yay!

heading home tomorrow! woo-hoo!

still working out a lot of scheduling, but it looks as though it is going to be a wonderfully busy trip. i can't wait to finally get my hair cut (at some point, i will have to suck it up and find a new stylist), use my gift certificate for the mani/pedi/facial at red door (which expires at the year end), and of course, see a lot of my peeps.

again. yay!

a quick update

work is going better than anyone has a right to hope for in the first three days of a new job, although i realize it has been an atypical week. monday was mostly spent meeting people and getting the information dump. my boss and my team took me out to a fabulous lunch (at the kind of restaurant that, when i told jenny, her response was 'ooooh').

the lunch was meant to be a pseudo-introduction of me to my team, and vice versa. apparently the bonding worked, as i was told the next day that they had given me the thumbs up. 'sh', my boss, also mentioned that she had informally polled others who all agreed, and one had 'said it best' when they commented that i seemed 'cut from our cloth'. i couldn't agree more. i have never walked into a new job and been so comfortable as i have been here. i know very little about my co-workers, but there is an overwhelming feeling of 'family'. it is clear that everyone likes each other. this is not a place where people are deceitful or uber-political. this is a place where people help each other succeed.

much of tuesday was spent at a site inspection at a nearby resort and spa, at which, we will be holding the big january conference (cal ripken is our guest speaker). we toured the property and i enjoyed another free lunch!

today was our office holiday party, so as you can see, it's been a fun week! we had the bowling alley 'lucky strike' (yes, it is related to the one in dc) to ourselves, and it was a blast. i was the top female bowler out of maybe 40-50 other ladies (though it was actually a medium to low score for me, so i won't share it), and of course, i wasted no time getting started with the self-portraits!

lw (one of the great girls on my team), lc (the great girl i replaced),
me (also a great girl), and rb (the other great lady i am managing)

me and the boss

jw (one of the other mormons i work with) and i

me and aw (my office mate, and awesome chica)

*i am being, perhaps, overly cautious about the use of names, and therefore, my co-workers will be referred to by initials:)

three interviews...

...two personality tests, one criminal background, and one credit check later (all for the same company), i have the job i've been hoping for.

i start monday, and i couldn't be more thrilled.

there is much more blogging that needs doing, but i haven't been feeling very motivated. for now, this will have to suffice.

ps - i will be back in va for xmas on the 20th - 31st.

shameless plug

thank you for your thoughts, comments, suppositions, emails, phone calls, and texts. if i haven't responded directly, please don't take it personally. i don't really want to talk all that much right now, but those messages do wonders. i am feelin' the love, so i thought it would be appropriate to step away from my wallowing for a moment (don't worry, i'll be hurrying back), to share a little love of my own.

since arriving in california, i have reconnected with several old high school friends, two of which, in particular, i've spent a good amount of time with thus far. i continue to find it incredible that two people from 13 years in my past, have come to play such a prominent role in my present. i believe that people are placed in our lives at different times for different reasons, and i have come to feel strongly that brandon and michelle were placed in my life then, because they would play such an important role now.

initially, i had planned to spend the thanksgiving holiday with them, and some other friends of theirs. my family (the ones i am currently living with) were all in idaho for the holiday, but i wanted to stick close in case of job stuff popping up (they were gone for over a week). but with things working out the way they did, i called him on wednesday to let him know that i was bailing.

of course, he instantly picked up on the fact that i was sobbing, and had the whole story out of me before too long. his response was 'what do you need?'

what i needed, was to not be alone, but i told him that i was going to call my friend up in sb, and see if i couldn't find a place on the couch there. sb is farther, but frankly i had no intention of adding to brandon's troubles. you may remember that i recently mentioned he had been diagnosed with cancer, and i didn't want to cause any more drama in his life.

i called my friend in sb, who simply did not know what to say. it is very difficult for me to ask for help (contrary to what my recent blog posts may have led you to believe), and i couldn't quite find the courage to ask if i could come sleep on his couch. i needed for him to ask me what i needed, or if there was anything he could do. but he never did.

it took me about 45 minutes, but i finally got the courage up to ask and called him again. he didn't answer. he didn't call me back. in fact, i have not heard from him since that night. needless to say, i have reevaluated our 'friendship'.

to say that i was distraught, would be a gross understatement. everything was a blur, i couldn't think straight. the only thing i could be certain of that day, was that i could not spend the night alone. but i didn't know what to do. the one person i sort of felt comfortable asking for help, had completely and totally failed me.

within a half-hour of the second call attempt, i received a text message from brandon. it said 'you sure you don't want to stay with us tonight? michelle can get ice cream. we love you, and we'd love to have you.'

i knew, without a doubt in that moment, there was nothing they would not have done for me. these two people, over a decade from my past, would have done anything i could have possibly needed or asked. isn't that incredible?

i was on the road with my overnight bag 15 minutes later.

i arrived to find that michelle had picked up my favorite ice cream (which was the only food i would eat for the next four days), and firefly was in the dvd player ready to go. after a lot of crying on my part, and a couple of great episodes, we called it a night, and i curled up on the couch with sweet sammy the cat.

needless to say, i will never forget what those two did for me. any service i can render them will fall short, in my mind, of the service i received.

the diagnosis update on brandon is that he has germ cell cancer, with a good prognosis. he starts chemotherapy on monday and will undergo a 12 week cycle. there is a 70% chance of complete remission, and he is doing everything in his power to keep those odds high.

[insert shameless plug] as it so happens, brandon is a singer/songwriter..in fact, one of the most talented people i have ever known. he has just released a christmas single called winter in the sun and it is available on itunes. download it now!

i love it, but maybe that's because it's about christmas in california;) or maybe i'm a little biased. at the very least, check it out and decide for yourself.

alright, back to wallowing i go!

blog challenge: give me a reason

well, i am less angry today. the good news is, no tirades or finger pointing. the bad news is less anger=more sadness. my friend adam put it perfectly when he said that anger takes the edge off sadness. truer words were never spoken.

i don't know if you are like me, but i have watched many friends face difficult trials. i always feel helpless, knowing that words cannot take the place of a magic wand. and i always wish that there was something i could do. anything.

well, my friends, there is something you can do for me. maybe two somethings if the first applies.

i can't help but keep qualifying my sadness. logically i recognize that losing an animal is different than losing a friend or family member of the human variety. i have friends that have faced the latter, and a part of me thinks it's unfair not to acknowledge that. yet, emotionally i feel like a part of me just died and i want to be able to just be illogically sad for a little while. so. if you have lost someone close to you. i need your permission to grieve without caveats or exceptions. it doesn't matter how you give it..email, text message, comment on this post...i just need you to tell me that it's okay to feel as badly as i do (assuming you have not already done so).

the second something, which applies to everyone, is alluded to in the title of this post. my all-time greatest coping mechanism has been finding the 'reason' in the oft quoted phrase 'everything happens for a reason.' i understand that we don't always get to know why things happen, which is why i often just make things up. don't knock it. it works for me. at least it usually does.

this time, however, i haven't been able to come up with something i haven't also been able to talk myself out of shortly thereafter. this is where you come in. answer the question 'why?' the only rule is that it needs to stand up to scrutiny. it doesn't matter how far-fetched it might appear on the surface, how complicated or convoluted, whether it's thoughtful or delusional. funny is allowed. a good laugh would be much appreciated. use your imagination.

the one answer not on the table is this: maybe i need to live in a certain place that i couldn't have lived in with a dog, because my roommate is going to introduce me to my future husband.

i've already talked myself out of that one. everything else is fair game.