an update

yes, it has been several days since i've blogged. the truth is, i have been on a downward spiral of doom, but it drives me crazy when i read other people's blogs and all they are doing is complaining (there is a difference between complaing and expressing). my last couple of posts have been atypically negative (or complaining) of me, and i did not like it, so i chose to abstain.

needless to say, it's been a rough couple of weeks. after the event concluded, things started to get even worse. while no one is questioning my event planning capabilities, they are questioning the additional money. it seems simple to me. more people = more money. but i'm not an accountant.

every day since the event has involved tense phone calls and multiple questions. with each question, my desire to say "you know what? you guys can figure it out. i'm out of here," has increased exponentially. as far as i am concerned, we spend too much time at work to hate what we do. and i have hated everything about the last couple of weeks.

but i am beginning to see a light. it's small, and it's flickering. but it looks a little brighter than it has. maybe it's just my eyes adjusting to the dark, but i am hopeful. and there have been some really good things happening in the last couple of weeks that i need to acknowledge (if for no other reason than to shake myself from the ickyness).

jt, danna, and baby elisa spent last weekend with us, which was sooo good. i am often uplifted by my family and reminded of how much i have to be grateful for.

kendyl has also been an absolute doll lately. maybe she knows that aunt tara needs a little extra love, because she has been dishing it out. she still refuses to say my name however(months ago she coined 'tata' for me, but that has long since gone by the wayside, and she stubbornly refuses to give me the satisfaction of hearing my name come out of her mouth), but i can look past it when there are so many hugs and kisses.

i've been debating about another tattoo (again), which entertains me and distracts me. actually, i should thank anne for that. her random musings one day triggered both mine and corey's dormant craving. you can see what he is thinking about here. i have been thinking about getting a ladybug on my toe. before you roll your eyes in disgust, let me explain. in one of my all time favorite movies, one of the characters tells the following story:

'i used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. finally, i'd just give up and fall asleep in the grass.

when I woke up, they were crawling all over me.'

i love that simple reminder that the things we want come to us when we relax and stop obsessing over them. that is why i am considering a ladybug. the other option would be train tracks, but that is less appealing (gwen, you may be the only one who gets that!)

my boss has been very supportive, and thanks to her, on top of my elizabeth arden gift certificate from the hotel, i now have another one to use. if i can figure out when there is actually time, i'm sure it will be extremely enjoyable.

there have been good things. and i am trying to remember that. i'm looking forward to wmzqfest, and duck beach, and the annual family vacation to grandma's lakehouse, and i'm just holding my breath until the end of june.