happy go lucky day

(the pics in this post have nothing to do with the topic of this post, but i love posting pics, and these are the weekend's latest. the queen mary was offering free admission to california residents for a limited time, so matt and i took advantage)

so, i've pretty much decided that i am going to be moving again. i'm even mostly okay with it. it's just time for a dog. not only do i want one, i think i actually need one. i've given this some thought over the last couple of years, and i think, for someone over 30 and still single, a pet, and more specifically a dog, is one of the best things you can do for yourself. dog owners have long been touted as being happier, healthier, and generally living longer lives than your average person. but even beyond that, i think it is a really good way to maintain the practice of sacrifice.


i find that the older i get, the more selfish i get. and it's not just me. i look around at others in a similar situation, and though there are exceptions (remember that i do know this as i continue my commentary), by and large we are a self-centered bunch! we have discretionary income that only has to pass one test--the 'I' test. "I want it" or "I need it." we also have discretionary time that only has to pass one test--"I feel like it" or "I don't feel like it." barring work responsibilities, we aren't really accountable to anyone else. those who feel more accountable usually just have a stronger guilt reflex. even our church callings are voluntary and we decide whether we want to minimize or magnify those callings. i've seen and practiced some of both.

i am the first to acknowledge my own inclusion in this group. my name is tara, and i'm selfish. (hellooo tara!) selfish and emotionally lazy. i know it. i always have been. it's something i struggle with. a lot. the big stuff i've always been pretty good at -- those 'save the day' moments we all get presented with from time to time. but the small and simple sacrifices have been a constant challenge for me.


there are some (in fact, as i think about it, most of my readership!) who take real joy in the service of others, who not only accept opportunities to make sacrifices, they SEEK them in an endeavor to enrich the lives of those around them. they succeed, and they find great rewards and great blessings in that -- even though that wasn't the point. i am not inherently one of those people. it is a struggle for me to respond to a call for volunteers, or to accept an assignment that is outside of my normal parameters.

i can't explain why, but being a dog owner helps even the odds for me a little bit. as my parents have often reminded me, it is a sacrifice to have one. after all, i'm 32 with discretionary time and income! foot-loose and fancy-free! and that is a big part of the problem. having to make decisions about my time and my money to consider the needs of another living thing, is, i think, a great practice to be in. it's a good habit to have, and a good launching point for expanding that into other areas of my life. and frankly, it helps minimize the self-pity, which is probably the most selfish self-centered behavior i can think of at the moment.

it's just hard to feel THAT bad about yourself when you're trying to fight off a french kiss from your dog. case in point, i spent friday night watching a movie at a girlfriend's house with her two dogs. at one point the lab decided that she had had enough of the bichon getting all the attention, and she pretty much attacked me. the tail-wagging licking version of an attack, of course. i absolutely could not stop laughing, which of course, fueled her even more. so for what seemed like a good five minutes, me and the lab, laughing and licking. i laughed so hard my stomach hurt--you know, one of THOSE laughs. hard to feel bad about yourself when your stomach hurts from laughing.


so i've decided to move so i can have a dog. i'm on month-to-month so i can leave any time, and as it happens this friend of mine is also looking for an out from her current home. so we are trying to find something together. the problem thus far is that places that will allow dogs will only allow two. since she already has two and i want one of my own, we really need some doors to open. i know i don't have to ask, as many of you indicate this on a regular basis (thank you!), but please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. it would be nice to have something good fall into place right about now.

in optimistic anticipation, i did something that may blow up in my face, but i was willing to take the risk. my little dog friend, who appeared in a previous post, is still available for adoption. i don't know that i blogged this, but i did actually go and meet her in person before i got the 'no' answer. i was so sure that it was going to be a yes that i wanted to get the rescue ball rolling. i fell equally in love with her in person as i did online, and i could not reconcile the fact that this would not be my dog! so, as of an hour ago, i contacted the rescue organization and offered to pay the adoption fee now, if she could stay in foster care until i found a new place to live. i suggested that if i had not secured something by may 1st that i would relinquish my 'hold' and forgo my deposit as a 'true' donation, and they could put her back on the proverbial block. it's tax deductible, and it's a rescue organization, so i can feel good about that.

*****

update: after drafting this post, i heard back from the rescue organization and am going to meet with the foster mom on friday night where i'll spend a little more time with the dog and talk about 'options'. this is a great sign - now i just need a new dog-lovin' home!