given tasks that would take us from one end of the grounds to the other, only to do the same over again.  we called it.

it was fun, but i'm not sure that i would do it again.  it certainly wasn't as memorable as my earlier experiences.  maybe with kids or a big group?  but even then... i felt like new york was so much better because, aside from the quest part, the faire itself was better. the stage shows were pretty amazing, and you could see a lot of genuinely good shakespeare comedy all throughout the day. the characters were more involved with the patrons.  i don't know, just seems better. now i kind of really want to go back to the ny one to see if that all still holds true.  sadly, with my grandmother's passing, i may never have another opportunity. so instead, it will stay this perfect little memory in my head.