in no particular order, and compiled as a result of varying experiences...
1. get to know me. ask me questions about myself. then repeat something i’ve said back to me so that i know you actually listened to my answers. i promise, i will ask you questions too, and i will listen to the answers. then we both get to talk about ourselves and to learn about each other.
2. call me sometimes. don’t wait for an invitation, or to see what my online status is. just call me when you want to talk to me, whether it is 8am in the morning, in the middle of the day, or if you just want to say good night. if i can pick up, i will. if i can’t, i will call you back.
3. tell me you like me. often. and don’t include a body part other than my brain when you tell me why you like me.
4. send me random notes to tell me you are thinking about me. im, text message, email, snail mail...it doesn’t matter.
5. ask me to recommend something to read. then read it.
6. express a desire and make an effort to spend time with me.
7. err on the side of ‘there is no such thing as too much information.’ give me more information than you think i want or need (i.e. ‘well, first, i got out of bed, then i brushed my teeth’. or ‘i don’t think you are as funny as you think you are.’) i’ll tell you when enough is enough, and you will have scored points in the process.
8. be a gentleman, not a 'gentle' man. be nice to me. open doors. offer to pay...every once in awhile i'll let you. treat people of little consequence to you with respect. be courteous to your waitress when she screws up your order. but don't be a wimp. be a man. know when to put me on a pedastal and when to knock me off it (figuratively, of course). be a mechanic and a poet.
9. it is never too soon to send flowers. if you aren't sure what kind of message to send me, send me tulips. they are my favorite, and the only message they convey is 'i thought about you. have a nice day.'
10. if we haven't met yet, buy me a plane ticket, or come see me. if it doesn't go well, i'll split it with you. if it does go well, i'll buy the next one. but! if you are not anxious to meet me, don't waste my time.
and the bonus!
11. make sure that your words are consistent with your actions. in other words, put up or shut up.
4 comments:
99% of this works for me (and every other woman I know). ;)
See, women are simple.
one would think! ;)
You all astound me.
My jaw is agape.
If it were only this easy everyone would be perfectly happy.
Not Tara in particular, but women in general. Honestly this list is all almost EVERY woman professes to want.
However, it's a fraud. Women are too changeable. The giveaway is the whole pedastal thing. Knock me off... put me on.
The rules are dependant on KNOWING when is the right time for which action. It's guesswork at first for us.
And as all men know; rules are rules. They mean what they say, right? Strict literal translation, right? Nope.
Women think we understand the "spirit" of the law. We don't.
While we should be able to intuit some of the changability of your nature, we only learn with TIME.
At first, A RULE IS A RULE.
If you tell a man,"Send me Tulips." You'd better be ready to get a lot of freakin' tulips; all the time, no deviation.
Over time, we will learn that variety can be a good thing; like when you say, "Oh look, more tulips." and we do learn, slowly.
It's like housebreaking a dog.
A trick to the rules I learned early in my dating life has served me well even into marriage;
NEVER SEND FLOWERS ON A HOLIDAY, ESPECIALLY VALENTINES DAY. EXPECTED GIFTS DON'T SEEM TO COME FROM THE HEART.
FLOWERS ANY DAY OF THE YEAR EXCEPT 2/14. 20 times a year, just not on that day, for the first two years. Explain your rule, and why. Then on Valentines day, year three, TONS OF FLOWERS. See. it's a trick, yes. But GUARANTEED winner.
And it can apply to anything: surprises are good.
The key thing is, Tara, we learn. You just need to give us time.
LOL. Just know that I've been on a tirade about this whole 'give it time'/ patience thing all week, and you just stirred the pot a tad. The key realization having been that when men tell me to be patient, it's because they don't know what they want, and making it my problem ('just have a little patience', 'just give me some time') seems to buy them some time, OR they know they don't want me, but they like the idea of me, or of a relationship, so they are trying to buy some time. Either way, I think this patience thing is severely overrated.
And by the way, I'm going to kick your ass over the flowers thing. As someone who has never, ever, for no holiday, or non-holiday, ever, not one time, ever, been sent flowers, I can pretty much say with confidence that there is no expectation, nor would ANY such gesture go unappreciated.
As far as women being changeable, and the pedastal thing, I concede. I recognize that it can sometimes be difficult to keep up with the whims and moods and things we expect you to implicitly know, which you can't possibly know because we haven't told you. And I realize 'put me on'/ 'knock me off' is where it gets particularly tricky. But as you said, if it was this easy, we'd be in happy-soma land. I will defend myself by saying that this particular list was crafted very specifically in order to say, in my specific situation, 'this is what you've done right, and this is what you need to improve on.' And I expect that the parties involved will recognize which is which.
as always, your thoughts are welcome and appreciated, even when i disagree. actually, especially when i disagree;)
Post a Comment