sometimes i take serious issue with the fact that we as women are, on the whole, emotional creatures. our past experiences don't just shape us, but in many ways actually define us.
today i am defined as 'the girl who has had her heart broken more times than she cares to remember.' inherently, that definition is not bad--it is what it is. we all have our heart broken, most of us more than once. and i believe that in part, it serves as an excellent tool to guide us to good and healthy relationships that have potential for progression.
however, i'm a girl. so despite the fact that i have met an amazing guy who completely adores me, all it takes is one break in the established communication routine, and i am second guessing the whole thing. i realize the complete insanity of this, but i have been trained to be on the lookout for warning signs. and when they don't exist, i make them up. because what are the odds i am actually going to fall in love with someone who is also in love with me, and actually wants to do something about it? my experience has taught me that they are slim, so i am a skeptic. albeit a romantic skeptic, but a skeptic nonetheless.
i believe in fairy tales and happy endings, i am just still coming to terms with whether or not i believe in them for me. my first inclination when my head goes into overtime is to run far and fast. because if i get out fast, i limit the ability someone has to hurt me, right?
right. and safe. and never going to get me anywhere.
4 comments:
I completely relate to this!
DON'T BE SAFE!
Its amazing how we spend all our time looking for love and relationships, and when we find them, we look for flaws instead of joy we have found...
Must be a 'natural man' thing.
Though, I wish I could love without the worry of being hurt - but if it stops you, then who wins?
no doubt..
i am attempting to work through my neuroses as we speak.
I really really hope you have a great weekend. You deserve one- full of good surprises.
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