(warning: self-pity commences in ...3...2...1....)
exactly how much rejection and disappointment is considered 'normal'? is there not a threshold, and if so, haven't i already hit it? how many times can you pick yourself back up after getting the wind knocked out of you? i guess 'this many' times, because i'm done. i'm just gonna stay down this time. getting back on my feet isn't really getting me anywhere. raised hopes. shattered expectations.
this time, courtesy of one date wonder, part 2, who, not only have i not heard from since our good date, but who has actually ignored the attempt at contact i made. bad dog. where did you learn this bad behavior? shame on you.
i realize i've thrown out the 'i'm done' before, but that was all in preparation for this time apparently, because i really, really don't think i can take anymore. for the first time i'm finding gratitude (the one thing that has continually kept me going) completely elusive, and i'm just done. somehow i'll find a way to be content in my stagnation while the world moves on around me. no really, i will. i just have to learn to accept the mediocrity that is my life. somehow find happiness in ordering electricity for a trade show booth rather than teaching my children about literature and honesty and sharing. trade show booths need electricity after all, right?
5 comments:
:-( I'm so sorry Tara. He obviously doesn't know what he's missing.
Sorry to hear about your pain.
Men Suck!
I think you need some beach therapy.
I'm sorry to hear how frustrated you are. You deserve so much more! And I know one day you'll find the happiness you're looking for -- despite how impossible it may seem today.
I don't know if it will help, but here's a quote I read over and over when life's got me down:
"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of
rejoicing and gratitude."
(Comes from Elder Wirthlin's final General Conference talk, found here: http://www.lds.org/conference/oct2008/pdf/GC_2008_11_11_WirthlinJB_ComeWhatMayLoveIt_04903_eng_.pdf)
Hang in there!
Tara,
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Don't lose hope!! You will be in my prayers!
Love,
Emily
Tara,
Come up to Utah for some 'auntie therapy'- nothing works better than three beautiful smiling girls to put a smile back on your face.
I love you and I know it is hard- just remember that on the really hard days our Lord and Savior has been through it for you. Don't carry your cross too long- you'll just develop spiritual and emotional calluses and the Lord wants to do it for you!
Lots of Love and kisses from the Price girls (all four of us)!!!
OXOXOX
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