in my dreams

i had a dream last night. i know, it doesn't seem earth shattering, but let me remind you why that is significant.

first of all, i rarely remember my dreams. i remember maybe 3-5 a year. of those i remember, i find that about half are just my subconscious working through things, and the other half tend to come to fruition. i am always hesitant to say that my dreams are prophetic, or heavenly father gives me visions, because that just sounds so, oh i don't know, just so weird. however, i have seen enough of my dreams come to pass, that i cannot deny that there is or can be some real power in dreams.

last night, i found myself lying on the ground in a grassy area, on a beautiful sunny day with some friends. we were talking and laughing, and at some point, i realized there was a man lying on the ground next to me. he had his arm around me. he was dark haired and tall. not jaw dropping turn your head and stare hot, but attractive. and what was odd was that, i knew i didn't know who he was, but he was familiar enough that that having him lying on the ground next to me with his arm around me, did not seem strange.

then as dreams so often do, the location changed, and i was in a big house with even more of my friends. strangely enough, not one of the people in my dream was the nocturnal embodiment of someone i actually know. they were all friends in the dream, but there was none of that knowledge that often comes that says 'oh, that's anne, even if it doesn't look like anne.' know what i mean?

anyway, i was in this house, and again, the guy was there. i remember thinking to myself, 'i thought j was it for me, but here is this guy, and it's even better than anything i could have imagined.' i found myself completely surprised at having met someone new, but in my dream, i knew that the search was finally over. much of the dream was our interaction, and at one point i cornered a group of my 'friends' and finally just asked 'what is his name?!' they told me (which i don't remember) and asked 'don't you remember him? you used to know him.' and then i realized, i did know him, but i also didn't know him. i don't know if i can really explain this one, but i remembered that i should know him, but i still didn't.

the gathering of friends turned into a slumber party, and the next morning while getting ready for breakfast, and in the most humorous moment (and indicator of entirely too much working) my ceo came walking into the kitchen in his robe to grab something out of the fridge, which is when i realized it was his house i was staying in.

the mystery man was still asleep, and i had to get home to let the dog out (reality creeping in). i wrote my phone number on a piece of paper for him, but he awoke and caught me on my way out. we made plans to see eachother again, and i woke up.

i guess partly what is interesting to me is that my conscious mind completely disagrees with a lot of the feelings i had during the dream. i know i haven't spoken much here about what happened with jeremy and i, or why it didn't work out, because some things are a little too personal to broadcast, and i have to draw the line somewhere. suffice it to say, he broke my heart, and i still believe/hope that there is a possibility of a future for us somewhere down the line.

and yet, my dream, the actual dream, and the feelings it evoked, made it clear that while an important relationship, it was only meant to lead me to the person i really should be spending eternity with. i don't know if i am ready to accept that yet, but i will say this, i woke up this morning feeling more comfort and more hope than i have in months.