okay, i lied. well, kind of. i realize that it was only two days ago that i said if this is it, i was okay with that, but i am still settling into this apathy thing, and i now find myself wondering if apathy and yearning can co-exist. that seems like an oxymoron, but i can’t help but think it’s akin to oil and water. true that they will never mix, but you can put them in the same bottle, and shake the bottle, and each will weave it’s way through and around the other. that’s the very definition of co-existence, isn’t it? not blending into one another, but existing seperately within the same space?
i recently learned that a friend is considering a move to taiwan to teach english, and it illicited a yearning--a desire for more. let’s be honest, event planning is something that i am, for the most part, good at, and find, for the most part, fulfilling. but it’s a far cry from saving the world. i have the same desire many have to make a mark and contribute something positive to the world around me. in keeping with the spirit of honesty, i thought by this time i would be a wife and mother, and i think motherhood (or parenthood) is the greatest contribution one can make. since i haven’t yet reached that stage, i find myself wanting to do something more, but am clueless as to what i should be doing. teaching english in taiwan isn’t the right fit. i thought about joining the peace corps a couple of years ago, but i enjoy the comforts of home and the closeness of my family too much to do that. so what is it? what is it that will bring me fulfillment and joy? and is my apathy completely limiting my ability to actually find it?
in other news, i taught my first gospel doctrine class today...nothing like isaiah to get your feet wet. i’m not really able to give an accurate perspective on how it went, because i am entirely too wrapped up in the fear. but i will say this, it is always amazing to me to see with such different eyes how the lord conveys his message. today was no exception. the sacrament meeting speakers were asked to speak on conference talks that held special meaning to them. not only was it a particularly moving meeting that helped me better feel the spirit, despite my fear, but of all of the conference talks, two of the speakers chose the same one, which as it happens, was a direct tie-in to what i had felt inspired to focus on in class. so even though the terror still existed, i felt confident that i was delivering the message that the lord wanted the class members to hear.
in the end though, i’m not sure if i was more surprised by the 22 year old that hit on me after class, or the girl (quite gorgeous herself) who approached me to tell me how beautiful i am. yes, shenandoah is indeed a unique ward.
i recently learned that a friend is considering a move to taiwan to teach english, and it illicited a yearning--a desire for more. let’s be honest, event planning is something that i am, for the most part, good at, and find, for the most part, fulfilling. but it’s a far cry from saving the world. i have the same desire many have to make a mark and contribute something positive to the world around me. in keeping with the spirit of honesty, i thought by this time i would be a wife and mother, and i think motherhood (or parenthood) is the greatest contribution one can make. since i haven’t yet reached that stage, i find myself wanting to do something more, but am clueless as to what i should be doing. teaching english in taiwan isn’t the right fit. i thought about joining the peace corps a couple of years ago, but i enjoy the comforts of home and the closeness of my family too much to do that. so what is it? what is it that will bring me fulfillment and joy? and is my apathy completely limiting my ability to actually find it?
in other news, i taught my first gospel doctrine class today...nothing like isaiah to get your feet wet. i’m not really able to give an accurate perspective on how it went, because i am entirely too wrapped up in the fear. but i will say this, it is always amazing to me to see with such different eyes how the lord conveys his message. today was no exception. the sacrament meeting speakers were asked to speak on conference talks that held special meaning to them. not only was it a particularly moving meeting that helped me better feel the spirit, despite my fear, but of all of the conference talks, two of the speakers chose the same one, which as it happens, was a direct tie-in to what i had felt inspired to focus on in class. so even though the terror still existed, i felt confident that i was delivering the message that the lord wanted the class members to hear.
in the end though, i’m not sure if i was more surprised by the 22 year old that hit on me after class, or the girl (quite gorgeous herself) who approached me to tell me how beautiful i am. yes, shenandoah is indeed a unique ward.
4 comments:
How did you get back over to Shenandoah? Are they not enforcing the stake boundrys anymore?
Enquireing (but benign) minds want to know :)
actually, my records have been in this stake the whole time. i was boundary crashing when i attended langley, but when they got strict, i had to leave. otherwise i would still be there;)
You are quite beautiful so it is not surprising to her those comments. And, i can so relate to how you expressed your feelings to do more. I had those thoughts and ended up with a job that stresses me out every day. I think how the Lord is just laughing at me saying "you asked for it".
love you.
JILL
okay first of all, thank you, but you are biased:)
second of all, my goal is to DE-stress, not the opposite. can't i save the world from a cerulean paradise with powder white sand and fruity non-alcoholic drinks with umbrellas in them?
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