trust in the lord

i find it amusing that erin would blog about patience today, as i have been pondering the same topic. i know that while many of the people who read this blog are mormon, many are not. for that reason, i have tended to avoid subject matters of a spiritual nature. but i find that to continue doing so would be an inexact and misleading representation of myself, and since it's my page, i am going to write about faith and agency and patience today.

so this patience thing....what is it? how do i get it?

i have struggled with knowing how to achieve a greater degree of patience, and have come to equate patience with a lack of faith. elder neal a. maxwell tells us:

the issue for us is trusting god enough to trust also his timing. if we can truly believe he has our welfare at heart, may we not let his plans unfold as he thinks best? the same is true with the second coming and with all those matters wherein our faith needs to include faith in the lord’s timing for us personally, not just in his overall plans and purposes.

it's not so rare really, a lot of people struggle with patience. we find it difficult to understand why when we want good things, they do not always come to us when we want them. sometimes i am able to accept this actuality better than others, but always i have just tried to 'deal', not to understand, or to necessarily affect change.

i used to have an unshakable faith in the purpose of every experience, and while that didn't always lend itself to more patience, it did make the lack thereof easier to bear. but as so often happens, the unshakable was shaken. since that time, it has been difficult to know that 'all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good,' (d&c 122:7) and i still struggle to understand why a path laid out so clearly before me did not conclude as expected or as promised. this has taught me the very real power of agency, however, and it's affect on those around us:

the achievement of some important goals in our lives is subject to more than the timing of the lord. some personal achievements are also subject to the agency of others. (elder dallin h. oaks)

i have always loved the description of the refiner's fire we find in the scriptures. though i have no experience as a blacksmith, it has always been a potent analogy of the cleansing we experience during our mortality. the refiner's fire is hot, and it is time for me to pass through it.

it is time for me to create change in myself, and not simply wait for it. the last few months have forshadowed this neccessity for growth, but i have done my best to avoid it, knowing full well that growth is painful. in my favorite conference address of all time, which is worth a full read, elder richard g. scott illustrates this point beautifully:

when you pass through trials for his purposes, as you trust him, exercise faith in him, he will help you. that support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. while you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. if all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow. your father in heaven and his beloved son love you perfectly. they would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love.

so, in order to endure the pain of enlargment with some measure of grace, i have found myself turning to various forms of 'instruction', which include counsel from friends, more meaningful prayers, better study of the scriptures, and one of my favorites (as you've probably already guessed), reading and pondering the words of the prophets and apostles.

as a result, i am being reminded of and strengthened by the following truths (among many many more):

patience is personal. patience is a great teacher. patience is a great achievement. patience is a great power. you are someone special. our heavenly father is aware of you. all he asks in return is for you to be patient with him. i bear witness he knows the beginning. he knows the end. he knows you. (elder marvin j. ashton)

there will be times in your lives when you will not know the quick answers for your circumstances. rely then on the word of god. your father in heaven will always teach you to fear not, but to be of good cheer, to lighten your ship of clutter and focus on the spiritual matters, to commit yourselves to the covenants you made, and to put your sail of righteousness into the wind and head courageously toward the land of your eternal future. (elder dieter f. uchtdorf)

challenge comes as testing from a wise, knowing father to give experience, that we may be seasoned, mature, and grow in understanding and application of his truths. when you are worthy, a challenge becomes a contribution to growth, not a barrier to it. (elder richard g. scott)

no pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. it ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. all that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of god … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our father and mother in heaven. (orson f. whitney)

i believe that our mortality is frought with trials and challenges that serve a purpose. i do not believe that lessons learned are ever idle or insignificant. and there are some that are so important that we will be tested on them time and time again, until we are able to master them. for me, patience (or lack thereof) nears the top of my list, but i feel that i have never been better prepared to change that than i am now. and as the old saying goes 'there is no time like the present.'