back by unpopular nondemand: short attention span theater

it's friday. i have to teach in two days, and i haven't even looked at the lesson. there goes my weekend.

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back in may, i picked up some beach reading for the duck trip. it included a book called the tipping point which i purchased as a result of overhearing a conversation about it between random strangers a couple of months prior. when anne saw the book, she told me about another book the author had written, that was apparently excellent. i made a note to myself to pick it up.

by july, i still hadn't done so, and was attending a work conference in dallas. one of the workshop presenters (my favorite) was listing 'must have resources' for event planners, and named the book. it's called 'blink', and i'm sure many of you have heard of it. his justification for the necessity of reading this book was that event planners are responsible for creating an immediate impression on participants, and they only have a short time to do it. all i knew about the book at that point was that it talked about how quickly we form impressions.

i decided that i really should buy it, and i carted it around with me on the rest of my summer travels. i should mention that i cart around 5 or 6 books whenever i go anywhere. i'm moody about what i read, and can't imagine many worse things than not having an interesting book with me when i have time to kill. throughout those travels, something else would appeal to me more, and it kept getting stuck at the bottom of the pile.

finally, a few days ago, i decided (for no good reason) that it was time to get that sucker out of the way. i got twenty pages in and was hooked. while the previous description i gave covers it in a very general sense, what i found most fascinating were the specific examples.

i was interested to read about a study in which scientists could predict the success or failure of a marriage by watching them converse with one another for 15 minutes.

i was also fascinated by reading that something like 14.5% of the population is above 6'0" tall (no wonder i have such a hard time finding tall guys!), yet something like 90% of corporate ceos fall into that 'tall' category.

it applied the principle of 'instant decision making' to speed dating, to police officers, and a number of other scenarios, and i was wrapped.

the truth of the matter is that i have good instincts. i always have. and yet, i am hyper-analytical, which causes me to often mistrust those instincts. in the end, i almost always find that i have over-analyzed, and i should have gone with my initial reaction.

i realize that 'instinct' is subjective, and in my case, i believe it is often spiritual. but at the same time, reading about how we process information, how quickly we make assessments, and how often those 'snap judgments' are right on, was a reminder that i should pull back on my over-analyzing, and go with my gut more than i do.

it's a great read, and a quick one, that i would highly recommend.

***

well, nashville had better look out because it looks like lara, angela, danielle and i are going to be taking it by storm in february.

my hopes for the trip include seeing lots of belt buckles and cowboy hats, and singing myself hoarse at every honky tonk in town.

on a random sidenote, i have to whine about how nearly every flight out of dulles has a layover in new york. some things simply do not make sense to me!

***

last night i had a bout of insomnia. i'm starting a cold, and it's not uncommon for me to struggle falling asleep when i am exhausted and not feeling well. no, there is no logic to that. at any rate, laying in my bed until 4am had me thinking about a number of random things.

one of those things was realizing that i had not truly reported out on the christmas program i wrote and narrated and sang in a couple of weeks ago.

it's safe to say that when the assignment came my way, i was flattered, but stressed. it's the christmas story afterall, and what can one say about that that is different than everything we have all heard before. not much.

however, i was blessed in my research and preparation, as i came upon some lesser known resources unexpectedly, which allowed me to combine the classic retelling with some uncommon tidbits.

it has always been a pet peeve of mine to be sitting in a christmas sacrament meeting where the choir performs the entire program. for me, music is a window to heaven. and while i appreciate and enjoy listening to it, in this kind of scenario, i much prefer participating. as a result of that, i knew i wanted to do a lot of congregational hymns and fewer 'special musical numbers'.

that objective was ideally suited to this ward, as it turns out, because it is a small ward, and there are not a lot of people who are truly musically inclined.

the other thing i knew i wanted, was to sing myself (push through the contradiction,people!). it's been some time since i 'performed' and if it could be done in a self-effacing 'i'm not trying to keep the spotlight on me' kind of way, there was a piece i had always wanted to do.

however, i have a love-hate relationship with singing in public. i have a fairly good voice. it is not theater or opera worthy. it's not even solo worthy, as they don't write many solo parts for altos, but i recognize that it is at least slightly above average. i've realized though, that my intense fear of public-speaking expands even further, and when i attempt to sing in public, it is often disastrous. my voice shakes. my knees knock. i get waves of nausea. for that reason i stopped trying.

i guess it had been long enough since the last time i sang in front of people, that i had forgotten all that, and the piece really is one of my favorites. but time was drawing short, and i had not found a soprano, so i was on the verge of removing it from the program. i arrived at church the week before-hand and told the 1st counselor of my desire to take it out, and he instantly pointed at one of the sister missionaries and said 'she sings.' so i approached her, feeling very skeptical, and asked her if she sang soprano or alto. both, she responded. i happened to have the music with me and she suggested we 'just try it'. so we commandeered the ward pianist to give it a run through.

the amazing thing about the run through, is that our two voices were made for a duet. they blended perfectly. i can't tell you how many duets i have heard, in which both participants have excellent voices, yet they don't blend. so it ends up sounding like two people singing solos. people just have different pitches, cadences, and a bunch of other musical terms i don't know. so when the sister and i sang, it was slightly shocking, how well suited we were to eachother. it stayed in the program.

i wasn't sure initially, if i wanted to structure the body of the program with strict narration, or include the 'parts' of mary, joseph, etc. but when i cam across a musical program carol lynn pearson had done, the decision was made.

the final program ended up being a combination of narrations and parts, with a lot of music. then it came time to select ward members to participate. i knew exactly who i wanted to be mary. there is a girl in my ward, whose ethnicity i am not entirely certain of, but she has beautiful dark skin, bright eyes, and the humility required to 'play' the mother of christ. this girl is absolutely stunning, and she just exudes warmth. she is one of those people that everyone wants to be around. and she accepted the task.

after that, i was at a loss. the men in the ward are average age 22, so i haven't put much effort into getting to know them. the bishopric stepped in to fill the rest of the spots.

with the musical numbers pinned down, and the parts assigned, the sister and i practiced our duet, and we did a full rehearsal immediately before the sacrament meeting in question.

i knew, the week prior, that it was going to be a good program. in the same way i inherently know if i wil be giving a good lesson, i knew. it wasn't that the text was stellar. or that i was highly anticipatory of the musical portions. but i knew it was going to be good. i also knew that the congregation would be tiny, as people were away from the holidays. i was surprised however, to find that it was even larger than normal, because the families of those participating had come to watch.

the program started with a special musical number. one brother on the piano, and the other singing 'the first noel' to pachelbel's canon. i had never heard the arrangement, and as canon is my all-time favorite classical piece, i was in awe. it was absolutely incredible.

after a short intro-narration, it was 'mary's' turn. when i put together this section of the script, i knew exactly how i wanted this portion to be conveyed. i, in fact, had debated about whether or not to do the narration as originally planned, or take 'mary' for myself. it just had to be done in a certain way. and the girl who read the part, did it exactly as i had dreamed it. the tone set by the opening piece was only further enhanced by her participation. she was beautiful and perfect, and it was impossible not to feel the weight of her words.

the program proceeded, and while not perfect, it was perfect in it's imperfections. finally it was time for my duet. i was already at the podium after having done more narration, and while waiting for my partner and piano player to join me, i realized the strangest thing. i was absolutely calm. no knees knocking, no nausea. and when we began the piece, there was no voice-shaking. in fact, it was more than i could have ever hoped for.

the program concluded, and i felt incredible about it. the first counselor, a former bishop, approached me and said 'in five years as bishop, each christmas i knew exactly the spirit i wanted to convey with our christmas programs, and i was never able to achieve it. today, you accomplished what i continually failed to.'

the feedback has been filtering to me over the last couple of weeks through various avenues, and the comments have been interesting. the one that made me laugh was when deb's brother was telling her about it and said 'i didn't know tara could sing.' keep in mind, her brother has known me since i was three years old or so...

beyond my personal role however, it seems that all in attendance felt the presence of the spirit. while attending a sealing with my parents, the bishop's wife commented that at one point, she looked at the congregation, and everyone was 'bawling their eyes out.' being singularly focused, i had not seen that, but i have no cause to doubt her.

in the end, despite my stress, it came together beautifully, and though you may be thinking right now 'this girl has an overly healthy opinion of herself,' the message i mean to convey is actually one of humility.

time and time again i have cause to reflect on the scripture that tells us the lord will make weak things become strong. i have seen it in my case on more occasions than i can number, and it is experiences like this that remind me of my limitations, and make me incredibly sensitive to the difference between what i am able to accomplish on my own vs. what i am able to accomplish with his guidance. i continue to be humbled by my own inadequacies and grateful for the mercy that lessens them.

***

i guess truth in advertising requires that i should retitle this post 'long attention span theater' but i'm too tired and lazy.

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my new favorite word is 'salty'. maybe it's old. i don't care. it's my new favorite.