Vance: hi what's up
Tara: not too much
Tara: how are u
Vance: Good!
Vance: We're expecting in OCT!!!!!!
Tara: ha ha
Vance: :D :D :D
Tara: i knew it was coming one of these days
Tara: congrats
Vance: thanks!
Tara: :)
Vance: I'm thinking twins, but Amanda isn't so sure
Vance: She seems reluctant to want twins.... I can't figure out why.....
Vance: hey your coming up on the big 30 aren't you.
okay, i'm i the only one who thinks this justifies murder? if that part of the exchange wasn't bad enough, when i explained that he was a jerk, he actually had the gall to appear unsure as to the reason. hmmm. gosh. wonder why i would be upset that your 20 year old bride is expecting and you've just reminded me i'll be turning 30 without having had the same opportunity. of all the things he is, stupid is not one of them. ultimately, i ended up logging off and blocking him. that resulted in the following email:
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so how exactly is it a friendship when the only time you want to communicate with me is when you have something to rub in my face? what did i do to deserve that? i treated you better than you ever deserved. is it because i turned you down when you proposed to me? if i remember correctly, that came six months after you told me 'you are not the girl i'm going to marry. the girl i'm going to marry is in utah.' and then you left.
so, surely you can't be trying to punish me for turning you down, even if i did so by telling you 'i'm not the girl you're going to marry. the girl you're going to marry is in utah.' i think based on your treatment, i had earned the right to a little contempt. maybe it's just that you know and have always known that i was too good for you, and the only way you can feel okay about yourself is to continually try and 'one up' me. maybe you are just an absolute (insert swear word here).
no, we can't be friends. we haven't been friends in a long time. and i'm done deluding myself.
i hate this week...so much for smooth transitions;)
*names have not been changed to protect the innocent. if he was innocent, i would have changed his name*
8 comments:
Oh he did NOT!!! Where is he... I might know somebody nearby who could stop by for a visit. Since I know him, and I knew him when you were together, I can and will fully support all statements given above. That was a 100% first class and totally, deliberately hurtful jerk moment. That boy has a smack-down coming.
thank you!! i knew of all people, you would especially understand!
Oh yeah. He's just lucky he doesn't live nearby. Very, very lucky.
He contacts you to tell you the most exciting, biggest news, ever to come into his life and you turned it into something about you? I guarantee you he wasn't thinking anything about you. It was just about him and the best thing that ever happened to him. The fact that he even thought to remember your birthday just goes to show he's not such a bad guy.
my birthday is in six months, so no, he doesn't get credit for that.
so either you are right, and he was completly not thinking of me, or i am right and he was just was being a vindictive jerk (there is some history of this). either way,not what i would classify 'friendship'. call me crazy.
ex-boyfriends are there as reminders that there is someone else out there who's more qualified to be our current love.
at least he still wants to be friends with you. i think that's really true. i don't think he's trying to rub things in your face. people say stupid things sometimes. it's a fact.
i'm sorry that bringing up your birthday hurt your feelings. personally, i'm looking forward to 30 and i'm glad you'll be going through your next decade around the same time i do!
you know how people tell you all the time, "someone will come into your life when you least expect it?"
that's annoying to me. but it's probably true.
there's love surrounding you tara! even in silly ex-boyfriends who don't know that they still have the power to break your heart.
sometimes i like to log onto your website just to sit and listen to the songs you have. you have so much love within your soul, don't you? so just keep sharing it and it's bound to come back your way!
thanks tamara. that was a really thoughtful comment. truth be told, part of my reaction is just being upset at myself that he still has the power to hurt me, even though our relationship is long past.
but aside from that, i might be more inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt, if he, just once in the last couple of years, had contacted me just to see how i was, or what i was up to, i would have also reacted differently. the only times i ever hear from him are when he has 'big news', i.e. getting married, or now, getting pregnant. so i don't really think he wants to be friends.
he wants someone to be his friend, but he doesn't want to be a friend in return.
i'm not bitter about it. i'm a little angry, but mostly just because he is very well aware of my 'soft spots' and continues to exploit them in very subtle ways.
as far as the long run goes, i feel absolutely confident that when the time is right for me, it will happen. and i know he was not the right guy. but i can't waste anymore emotional energy on him, and the only way for me to avoid that is to cutoff/ignore and future attempts at communication.
as far as turning 30...despite having faith and hope in the future, my timing would be a bit different than the timing that has been laid out for me. it pretty much all comes down to maternal instinct. i could be single for a long time and be happy, but i want a lot of kids. i never wanted to be in a position where the size of my family was determined by the number of child-bearing years i had left in me. with each passing year, that becomes more true. it's not just '30'. 29 was hard too. 31 will be hard. 32 will be hard. i'm glad you are excited about turning 30. i wish i could understand how one gets to that place.
I have exes who have affected me the same way, so I totally understand. After 10 years, I still have an ex who calls to "check up on me."
In a way, I feel sorry for him. I wish he would just move on, be fully with his wife, and totally forget about me.
I wonder if we'll ever feel the need to contact our exes when we're married. I hope not! :)
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