the spartan reunion

the farewell tour has begun.  which basically means that i am trying to make sure that i see all of my local friends before i move.  schedules being what they are, sometimes that's easier said than done.

take, for example the group of six of us broad run high school, class of '94 alum, all residing in the los angeles area.  i've had the opportunity to spend a little more time with brandon and michelle, than with bronwyn, andy, or kevin, but even with brandon and michelle, it had been a couple of years.

when i reached out to them about getting together, i had no plan, other than the intention to find a good date and put it on the calendar.  so as the date got closer, bronwyn reached out to me with some ideas about activities.  i honestly didn't care -- i just wanted to see them -- so i jumped at all of the ideas she and the others had batted around, and  a plan was laid.  but here's the truly amazing thing: i was not involved.   they figured out timing, locations, transportation, everything! i feel like 90% of my life is spent planning things for other people and this simple act, unbeknownst to them, was one of the greatest going away gifts they could have given me.

they had decided, that since i was the first person they had known with a selfie-stick, that we should pretend to be tourists in our own backyard.  we met at a speak-easy in culver city before piling into andy's suv, heading to la for dinner at the iconic cafe formosa.

after dinner, it was on to a couple of other stops; jim henson studios, capitol records, the roosevelt hotel, and grauman's chinese theater/walk of fame.

i've said it before, but there's just something awesome about being with people who have known you since you were a teenager. we laughed and caught up, and took photos, and laughed some more, all of us kicking ourselves that we hadn't taken more advantage of our close proximity over the last eight years.

and while i'm sad to say farewell, it looks like we'll be going out with a bang.  during our tourist travels, we happened to drive by the magic castle.  it's been on my bucket list since i arrived in cali, but you have to be a member, or be invoted by a member.  i thought i had combed my 'friend list' carefully to see whether i might know someone who knew someone, but had always come up dry.  so this night, as we were driving by the castle, i started to ask "does anyone know...? brandon immediately responded that he thought he had a connection.  and two days later, he confirmed via text.  we've set a date, and i'm equally excited to check this off the list as i am to see my friends one more time!

the tale of the red pants

anyone who has known me for five minutes, or has looked at even a few pictures of me, would be able to tell that i love black clothes.  in fact, it's not JUST black clothes i love, i just really love black.  i've always loved it, even before goth was a thing, and then in spite of it.  i even tried to convince my mom to let me paint my room black when i was 13 or 14 (we comprised on one black wall, one black and white checkerboard wall).  when it comes to clothes, not only do i feel like black is more slimming, but i also just think i look good in it.  it's a comfort thing, i'm sure.

so, nine or ten years ago, i bought a pair of red pants. capri pants to be specific.  it was kind of monumental, because at that point it was probably the only color not in a shade between black and gray in my closet.  and i loved them!  i thought they were fun and flattering and comfortable.  i wore them a lot, until i couldn't wear them anymore.

it wasn't that they wore out. no. sadly, it was because there came a point where they just didn't seem to fit any more.

these are the pants in 2006:

i don't know exactly when they stopped fitting - i think it was sometime later in 2006 or early 2007 - but i didn't have the heart to get rid of them.  they represented so many things to me, that i just kept moving them from place to place year after year.

in fact, they have sat, unwearable, on a shelf in my closet or drawer in my dresser for the last nine years.  for awhile, i kept thinking that surely they would fit again, someday soon. but soon was not to be.  and eventually, they came to serve as a visual reminder.  at that time (back in '06/'07) i was somewhat unhappy with my appearance. i felt fat. i thought i looked fat --you know, the 'every woman' complex -- and for the last several years, when i look back on photos of that time (and in those pants) i couldn't help wonder what was wrong with me! how could i not have been happy with myself then? i was so much thinner, healthier, and what i wouldn't give to get back to that.

so as a part of the upcoming move, i've slowly been going through things and getting rid of what i don't need/want.  this morning, i dug into a new batch of clothing i haven't worn in awhile and something incredible happened.  i tried on clothes i hadn't touched in years because maybe they were just a tad small when i bought them (hoping that i too would be smaller soon), and some of them fit!  in fact, some of them were too big!  shorts after dresses after pants after skirts, i tried on.  and eventually, it was time for the moment of truth - the red pants.

i couldn't believe it when they slid on easily, and buttoned more easily than i had ever remembered.  all of a sudden, the belt that was once just a fashion statement had become a necessity.

these are the pants today (i tried to recreate the earlier outfit as closely as possible):

last february i happened to be in a hotel room that had a scale.  i don't know how long it had been since i'd been on one, but for kicks, i stepped on, just to see.  and i was absolutely horrified.  clearly i had been in serious denial, because it had gotten out of control, and i hadn't even realized it. but i also felt helpless.  i was traveling A LOT, which is brutal on a diet. not only is it a challenge to eat well and practice healthy habits while on the road, but for the small windows of time in between those trips, i couldn't muster the motivation to do much more than drive through the local fast food joint.

so, when october rolled around and i was reviewing the upcoming calendar, i realized that i my travel was going to be very limited for the upcoming two or three months.  it was now or never time.

i started scouring the internet for recipes, focusing on low-carb/paleo/ketogenic options, and was pleasantly surprised at how far the food world has come in that regard.  i slowly started acquiring healthy base ingredients, learned to like left-overs, stopped eating late meals, and reduced my soda intake. it hasn't been all sunshine and roses, but since the beginning of november, i've lost 35 pounds.  i've actually eaten better (tastier) food then i'm used to at home, and learned to enjoy cooking.  i've hit some frustrating plateau's and had a few small backslides (always travel related), but overall, i've managed to keep moving forward.  i'm no longer tempted - or rather, i no longer find myself NEEDING the problem items (chocolate, chips, every kind of junk food), and the 'diet' has turned into a 'lifestyle'.  the way i look at food has changed, and so have my habits.

the funny thing about those pants is that i know i weighed less than i do now that last time i wore them.  i don't know exactly what that says about the shape of a body or how weight affects it at different stages of your life, but i know that i'm thrilled.  i've got 25-30 more pounds to go before i'm at my ideal weight, and i am looking forward to the day i can safely donate those pants because they are just too big!

the renaissance pleasure faire

when i was a teen and visiting my grandmother's new york lake house every summer, we usually made a stop at the local renaissance faire.  there were two things that always made it memorable.  the first, was that for many years, my cousin was one of the actors.  as a result, for two or three years, before our visit to the faire, several of her cast-mates would come to the lake house and spend the day with us boating, water skiing, relaxing.  typically we visited the faire the following day, and to see the change from real person to character was truly unique.  it also always made us feel like we were part of the group...to be interacting with characters who we had met the day before giving us a sly wink or some small acknowledgement of our shared 'real life' day.

the second was that this particular ren faire had something i'd never seen/done before or after.  they had a quest.  so, instead of wandering aimlessly throughout the day, we started with a clue which led us to a character, who gave us another clue, which led us to a character, etcetera, etcetera. usually it would take a good chunk of the day (with the leftover time available for watching other entertainment), and of course, my family won every time we participated (beating out other attendees also participating).  it created a totally different kind of interaction with the characters than you would otherwise get and it was super fun to collect clues.

larysa and i spent the day walking.  really. mostly walking. we signed up for the 'quest' and found the morning half extremely enjoyable.  the clues were not difficult to follow and we met and interacted with some fantastic characters.  it felt 'easier' than i remembered my previous experience, but nonetheless, we enjoyed ourselves.  of course, we were the first people to turn in our collected map pieces and with the second portion not beginning until over an hour later, we took a break to sit and eat.

  

of course i had to have a giant turkey leg, sadly, it wasn't as good as i remember them.  but the sitting was lovely and much needed.  the faire grounds aren't big, but our clue hunting had us doing a lot of back and forth.  fortunately it was a beautiful day, which got more and more crowded as the day went on.

we then began the second part of the quest, and it didn't take long for us to figure out that it was kind of lame.  i don't really know how it came to be at the new york festival, but in this case, it's a seperate company than the ren faire folks who run it.  it appears that they have coordinated with the faire enough to involve their cast for the morning portion, but not for the afternoon portion, so the people that we were trying to interact with in the afternoon seemed kind of lazy. and frankly, at that point we had clocked 7 miles and just didn't appreciate being given tasks that would take us from one end of the grounds to the other, only to do the same over again.  we called it.

it was fun, but i'm not sure that i would do it again.  it certainly wasn't as memorable as my earlier experiences.  maybe with kids or a big group?  but even then... i felt like new york was so much better because, aside from the quest part, the faire itself was better. the stage shows were pretty amazing, and you could see a lot of genuinely good shakespeare comedy all throughout the day. the characters were more involved with the patrons.  i don't know, just seems better. now i kind of really want to go back to the ny one to see if that all still holds true.  sadly, with my grandmother's passing, i may never have another opportunity. so instead, it will stay this perfect little memory in my head.

the kneelands

i know i just got back from seeing some of my favorite people in utah, but as it turns out, some of those same favorite people had been planning a trip to california!

jill's sister linda (who i've known since, basically, she was crawling), and her husband just moved about 10 miles up the road from me. corey and jill, in an effort to visit her, planned a disney/cali trip, from which, i was also able to benefit!

thursday after work, i drove up to redondo to meet up with the gang.  we enjoyed a fantastic poolside bbq at linda and toby's apartment, before walking to the redondo pier. linda had gotten a groupon for sailing, and again, i benefitted.  i used to go sailing with friends a fair amount in virginia, but i've never been in california.  it was a perfect evening, being on the water, watching the sunset with such great friends.

as i was walking back to my car.... there's something about the ocean at night that made me realize that there are a lot of things i'm going to miss about california when i'm gone!

here we go again...

i think this is the longest i have ever gone without posting.  ever.  so, since there is way too much catching up to do, let's just hit the highlights and lowlights of 2015 so far, shall we?

january:

knowing that i will be (if all goes according to plan), moving to north carolina at the end of july, california bucket list items have taken on a new urgency.  for the first time, i joined my donahoo cousins in visiting the post-showing of the rose parade floats.  amazing! it was particularly enjoyable to experience it with my cousins, who've also never done it, and whom i'm going to miss terribly when i leave!

with three months to design and build a brand new booth, as a part of the parent company's strategy to align all of their umbrella companies to "one-brand", the 20X30 launches at the north american veterinary conference and wins the booth of the year award. (february, multiple articles would be published about it in various exhibit trade publications). i'm particularly proud as the design concept was entirely my idea, and we were fortunate to be paired with the perfect exhibit house to execute it.  the booth features a life-size tree stump that doubles as a phone charger, a convertible meeting space in the interior of the doghouse, as well as astro-turf carpet and ambient "yard" sounds, giving visitors a break from the hectic conference pace.

extended the navc work trip to spend some time with melissa (n.) at universal studios florida, primarily to indulge our inner wizards and check out the new(ish) wizarding world of harry potter.  exhaustion was a prominent feature, but, so was spell-casting! there is something truly magical ( i know, i know) about the harry potter world and the way it has become such a cultural phenomenon.  i still remember being in high school reading my dragonlance books about wizards and warriors, and fearing that i would be made fun of as a result.  the times, they have-a-change-ed.

capping off the month was the (ahem)th birthday celebration for my good friend larysa.  it's fair to say that the circle of those who i would truly consider friends, here in california is very small, but i have known and liked larysa for almost my entire eight years here.  it was a privilege to participate in honoring her (mumble) years on the planet, and while i won't reveal her age, i will say that it was a big one, and celebrating at the huntington library & gardens (truly one of my favorite places in cali) with an afternoon tea, was quite perfect.

february:

the month kicks off with an unexpected sleepover not too far from home.  my friend and co-worker (who i rarely get to see anymore), melissa (r.) was in anaheim at the grand californian for a company training.  she invited me to come for a slumber party, so, why not!  we met up with another friend and co-worker for late night girl talk and spent some lovely post-training afternoon time at the pool the following day before returning to 'real life'.

i take a work trip to vegas where the new booth continues to impress. i get to spend my off-time with melissa (n.), as well as visiting with my old roommate, heather. this time the visit with heather includes five more dogs!  and while the puppy energy is a little nutty, i especially appreciate fur babies when i'm away from my own.  i also get a chance to spend some time with my freeman cousins.  i loathe vegas, but now that i have "people' there, it makes my frequent visits much more enjoyable.

march:

the month begins with a trip to williamsburg, va for work.  originally, julie and kids had planned to meet me there for a day at busch gardens. until we realize that it's not open yet!  instead, i drive to raleigh to spend a day with them, and to get a bearing on the place that will serve as my temporary home when i arrive in nc.  then it's time for some actual work... but my co-worker greg and i did find a little bit of time to explore the historic town.

from williamsburg, i'm headed directly on to the next event in tampa, fl. but before i get there, i get some terrible news.  my old roommate calls (i send her to voicemail, as i'm boarding a plane), she calls again. voicemail again. then she texts.  a mutual friend of ours has passed away.  she had been living with heather in las vegas, and heather's husband had found her that morning.  initially, they didn't know exactly how long she had been gone or what had happened, but we would eventually learn that, at age 41, holly jarvinen died unexpectedly from congenital heart failure.  it was devastating news, and though my first response was to try and be strong for heather - her closest friend - i went through my own kind of shock.  it would take a couple of weeks before it felt real all the time, as opposed to that weird ptsd mode of feeling real one moment and not real the next, where your brain just can't process.  holly is the third friend of mine to pass in the last five years, and i still can't quite wrap my head around it.

but i had to get on the plane.  it's been about fifteen years since my last visit to tampa, and i had been excited to see a relatively 'new' city.  maybe that was just what i needed to avoid falling down the rabbit hole of sudden loss.  instead, i made myself readily available to heather and other friends via phone, while i tried to get my job done, and see what tampa had to offer.  i remember thinking that it was the only city in florida i had ever really liked, and it turned out, my memory was correct.  the food was amazing, and i was incredibly impressed with the consistently good service.  i also got a chance to spend some time with melissa (n.) as we took in a spring training baseball game (braves v. yankees) and explore the ybor city area via trolley and foot.

shortly after returning home from tampa, things went even more sideways.  still emotionally wounded from the loss of a friend,  i'm in a car accident, the victim of a red-light runner.  while my body and health are fine (for which i'm grateful!), my car is totaled.  my 2004 saturn was meant to last another year or so, giving me a chance to make the big move and get settled in before investing in a new car and committing (for the first time in years) to a car payment.  but the universe had other plans, and i found myself wading through the soul-crushing bureaucracy of insurance company rules, rental car restrictions, payouts, and loan-getting.  it's an overwhelming week as i began to feel the weight of all the change and loss that seems to be coming at once.  i want to just wallow for awhile, but i don't have the luxury of time.  the one thing (aside from my physical health) that i have going for me in regards to the car, is that i have driven A LOT of rental cars.  so many, in fact, that i've known for years what i wanted the 'next car' to be.  which, since i had a really limited amount of time to make decision and act on it, was a huge blessing.  i go look at a couple of cars, knowing i've found "the one" before i even see it in person, so after the test drive confirming it, i put a deposit down, sign a contract, and leave - without the car - hoping that they will honor the contract until the loan check arrives and clears.

still driving a rental car, which i am now paying for out of pocket (since it turns out that the insurance company will only cover three days if your car is totaled), i head to ontario to finally meet up with my friend vicki for an evening out. we've been trying to get together for a year, and were finally able to make it work.  i'm feeling particularly grateful for the timing as it now seems so much more important than it did a week before to spend quality time with people you care about.  vicki has season tickets for the local hockey team, and before heading there, we enjoyed breaking some bread and getting caught up.  perfect girls night!

not long after, i'm headed to salt lake city.   i planned the trip in february when the world was all sunshine and daisies. on one hand, the timing seems semi-inconvenient since i'm still in car-limbo, but i have a sense that the trip is an unexpected tender mercy -- a time, when most needed, to take advantage of the natural healing power that comes from being with people you love.  it's been several years since my last visit, and i know that it will be harder to do from the east coast, so i take full advantage of every opportunity. my visit includes some really phenomenal time with cousins, catch-up time with my old friend scott, a visit with brandon,  a friend who used to live in california (which includes an epic haircut and shave -- his, not mine), attending the general women's session at the conference center, spending time with corey & jill, checking out a salt lake real game, and reconnecting with a high school friend.  sadly, this trip was also supposed to consist of a reunion with houston, my ex-boyfriend's son, to whom i played mom for several years, but a family health emergency arose and he had to leave town.  all in all though, it was exactly what i needed.  i continue to be so grateful for my family and good friends. i adore them, and they have no idea how much peace came from spending time with them.

originally scheduled to fly home late monday evening, i maneuver my way onto an earlier flight so that i can (finally) go pick up the new car!  while in utah, i was driving a version of my car, another equinox, but a more basic model.  my four day "test-drive" left me feeling like the car was ok. it was fine.  it was an improvement on my last one, for sure.  and then, upon concluding the final details, when i finally got into MY car, it was so much better than ok.  it was perfect.  though it is a 2012 model, it feels like new.  there are so many bells and whistles and it was clearly well taken care of.  i just love everything about it!  which will make it a little easier to swallow the car payment thing.  and, of course, it's probably a blessing in disguise having a safer, more comfortable car to drive cross country in.  that's what i keep telling myself anyway.

there you have it, 2015, so far, in a nutshell. there has been good, bad, and ugly, and i have to confess, i'm holding my breath a little about what the near future has in store...